Yule Doggerel

Yule Dog
(-gerel)

To the season raise a glass
(I’d far rather ‘twas your ass)
To the company drink a toast
(Which cheek do I love the most?)
My lips have met a pretty pass.

Oh sister, I’m such an innocent fool
He told me ‘twas a new way to celebrate Yule
When he said that the Log
Needed to be raised from the bog
How could I know he meant sucking his tool?

A store’s Santa Helper called Dick
For encore had an act really slick.
While the kids teased the elves
And amused their little selves -
Dick fed their mothers with prick.

A snowman should be made just of snow
A snow woman the same or more so
Slide his prick so icy
Into her pussy so nicely
When the sun rises - together they’ll flow.

I think that I shall never see
A poem as lovely as a tree
Viewed from between your thighs
Your pussy so close to my eyes,
That bush looks lovelier to me.

The silver fairy perched on the tree
Looks lonely and sad, or is it me?
For while her plastic quim
Hugs the tip of a tall limb
I wish I had as much inside me.

Deck the halls with boughs of Holly
‘Tis the season to be jolly
Unless my fair true maid
Allows herself to be laid -
Tonight with Molly I’ll commit folly.

Oh yes, I know I’m a terrible cad
Allowing myself by Molly to be had:
Yet if my dear Mabel
Had been willing and able -
Molly wouldn’t have made me a Dad.

When you wear your Christmas skirt
You know it makes my balls to hurt
Red, flowing, full and flared
Underneath, your pussy’s bared
Please hurry up. I want you for dessert.

Pantomime Poetry

Aladdin
Aladdin, he has a magic lamp
He says he bought it from a tramp
‘Just give it a hard rub
Like washing in a tub
The genie’ll come, warm and damp’.

The princess - she gave it away
Now Aladdin won’t come to play
Even rubbing the ring
Won’t bring back the thing:
All’s well by the end of the day.

Cinderella
An Ugly Sister, stage name of Doris
Eloped with another, really Doc Horace
We all knew they were friends
Right through to their ends -
Time for another Doc and Doris.

Our pantomime really is blighted –
The ugly sisters their troth plighted
And now the Prince Charming
And Cinderella – it’s alarming -
Thank goodness the mice are short-sighted.

There’s a character Dandini
I’m sure he’s a Blue Meanie
What he hides in his hose
Do you think anyone knows?
If it’s male, it must be a weenie.

Dick Whittington
Dick Whittington is so fond of the cat
He is useless for anything without that
The parlour maid, bold and brash,
Whips him lustily with the lash
Till Dick’s prick grows longer and fat.

Jack and the Beanstalk
Jack says he has a magic Beanstalk
It grows tall and strong – hear him talk:
‘Now girls don’t be afraid
It does that for any maid.
To try for yourself – let the hands walk’.

Peter Pan
Peter Pan will never be adult
In Never-Never land he stays a colt.
That’s not true of Captain Hook
As he gives Wendy a dirty look,
She’s in love with Tinker Belle
And consigns Hook’s look to hell.

As for all the Lost Boys:
They’ve abandoned their toys
They found lost girls are great
Each Lost Boy now has a mate.

The crocodile is willing to wait
He knows that he is Hook’s fate.

Snow White
She’s an active girl, our Snow White
She’s passionately busy all night
For each dwarf - all seven
Thinks she’s just heaven
How can she keep her pussy so tight?

Old Year
The year that is just ending
What happened is past mending
I’d like to have said
About successes in bed -
No paternity cases are pending

New Year
Now we can welcome two thousand and six
With more loving, more sex and more tricks
I don’t know about you
But last year just flew
Next year I promise to share the pics.

Resolution
Next year I promise to do better
To write, and even post the letter
If this time I could just find
A woman with sex on her mind
Sod the rest: I’d just let her.

Envoi
Perhaps Og’s talent’s to amuse
Is better than to write abuse
He’s no poet: That’s the truth
Read this far to see the proof
Rhyme nor reason no excuse.