1. Racing From Love Ch. 19-21

‘I thought girls liked bulky guys.’

Emma leveled her eyes at him, ‘Tyler, I’d like Sam if he were a scrawny little 100 pound weakling. It’s not about me. If he wants to win I think he needs to slim down.’

‘I don’t get it Emma, you see all of this and you have all of these ideas but you wouldn’t say anything to him before about his turn.’

Emma thought about it, the timing had seemed all wrong to say anything to Sam when those girls were around. They’d made her feel uneasy.

‘I didn’t know those girls you were talking to, it didn’t seem right to criticize him in front of them. Besides, the turn was an accident, it hasn’t exactly been the easiest couple of weeks lately, I think he’s entitled to be a bit off his game.

‘I was serious about your breaststroke by the way, you looked amazing. How did you learn to kick like that?’ She asked as she took the last bites of the apple.

‘Flattery will get you everywhere with me Emma,’ he said smiling.

‘It’s not flattery, I’m serious, I want to know so I can teach it to Sam.’

‘Teach it to Sam?’ He looked amused.

‘Sure, he could knock a few seconds off his 400 time if he could kick like you.’

He shrugged his shoulders. ‘I don’t know how I learned to kick, it’s just the way I do it.’

‘Can I watch you some time?’

‘You want to watch me kick?’ He looked like he was verging on laughter.

‘Do I have two heads or something? Yes! I want to learn how you kick… so I can teach it to Sam… so he can win the world championships. Easy.’

This time he did laugh. ‘Sure Emma, you can watch me kick as much as you want, any time.’

‘Okay, thanks. Probably not today though, I don’t like all of these coaches around,’ she said in a conspiratory tone.

Tyler laughed again. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone quite like you,’ he said as he shook his head.

She’d finished the apple and she started looking through the bag of food for something else to eat. She didn’t want more fruit, she needed something salty. Where were those nuts she’d seen before?

‘Hungry?’ It was Sam’s voice, it made her insides feel all warm.

She smiled up at him, ‘Yeah, I’m starving.’ He was standing in front of her, dripping wet, smiling. He dropped a towel and his parka on the ground, knelt down in front of her and started stretching.

‘You looked pretty good out there Sam,’ she told him as she pulled the ziplock bag of almonds out and popped a few in her mouth, they were good and salty.

‘Thanks,’ he said.

Sam pulled his elbow over his head, stretching his lats, exposing the muscles that interlaced his ribs.

‘What?’ He said to Tyler.

Emma looked over at Tyler, he had a sly grin on his face.

‘Your girlfriend here thinks I look amazing, she just said you only look pretty good.’

Sam looked at her questioningly.

She rolled her eyes. ‘I was talking about his breaststroke kick. You’re such a shit stirrer Tyler,’ she said as she threw an almond at him. She was surprised at how good it felt to be called Sam’s girlfriend.

‘But there’s more… She told me about the clarinet,’ Tyler said.

Sam froze, his face turned stony. There was an ominous silence.

‘It was fucking broken, okay,’ he said.

Tyler and Emma burst out laughing. His distress was only made funnier by the fact that he’d said fuck when he rarely swore.

‘Look, I don’t know what sort of black magic that little witch pulled to get it to work,’ he said pointing at Emma, ‘but it was broken when I had it.’

Emma was laughing so hard that tears were leaking out the corners of her eyes.

‘If I knew you guys were going to gang up on me I’d never have introduced you in the first place,’ he muttered, shaking his head. She could tell he wasn’t upset, his posture was relaxed.

She couldn’t stop laughing. She put down the bag of nuts and scooted forward so that she was sitting in the space between Sam’s outstretched legs. She put her arms around his waist and leaned forward to rest her head on his damp chest, she was still shaking from laughter.

‘Come on Sammy, there’s no need to call me names. We don’t care that you can’t play the clarinet.’

She felt good. The anxiety seemed to have disappeared since she had told her mother that she was going to get back together with Sam, and the blackness of her mood had lifted. She didn’t feel so heavy right now, she felt like herself again.

Beside them, she heard Tyler get up and walk away. Sam’s hands were resting in the small of her back. The swim meet hummed around them.

‘I feel good Sam,’ she told him.

‘Good,’ he said. She could feel his chest vibrate when he talked. ‘I feel good too.’

She could hear his heart beating.

‘You’re so beautiful Emma,’ he murmured.

She sat back at looked at him, he was gazing at her. ‘Even compared to all these girls in swimsuits?’ She asked.

‘Especially compared to all these girls in swimsuits.’

‘You’re not going to be saying that in eight months time when I’m as big as a house,’ she teased.

‘Oh, I think you’re mistaken. That is my child you have in your belly, I don’t think there could be a more beautiful sight than the woman I love carrying my child.’

‘Hmmm,’ she sighed contentedly. She wanted dearly to curl up in his lap, for him to wrap his arms around her, to be closer to him. But she knew she shouldn’t, it wasn’t appropriate, she knew that Sam’s coach was around here and she didn’t want to attract attention.

‘I think it is amazing. You know on thanksgiving, the day that the baby was made, I ran 20 miles? You’d think that it would all have jiggled out of me.’

Sam’s lips curled into a grin. ‘Strong swimmers.’

She smiled, ‘Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree huh… Speaking of swimming, there are a couple of things I wanted to talk to you about…’

She told him about her ideas, how she thought he could gain time on his breaststroke if he could kick more like Tyler, how he needed to keep his head down in the freestyle. He was receptive, he took everything she said seriously, it made her feel important.

After the relays he walked her out to her car, he held her hand as they walked.

‘Thanks for coming down Em, it was a good surprise,’ he said.

‘I’m glad I did, it was good to see you.’

They had made it to her car. He leaned his butt against it and pulled her in to him with both arms so that she was nestled between his legs. ‘Five more days and then I’ll be able to see you again’, he said nuzzling into her neck. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the feeling of him. He was kissing her neck and his hands had found their way under her clothes to the bare skin of the small of her back. She let her hands run up his neck and through his thick bristly hair.

How could she have even considered the possibility of letting him go? Now that she was here with him she couldn’t understand why the choice had been so difficult for her. Sam was everything that she wanted, everything that she needed, he was the part of her body that was missing.

‘Sam, are you going to be able to forgive me?’ She asked.

He pulled back and looked at her. ‘What do you mean?’

She frowned, she felt like such a dunce. ‘It took me so much longer to realize that you’re what I want. You told me from the start that I was the most important person to you, but I didn’t choose you right away… I’m sorry Sam.’

He moved one of his hands out from under her clothes and touched her on the cheek, his thumb moving along her cheekbone.

‘I was hurt, but you chose me in the end Em, that’s what matters,’ he said.

He leaned in and kissed her, his hand resting where her jaw met her neck. His lips moved over hers, taking control of her, his tongue was commanding and familiar when it stroked against hers. He tasted like bananas.

He pulled away too soon, leaving her wanting more. ‘I’ve got to go Em,’ he said.

She sighed, she wanted more of him but she knew she’d have to wait.



CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

It was actually good that Emma had a few days to herself, she wanted to get an HIV test done. She was 99% sure that she didn’t have it, but she wanted to be able to tell Sam with absolute certainty that he didn’t have to worry when he told him about her biological mother.

When she was a sophomore she’d taken a classes in public health in which they’d discussed HIV and AIDS in detail. She knew that an infant born to a mother with HIV through cesarean section had a low probability of contracting the disease. She also knew that an infant that contracted HIV through birth had only 9 to 11 years before it would develop into AIDS if left untreated, and life expectancy of only about 12 or 13 years.

She knew that she had never been treated because the antiretroviral drug cocktails that had proven to be effective in preventing the HIV virus from developing into full blown AIDS were daily medicines that had to be taken for the rest of the patient’s life, and she’d never been on any long term medications. It just didn’t add up, there was no way that she could have gotten HIV from her mother and still be alive today. Still, it couldn’t hurt to be tested.

She went to the free testing clinic on the South side of campus on Monday after running training. They took her blood and told her to call back in two days. Even though she was almost sure that she would be negative, and she had a bunch of final exams to distract her, it was still an agonizingly long two days. When she called for the results on Wednesday there were no surprises. She didn’t have the disease.

Despite this she was still nervous as she waited for Sam to arrive on Thursday afternoon. The story about her biological mother certainly helped to explain her mental health issues, Nanna had said that Emma’s mother had been having a psychotic episode when dad had found her. Her biological mother probably had a mental illness, but it sounded like it was more serious than what Emma had experienced to date.

So far Emma had only experienced anxiety and depression, which were awful and debilitating, but in her mind not as bad as schizophrenia where your brain could be completely hijacked. What if she was only going to get worse and develop more problems as she got older? Would Sam really want to attach himself to her if there was that possibility? She didn’t know, but she had to give him the choice.

She had spoken to him a couple of hours ago and he’d told her that he was on the road, he should show up any minute now. Emma was sitting in her living room trying to concentrate on reviewing her notes from her class on cognitive behavioral therapy, she had the exam for the class next morning, it was her last one for the semester.

Finally there was a knock at the door.

‘It’s open,’ she called out as she moved her notebook and textbook off her lap and onto the coffee table.

Sam walked in the door, he was smiling. It was raining outside, the shoulders of his hooded sweatshirt had dark wet spots on them and his head was wet. She had butterflies in her stomach as he moved towards her.

‘How did your exam go?’ She asked as she helped close the space between them.

‘Fine. No problems,’ he responded casually as he reached for her.

They embraced in the middle of the floor, she felt the dampness of his shoulder against her cheek. He leant down to kiss her, she let their lips met but didn’t linger, pulling away from him before she could get swept away in him.

‘Come, sit down, there are some things I have to tell you.’ She felt nervous as she led him to the couch.

Once they were settled on the couch she looked at him, he was waiting patiently, expectantly.

‘What is it Em? What’s bothering you?’ He asked.

She took a deep breath and let it out. ‘First, the most important thing for you to know is that I don’t have HIV. I got tested and I am negative.’

He looked shocked, his eyes went wide and his body recoiled from her. ‘Why would you be worried about that? I thought I was the only man you’d been with?’

She reached for his hands to reassure him. ‘You are Sam, it has to do with my mother, my birth mother. Nanna told me some things that you should know too…’

She told him the whole story, with all of the unpleasant details. She could tell that he was listening to her closely. His eyes were full of sadness, there were tears in them when she talked of how she’d been taken away to another foster family. By the end he had her in his arms, cradling her against him.

‘I told mom that I want to be with you and she got upset. She told me that she thought it was disgusting. Nanna says she may never forgive us, like mom’s parents never forgave mom for keeping me.’

‘Mmm,’ his lips were against her forehead. ‘I think she will, she just needs time. We’ll just keep our hands to ourselves when we see her, let it settle in slowly.’

‘So you still want to be with me then? Even knowing all of that about my mother?’ She asked.

He pushed her away gently so that she had to look at him. ‘Of course I still want to be with you, why would any of this make any difference to the way I feel about you?’

‘She was probably schizophrenic Sam, that means that I probably have a bad gene and I might get it too, I’ve already had depression and anxiety, it’s not that far of a stretch to imagine that I might go schizo. Our baby might have it too…’ she trailed off, feeling desperate.

‘Emma,’ he said with authority, ‘there is no reason to suspect that your mother was not simply high on acid or coke. Settle down okay, you’re not schizophrenic, and even if you were we could deal with it. We’ll deal with anything that comes our way, okay?’

His eyes were leveled on her, commanding her cooperation, but she wouldn’t give it to him, not until she was sure he knew what he was getting himself into. ‘Sam, we have no idea who I am or where I came from… my mother was probably raped. I’m probably the daughter of a rapist.’ She could feel the tears prickle her eyes.

He grabbed her by the shoulders with both hands. His voice was firm, ‘Stop it. I don’t care about your parents, I care about you.’

She bowed her head as the tears rolled down her cheeks. Sam loosened his grip on her and brought one hand under her chin, tilting her head up so that she would look at him.

His voice was soft, gentle, ‘Emma, baby look at me.’ She complied, the intensity in his eyes stunning her. ‘I know exactly who you are, you are the woman who I love, you are my best friend, you are my sister, you are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.’

She knew it was true.

She leaned in and kissed him. She didn’t know what she had done to deserve this amazing man.

She kissed him deeply, while she moved her body around so that she was straddling his lap. She placed her hands on either side of his face, the stubble on his chin prickling her palms just slightly.

Pulling back she looked into his eyes. ‘I love you Sam,’ she whispered to him.

His hands were on her back, underneath her clothes, they stroked up and down her spine sending little shivers across her skin as she kissed him again, slipping her tongue into his mouth then biting gently on his lower lip.

She pulled off her sweater revealing the tiny white lace bra that she’d bought for just this occasion. Her breasts were swollen and sore, her dark flesh bulged over the top of the white lace of the bra when she breathed in.

‘Oh baby, they’ve grown,’ Sam breathed as he ogled her engorged breasts. He brought both hands up to them and cupped them in his palms, his touch somehow a huge relief to the pain that had settled over them in the past weeks.

‘Be careful with them Sammy, they’re very tender,’ she warned.

He squeezed them gently and she let out a sigh, the pleasure and pain in his grasp shooting through her body.

Sam fumbled with the clasp and finally released her breasts, they felt hefty and round as they settled without the support of the bra. Even though they were swollen they still weren’t that big, she still fit into a B-cup, albeit a little snugly, but they felt enormous to her unaccustomed frame. Enormous and very, very sensitive.

Sam moaned as he lowered his head to kiss them. Emma ran her fingers through his short spiky hair and sighed as he kissed the tender flesh, his lips torturing her in their gentleness, in their hesitancy to find her nipple.

God she loved it when he did this to her. Her pussy started to ache with want, her hips rocking instinctually in his lap. She was wearing a pair of thin yoga style pants, through which she could feel the large lump in the front of his jeans.

Sam was still kissing her breasts, he circled his tongue around the dark areola of her left breast and slipped the nipple in his mouth, suckling ever so gently on her.

Her breathing was deep, he was driving her crazy.

‘Harder Sammy,’ she urged him passionately.

He looked up into her eyes without removing his mouth from her breast, his eyes heavily lidded with lust. He sucked harder and she cried out in pleasure, her hips grinding her pussy against the bulge in his pants.

He brought his hands back up to her breasts as he switched to her right breast. His touch was firm but gentle, she could feel her orgasm building and she needed more.

She was panting and moaning. ‘More Sam… suck me harder baby…’

‘Ohhh,’ she cried as he complied, sucking hard on her nipple, sending waves of sensation down her nerves, colliding with and amplifying the warmth in her pussy as her orgasm blossomed. She threw her head back and arched her back, pushing her breasts further into his face as the waves of pleasure wracked through her body.

Sam’s head was still buried between her breasts as she recovered from her orgasm, he seemed unwilling to give them up. She leaned down and kissed him on his fair hair.

He grinned up at her, ‘These are an interesting development.’

She smiled, ‘Mmm, they really needed that, they’ve been so sore.’

‘They’re growing so you can feed our baby,’ he said with reverence.

Our baby. Emma couldn’t remember being more delighted by two words. Her life had changed so much in just a few short weeks, and it was going to change more in the coming months. By this time next year they would have a child. The thought frightened her almost as much as it excited her. She would have her own family. So long as she had Sam she knew she could do it.

Sam was moving, in a display of strength he wrapped his arms around her and stood up, lifting her easily. She squeezed her legs around his torso crossing her ankles behind him, and held onto his shoulders as he carried her. He stooped to pick her sweater and bra up off the floor before taking her into the bedroom where he deposited them in the laundry hamper. She smiled, it was such a Sam move, he couldn’t stand mess.

He laid her down on the bed and crawled on top of her, nudging her legs open and kneeling between them. She looked up at him, his eyes were scanning over her half naked body, drinking her in. Outside the rain hammered on the pavement.

His hands were on her belly, stroking the area between her navel and the top of her pants. He leaned down and rested his head there, as if he was listening for something.

He was still.

Emma sensed that he needed a moment, so she laid her head back and closed her eyes, waiting for him to make the next move. They lay there like that for several minutes, after a while she thought she heard him whisper. She strained her ears over the din of the rain and caught a snippet of his soft voice.

‘Sam?’ She felt like she needed to whisper too.

He lifted his head from her belly quickly.

‘Were you whispering?’ She asked, still keeping her voice low.

He looked so shy, his cheeks flushed red as he met her gaze. ‘I was talking to the baby,’ he admitted.

‘You don’t want me to hear?’ She asked.

‘I thought you might think it was stupid. The baby doesn’t have ears yet, it can’t hear me.’