tagHow To10 Tips For Squeaky Clean Sex

10 Tips For Squeaky Clean Sex


Dirty sex or is that really dirty sex? The difference to be honest, is often nothing more than a Johnson and Johnson wipe. With tensions high, lust in the air, it's so easy to forget the most basic of hygiene tricks that can really prevent putting a damper on good clean sex.

It maybe curiosity or pure voyeurism that has led me to delved into the inner world of women who love sex for pleasure and work and these are the dirty, the filthy and shocking stories they've thrived on sharing.

Tip one:

Smells can cast a shadow over the pleasures of passion.

There are few thing more pleasurable than a shower before slipping between the sheets. Yet in a rush, with your heart beating with anticipation some smell traps are easy brushed over.

For Jamie the gym was where she met her new lover. After he was ushered in into the shower she waited between the sheet for the smell of fresh soap to drift into the room.

With his body fresh and warm she closed her eyes; smells filled her senses as her lips tingling from every movement that skin touched skin. Sweet, fresh, natural and then her tongue opened a crease of skin tucked between his balls and the stale taste sweat began grinding on her tongue. In a moment passion is lost.

30 seconds more in a shower and that acrid smell would have been washed away forever.

Tip two:

Clean your back bottom

It is in this region that the darkest of smells come forth.

It was at the start of a long deep massage that Naomi's fingers laid onto gorgeous John's shoulders. His body twitched as her hands moved oil down his backbone.

By this time she was positioned comfortably sitting on his butt when a little puff, an unusual smell came and disappeared so quickly.

Down her hands moved onto his lower back and this is where it gets a little frightening. She wedged her fingers gently to open his legs just a tad and froze. Oh lord what do you say? ‘Darling you've got a smelly bottom'. Ignoring the evidence her hands curved around his tight butt and then began to spread his checks and there was no escape. A small dark streak coloured his lily white butt.

It was an Angel who threw the life raft. A hot spa that overlooked the bay had filling so under her strict guidance they showered then quickly they sank into the warm water. It saved a tragic moment.

Its hard to see if your own bottom is clean and so often its overlooked. Wash wash wash up and down, use a douche if you like anal play. For women as well do a quick vaginal douche, just push water into your vagina to clean out any discharge, at least just before sex.

Tip Three:

Smells smells smells, and the list is extended just a little more.

Lady Dove, a stunning dominatrix had a favourite client. His one request was that Dove not shower for days before they met. For hours before her client's appointment she'd wear damp shoes and socks. It did the trick. "Do I smell? Really?" She screamed down at me as she threw her makeup on. Two steps towards her and you don't forget that stale smell of feet.

For most lovers the uninvited taste of feet during sex is disgusting. On my lover's birthday I fulfilled almost very man's dream by inviting another woman to join us. She was cute, I give her that. As our bodies played twister and with my eyes shut until I mistook my lover for her foot. The taste was torture. No amount of brushing my tongue, nor Listerine afterwards could remove that skanky smell.

Ladies, gentleman, wash your feet, even between the toes before sex.

Tip Four:

Clean your toes.

Now everyone, literally everyone seems to have tried anal sex, so its onto the next big trend. My money is on foot fetishes becoming the new norm.

Believe it or not a deep suck of a man's big toe can make him spontaneously combust. It was years ago that my good friend Jack did a course in the gentle art of toe sucking. His new partner was a farmer from out the deep west. "Harriet, his toes were perfectly shaped, sucking heaven, except the cow manure that was stuck under his nails."

Tip Five:

There are traps for women too. With two minutes before I met some lover I threw on nail polish to cover an unsightly fungal nail. He walked through the door, sucked my toes then kissed my lips. It was a dreadful moment where I tasted that undeniably strong smell of drying polish.

Tip Six:

As your lover knocks on the door pull back those nostrils hard, in a mirror, and look right up your nose before sex.

Let me tell you of a very refined man who pulled up in his shining BMW and a reward for me in his pocket. As I licked around the base of his ball I glanced up to witness the joy in his eyes. All I could focus on was a great chunk of gooie white snot that was lodged up his nose.

Tip Seven:

"I drank a can of pineapple juice three hours ago, it makes my cum taste really good" said Grant. No. No it doesn't.

Tip Eight:

Perfume should be used sparingly and not where the tongue might go.

Armpits laced with deodorant may smell divine, but have you ever let your tongue slip inside that warm moist place? Deodorant's can taste like mercury, as that's what's often in them.

Tip Nine:

The mouth is the most intimate place and a bad taste is usually easily avoidable.

Brush and floss your teeth to remove any old food that's caught in your gums. Coffee tastes divine, but stale coffee breathe can be simply disgusting, best to avoid coffee just before sex.

Tip 10:

Throw used condoms in the bin.

As a young naïve lover I met the real Dorian Gray, blonde, muscular, charming, arrr. As the dawn rose after our night of deep passion I went to collect my handbag by sticking my head under the bed frame. It was a sperm grave yard. Dozens of used condoms littered the lino floors. Marriage was no­­t to be.


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