2. Illawarra Flame Ch. 10-12

Nate, his and Sam's coach, was going mental on him, yelling at him non-stop. "What the fuck is wrong with you Tyler?" He asked. "Man up and get your fucking head in the game dip-shit."

It didn't bother Tyler that much to be sworn at, but he knew coach was right. He needed to focus. In Montana he still felt distracted by her, they emailed back and forth and talked on the phone, but at least he could sleep. After a few days of training with the national team it started to settle in that he needed to cut himself off. All he could think about was Maya, if he didn't cut himself off he was going to throw away a whole year of training.

He wrote her an email but then he thought better of it, this was something that should be said in person but seeing that wasn't possible he would do it on the phone. He waited until he knew that she would be at home that evening and called her.

"Hey," she answered.

"Hi babe."

"Did you have a good day?"

"Kind of. I need to ask you a favor."

"Okay, what do you need?"

"Don't get upset Mayechka, it's not that I don't want to talk to you, I just need to focus on my swimming. I need some time away from you, I can't talk to you or email, okay?"

"Oh." There was a pause. "It's okay, I understand, I'm not upset."

"I'm sorry Maya, but this is really important to me."

"It's okay, I understand. It's only a few more weeks, right?"

"Yeah, I'll be back in ten days then I leave again a week after that."

"Can I see you when you're back here, or do you want to wait until after Australia?"

"No, I want to see you when I get back but I can't spend the night, okay?"

"Okay, I can live with that."

"Thanks babe."

There was silence for a few seconds.

"Sasha?"

"Yeah?"

"Kick some ass big guy."

He laughed. "Okay Mayechka, just for you. I'll call you when I get home."

It was better after that, he could keep his mind on the task at hand. He wanted the 200 breaststroke world record. He was so close. He knew he could do it if he focused properly. He was fit, he felt fast, he just needed to get his head back.

By the time he got on the plane back to Colorado he was feeling pretty good. It had been a good two weeks. A fucking hard two weeks, but good. Coach was happy with him. He was happy with himself. He just had one more week of hard work and then he left for Australia, for taper week and then the championships. He wasn't going to break a world record he was going to bust the fucking thing open.

In order to prove a point of his self control to himself he didn't call Maya right away. It was a Sunday. Emma came to the airport to get them.

"Zach's grilling steaks for dinner, you'll come over wont you Gray?"

It was a good excuse to stay away from Nicholas. If he ate with Sam and Emma he wouldn't be able to see Maya until afterwards, when Nicholas would be in bed.

Once he had been home and stuffed around for a bit, played his guitar, eaten the hard boiled eggs that Maria had left for him, taken a shower, he decided to call Maya. He told her that he was going to eat with Sam and Emma, but that he could drop by after that. There was silence over the line. Did he say something wrong? Finally he heard her voice. "Okay."

Now he was nervous. Why had it taken her so long to reply? He wondered as he ate the dinner Zach had prepared. Was she pissed that he hadn't wanted to talk to her when he was away? She had seemed okay with it at the time, she'd said that she understood.

She greeted him warmly when she opened the door for him and he thought for a moment that maybe he had imagined her discomfort over the phone. She kissed him and she wrapped her arms around his neck, and he remembered why he had cut himself off from her. She was like a drug, she intoxicated him, he wanted more and more, he wanted to drown in her.

She led him into her living room and sat him down, he held his arms out for her but she sat at the other end of the couch. He was confused. There must be a problem.

"Something's bugging me," she said.

"Are you mad that I didn't call you, I tried to explain to..."

"No." She cut him off. "I don't mind about that, that's not a problem."

"What is it then?"

"Are you going to tell Sam and Emma about us?"

Fuck... Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. He didn't want to do this right now. What should he say? She was sitting there waiting for his response.

"Not yet."

She nodded. "Is there a reason?"

Because Sam would tell him that he would have to become Nicholas' father and that would end everything. He couldn't possibly say that to her, but he had to say something.

"It's Nicholas. I'm afraid he's going to get the wrong idea."

She tilted her head to the side.

"I'm not ready to be a father."

"I'm not asking you to be his father."

"I know you're not." He emphasized the 'you're' to get his point across.

Nicholas was the one asking him to be his father. Every smile, every giggle, every time he snuggled into his side or sat on his lap Tyler couldn't help but think that what Nicholas was really saying was 'please don't ever leave me.'

She looked at him for a moment, comprehending, and then dropped her eyes down to her hands. "You're probably right," she said softly.

Oh fuck. Poor Maya. What had he done to her?

The silence stretched on and on and on. She continued to look at her hands. He didn't know what else he could say. He didn't want it to be like this.

"It's late," she finally said.

It wasn't really late, it was only nine o'clock.

"Maya... I..."

"No, just leave it. You should concentrate on your swimming now. Just leave it." She got up off the couch, walked to the front door and waited for him.

He sighed, he really didn't want it to be like this.

He got up and walked to her. He wanted to put his arms around her. He wanted for her to not be in pain, but he was the cause of her pain. This was his fault. He did this to her.

He should have listened to Sam.

He placed his hands on her arms. "I don't think I'll come to work this week," he told her.

She nodded.

He left.