3: Scars Remain Ch. 02

Luke held up his hand, "Just hear me out. You and I were getting too close to each other, and I just found out we were undergoing a major military operation putting all of our lives at risk. Even if I made it through that one, what about the next? Or the one after that? My job is just too dangerous. Every Airman at one time or another questions his own mortality, wondering what would happen to his family and friends back home if he died. I thought if we broke up... well, it would hurt much less when I came home in a body bag. Just know that I am sorry. I am SO sorry, Kaylee. You deserved better than that; better than me."

Kaylee scowled, "First of all, don't you dare talk like that, about deserving better than you. That's bullshit. Secondly, I thought you were coming home in... in a body bag. I thought you died, Luke!" Kaylee angrily moved towards Luke, becoming louder and louder, "And no, it didn't hurt less! If anything, it made it worse because if you would have died, I would have lived the rest of my life thinking that you didn't love me because you found someone else to replace me. If you had died, I would at least rather know that you loved me instead of rejected me, so I could keep all those meaningful, wonderful memories we shared for the rest of my life!"

Screaming and crying, she hit Luke on the chest with her firsts and said, "I didn't think I would have a chance to talk to you again like this, and tell you in person how much I love you, you big jerk!"

Kaylee knew that Luke intentionally let her hit him the first couple of times either because, ever being the gentleman, he wanted Kaylee to vent out her anger and frustration, or else because he thought he deserved it.

He grabbed her fists in mid-air and she instinctively tried to pull away. Luke pulled her towards him and enveloped her in a tight embrace.

Luke didn't say a word; maybe he wasn't sure what to say. He gently rocked her back and forth like a baby, hushing her softly, leaning down to press his cheek against hers.

He finally spoke, his words softly falling upon her ears, "It took courage for you to come over. Thank you for coming back. I've missed you; more than you could imagine."

Kaylee held him tightly, burying her face in his chest. With a quiet, muffled voice, she whispered to him, "I've missed you too. I'm not running away from you again, Luke. Not ever."

---

It wasn't easy dragging Luke out of his apartment, but Kaylee succeeded. It took her over a week of coaxing him and chipping away at his hard exterior to get him to leave, and even then she had to promise no one else would go with them and no surprises.

Most of the time Kaylee simply took him to dinner, usually to his favorite Teriyaki restaurant. He knew she loved Texas Roadhouse so on more than one occasion, for her sake, they often found themselves at her favorite restaurant. More than once the two found themselves in the middle of a peanut war, flicking peanut shells at each other underneath the table, almost laughing so hard Kaylee thought they might get kicked out.

The only thing Luke ever insisted on was eating either very early or very late. Picking up on the fact that Luke didn't mind the location -- he minded the big crowds -- Kaylee decided driving through the countryside, hiking in the woods or going to the movie theaters would be nice and quiet options for future endeavors.

Luke always let Kaylee choose the movies. "Let" was a strong word, really; Kaylee was bound and determined to make sure the movie had absolutely zero violence in it whether he liked it or not. It could be a cartoon featuring a coyote making a feeble attempt to drop an anvil on a roadrunner for all she cared; if there was violence, then it violated her unspoken rule and thus became off limits. If Curly tried to gouge out Moe's eyes, even if it was blocked with four straight fingers all in a row, it was still off limits. If the movie featured so much as a ninja turtle holding a sword or a semi that changed into a gun-wielding robot and back... off limits.

Needless to say, her strict policy didn't leave them many options. Select comedies and romance movies were the extent of their limited selection.

Her time with Luke wasn't exactly a typical date-like experience to Kaylee; there was more of a rehabilitation feel to their outings. And she really didn't mind as long as it helped Luke. He didn't say much. In fact, he let her do most if not all of the talking.

It took her a couple movies to understand he really did enjoy her company despite his silence, and that his quiet demeanor wasn't out of boredom or depression but rather some kind of heightened alert, as if guarding himself against everything in his surroundings. The only time he seemed to let his guard down, if only just a fraction, was when Kaylee would lightly run her fingernails across the back of his head.

Needless to say, Kaylee always had her hand on the back of his head, his hair too short to twirl with her fingers yet the rhythmic light scratching on his scalp nearly put him to sleep in the theater every time.

Their latest movie ended, and Luke did fall asleep the last half hour. Embarrassed, he apologized profusely to Kaylee but she laughed it off knowing she was the cause of it anyway. As Luke headed off towards the restrooms, Kaylee felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around, surprised to see Cindy.

Kaylee half expected Cindy to crank back and slap her, so her surprise was intensified as she saw something of a sheepish smile on Cindy's face.

"How's he doing," Cindy whispered to her, nodding towards the restrooms. Kaylee guessed Cindy deliberately waited for Luke to leave before approaching. "I haven't seen him, or you, since... since the Fourth of July party."

Kaylee was very careful, analyzing Cindy's body language and every word she spoke, half-suspecting she was being set up. But Cindy seemed to have a genuine look of concern on her face. Kaylee was hesitant, wondering if Cindy had some kind of trick up her sleeve, but she was generally good at reading people and trusted her instinct. And her instincts told her Cindy was really being sincere.

"Well, he's doing better," Kaylee said, "But honestly, I'm scared to death of what might happen again. He's good at physical therapy and working his shoulder, but we always end up fighting whenever I mention counseling. Well, let me rephrase that. It's not exactly fighting; two people have to make an effort to fight. He simply turns and leaves the room whenever I bring it up. He can be so stubborn sometimes."

"Well," Cindy smiled, "Don't give up on him. Drag him if you have to; if anyone can get him to go, it's you." Her smile turned into a look of regret as she said, "I'm sorry for what I did; my judgment and morality around attractive men has always been awful, and the days of Loser Luke obviously ended a long time ago."

The only thing that stopped Kaylee from punching Cindy in the face was her look of remorse.

"I should rephrase that; he never was a loser, we were just stupid and blinded by our own insecurities and shallow lives. And I was the worst. Anyway, I knew you two were broken up, and I didn't mind at all being his rebound girl -- I was kind of hoping to actually -- which is why I asked him to the Fourth of July party. So don't be hard on him for that; I pushed him into it. I should have known he'd never leave you for me."

Kaylee looked shocked. "W-what do you mean, 'Leave you for me'? He kind of left both of us at that party. I had to chase him down and make him submit just to get him out in public again; we're not really together-together, as much as I wish we were."

"Oh, please," Cindy said, not believing her for a second. "You didn't see him staring at you at the party? He was trying to be subtle, but wasn't doing a very good job of it."

Raising an eyebrow, Kaylee protested, "No he wasn't; I would have caught him if he was."

Cindy rolled her eyes and laughed, "Then maybe you were off of your game. Remember he was supposed to be with me at the party? What girl wouldn't notice the straying eyes of the guy she was with? He wasn't eyeing Audrey, and he certainly wasn't eyeing his own sister. So who does that leave?"

Continuing, Cindy sighed, "I'm surprised he even escorted me to the party, as much of a bitch as I was to him in high school. And despite everything that happened to him, his instinct was to protect me from harm, shielding me with his body from whatever ghosts or demons he thought were after him. He even made sure I was okay before he took off. No guy has ever done anything like that for me before."

Goosebumps covered Kaylee as Cindy spoke about Luke. Kaylee told her, "Yeah, I can relate. I guess he is something of a 'Bitch Whisperer'. It's like 'Taming of the Shrew', and all. Shakespeare would be proud. How he's somehow managed to soften both me and you... I have no idea how he was able to do it."

Cindy let out a soft giggle, but she turned around to make sure Luke hadn't come out of the restroom yet. Kaylee wasn't certain but it looked like Cindy's eyes were misting up. "I'm sorry for everything. I wouldn't admit it before, but you deserve him. You're a lucky girl, Kaylee. Take care of him."

Kaylee smiled in return, "Thanks... I will. You take care too, Cindy." Cindy nodded, making an effort to give her best smile despite her evident wounds, leaving quickly before Luke returned.

IV -- In Too Deep

---

When Kaylee decided to take Luke to the Botanical Gardens, she had hoped it might give him at least a sliver of peace and quiet. As she walked with him, hand in hand, noticing out of the corner of her eye a peaceful and serene demeanor to Luke, she wasn't disappointed.

It was a workday and she was forced to skip classes, but she was counting on very few people in the gardens and the opportunity for both of them to find a way to shut the world out even if it was only temporarily. Especially Luke.

With wonderment, Kaylee stole another glance at him while their hands swung with each step. His hard look she had come to know was replaced with a soft gaze peacefully taking in the beauty around him. Occasionally passing exceptionally decorated areas of the brightest and most vibrant flowers, Kaylee noticed Luke lean in to inhale the sweet fragrance every once in a while.

It reminded her of the old Luke. She hadn't seen him in so long.

Her heart fluttered, but she remained quiet, desperately hoping she wouldn't spook him or say something stupid.

As they began to walk along the small pathway surrounded by Japanese cherry blossom trees, a gentle breeze blew, delicately carrying pink and white petals across their path. Kaylee smiled, feeling the warm sun on her body and the cool wind touching her skin, the contrasting sensations giving her goose bumps. It was just beautiful; absolutely beautiful. The floating flower petals must have been summertime's version of falling snowflakes.

Luke reached his hand out, gently taking a petal out of the air. He carefully looked at it, as if he was memorizing every little detail, how the pure white petal gradually turned into a beautiful pink. He turned it over, studying the other side.

"Beauty for ashes," Luke whispered, looking at the petal.

"What," Kaylee asked him quietly, still holding his hand. He hadn't said a single word in hours. Now, with three simple words, he had her attention.

"It's from Isaiah 61:3," Luke murmured quietly. He quoted, "'to all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.' I had a lot of time to read the Bible, while I was... you know. Over there." Luke turned to look at Kaylee. He gave her a weak but peaceful smile.

Taking Kaylee by the hand, he led her to a park bench under one of the cherry blossom trees and sat down with her. Kaylee scooted closer to him, lifting his arm up and around her shoulder, but still looking at him with her bright blue eyes, focused on every word.

"I think what it means," Luke continued, "is healing and grace can come from sadness and pain. Maybe the worse you hurt, the more you can heal. The greater the damage, there is that much more you can be restored."

Luke shrugged. He held Kaylee tight, took a deep breath, and looked up into the bright blue sky. His body seemed relaxed. "I guess I haven't seen it yet, so it's hard for me to believe. Then again, I should be dead right now but through a miracle of God, I'm here."

Kaylee wasn't sure what to say. She knew there should have been some kind of response, or words of wisdom to comfort him, but she was at a loss. He was right; he should have been dead. She simply squeezed his hand and leaned into him deeper, snuggling up against his body, immensely appreciating the very fact that she could snuggle with him since he was here and alive.

It was simply amazing that Luke was opening up to her. She was determined to wait as long as it took, and she felt like maybe her patience was finally paying off. She'd be there for him, no matter what.

Luke took a deep breath and said, "Kaylee, I'm crazy about you; I always have been, and I always will. I hope you know that." Kaylee smiled brightly and nodded. "Of course, honey! And I'm just as crazy about you!"

She noticed her smile was met with a look of sadness. Luke reluctantly continued, "But we can't do this. This is something I have to do myself. I've caused you enough pain, so I really don't have a choice on this one. I won't drag you down with me; you've suffered enough."

"Wait," she said, stunned, trying to take in Luke's out-of-the-blue comment. "Where is this coming from? Are you saying you want to break up with me?" Her heart skipped a beat. In fact, it felt like her heart had stopped altogether. She finally realized they were still together, and now he was trying to end it. She was willing to endure the long run, but he wasn't going to let her.

He turned away, clearly unable to look her in the eyes, and nodded. Luke sighed, "My head isn't on straight. I can't sleep, I can barely eat, and I can't shake what I saw out there. My, my frien..." Luke stopped himself, burying his head in his hands. He started again, "I'm not going to drag you into this, Kaylee. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. You've been amazing; you always were amazing and so much more than I deserved. I always knew you'd bring some lucky guy tons of happiness, ever since I first laid eyes on you. But we can't keep doing this, and I refuse to hurt you anymore. You deserve better."

Luke unknowingly devastated her by adding the final blow, "You shouldn't be with me; this was all a mistake."

It was as if he meant everything about them was a mistake. Never before had words winded her so much, as if he punched her in the stomach.

Her initial shock and heartbreak quickly turned into anger over such stupid words. For a genius, Luke sometimes said incredibly moronic things.

"Luke, you don't get to tell me what to do," she responded defiantly, sitting up on the park bench. Pointing her finger at Luke, she snarled, "And you don't get to decide to break up with me. Not like this, Luke Patton! If you want to leave me because I'm a... a bitch, or stubborn, or spoiled or whatever, then fine. But if you want to leave me because you think that I can't handle walking side by side with you, then forget it! You might have been alone over there, but you're not alone over here, and you're not doing this alone."

He recoiled as if she was a serpent ready to strike; he clearly wasn't expecting a response like this. "Kaylee, no. You've helped me enough, and you've stayed with me longer than anyone else possibly could have. But you have to move on; you still have a chance for happiness in your future. I'm not the same Luke you once knew. I've... I've done things. Unforgiveable things..." Luke choked, unable to finish. Kaylee put her hand on his back, rubbing softly in hopes of calming him down. Clearing his throat, he bore down and continued, "I've never put my foot down with you before, but I..."

"My ass you will! The only foot that's gonna be put anywhere is mine... and guess where! If it wasn't for you, I'd probably still be some selfish, immature, shallow bitch that only cared about herself, destined to follow in my parents footsteps. You have no idea how you've made me a better person, capable of feelings and emotions that I didn't even realize existed within me." Kaylee cried, "You're my world, Luke! There is nothing you could do that I couldn't forgive. It's my choice to stay with you. And as selfish as that sounds, it's the other way around, too. You need me just like I need you! And I know you love me, despite the fact you can barely say those three little words."

"Kaylee, I..."

"No," she interrupted; she wasn't about to back down when she had him on the ropes.

She must have sensed his thoughts, because she forced herself to calm down and delicately told him, "We're practically one, Luke. Whatever affects you affects me, and burying your head in the sand won't change that."

He made one last attempt to push her away. Luke shook his head, barely keeping the tears in his eyes from falling as he said, "Kaylee, I'm sorry. My mind is made up."

He tried to stand up and leave, but before he could, Kaylee aggressively pulled him back down on the bench.

Scooting up closer to him, her nose inches away from his, she looked into his eyes and breathlessly whispered, "Fine. Then kiss me."

"What?"

"You heard me. Kiss me. If you can kiss me, and your heart tells you that you can actually leave me, then fine. Go. But you have to kiss me first."

Luke tried to avoid her stare but Kaylee tenderly stopped his head from turning away, bringing it back to her with two fingers gently upon his chin. Luke made a mistake, daring to look into her misty eyes.

He found a tremendous amount of love, her gaze soft, but somewhere in the depths of her eyes he could also see pain. It scared him, how much she was hiding the hurt. He knew he should have let her go a long time ago, but now it was too late. She was already in too deep and there was no way to avoid hurting her. His pain was also her pain.

Somehow the love overrode the pain; it had to, as patient as she was. Those beautiful big, blue eyes calmly awaited his answer. Her full red lips anticipated the touch from his own.

"You're cheating," his whispered with a husky voice.

There was no turning back and Kaylee was willing to do whatever it took to keep him. She was in over her head. It was as if she blindly waded into the ocean after Luke, pulled under by the crashing waves.

Kaylee leaned forward, her lips coming within inches of his. She knew Luke could feel the warmth of her breath on his lips; he was weakening, she could see it in his eyes. Kaylee stopped just before her lips touched his. Instead, she pulled back slightly, tilting her head to the side. Her nose barely touched his, just enough to create a spark of passion between them.

An endearing but haughty smile subtly appeared on her face. "You're right," she said with a raspy voice, "I am. So kiss me already."

The desire was overwhelming; Luke wanted to take her right there on the park bench. She was teasing him mercilessly, and she knew it.

Kaylee leaned in again and for a second time, fully aware she was torturing poor Luke, stopped her lips just before engaging his.

His face was red, his breathing sharpened, and everything inside him told him to get up and run. But his legs had to work first.

Luke caved.

With one hand carefully caressing her cheek and his other gently on the nape of her neck, he pulled her in and kissed her.