30 - No One Will Ever Love You

There was a follow-up question.

"You love her, don't you, Ray?"

Surprisingly, I had to think for a second before I answered that. I had seen a different aspect of affection since meeting Cassie, something more determined and full of hope than Mel. But this was Mel, the woman I had loved since the first time we spoke!

"Yes, or at least I think I do."

"I thought so." A long pause. "You should ask her out."

I had not been expecting that. "What? I mean, she doesn't date guys like me... It would... it would just make things tougher around here. I might even lose her as a roommate."

Cassie put her hand on my arm, it was shaking a little. I think the day had been hard on all of us.

"Ray, believe me that if you ask her, she will say yes."

I gave her an incredulous look.

"How do you know?"

"I just know. Call it intuition... or experience."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah."

This had me cheered up a little. Maybe there was hope after all for one of the goddesses! I stood up, not with a plan in place, but just out of nervous energy.

Cassie pulled me back down onto the couch by my arm.

"Don't ask her now, you dumbass!"

We looked at each other and couldn't help but laugh a little. It wasn't a particularly happy laugh, but some is better than none, you know?

*****

The next evening, when Cassie was out of the room, I popped the question to Mel.

No! Not 'the big question'. Of course, as nervous as I was, that is probably how I would have felt proposing marriage.

"Mel, I... you see... I..." This was going well. Time to blurt it out and hope nothing stupid comes out with it.

"Mel, will you go out with me?" - "Yes" - "I mean, you don't have too if you don't want to, but if you wanted to... you know then maybe we could... or not... it's all up to you..."

My voice trailed off. Had she said yes?

"Wait, did you say yes?"

"Yeah."

I didn't have a response. To be honest, it's like those people who win the lottery. They know they're supposed to be so happy, but they never really expected to win it. There were no plans in place for if it happened.

I'm sure I stuttered something else, because we agreed on a local Italian place. It is unlikely that I suddenly knew enough sign language to finish the conversation nonverbally.

Chapter 12

I was dressed up. Mel was dressed up. It was really pretty nice. We were able to talk for what seemed like the first time in months. Mel was as happy as I had ever seen her.

To my surprise, Mel not only allowed me to discuss history, but she actually engaged me in the topic. I had not known her to do it as willingly as she did then. It was during dessert, that we were sitting and discussing Empress Theodora. I was discussing her with Mel, who had never heard of Theodora.

"So there she is, this woman with literally almost nothing but sex to give someone, on the face of it, but she ends up..." I trailed off.

A woman with nothing but sex to give someone...

When Cassie had made the offer, she had been offering me the only coin she had, I knew that. But... it was the only thing she had that she considered to be of value.

In her mind, that was all she could give me... all she was worthy to give me. And so she had been generous with it, far more generous to me than I would have asked for.

My mind raced back to those first few days. She had turned to me for comfort, not to Mel. It had been to me, and then, even though she probably knew that I would treat her well anyway, she had offered me the only thing that she thought she had to give.

Mel was saying something to me. I couldn't understand it. It didn't matter.

"Mel!" I interrupted her. "I need to go talk to Cassie... I need to... to..." I didn't know what to say.

I was surprised at Mel's reaction, expecting a scene. Instead, she sat there with a look of sad acceptance on her face as I sprinted out of the restaurant.

*****

When I got back to the apartment, I was nearly frantic. Cassie wasn't in the kitchen or the living room. When I entered my room, I couldn't see her, but I heard the sobbing.

She was sitting in the corner of the room, knees pulled up under her chin, sobbing as she held on to one of my shirts.

I got down on my knees in front of her and tried to grab her hands. She started to push them away.

"Cassie..." I was holding her head in mine, looking into a pair of very puffy, red eyes. "Cassie, you had so much more to give me than just the sex. If I had thought I had a chance with you, I would have... Cassie, I love you."

She was looking at me through tears, the disbelief clear on her face.

"Cassie, why did you let me go on that date with Mel?"

"You loved her, not me. Why would you love me? She's so smart and beautiful." A short sob. "I'm an illiterate whore, Ray. You don't love me..."

I kissed her before she said something worse. It was a long time before either of us came up for air.

We were resting our foreheads together, catching our breath. "Cassie, you're not a whore. You did what you needed to do, like anyone would have. And you're not illiterate... you're barely literate, and getting a bit more every day." We both smiled at that. "And I will be the judge of who is so beautiful and smart that I need to have them."

We kissed again.

In the end, we somehow ended up on the bed. So many of the times before had been energetic or exotic, but this couldn't have been more simple. Cassie lay under me as I entered her, with her legs wrapped around me. It was slow and peaceful. We never changed positions, never sped up, and our eyes never left each other's.

I was lying on the bed afterwards, my arms wrapped around my girl. (That was the first time that I could let myself believe it.) When my curiosity was too much.

"Why my shirt, Cassie?"

She smiled a little, her face turning red.

"You know when I first got here, and I slept in your bed?"

"Yeah, you never changed the sheets. I thought that was weird."

"I loved smelling you, it seemed like you were there. Ray..." Her voice had lost all traces of the giggle, "I loved you since the very first. Remember that night when I climbed onto the couch with you? Mel had washed your sheets, and I was so alone in the bed I couldn't take it. When you woke up that next morning I knew I would do whatever I needed to just to get to be near you."

"You couldn't have loved me from the first. Mel was the one who took you in!"

"Yeah, but you were going to be the one who was there for me, who would care for me. I could tell from the very beginning."

Cassie snuggled in closer.

"Was I wrong?" She whispered.

Epilogue

You may wonder how things turned out for Cassie and me. In two words: 'Happy Ending'.

I am still a history professor, although thankfully one who now has tenure. For her part, Cassie will never be a comfortable reader. She never did progress too far beyond the point where she was able to read street signs. Don't feel bad for her, though! She's the real breadwinner in our house bow. Her new cooking show has a lot of viewers, and some say it's largely because you don't need to be a particularly skilled reader to follow what's going on. The show is very visual. She also has written a couple of cookbooks. I participated by editing the final drafts before we sent it to her publisher. Neither of us thought we wanted to let it out of the house with things like the instructions to: "Crumbel sossage into a medium skillit. Cook over medium heet until evenly brown; drane."

I usually get three calls from her a day. One is to tell me that she loves me (we're still sickeningly sweet on each other) and the other two are to ask me how to spell a word when not even Google or Microsoft Word can figure out what she's actually trying to type.

I hope you enjoyed it. Like I said, no disrespect was intended towards anyone with dyslexia. I'm not dyslexic, but I dabble in that end of the pool enough to know that I can't really imagine how hard it is. I do know that I have immense respect for people who struggle through it. Depending on how this story does, and how it's received, I think I will try something meatier with a dyslexic main character. I feel like I just skimmed the surface of that topic.

I know it's a short story, so there are plenty of loose ends. The big one is Mel, who really isn't a bad person and seems to have gotten the the short end of the stick here. Obviously, she has challenges of her own and she originally was going to be a big part of the story, but it swerved in a different direction and she couldn't stay on the bus.

If there's interest, and people like her from the little bit they saw of her, I might write a story for her. We'll figure it out, I'm sure.

As always, comments and feedback are welcome.

Be Kind, Please Rewind.