32 - You're My Only Home

We'll take a crack at story number two for me. I really can't explain why, but I just started writing again after a break of about ten years (so I'm still very rough).

This one is a little more romance, a little less eroticism. Once again, it's a shorter story with pretty one-dimensional characters. Longer stories are in the works.

If you're wondering about the title, this is the first entry in my new and audacious project. I'm planning to write a story inspired by each song from The Magnetic Fields' incredible '69 Love Songs' album. How much the stories match the songs will vary. This one's pretty detached since it was started before the project. The next one will truly be inspired by its song. As my boss likes to remind me on a regular basis, I tend to bite off more than I can chew.

All rights reserved.

Chapter 1

So you know when you're sitting in the airport and you see that one guy sprint by like he's trying to win a hundred meter race? You can't help but think to yourself, "What an idiot!" After all, if he could just plan his flights, then he wouldn't have the layover from hell. To be fair, it is also a nice little ego boost to have the feeling of superiority over that poor bastard.

Well right at this moment that was me. No, not the person sitting there, I was the poor bastard.

Five minutes before, I had been sitting in an airport bar at DFW, laughing at some other bozo streak by, as I waited out my two hour connection. I don't like drinking in airport bars, they're expensive and depressing, but I do plenty of things that I don't like for work so what's one more thing? I was feeling sorry for myself, to be honest. It was one of those rare contemplative moments when I take a hard look at my life.

I've felt this before, but it sort of seemed like I had gone to sleep when I was fourteen and woken up that moment at the bar. Of course, I could remember everything that happened to me before, I just didn't understand how I had reached that point. I was twenty eight, with no friends, sitting in what seemed like my hundredth airport of the week having an eight dollar beer. The sequence of events that led me there didn't make sense.

In fact, I thought, the only person I truly loved (like as in making sacrifices to see them smile, loved) was my nephew. Twenty months old, the little guy had his mother (my sister), his father and me wrapped around his little finger. And it was exhausting, if you have ever tried to hold on to a toddler's finger you know that they will run you around in circles until you see spots. How they have so much energy, I will never know.

Anyway, I was contemplating my nephew, Ryan, and the fact that he was the only person that I truly loved. Both of my parents were gone and my sister and I had never really been close until she had Ryan. As for anyone else, I really didn't have any friends. I can't really explain why, I'm not chronically shy or anything. I just had some strange barrier there. After all, I was friendly with people, and they were friendly with me, but I never became friends with anyone. To the best of my knowledge, I don't have particularly bad body odor or make terrible puns (more than any normal guy does). It seemed that I just didn't make that extra connection with people, like I couldn't read the signs or something.

It was at this point that I was pondering whether I should call my last true friend, Billy, who I had moved away from when I was fourteen, to see if he still wanted to be my friend (I know, this was not my high moment), when I got the call.

My sister and brother-in-law had been in a car crash. They didn't make it. I needed to get back to home immediately.

So that's how I found myself sprinting through the airport trying to make the next flight to Seattle. If I missed that one, I would have to wait until the next day sometime.

Chapter 2

Once the adrenaline shock wore off, as we sat on the tarmac for two hours, I started to realize what had just happened. Everything had changed.

You see, neither of them really had any family left, and so I was now the guardian of my twenty month old nephew. For a bachelor who didn't know how to change a diaper, and spent most of his time on a plane, things were about to change.

There wasn't a moment of doubt for me on what I would do. After all, I loved my nephew more than I would have thought it was possible to love someone before my sister introduced me to the little guy. If that wasn't enough (and it was enough, by the way), I was sort of ready to quit traveling. I still enjoyed my job as a lean manufacturing consultant but I was starting get sick of the travel. At first it had been handy, in a sad way. When someone asked, directly or indirectly, why I didn't have any friends, I could just make it seem like I traveled so much that it was impossible. That was more comfortable than admitting that I had given up on relationships, both romantic and platonic, and had taken to spending my evenings at home playing video games.

So where was I going to live? Probably at their house, but that meant I would need to sell my condo. Oh, and I would need to find a new job, one where I didn't travel. I would need a new car, and a car seat. And I had to figure out day care or nannies or au pairs or whatever the hell I was supposed to do. Damn! I would probably need to get rid of my porn. (Would you believe me if I said I wasn't really upset about that one? Ok, I was a little upset.)

Pre-occupied with these thoughts, my head didn't stop spinning until I arrived in Seattle. I didn't care, but at that moment my baggage was somewhere between DFW and Miami.

Chapter 3

The funeral and everything that went along with it was an ordeal like I had never experienced. By the end, it had been a couple of days since I had slept. I honestly can't say that I even remember it, barring the grief I experienced and the pain for Ryan. He wasn't sure what was going on yet, but he did seem to have the understanding that something terrible had happened.

By the time that it was all over, we were both exhausted and cranky (at least I was). I managed to change him (although I couldn't remember when I learned that), feed him something that came in some sort of squeezy bag, and get him to bed. As for myself, I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

He woke me up four hours later. Welcome to parenthood.

My salvation ended up being Hope from a few houses down. She had been a good friend of my sister's who had six (SIX!) kids of her own. Needless to say, she was so much of an expert that she could have taught me the basics with her eyes closed.

I spent the first few days with Ryan, thinking he needed the attention for the time being. He was small kid for his age, with dark hair like me. Fortunately, we had bonded before this all happened so he had at least one adult he knew in his life. (I have never seen a kid who loved building with blocks so much, just like I had been as a kid.)

Eventually, I started to spend a little of my time trying to find a job. A lean practitioner who can help establish operating systems, train a staff on topics like value stream mapping or 5S, and successfully lead continuous improvement projects will typically find a job pretty easily. I lost a few opportunities because I refused to travel, but I eventually found a spot in a major aerospace company.

As the first six weeks passed (I had negotiated to delay my start for a little bit), I started to enjoy my new life. I spent a ton of time with Ryan, which though exhausting (how do mothers manage?) was still the best experience I could imagine. I actually started to become friendly with a few people, and was at risk to become friends even. They were all local moms who got together in the park. I was surprised at how nice they all were to me. I could have managed with fewer conversations covering the intricacies of breast feeding, or the merits of vaginal versus cesarean delivery, but I liked the company anyway.

I made the decision that I would hire someone full-time to take care of Ryan. In the beginning, I had thought about daycare, but I decided that this would be better. He played sometimes with the other local kids, and I wasn't entirely sure how he would handle his parents' deaths.

It turns out that it is extremely difficult to find a nanny you can trust with your kid, especially if you're the clingy type of parent I promised to be. My early experiences were not promising.

The first candidate, I think it was Angela, turned out to be a convicted criminal. She apparently was banking on me not running a background check. Swing and a miss.

The second girl, Jasmine, seemed like a winner. Ryan even seemed to like her. I found out why when I had to run back home for something the second time I left him with her. Ryan literally had his face buried in a carton of ice cream when I walked into the kitchen. So yeah...

By nanny number three, Georgie, I was pretty hopeless. Luckily, she turned out to be really good with Ryan. The fourth night I hired her (the nannies were lasting longer!), I came in to find a very naked Georgie sitting on the couch waiting for me to return. Apparently she liked me and Ryan so much, she decided to join the family. And this was her plan to expedite it.

Eight weeks before, the sexually frustrated me would have jumped on the offer. Now, the extremely sexually frustrated parent-version of me turned her down. And she looked good too, with firm breasts and really nice legs.

Luckily, one of the moms recommended Annie to me after that. I called her immediately.

Chapter 4

Annie agreed to meet us that day and she actually showed up an hour later. When she rang the doorbell, I really didn't know how to respond. While I'm only 5'10", I towered over Annie, who couldn't have been more than 5'1". She had short blonde hair and was wearing an oddly baggy sweatshirt and jeans.

When I introduced myself to her, she seemed somewhat skittish. That was a concern to me, and I would have probably turned her down on the spot if hadn't been for the recommendation. Annie seemed very shy with me, but everything changed when she met Ryan. Within thirty seconds of meeting her, Ryan was smiling and playing with her. This girl was the goddamn kid whisperer. I hired her on the spot.

The next few months passed quickly enough, I familiarized myself with my job and tried to fight the cabin fever I got when I sat in an office for more than a day at a time (I was used to travel). Ryan seemed to be acclimating to his new life as well as could be expected. He was definitely crazy about Annie.

She continued to be a mystery to me. After a few visits, I realized that she was very pretty, with blond hair and big blue eyes. Even so, she wore that bulky sweatshirt to my house every day. I never saw here in any less than it and a pair of baggy jeans.

Thankfully, she also seemed to be getting a little more comfortable with our arrangement so I learned a little about her. It turned out that she was nineteen, high school graduated but no college. I was currently her only job, but she was hoping to find more.

We started to get a little friendly as we bonded over our shared obsession with my nephew. She never did seem to smile around me like she did with Ryan, but at my request, when I arrived from work she would stay for a bit while we discussed what had happened that day with Ryan and her. It took about three months before I began to notice her change.

Chapter 5

The change was gradual, so it took me a while to catch on to it. Whereas she had been warming up to me a little before, she was now more withdrawn and jumpy. I even noticed that she seemed a little less happy with Ryan, although it wasn't a big difference.

It finally came to a head one evening while we sat on the couch. It was eleven PM, I had worked very late, and we trying to catch up for a few minutes before she left. Annie wasn't being very talkative. Then she got the phone call. Even though she got up and took the phone call across the room, I could hear the screaming on the other end. After the five minute conversation was over (most of it screaming), she came back and collapsed in a little ball on the other end of the couch.

For the next while, she didn't have anything to say but she also didn't seem to want to leave. Finally building the courage to ask her about it, I spoke to her. Taking a step like this was probably the thing that I had failed to do with friends in the past, so I didn't want to come up short again by being closed off with her.

"Annie, you can do whatever you want, but if you need to, you can stay here tonight."

She glanced at me with a look I couldn't read. It might have been happiness or despair, or something in between. She didn't respond at first, but I knew enough to keep my mouth shut. After a few minutes, she responded back to me in a whisper.

"You sure?"

"Why wouldn't I be?

"Are you OK on the couch, or would you like to take my room? I could probably manage on the couch..."

"No, Jay." (I think I forgot to tell you my name was Jay somehow. So... hi, I'm Jay.) "I couldn't do that. The couch is fine."

"Sounds great." (Yawn.) "I am going to go to bed before I drool on my already stained couch. Sheets and blankets are in the linen closet. Stuff is in the bathroom if you..." I trailed off as I staggered towards my room.

I went to sleep almost immediately (it had been a very long day). Sometime during the night, I felt someone crawl into bed and snuggle up against me. In my sleep state I reasoned that it had to be either my nephew Ryan or Richard Nixon, before I dozed back off.

Chapter 6

When I woke up, I was holding someone in my arms. Now, this probably seems like the point where there is a bunch of screaming and yelling, but the truth of the matter is that I do not wake up quickly. By the time I was awake enough to realize that it was strange to have someone in bed with me, I had already decided that I liked it.

Of course, it was Annie. I couldn't help but stare down at the girl in my arms. Her face was buried in my chest, as I lay on my side. One of my arms was around her waist, and had apparently worked it's way under her sweatshirt. I could feel warm, soft skin on my hand. The sweatshirt had lifted up a few inches and as I looked down on her, trying to decide how to wake her up peacefully, I realized that there was something different about the skin on her waist (I hadn't had a chance to see anything else). She seemed to have a large green and yellow tattoo there.

Just as I was noticing this, Annie began to come awake. Opening her eyes with a start, she seemed to realize where she was, who I was, and what I was looking at in that order. Without a word, she scrambled out of the bed and ran into the bathroom. It looked like she was crying.

(OK, a quick diversion. I have no idea how she went from waking to alert so fast. I always assumed that everyone was slow to wake up just like me. This is not the case. Apparently, in medieval times, I would have been that peasant who died because he didn't realize that Vikings had set fire to his hut until it was already collapsing on me. I guess I was lucky to be born in the Starbucks era. And back to the story...)

For an hour, I patiently waited outside the bathroom. Finally, Annie emerged and without looking at me grabbed her things and headed for the door. I heard her mumble something quietly about appreciating the opportunity before she was leaving.

I only just made it to the door in time, to grab her and ask her if she was alright. Based on the fear I had seen in her eyes the night before, I was concerned about her leaving to go back to that situation.

"Annie, wait. Please, I'm worried about you, let me know what's the matter." I was pleading.

"Jay, I have to go... I really... I really liked working for you."

"You're quitting?"

"Well..." Annie seemed totally uncertain what to say. "After what I did... and what you saw... I have to... I mean... I thought you would..."

At this point, I gently pulled her around so that she was looking at me.

"Annie, you're not fired if that's what you're concerned about."

"But I climbed in your bed last night, and then you saw the tattoo. No one wants someone that looks like that around their kid... or around them."

None of this was making any sense, although I hoped I could alleviate her worries.

"Annie, you climbed into my bed last night and cuddled with me. That's hardly a fireable offence, especially when you were wearing eight layers of clothing at the time. And for the record, it felt nice to be cuddling when I woke up. Besides all that, I think you were really scared last night and just needed the comfort.

"As for the tattoo, why should I care? That couldn't make less difference."

She looked at me like she wanted to, but couldn't, believe me.

"Are you really that concerned about the tattoo?"

She nodded.

"Do you trust me?"

A long pause, then another nod, this time with tears.

I continued, "Then show it to me. I will tell you if I want to fire you over it, but I generally like tattoos and you are the best thing to happen to Ryan, or me, since his parents died. So it's not likely to be the case. Ok?"

Annie looked at me, and then at the floor, and then at me again. I could tell this was a struggle for her. Finally she relented. "Ok."

I think the relief was audible in my voice. "Ok, I'm going to sit on the couch and try to finish waking up. You show me the tattoo whenever you want."

Without looking at her (I thought it might scare her off), I slowly made my way over to the couch and plopped down.

Chapter 7

I honestly can't say if I was expecting something terrible or not. Either way, Annie made me wait fifteen minutes to experience it. Eventually, she silently came into my view in front of me.

I was rendered speechless.

She had pulled her blond hair into a very short ponytail and changed. Now she was standing in front of me in panties and a tank top that showed a few inches of her stomach. (Remember that all I had seen her in before was jeans and a sweatshirt that was designed for that fat guy who always ends up sitting next to me on the plane.)

I should have been focusing on the tattoos, to reassure her, but I confess that it took me a while to take in just how beautiful she was.

Annie was short, but slender, with a swell to her hips (and it appeared a nice round butt). She appeared to be light on top. (How do I put that delicately? The use of bras was more discretionary for her than for some other women... How's that?) Her skin, where it wasn't tattooed, appeared to be very pale. I honestly considered her to be extremely attractive.

As quickly as I could, I switched my attention to the tattoos (since that was what I was supposed to be looking at). Her torso, arms and legs appeared to be mostly covered from what I could see.

Both arms were covered in a pattern that combined red and gold flowers with ivy. The designs went around the back of her shoulders (I asked her to turn around as soon as I could do so gently) and down the back of her top. I guessed that they probably connected to a tree, the gold-green design of which I had seen at her waist. There also appeared to be a few birds flying out of the tree.

Across her upper chest there was a colorful design of a stylized bird with the outstretched wings reaching over her breasts. Her right leg had a large angel on the front of thigh; the left had small text that ran all the way down the leg from lower thigh to ankle.

I found the whole effect to be breathtaking. The colors were beautiful on her and the artwork seemed to be excellent. After a few minutes of forgetting to breathe, I realized that Anna was looking at me with apprehension. I needed to break the tension.