32 - You're My Only Home

"You're gorgeous, Annie. I love the tattoos. Where did you get them done?"

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Really? My... my dad hates them." I heard her voice change when she said that. It frightened me.

"Well, I think you're beautiful and you have excellent taste. Thank you for showing me!"

At this point, I thought the topic had been successfully resolved and I could only do damage from there on out so I headed to the kitchen to make breakfast. About twenty minutes later, Annie wandered in and sat down just watching me cook. She was still wearing the same tank and panties, and had not gone back to her huge sweatshirt.

I considered it an improvement.

Chapter 8

After a while, Ryan woke up. Without thinking about it, Annie went to get him before she looked down at her body. She seemed to be struggling with whether she was allowed to let him see her tattoos. I wanted to resolve that immediately.

"Annie, go pick him up. It won't hurt to let him see your art." That finally earned me a smile.

In a few minutes, she came back in holding Ryan, who was giggling at something she had done. He appeared to be fascinated by her tattoos and was tracing one on her shoulder. The image of the two of them together, so happy, actually made my heart hurt. I knew it was melodramatic, but the living picture of the two of them seemed like the only thing I wanted from life, now more than anything.

We started breakfast. I had something to discuss but I wanted to wait until the right moment. Finally we were both in the kitchen; far enough away from Ryan that I thought we could talk (he always seemed to know what we were talking about). Approaching her, I put my hand gently on Annie's and told her in a low voice that she was welcome to stay with us as long as she wanted. This time the tears were accompanied by a smile.

Knowing that it had been a tough couple of days for all of us, we spent Saturday playing around the house. During Ryan's naps, I wanted to talk to Annie but I sensed that she wasn't ready. That night, I went to bed as early as I could to try to take advantage of the weekend to recover some sleep.

A few minutes later, Annie slipped under the covers with me. She asked me if I minded, in a hesitant whisper, but I simply responded by pulling her towards me so that we could spoon. I fell asleep with my arms around her.

I wasn't a virgin, of course, but I honestly did lack a lot of relationship experience. (To be frank, my sexual experience was also quite limited.) In fact, I had never actually slept in the same bed with a woman. I don't know if it was that the shape and size of Annie against me was perfect or that I could smell cinnamon and sweat on her skin, but I loved it.

We both slept peacefully that night.

In the morning, I woke up with her in my arms, but facing me with her head on the pillow. Annie's blue eyes were staring at me intently. To be honest, it was a disconcerting way to wake up for for someone like me, although I thought that I could get used to it (if given the chance).

"My father abuses me." Her voice was fairly flat, although it was obvious that there was emotion waiting to come out. It was not how I had expected to wake up (people usually start with 'good morning'), but it also felt great for Annie to open up to me.

As I always reminded my sister when she was dating (I do miss her), ALWAYS assume guys are total idiots. In this case, that saying was as true as it ever is. I had no idea what to do and I was sure that if I said anything it would just be the wrong thing. I settled for kissing me on the forehead.

Apparently that was an adequate answer, since she began to discuss a little further.

"He beats me. He has for a long time.

"I got the tattoos because he always talked about how much he hated tattoos when he watched porn. I hoped they would keep him from raping me, although he always hit me worse after I got one."

"When he watched porn?" It slipped out. I was confused, was all.

"He made me watch it with him." That was a whisper. "Was it wrong of me to watch with him?"

Now this was a conversation that I had definitely not been prepared for. In the end, I just settled for hugging her to me while I reasoned out what to tell her and she cried a little.

I still had no idea what to say, but I thought it was time to say something. "Of course there is nothing wrong with that. He was making you do it.

"I'm ashamed that I used to own porn, before I had Ryan. I hate that I am like your dad in that."

Her reaction to that confession was both sudden and strong. Using her arms, she pushed away and glared up at me. This did not seem like it was going to end well.

"You are nothing like my father. I don't ever want you to put yourself down like that, OK?"

Then she snuggled back up against me. I had survived the round, if barely.

This became somewhat of a routine. While I desired her, I did not want to initiate it at that time when she was still hurting. Every day she would seem a little reticent to share and every night she would crawl into bed with me, to fall asleep while we cuddled. In the morning, I would wake up to find her staring at me (I thought I was sort of getting used to it). We started every day with one of our discussions where she opened up to me. Annie told me later that waking up in my arms was the safest and most comfortable feeling she knew and so it was the only time she felt able to speak about her past.

Chapter 9

I would like to say that was the end of it and that she was healed; that my love had healed her and restored her self-esteem.

Adversity rarely gives in that easily. He's like the hero in one of those underdog movies. You keep knocking him down and the sumbitch keeps getting up.

All of that is a lengthy way of saying that things did not suddenly become perfect. And it was my fault.

I don't have any excuses for this, I had my orphaned nephew and an abused girl relying on me, but I started reverting to my old self. You see, before all of this happened I was pretty successful. I got that way by having ambition. It turns out that I hadn't quite lost all of it in the transition.

The first few months with Ryan, he was my only priority. My work existed as a means to pay the bills. When Annie finally opened up, she became a priority too. Now that I thought that Annie was getting better and Ryan now had someone other than me taking care of him in a reliable fashion, I was freed up a little. So I indulged in my work ambition a little. Then a little more.

Before I knew it, I was working twelve hour days again. Annie and I stop talking in the morning and I rarely played with Ryan. I even stooped to the point that I spent a couple of weekends in a row at work dealing with some 'crisis'. From a work perspective, maybe it even was a crisis but here's a bit of wisdom I had yet to learn:

'Fuck work. Family comes first.'

So anyway, I drifted off into my little work world. I don't know that I even enjoyed it. It was just what I was supposed to do, in my mind. I didn't totally neglect the two of them, I did do a full security work-up on the house (including a lot of new locks for the front door) so that Annie would be less afraid of her father showing up. I did a few other things for them, but essentially I wasn't there, even when I was there. Thank goodness, I was fortunate enough to get a wakeup call.

Hope gave me that call one Friday afternoon. (Who's Hope? She's the neighbor from earlier. Why hasn't she played more of a role? She has six frickin' kids. She's busy.) She told me that she was concerned. Annie was supposed to meet them at the park after lunch, when she didn't show, Hope tried to call. She hadn't been able to get her on the phone and ringing the doorbell didn't help either.

I think that I dropped my phone when Hope told me that and I was in my car before it hit the floor. I was that worried.

When I arrived at the house, I found the two of them safe in the living room. Annie was sitting on the couch, in her sweatshirt again, curled in a ball. I'm pretty sure she was dealing with some kind of panic attack. Ryan was on the floor, bawling.

Eventually I was able to make some progress. Ryan was calmed down eventually and I put him down for a nap. I held Annie until she snapped back and would talk to me. Then I put her to bed too. After that, I called Hope and had a long heart to heart. As should be obvious to you, I had no idea what the hell I was doing.

We woke up the next morning with a fresh start. I was holding Annie while she slept, staring at her. (She's pretty so it's easy to stare at, but I also wanted her to find out what it's like to wake up with someone staring at you like a crazy person.) We didn't really talk, but we spent some time cuddling, which we both needed. After that, I called my boss to tell him that I would be going on a leave of absence for at least a month. He could approve it or not, his choice.

I spent the day playing with Ryan and doing some research. That night, things were a little back to normal. Annie was talking to me again, but she was also in one of those awful sweatshirts. (You win some, you lose some.) Ryan and I had gotten a chance to spend more time together than we had in a while.

The next morning when we woke up (she was staring at me again), I was the one to speak up. I told her that I had found a counselor that could really help her. When she protested that she was scared to go alone (I'm not sure whether it was the counselor or her dad finding her while she was out alone that scared Annie), I told her that Ryan and I would come with her. That ended the opposition, so she began to tell me about the fear that she had started to go through in the time while I was mentally absent.

A fear had grown, while I was absent, that her father would find her and hurt both her and Ryan. It had been intensified in the cases where I worked so late that she fell asleep before I got home.

She was also feeling unattractive. She thought that maybe I was spending so much time at work to be away from her. She wouldn't tell me until later that she was starting to wonder why I hadn't made a move on her yet, which caused her more self-image issues.

I couldn't believe how brave she was to talk about all of that to me. After we were done crying (her some and me a lot more), we got up to make breakfast and meet the day.

The next few weeks included a lot of counseling sessions for her. Ryan and I would spend the time in the waiting room playing one of our special games that only the two of us understood. He would push a car on the rug. If it went under a chair, I had to chase him as he ran in circles around the room. If it hit the chair, he would chase me, trying to tickle me. If it didn't do either, we both had to hop.

I am pretty sure the receptionist hated me. (The game wasn't that loud...) Before long, I quit eating the candy on the check-in desk because I was pretty sure she was going to use it to poison me.

Annie would come out of every session teary, but seeming a little less timid. Changes to her attitude could also be seen. She would spend more time laughing with Ryan. I earned more smiles, which was too bad. I was falling for the girl and I didn't need her radioactive (as in A-bomb) smile making it worse.

Chapter 10

One of the aspects of Annie's transformation that I was slow to see was her increased boldness. I was sort of used to postponing our serious chats until first thing in the morning. In this case, she blindsided me while we were sitting at dinner.

Her voice was flat. "Why don't you find me attractive?"

That's when the beer went down the wrong pipe. I apparently earned myself a few seconds to think while I coughed up a lung. Look, I love bluntness; it's a great trait except that sometimes it's so damn... blunt. (OK, the question was unexpected and it did render me speechless.)

When I recovered, I tried to figure out the best line to walk. She apparently didn't find it comforting that I sat and stuttered endlessly. (Women should know by now that when a man is unable to speak around them it could be a good sign about how the guy sees them.)

I took a deep breath. That led to more coughing. (At this point, you probably have to be wondering why I had never had a relationship before, right?)

Finally, I was recovered to the point that I was able to give her my eloquent love speech. "Annie, you are attractive."

Silence.

Finally, I just gave up and decided a little bluntness on my end was probably the only way out.

"Look, Annie, you are outrageously attractive. I find myself thinking about you all the time and you have no idea what kind of sweet torture it has been sharing a bed with you. But I don't think I can do anything about it. I'm your employer, your friend and I'm a lot older than you. Not to mention, you're now a dependant and you're a recent abuse victim. I thought I would cause a lot of damage by telling you how I felt."

She looked sort of skeptical. I was at a loss for what to do until I had one of my brilliant ideas. I told her to stay there for ten minutes, that I would come back.

When I came back into the room, I gave her a piece of paper. On it was the Suicide Girls website, a login, and a password. She gave me a very confused look.

"OK, so this is probably a terrible idea, but... that's a website with a lot of beautiful women who are 'alt'. Some have more tattoos than you, some have less, but they are all gorgeous. And... umm... you're actually cuter than all of them."

I gave a sigh and slumped in the chair. At least it was done. In Russian roulette, when you pull the trigger, you going to get peace one way or another.

She walked into the other room where the computer was.

I tried to help a girl's self-esteem by buying her porn. As I said before, ALWAYS assume that all men are total idiots.

Chapter 11

She called me into the room an hour later. Annie was sitting at the computer desk, with tears streaming down her face. It felt like someone had given me a cheap shot right in the stomach, watching her cry because of me.

Annie waved me over to her. When I arrived, she scooted over onto an edge of the chair and pulled me down to sit beside her. There were pictures of a few girls open in different tabs. She flipped between them quickly and then looked up at me. I winced again at the sight of those tears. She had settled on a picture of one that looked a little like her.

"Is that how you see me? That girl is so..." (Cringing.) "gorgeous."

I just stared at her. This whole thing was way too intense for a slow witted guy like me. Finally I recovered enough to speak.

"Annie, you look prettier than her first thing in the morning when you wake up. More importantly, you attract me on about twelve more levels than she does. Watching you play with my son," (First time I called him that.) "is breathtaking. I didn't tell you how I felt because I thought that I would rather have you here like we are now, than risk losing you for sex.

"Not that I didn't think about the sex a lot..."

I had the wind knocked out of me when I hit the ground, with her on top. Annie kissing me so fiercely didn't help me recover, either. On the other hand, this was a type of torture I thought I could get used to. (However, I might need some lessons from those free-divers that hunter for pearls without oxygen tanks. Always be prepared.)

She pulled off her sweatshirt. (I would have to burn that thing.) Then she grabbed the bottom of her tank top like she was planning to remove that as well. I couldn't believe I was doing this, but I actually grabbed her hands to keep her from doing it.

"I can't, tonight. We'll pick this up tomorrow. OK?"

She had the beginnings of that look on her face again. I needed to try to make more words.

"Look, I would kill to make love to you now. I think the mountain range that you're sitting on will attest to that, but I need to do one thing first."

I kissed her one more time and then I got up.

"I've got to run an errand; I will be back a little late."

When she didn't object, I made as dignified an exit as you can when the front of your pants precedes you through the doorway.

(I had an erection, for anyone slow on the uptake.)

Chapter 12

I was slow waking up. It had been late when I got back. My eyes slowly opened as I fought a yawn.

And then those eyes! Annie was staring at me. (OK, I was not getting any more used to waking up like that. It still scared the crap out of me every time.)

I recovered enough to give her a smile and a quick squeeze. Words would come in a few minutes, I'm sure. She continued to look at me. Even if I had been capable of speaking that soon after waking, I would have waited for her. She always started to conversation.

"So about last night..." That was all I needed to hear. I interrupted her.

"About that, I just needed to do something first and I wanted to do it first thing." I reached under the pillow and pulled out a small box.

"Annie, will you marry me?"

I had finally managed to stun her into silence. It felt good. Of course, it only lasted about three seconds before she recovered herself and launched herself at me.

I took the kiss as a yes.

After that, we removed the sheets and clothes as quickly as we could. Once we were naked, we stopped for long enough to get the ring out of the box and onto her finger. It wasn't a particularly large one. The counseling and the leave of absence were worth it, but they weren't cheap.

She didn't seem to even notice. Sitting on my lap with the ring on her finger, Annie seemed to be enthralled by it. I took the opportunity to give her rather exceptional body a look over. When I reached her waist I was astonished by what I saw.

It's nearly impossible to describe, so you'll probably get the wrong picture, but I'll give it the old college try. She had a large tattoo that covered the front of her left hip. On top it had the words 'My Love' in script. Below it was this sort of picture of me.

OK, that doesn't really explain it. The tattoo was a stylized image of my face in black and white like one of those 18th century miniature portraits, including the picture frame. (No long white wig, thank god!) It was actually a fairly flattering picture of me.

You had to be there.

I think my silence broke Annie from her reverie long enough to notice where I was staring. She looked at my shyly.

"You like it?"

"I love it. It makes me self-conscious, but I love it. When did you get it?" I was considering the possibility that she may have snuck out last night to get it while I ring shopped. In retrospect, that was a really dumb idea, but you have to remember that I was in love, very erect, and about to consummate my engagement. My brain wasn't operating at 100%.

"No. I got it just after you asked me to stay. I knew then that I loved you." She killed any response by kissing me and reaching under her to grab little Jay.

As for what happened next, a gentleman never tells. But yeah, we totally did it. Three times.

*

Epilogue

So, we still have things to work out. Annie's not 'good as new', she still has a lot of healing to do. I still have to learn how to not act like a douchebag who's been single his whole life.

But looking at my fiancée, back in the tank top and panties, holding my son as I made breakfast, I really couldn't ask for more.

I hope you enjoyed it. As always, constructive comments are appreciated. Someday I will conquer commas but for now they are my dread nemesis.

Be kind, please rewind.