365 Days Since I Have Been Touched

One long year, 365 days since I have been touched by a man. As painful and difficult as it has been at times it was a much needed time out.

One year ago today at almost this exact moment I entered your house as I had done so many times that year. I had called you earlier in the day and told you I needed to see you, to feel your arms around me. You told me to get my ass over there. I let myself in and walked up the stairs to your bedroom. The moment I walked in I knew something was different about that day.

Most days when I entered your room you would stand up from your chair at your computer and greet me with a warm long hug. It always felt like coming home. Sometimes I would arrive and you would be sleeping. I would watch you for a moment and then kick off my shoes and climb up your body into bed with you.

But that day when I entered your room you were already standing at the foot of the bed, waiting. You had something in your hand and the floggers, the crop and the paddle were on the bed. The energy in the room immediately heightened my senses. You told me to remove my shirt and bra and stand in front of your hands behind my head fingers interlaced. I knew what was coming. I heard them before I felt them. You slapped the handcuffs on me binding my hands behind my back. You reached around me in one swift movement removing my pants and panties shoving me face down on the bed. All I could think of was finally we are gonna play hard.

You began to work me over with the floggers much harder than ever before. And we have played rough before leaving me with marks for days. I immediately dropped into sub-space. You had that effect on me. I felt you switch between the floggers, the crop and the paddle. At some point I heard you yank off your belt and begin to beat me with it. I was deep into sub space by this time and do not remember much. I know at some point the belt wrapped around causing an injury to my neck that I would discover a few days later. Yet I stayed floating.

After a while you roughly flipped me over onto my back leaving my hands cuffed behind my back. You began to flog my already dripping cunt. The pain of this brought me back into focus a bit and I remember the look on your face when you decided what was next. You took out the Hitachi and began to force orgasm after orgasm until I had soaked the bed. My memory from here on out is foggy at best. I know at some point you released me from the cuffs and helped me dress. I know I managed to get myself home. I remember you telling me you could finally breathe for the first time in years seeing how much I could take.

You left the most beautiful marks on my body that day both my front and back were covered as were both of my wrists. In the weeks to come I cherished those marks and wore them like a blanket.

I never got the chance to thank you for that day. It was magical for me. It solidified my need for impact play. I felt at home and at peace in my body for the first time in way too many years.

Two days later while I was deep into sub drop you walked away. No explanation, no reasoning no real goodbye. The extent of the injury to my neck would not show up for another couple of days. It was so painful to go through that alone. To try to explain the bruises and marks on my body.

So I have been on a time out to heal, physically, emotionally and mentally. I have done a remarkable job of doing just this.

The scariest part for me when it ended was the fear that no one else will ever know my body the way you did. From the very first touch, the very first kiss, the very first orgasm it was as if we had known each other forever. I remember lying on your chest listening to the beating of your heart. Some days that sound is all I needed just to be ok. To quiet my mind.

For today, I miss being touched. I miss being beaten. I miss crawling up a man's body and taking his hard cock into my mouth to worship. I miss wearing the marks of a good session. I miss being grabbed by the neck forced to my knees having a cock shoved in my mouth. I miss being taken whenever and where ever you wanted me. I miss being used for someone's pleasure. I miss being taken to the edge and pushed ever so slightly over.

I miss having orgasm after orgasm forced upon me. Although, I did learn how to do this to myself thanks to someone. I miss having someone to play with. I miss being restrained. I miss having someone growl in my ear, "I'm not done yet". I miss letting my demons out to play.

365 days . . .