7. The Patriots Ch. 13-15

Chapter Thirteen

Micah was so tired. So incredibly tired.

The days seemed to blend into one long, painful blur. He didn't eat; he stuffed food into his mouth and swallowed. He didn't race; he got on his bike and held on for dear life. He didn't sleep; he collapsed and lost consciousness each night. When he was woken in the morning by the awful blaring of the alarm he did it all over again.

Day after day after day he ate, cycled, ate again and slept.

Somewhere in the mix was Ellia, his beautiful blonde angel who made sure he had everything he needed. He was so lucky Ellia was there. She provided him with safe food and friendship and at the end of the day she'd take him in her arms and kiss him and leave him thinking of pleasant things when he left to go back to his room.

Some nights she wanted to do more than just kiss and he had to take her hands in his and guide her away. It wasn't that he didn't want her like that. He did. It was that he wanted their first time to be special. He wanted to take his time with her and please her the way a man should please his woman, and he knew he couldn't do that right now. His body was shot and his mind was shot. Some days it took him a second to remember her name. She deserved better than that.

He tried to explain that to her one night when she got upset at him for turning her down. It was the second last day of the tour and he told her he just needed to finish the race and recover for a few days before he'd take her on their date, then he would try his hardest to fulfill all of her needs.

Ellia groaned and let her head fall forward onto his chest.

"Hey, it's not so bad. There's no need to rush. Why are you in such a hurry anyway?" He tried for an upbeat, teasing tone.

"It's just that we don't have much time left."

"What are you talking about? We have all the time in the world."

She looked up at him and tilted her head in question. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I thought you might come home to America with me."

"For a holiday?"

"No, to live with me."

Her face was suddenly angry. "You expect me to follow you around like a lost puppy dog?"

"No... I just... I was trying to think of ways we could stay together."

She shook her head. "Haven't you been listening to me? I got an interview with the Australian Institute of Sport. That's what I want to do."

"But I can't move to Australia. There aren't any pro teams there and it's too far from where the racing is. Not to mention that there aren't any mountains to train on."

"So your career is more important than mine? I have to hang around Europe and America so you can fulfill all of your dreams?"

She was starting to look really furious now. She had walked away from him and was standing in the middle of the room with her brow furrowed, clenching her fists.

"Ellia, please..."

"Because you know what Micah? I don't get to have any of my dreams. I will never be able to train and race the way I want to. I will never be able to have a baby of my own the way I want to. The only thing I get to have the way I want is my career." Her eyes watered over and a tear spilled over her cheek.

He didn't know what to say. It was an impossible situation.

"You could still have a career in America," he offered lamely.

She shook her head. "Not representing my country. That is what I want to do. That is the only dream left for me to have."

God, he was so tired. Why was he doing this? "So... if you've decided you have to go back to Australia, and you know I can't move there, then why are you leading me on like this?"

Her eyebrows rose. "I'm leading you on?"

"Yeah. If you know there's no future for us then why are you making me fall in love with you?"

She was silent for a moment as she stared at him with cold eyes. "I'm not making you do anything Micah."

"What am I to you? Am I just a summer fling? Your European experiment?" Now he was getting angry. Why did she do this if she wasn't willing to make compromises?

Ellia crossed her arms and continued to stare. "Don't insult me like that."

"No. You're the one insulting me. I love you Ellia. I want you to live with me and share our lives together. You made me think that's what you want too and now you're throwing it all in my face."

She gritted her teeth. "No. You don't want to share our lives, you want me to share your life. There's a difference."

He threw his hands in the air. "Fine. We were obviously thinking in different directions on this. I'm glad it didn't go any further than it did."

She pressed her lips together and looked away.

He sighed. "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. I just don't want to be with someone I don't have the possibility of a future with."

She nodded without looking at him.

"Okay. Well, I've got to go to bed. I'm tired. I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

She nodded again and he left.

He was glad that the last stage of the tour was just a parade. He didn't think he had anything left in him to race with. He stayed safely tucked inside the peloton all day and the only thing he felt when he crossed the finish line was relief.

There were all sorts of parties that he'd been invited to, but he declined them all as politely as he knew how. He went back to the hotel, showered, packed his bags and booked himself onto the next flight home to America.

He stopped by Ellia's room on his way out and thanked her for taking care of him and told her that he was going home until the Olympics instead of going back to Milan. It was only two weeks away and he needed all of the rest he could get.

She nodded and hugged him tentatively. "Would you prefer it if I didn't come to London?"

"No. You should come. If you don't want to stay with my family I'll understand, but you should still come."

"Okay, thanks."

Standing in her doorway, watching her hug her arms around herself and bite on her lower lip as she looked up at him, he couldn't help but feel that there was a lot between them that was being left unsaid. He didn't know what else to say. He'd told her how he felt, but his love wasn't enough. She needed more than he could give her.

He slept on the plane. Even though the seat was way too small to be comfortable, he easily slipped into a deep slumber. He didn't wake until the stewardess shook him roughly and told him that he needed to return his seat to the upright position. Even once he'd done that he slept again until the person beside him woke him to deboard the plane in Newark.

He called his dad and asked him to pick him up when he got into Denver. He didn't elaborate and his dad didn't ask any questions.

He was relieved when he finally stepped into his parents' house. Even though it was close to midday he showered and went straight back to bed. He didn't know how long he'd been asleep when his mom shook him awake.

"Micah, when did you eat last?"

"Huh? I don't know." Why was she bothering him about food? His body needed sleep more than it needed food.

"Come on, get up. You need to eat dinner and everybody wants to see you. You can go back to bed after you've eaten."

He groaned. God he hated it when she bossed him around like this.

She went to the windows and opened the curtains and he pulled the covers over his head to avoid the bright afternoon light.

He heard the door close and waited a few moments before facing the light. He knew there was no going back to sleep. She'd just keep coming back and hassling him until he got up.

The fatigue was so deep that his bones actually hurt. He moved slowly and clumsily, fumbling with the zipper on his suitcase to find something to put on. Some of his Italian clothes were packed on top and he tried not to think about Ellia as he put them away in a drawer of his old, empty dresser. He eventually found jeans and a t-shirt and stumbled out of his room and downstairs where everyone was sitting around the table eating.

"Hey! He's alive!" Oliver cheered and everyone hooted and clapped for him. They all got up and hugged him and patted him on the back, but he couldn't get in the festive mood.

His mom placed a heavily laden plate in his hands and guided him to his old seat at the end beside his dad. Lucas' family were there too and his dad Tyler leaned over and nudged him. "Where's this hot chick I keep on hearing about?"

Micah just shook his head as he stuffed food in his mouth.

"You didn't want to bring her home to meet us?"

"It didn't work out," he mumbled without looking up.

The entire family seemed to freeze around him as if this was the most important thing they'd heard all year. That was the annoying thing about his family. Everyone was in your business all the time. It wasn't possible to do anything without everyone knowing about it and having an opinion about it.

He tried to ignore them and continued shoveling food into his mouth. His mom had said that he could go back to bed once he'd eaten and that was exactly what he intended to do.





Chapter 14

Micah slept for two days. Each time he'd wake up he'd go to the bathroom then go down to the kitchen and eat, then brush his teeth and go back to bed. During this time he saw his dad once and Oliver once, but he didn't really talk to them.

On what his watch told him was the third day of his sleeping marathon, he woke at six in the morning and for the first time in what seemed like an eternity he had some energy. He got up and rode his bike down to the pool to see if he could get a few laps in.

Matthew, Lucas and Oliver were already down there working out. He chatted to their coach Tracy and watched them push out a sprint set from the deck. During their rest Lucas looked up and spotted him.

"Hey! He has arisen! I was starting to think that you were going to sleep for forty days and forty nights!"

"That was the Noah's arc story idiot," Matthew teased him. "It rained for forty days. Jesus was only dead for like, five days or something."

"No, didn't he wake up after three weeks? So he was really dead for twenty-one days?" Oliver asked.

Tracy shook her head at their combined stupidity. "He was resurrected on the third day."

Lucas smiled. "So he really is like Jesus! C'mon, show us how you walk on water."

Micah laughed and shook his head.

"Oh my god! Is that a smile? Maybe that really is Micah. We should call Interpol and let them know we found him and that they can call off the international search."

Tracy very graciously let him swim in their lane and do part of the workout with them. He swam last and didn't push himself too hard. They were just starting to transition into their taper period so it wasn't a huge volume of work anyway.

After the pool workout they went over to the gym and lifted for a while, which Micah mostly just spotted for, and then they went back to Matthew and Lucas' apartment for breakfast. Their place was an absolute pigsty. It was so bad that he refused to eat anything from their kitchen incase it was tainted with gluten. They agreed that it was risky and so before long they were all back at his parents' house, raiding the fridge like old times.

It was so good to be around his brothers again. They had a dynamic that he fit into so easily. They teased and prodded each other continuously and Lucas acted the clown the entire time.

They had just gotten their room assignments for the Olympic Village and it turned out that Micah would be rooming with Oliver, which he was pleased about. He'd lived with his younger brother for a year when he'd lived in California and it was fine. Much better than the time he'd tried living with Matthew, who was a slob. He'd never even consider trying to live with Lucas because he was an order of magnitude worse than Matthew. Those two deserved each other.

After eating, Micah went back out on his bike to loosen up his legs and think for a bit. He wanted to call Ellia, just to hear her voice, but he felt like he'd left the ball in her court. He'd told her that he loved her and she hadn't responded with the words you hope to hear when you put yourself on the line like that. If she didn't love him there was no point in trying to patch things up.

But no matter how much he kept on telling himself that, he couldn't escape from the over powering urge to communicate with her. He searched for an excuse and finally came up with one. It would make it easier for him if she brought his track bike from his place in Italy to London rather than having to travel all the way back for it himself.

He was ridiculously nervous as he waited for her to pick up her phone, but she didn't. He was diverted to her voice mail.

"Um... Hi Elle, it's Micah... Ah... Well I was wondering if you'd do me a favor and bring my track bike with you to London so I don't have to go all the way back to Italy to get it. Um... well, call me back, or I guess email is fine too, or... whatever. Whatever works for you... just let me know, okay? Bye."

He hung up and immediately felt like an idiot. He kept his phone on him all day but she didn't call back. He got an email from her the next morning that simply said, "Yes, I can bring your bike to London for you. E."

He took that to mean she had nothing further to say to him. He'd given her the opportunity to say anything that she wanted to and all she'd said was that she'd bring his bike. No 'I miss you,' or anything like that.

He tried to forget about her and just enjoy the time he had at home hanging out and doing the short intense workouts that would prepare his body for the shorter races of the Olympics. Tracy let him train with his brothers in the mornings and in the evenings he went out on his bike for an hour or two. Nothing major. He was starting to feel his body rebound. His muscles were full of energy just waiting to be burned. But he couldn't forget about Ellia. She was always on his mind.

"Hey Micah?" His dad asked one night when he was cooking on the barbeque and Micah was on the back patio stretching after his ride.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask what went wrong with Ellia?"

He shrugged. "She doesn't want to move to America."

"And that's the only solution?"

"I guess I should have said that she only wants to live in Australia, that would be more accurate, and, obviously, I can't move to Australia."

"No?"

He looked up, surprised. "No. It's too far away."

"From?"

"From the racing circuit. And from here. I don't want to live in a foreign country thousands of miles away from my family."

His dad nodded. "But you could."

"Huh?"

"You said you can't move to Australia, but really it's not that you can't it's that you don't want to."

"Well... no, I can't. It would ruin my career."

"Which one?"

"My cycling career, what else?"

His dad sighed as he flipped the steaks. "I know you hate it when I bring this up, but I really think you should consider applying for grad. school now, while you are still young."

Micah felt his whole body tense. "God, how many times do we have to go over this? I'm not Matthew dad. No matter how much you wish I was, I'm not now and I never will be."

His brow furrowed. "I know that. I don't want you to be Matthew, but just because he's done something doesn't mean that path is closed to you. Just because Matthew is good at science doesn't mean that you can't be, or shouldn't be too."

Micah sighed. He was so sick of this fight. "Just because cycling isn't swimming doesn't mean I shouldn't be allowed to pursue it." He got up and started to walk away.

"Where are you going?" His dad called after him.

"To the golden boy's house."

He could see the hurt in his dad's eyes when he said that and he was sorry. His parents had never favored Matthew over anyone else. It was just impossible to not feel inferior to his perfect big brother.

When he got over to Matthew and Lucas' house Matthew was on the phone in his bedroom and Lucas was playing video games. He flopped down on the couch and watched him play Call of Duty.

"Who's he talking to?" Micah asked when Matthew failed to emerge after half an hour.

Lucas looked up at him with a sly smile. "Katie."

"Katie? Like, Katie Powell?" Matthew's high school and college sweetheart, who he'd been vehemently opposed to breaking up with, had been off the radar for years, and now they were talking on the phone for hours?

"The one and only."

"I thought she was in New York?"

"Yeah, she is but she's moving back here in September."

"That's... random. I thought she was a high powered magazine editor or something. Why would she want to move back to Denver?"

Lucas shrugged. "She showed up here one day in April wanting to talk to Matthew and looking like some sort of malnourished catwalk model, and next thing you know she's moving back here. Apparently she has a job lined up at the Denver Post."

"Are they back together?"

"Not officially, but if I were you I'd get your tux out and your shoes shined. You know what Matthew's like when it comes to Katie."

Micah was both happy and jealous at the same time. He had always thought Katie and Matthew were good together, but the news came with rotten timing. Right when things went down the toilet for him with Ellia everything seemed to come together for Matthew.

He shook his head. "Why does Matthew always get it so easy?"

Lucas glanced over at him and was shot in the video game. "I don't think that's altogether true. He's gone through a couple of tough years where Katie's concerned."

"I know. You're right. Sometimes I feel like I'm hexed and things just fall into place for him, that's all."

"Mm... you're not though." He was concentrating on the game again. "You just can't see the whole picture. You're too close to the project." He was killed on the TV screen again by the same guy. "Damn it! That guy's totally cheating," he said as he tossed the controller onto the coffee table. "Want to play Rock Band?"

"I suck at that game."

"I know. Maybe you'll make enough of a racket to get Matthew off the phone."

"Nah. I'm hungry. I'm going to go home and eat."

When he got home he wheeled his bike down the side path to put it around the back of the house, but he froze when he heard his name spoken from the dining room. He crept forward quietly towards the window and strained his ears to hear. His mom and dad were talking about him.

"I didn't even mean to bring that up. In fact, I told myself I wasn't going to bring up grad school with him again until after the Olympics," his dad said dejectedly. "I don't understand why it always has to be so difficult with Micah. I want to be close with him, but no matter what I say he interprets it as if I'm comparing him to Matthew, which I'm not. I just think he's cheating himself by only considering career paths Matthew has not taken."

"Mm..." his mom murmured. "Maybe you two are just too similar to get along."

"It shouldn't matter. He's my son. I should be able to find a way to talk to him."

"I know you want things to be better with Micah, but look on the bright side, when he gets angry with you who does he turn to? His brothers. So even if he feels like he's being compared to Matthew he obviously hasn't let it effect their relationship, and I think that's really important. We're not always going to be around for him to rely on, but hopefully they will be. I think being close to your siblings is one of the greatest blessings you can have in life, and I think they have that."

His dad sighed. "You're right. That's what I always hoped for them, I just never envisaged that I'd be on the outside."

There was silence for a while and Micah peeked in the window to see his dad sitting at the dinner table with his head bowed. His mom was standing behind him, leaning over with her arms wrapped around his shoulders, kissing his neck.