8. Other People's Hearts Ch. 10

Sylvia held her breath as she waited for her pee to soak the litmus strip.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

She breathed deeply as she walked out of the bathroom, trying to calm herself down. It was no big deal. She just needed a prescription. She could deal with this.

Despite her best efforts to hold it together, as soon as she sat down on the couch she started shaking and sobbing. The very last thing in the world she needed right now was to be carrying Paul's bastard child.

It had been a while since she started to suspect that she had made a colossal error in judgment by leaving Oliver. Part of it was the emptiness she felt without him, the other part was how wrong she'd been about Paul.

She could see now that what she had felt for Paul wasn't love, it was infatuation. The authority he held had blinded her. She respected him as a doctor and she had been excited by the way a sea of people seemed to part for him at the hospital. She knew now that people didn't get out of his way out of respect, they did it out of fear.

He was a bad-tempered old asshole. The self-confidence that had attracted her to him turned out to be arrogance. He had an unwillingness to compromise in any situation, ever.

She realized now that the reassurance Oliver so often asked of her wasn't a sign of weakness so much as it was him giving her an opportunity to influence his decisions. God she missed him.

She used the back of her pajama sleeve to wipe her eyes. She was going to have to call Paul. She couldn't write a prescription for herself and she sure as hell wasn't going to ask any of her friends for it. She could go to a health clinic but why should she have to do that? Paul was just going to have to deal with it.

This was his fault anyway.

She couldn't believe she had let it happen. She was on the pill, but had been on a course of antibiotics for a sinus infection. She had told Paul that he needed to use a condom but in typical Paul style he'd refused.

"You just started your cycle, it'll be fine," he'd said.

"Please just put it on," she'd asked, exasperated.

"God Sylvia, did you get your degree out of a crackerjack box? You're 33 years old and you only just started your cycle. Your chances of conception are slim to none."

She didn't have the energy to fight with him about it.

She didn't have energy for anything much recently.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and called Paul.

"Sylvia." He answered.

"Paul. I need a prescription for mifepristone."

He was silent for a moment. "I'll leave it in your inbox this morning."

"Thank you."

"I assume you know how to use it?"

She thought she could feel her blood boil. She gritted her teeth. "Yes."

He hung up on her.

Sylvia took a shower. She needed to get ready for work. The hot water flowed over her and helped to calm her twisting stomach. She thought about what she was going to say to Oliver.

It wasn't even a question in her mind as to whether or not she should try to go back to him. She loved him. She knew that now. Love wasn't always exciting, but it was reliable and real and lasting. Love was where she wanted to be.

She didn't think Oliver would be 100% opposed to getting back together. He still referred his patients to her, so he must not think too lowly of her. He had already referred two patients to her this year and it was only February. It would definitely take some groveling on her part, and lots of promises, that she had every intention of keeping. She would leave her job. She would do anything he asked of her.

She had to do it in person. He had to look into her eyes and realize that she meant it when she said she was sorry. She meant it when she told him he was the love of her life.

The prescription was in her inbox, just as Paul had instructed. She got it filled and took the course. She didn't even think twice about it. She wanted children, but not Paul's children. She wanted Oliver's children. She had a bit of a rough time for a day as she miscarried, but it was nothing she couldn't deal with.

She was still trying to figure out how to approach Oliver when she got news that made her feel like perhaps the universe was looking out for her. She heard it from a friend whose wife was a nurse in the cardiac ward at Saint Andrew's, where Oliver worked.

Oliver had been temporarily suspended.

It took her a while to process the information because it was so far outside of her expectations that she couldn't believe it was true. Oliver was the most diligent and talented surgeon she knew. They'd been through medical school together and he was always the top of their classes. He'd been awarded one of the country's most prestigious fellowships and completed it almost a full year ahead of schedule because all of his mentors believed in him so thoroughly. She couldn't understand why he had been suspended.

She pressed her friend for details. It was a pediatric patient that he'd worked on pro bono. The kid had died and his parents had ordered an inquiry.

Oliver had let his generosity get the better of him. He often worked pro bono. It was part of his moral code. He thought he needed to help people less fortunate than himself. He must have taken on a kid with a congenital defect who nobody else would do for free. Pediatrics wasn't his specialty but it wasn't like he was inexperienced at it.

She knew now was the time to make her move. Oliver would be devastated and it would take a few days for the inquiry to run its course. He would most likely be a wreck waiting for the results to come in. She could offer support and a shoulder to cry on. As much as she hated to take advantage of him when he was in such a shitty situation, she could see that a better opportunity would probably never arise.

She didn't know where he lived and he wouldn't be going to work so she wasn't sure how to find him. She was going to have to ask one of his family. She thought through all of the possibilities. Definitely not Matthew and she didn't know where Micah lived anyway. Zach would probably spit in her face. Grace was a no-no too. Nicholas would probably just stare at her until she backed away. Tyler was a real candidate, but Lucas was her best shot. Lucas couldn't be mean to anyone, ever. He just didn't have it in him.

She decided to go out to Lucas' house early the next morning to ask for Oliver's new address and couldn't believe her luck when she got there. There, parked in the dirt beside Lucas' old blue Volvo was Oliver's Subaru. The universe was looking out for her. There was also an old red pickup that she didn't recognize, which she assumed must also belong to Lucas.

She pushed through the rickety old gate and went up the squeaky stairs to the front porch. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. She went over what she was going to say as she waited for someone to answer, but nobody did. It was 7 am on a Thursday morning. They were probably out exercising. Oliver didn't swim much anymore but he was usually up and out the door before dawn running or biking or working out at the gym. She sat on the front stairs and waited for him.

It wasn't long before she heard voices. She stood and craned her neck to see. It was Oliver, but he wasn't with Lucas as she had assumed he'd be, he was with a woman; a tall, shapely, beautiful woman. Her thick brown hair swished in her pony tail as she walked. She said something that made Oliver laugh and he commented back causing her to throw her head back and exclaim "As if!" while she laughed. They looked at each other as they laughed and smiled.

It made Sylvia feel sick. She hadn't even considered the possibility that he might have a new girlfriend.

She didn't notice that he was walking a dog until the mangy little mutt spotted her and started barking.

She took an unsteady step backwards.

Oliver looked up and saw her for the first time and she wasn't sure what emotions she saw register in his eyes. Surprise, for sure, she'd definitely caught him by surprise, but apart from that it was hard to tell. She hoped he was happy to see her.

The dog kept on barking until he finally gave its leash a quick tug and it shut up.

He pushed the gate open and came into the yard, the dog just a step behind him. It wasn't barking anymore but it still had its beady little eyes fixed on her.

Sylvia took another step backwards and ended up with her butt pressed against the front door.

The woman Oliver had been laughing with hesitated at the gate.

"Sylvia," he said. "What are you doing here?"

She didn't know what to say. All of the words she had planned were based around the idea that he'd be alone and feeling very sad and vulnerable. He looked anything but sad. If she didn't know better she would have thought he'd just gotten a promotion rather than a suspension.

"I came to see you. I heard about your suspension and wanted to make sure you are okay."

He stared at her hard. "Yes, I'm okay. Thank you."

She knew it was her turn to speak but she was having difficulty putting words together. "Um... I was hoping I'd be able to talk to you?"

"Sure. Go ahead."

She swallowed hard. "Alone?"

Oliver stared at her for a moment longer before he turned back to the woman at the gate. "Lindsay, sorry."

Lindsay shook her pretty head and smiled up at him in a restrained way.

"Do you mind taking Rush with you?"

She held her hand out for the leash and the dog happily went to her. "See you later," she said. She went to the red truck, loaded the dog into the back, got into the drivers seat and drove away.

Sylvia let out a deep breath. "Was that your dog?"

"Yes. Do you want to come inside?"

Sylvia nodded and moved out of the way so he could open the front door.

He brushed past her and she felt a longing for him that went deep to her core. She missed Oliver and she missed his body; his young, hard, muscular body. She missed the way he used to make love to her, not necessarily gently, but always with tenderness and respect. She missed his soft words whispered into her neck when she'd crawl into bed with him late after a delivery. She missed waking with his erection pressed into her flesh. She missed his erections, period.

She couldn't imagine how she could have felt bored when she had unlimited access to him, because now the very sight of him was making her feel excited.

She took another deep breath before she entered the house behind him. She had a little glimmer of hope. Sylvia had a deep, unsettling fear of dogs; if Oliver had wanted her to feel uncomfortable he would have brought the dog inside with him, but he didn't. He sent the dog away with the mystery woman. Oliver must still have a little slice of love left for her. Perhaps she could access it and build on it and they could have a second chance.