A Bend in the Road

This story is the expression of a fantasy that I've had for a long time. It is partly autobiographical, in that I took some incidents and events from my own life and used them. But I've never had an actual homosexual experience or been involved in a gay relationship. Therefore, the story is pure fantasy—my idealized version of what it might be like to have a gay lover. For those of you who are gay, the story might not ring true. For that, I apologize. Please know that I dealt with my fantasy and the subject matter as honestly as I could. I'm sure that this story probably resembles in some ways my other submissions to this site. That is fine with me. I like the way I write. In my writing, I experience the romance that I lack in my real life. In any case, I hope that you enjoy the story.

I would say that I'm a reasonably good-looking, forty-three year-old man. Brown eyes, salt and pepper hair, average weight, five feet eleven. I'm told that I have a good sense of humor. I can tell a joke. I've been fortunate to enjoy good health as well. I watch what I eat and I exercise. I own my own title abstracting business, and it involves standing around a lot in courthouses, so I make sure that I go to the gym from time to time.

My wife Margaret and I divorced about two years ago after being married for twenty-five years. We had raised two children, a son and a daughter, and when the youngest left home, we looked at each other and asked, "Who is this person?" There was nothing left of the marriage. We tried for a while to enjoy being together again, like when we first married, but there was nothing there. So we moved on. Margaret became involved with someone about eight months later. She was happy, although she had no plans to remarry. I, on the other hand, had dated a few women I wasn't really interested in, then nothing.

The loneliness gets a little tough, sometimes.

I said that I'd been healthy. That was true until earlier this year, when I came down with pneumonia. Mycoplasma pneumonia, in fact. My doctor said it was "community acquired," which means that I got it from somebody else. Hell, I could have told him that. Anyway, it put me in the hospital for five days while I got a course of antibiotics.

For the first two days, I felt terrible. All I wanted to do was sleep. I didn't want food or anything to drink. I just wanted to lie in bed. On the third day, I felt better. I decided to ask my nurse if I could take a shower.

I was a little surprised when a young man entered my room that morning. He was carrying a clipboard, had on colorful scrubs, and was wearing a stethoscope around his neck.

"Good morning. Is it Richardson? Mr. Cliff Richardson?" I affirmed that it was. He took my wrist and looked at my hospital identification band. "My name is Tad Sorenson, and I'll be your nurse today," he said.

It was the first time I'd seen him. The first two days, my nurses had been females. Tad was young, maybe twenty-five or six, and fair-skinned, with light brown hair. He was slender, with blue eyes and small, even white teeth.

"Good morning, Tad." I said. "Hey, would it be possible for me to take a shower today? I feel a bit scummy."

"I don't see why not, sir," he replied. "We'll just cover your IV site with some plastic wrap to keep it dry. But first, I need to do your assessment. Can you lean forward in the bed while I listen to your lungs?" He leaned over me, listening to my lungs with the stethoscope. I was suddenly more aware than ever of my funky odor.

"I'm sorry if I'm a bit ripe," I said.

Tad was leaning over me, concentrating on my lung sounds, his stethoscope on my chest. I noticed that he had a very nice watch, an Omega in fact, and that his hands were small and nicely formed. He nails were clean and trimmed, and his fingers were long and slender. He wore a heavy gold class ring on his right ring finger. Tad did not smell funky. He smelled good. "Excuse me," he said, taking the earpieces out. "I couldn't hear what you said."

"I said, I'm sorry if I smell bad," I said.

"Don't worry about it, Mr. Richardson. I've smelled much, much worse," Tad said, taking my wrist and looking at his Omega while he counted my pulse. He wrote something on his clipboard and told me he'd see me later, then left the room.

A little later, they brought me a breakfast tray with the usual, bacon and eggs. I almost never ate bacon and eggs, but for the first time in several days, I was hungry. I ate everything on my plate, and the coffee and orange juice too. About that time, the patient care tech, a middle-aged black lady, came in and said she was going to "clean me up" and change my bed. I told her I wanted to take a shower and she rolled her eyes a little. "I spoke to Tad about it already," I said. She put the bed linens down on the chair and left the room.

Five minutes later Tad came in the room and said, "Okay, let's fix that IV so that you can shower."

"I think I made the tech mad," I said as Tad disconnected the line and flushed the site.

"Who? Mary? Don't worry about her. She's used to her patients not being able to even talk to her. You are a bit of an oddity around here, sir. A patient who can ask questions and make requests." Tad said this while deftly applying plastic wrap around my IV site and taping it in place. "There," he said, "that should keep it dry. Do you need any help getting to the shower?"

"No," I said, getting up from the bed. But then I couldn't reach around and get the damn gown untied.

"Let me help," Tad said and I felt a gentle touch and a breeze of cool air as my gown was untied from the back. I stepped into the small bathroom and took off the gown. I handed it through the door to Tad. As I closed the door, I glanced at him. He was looking at me openly, even somewhat appraisingly. I was glad that I'd spent as much time at the gym as I had.

"Call if you need anything," he said through the door. I told him I would, and turned on the water. The hot water felt really good. I shampooed and then started on my body. As I scrubbed off the dirt, my hand wandered to my penis, now semi-erect. I usually masturbated at least three times a week, but I hadn't felt like it lately. Maybe tonight, I said to myself.

I put on clean underwear and Mary helped me into a clean hospital gown. For the first time in days, I felt human. I shaved and put on a little after shave lotion. I still coughed occasionally, but not nearly as much as when I came in.

Tad was in and out during the day. I was reading a book by Cormac McCarthy when he came in once. He remarked on it. "Oh, so you read McCarthy too. I've read a couple of his, but I don't think I understand everything that's in them."

"I've read Child of God, All the Pretty Horses, and Blood Meridian," I said. I enjoyed them, but I don't understand them either. I've never been able to get what the critics mean when they say Blood Meridian is about 'regeneration by violence.'"

"Still," Tad said, "there is something compelling about them. They're so simple on the surface, yet deep. You know?"

Tad's shift ended at seven that evening, and I was sorry to see him go. He checked on me one last time at about six-thirty. "So, are you working tomorrow?" I asked.

"Sure am," he said, giving me a smile.

"Will you be my nurse tomorrow as well?"

"Most likely," he said. "We keep the same patients for several days. It's called 'continuity of care' in healthcare talk."

"Good. I'll be looking forward to talking about McCarthy's books with you. How about No Country for Old Men?" I asked.

"I've seen the movie, but I haven't read the book. But it was a real downer as a movie." Tad said.

"It's the first movie I've ever seen by the Coen brothers that has absolutely no humor in it at all." I said.

That night, as I lay in bed, I thought back to a couple of experiences I'd had when I was younger. For instance, when I was about twelve or thirteen, I had a friend named Robin. We used to camp out in his backyard in an old abandoned station wagon. We'd watch TV and smoke cigarettes. Another thing we did was get completely naked, and stand in the street in the middle of the night. We could see the headlights of approaching cars well before the cars themselves came into view. Robin and I would wait until the last second, then run back into his yard as the lights shone on us. We never got caught, but a few times, the cars paused at the top of the hill. Our late-night shenanigans later progressed to sexual experimentation. A couple of times, I put Robin's cock into my mouth and he did the same to me. I'll admit, however, that he didn't seem to want to suck me as much as I did him. It was terribly exciting, but we never carried it past the experimentation stage. Another time, when I was in the Navy, I met a young man name Kerry. He was somewhat effeminate, with a soft North Carolina twang and slender hands. We became friends while I was in hospital corpsman school. When the time came to leave school and join the fleet, we rode home together on the same plane. I never saw him again, but I often thought of him afterward.

Both Robin and Kerry looked like Tad.

The thing is, I told myself, I love pussy. I mean really love it. I always loved getting close to my wife's pussy, kissing it, licking it, eating it up. I loved fucking her as well. Other than those experiences when I was young, I'd never been attracted to men. At all. And now, here I was thinking about the past, and thinking about Tad. I caught myself wondering what he looked like naked.

The next day, I felt a bit better. My doctor came in, examined me and told me that I'd be able to go home the next day. When Tad came in, I told him the news. "That's great," he said, smiling. "I have orders to discontinue your IV and put you on oral meds." Later that morning, he deftly pulled my IV out and gave me a handful of pills to take. I took another shower and shaved carefully. I put on some after-shave lotion I had in my case. Tad even remarked on it. "Well, you must feel better if you've put on lotion," he said, "it smells pretty good."

He was in and out during the day. We talked and got to know each other a little. I sensed an attraction. Was he leaning over a bit closer than he had to when he listened to my lungs? Did he hold my wrist a bit too long when he counted my pulse? Was that bright smile only for me? Or did all his patients get the same one?

I was let down when he left for the day. "Will you be back tomorrow?" I asked.

"You bet," he said. "It will be my third day of a three day stretch. Don't be surprised if I'm a little grouchy."

"I doubt that," I replied, "but I'll be on my best behavior."

He laughed, a good sound, "Okay, sir, I'll see you tomorrow."

The next morning, I was up early showering. I wanted to be ready for my doctor, and honestly, for Tad as well. I shaved carefully, put on lotion, brushed my teeth, and generally made myself presentable. As predicted, my doctor came in and promptly discharged me. I suddenly became alarmed. What if I had to leave before seeing Tad? And then I caught myself. What was I thinking? Tad was a man. I could remember acting like this for a woman a long, long, time ago, but never for a man. Did this mean I was turning gay?

No it didn't, I told myself. I just liked Tad and wanted to say goodbye to him. Anyway, I needn't have worried. When Tad came in he said, predictably, "Well, Mr. Richardson, your doctor has discharged you."

"Good," I said. "Do I leave right away?"

"Heavens no," Tad said, "I've go to do the paperwork first. It will be a little while."

"Okay," I said. "I'm at your disposal."

Later that morning, Tad came to my room, a sheaf of papers in his hand. There were forms to sign, and prescriptions, and something called "discharge teaching." We got through it all fairly quickly. I was dressed and ready to go. "Is that it?" I asked.

"Yep," he said. "But you have to wait while someone takes you down in a wheelchair."

"You're kidding," I said incredulously.

"Nope," he said, smiling. "Hospital rules. We can't take the chance that you'll fall and hurt yourself on the way out."

"Who's going to take me?" I asked.

"Probably one of the techs. Mary, I would think," Tad said, a little smile on his lips.

"Hrmph. She'll probably be glad to be rid of me."

"Anyway, Mr. Richardson, It's been a pleasure taking care of you. Take care of yourself." He stuck out his hand. I shook it.

At that moment, something happened inside me. Suddenly, I had to see Tad again. I said, "Tad, how would you like to go out sometime? Maybe have dinner or see a movie?"

He looked surprised. "Well, I don't know," he said. "I've never been out with a patient, I mean, former patient, before."

"Nothing elaborate," I added hastily. "I thought maybe we could just have an evening together. Do you by chance play golf? We could hit a bucket of balls." I realized I was talking fast and sounding like a fool, a desperate one at that. I reached into my pocket and took out my business card. "Here," I said. "Call me if you'd like to go out." Tad still had hold of my hand. He gave it a quick shake and took the card.

"Tell you what," he said, taking out his pen. Tad wrote something on the back of the card and handed it back to me. "Why don't you call me? Here's my number."

A surge of excitement coursed through my body. I know my hand was shaking slightly when I took the card back. Still, I managed to sound casual. "Okay. I will," I said.

"Well, I have to go. Take care, Mr. Richardson," Tad said, turning to the door.

"Cliff," I said, "call me Cliff."

He turned, smiled and said. "Okay, Cliff," and left the room.

I turned the card over and looked at it. Written on the back was "Tad Sorenson" and a phone number. There was also a little smiley face.

That night, back at my house, I was having mixed feelings. While I definitely wanted to see Tad again, I wondered what I would be getting myself into if I called the number. Where was this leading to? Did I actually propose to "date" him? I had always considered myself strictly heterosexual, notwithstanding my youthful experimentation. I loved pussy! But at the same time, I couldn't stop thinking about him. I put his card down beside my phone and decided to think about it a little.

That night, my sleep was full of dreams, and they all involved Tad, or Robin, or Kerry. I took it as a sign. All day long I planned what I was going to say. That evening, with shaking hands, I picked up the phone and dialed Tad's number. It rang eight times and I was just about to give up when somebody picked up and in a breathless voice, answered, "Hello!"

"Hello," I said, "I'm calling for Tad."

"This is he."

"Tad, this is Cliff Richardson."

"Oh yes!" Tad said. He sounded pleased, and my heart gave a little lift. "How are you, Cliff?"

"I'm much better, thank goodness. I felt pretty bad for a while. Listen, I was wondering if you'd like to..." I stammered.

"Go out? Sure, I'd love to."

I barely managed to get the next few words out, but I managed to say, "How about dinner? Maybe a movie?"

"That's fine," Tad said. "When?"

"Tomorrow night. I'll pick you up at six-thirty." I was feeling a little more confident now. This was just like making a date with a woman.

"Make it seven-thirty. I have to work and I don't get off until six forty-five."

"Seven-thirty it is, then," I said. "See you then." As I hung up, a palpable excitement filled my chest. I still didn't understand it, but I was happy to have it. I hadn't felt this way in a long time.

The work orders for title abstracts had piled up while I was gone, and I spent the next day at the courthouse doing research and fending off lawyers' offices while I tried to catch up. It didn't stop my anticipation from mounting, though, as the day wore on.

I had gotten direction to Tad's place and that night at seven-thirty, I was there to pick him up. He lived in an upscale apartment complex and I admired the nice cars parked in the lot as I pulled in. I hoped I was dressed okay. I had on my best shoes, light linen slacks and a button-down dress shirt, worn open. I had shaved carefully and put on my favorite cologne. I had even done my nails.

Tad answered the door and asked me in. I was impressed. I though he'd said that he was a contract nurse, and so would only be at this assignment for about three months. Still, the apartment was tastefully furnished and appointed with small touches that added class and comfort. He had made it into a home, if a temporary one.

Tad himself was dressed in a creamy yellow sport shirt, fashionable blue jeans and penny loafers. A preppy look, but I liked it. When he greeted me, he smiled as if he meant it. I stood nervously in the living room while he got ready. A couple of minutes later, he came out with a sweater over his arm and said, "I'm ready, let's go."

I had spent a lot of time thinking about where we should go. I wanted to impress him, without appearing to try too hard. On the other hand, there was still a little part of me that rebelled at this being a "date." Weren't we just two guys going out for dinner?

I took him to the nicest restaurant in town.

It was a steak place called Rufous, and it was on the edge of town, nearly hidden in a grove of trees. I had been there only once before, and it had cost me a pretty penny. Something told me that Tad was used to being taken out to nice places, and I didn't want to disappoint him.

Tad ordered the smallest, most expensive steak they had, "half a baked potato, sour cream only," and a salad. I ordered a T-bone with fried onions and steamed vegetables, and splurged on a very nice, garnet-red cabernet to drink with it. For dessert, we shared a dish of peach ice cream and a slice of pound cake. I could hardly believe it, nor did I protest, when Tad carefully scooped a little cake and ice cream onto his spoon and held it out for me to eat. "Together, Cliff, eat them together," he said as I closed my mouth over the treat. I looked into his smiling eyes as I swallowed. I was suddenly a little weak.

I had planned for us to go to a movie, and I told him so, but then I said, "Do you mind if we just drive around a little and talk?" Tad said that was fine with him.

We drove around in the country for a while, and then ended up at his apartment. "Would you like to come in?" he asked.

"Sure," I said. I hoped I didn't sound too eager.

He made coffee and put on a CD—I couldn't tell you what it was if my life depended on it—and sat down beside me on a very nice leather sofa. He was at one end and I was at the other. I wished we were closer. Then Tad looked at me and said, "Okay Cliff, be honest. Just what are you doing here tonight?"

I was surprised. I know that I blushed. For a moment, I didn't know what to say. I started to stammer, "Well, I just thought it would be nice to..."

Tad interrupted me. "Listen, Cliff. I know you know that I'm a gay man. I know that you are not a gay man. Is this just an experiment for you? If it is, I want you to know that I've been down this path before, and I got hurt. I like older guys, but I'm not going to put my heart or my body out there for some aging pseudo-gay Casanova who just wants to know how it feels to have a man go down on him."

I looked at him. "The truth is, I don't really know. When I was younger, I did a little experimenting with a friend, but it never developed into anything. It passed, and I've been exclusively with women for the rest of my life. Hell, I was married for a long time. I've always enjoyed sex with women. But there must have been something in the back of my mind, something dormant, something waiting, the whole time. And then I was in the hospital, and a little vulnerable, and I saw you, and I suddenly had to get to know you better. Tad, I'm attracted to you physically, I won't deny it. I love your hands. But I also think we have a connection that goes deeper than just that. I promise you my feelings for you are genuine. I will not hurt you and I'll treat you with the utmost respect. I am nothing if not a gentleman. Still, if you want this to end now, I'll understand."