A Big Shiny Blue Marble Ch. 23

"You are caressing my ear a little with your thumb." Shaevre hissed softly, "If it is what you mean to do, please do not stop, I only ask."

"I'm sorry," Selena whispered back as she began to lift her hand, "You feel so familiar and friendly to me, I --"

Shaevre's pawed hand flashed up and kept Selena from removing hers, "You do not have to stop," she hissed, "I enjoy this."

"You do?"

Shaevre smiled and shrugged, "It will sound foolish, but I like it. On Xer, we do this for friends. It is what we are and means little, but I like it. I am far from any of my friends back home, and I miss it. Please, do not stop."

"You mean that friends just-"

Shaevre nodded, "It is only small affection. On Xer, if you were in a place like a market where there was an eating area or in a park, you would see many friends talking and reaching to do as you do now and then. Sometimes both do this at once, and they do not stop talking as they do, males, females, everyone, as long as they know each other and are friendly. If you were walking and saw me with another and one of us was doing this, you would know that the other person is my friend."

Selena smiled and she began again. Shaevre sighed and it made Selena grin, "You wanted to meet me, and you have. I like you, so ..."

Shaevre saw the hopeful smile and she grinned a little as she reached and gently touched Selena's ear. It felt strange to her, but she didn't mind it.

"I didn't know that you liked me," Selena smiled, "other than the way that you always listened so carefully to me whenever I spoke in your presence. It's not a fair comparison, and it probably shows my ignorance, but you didn't even wag your tail."

"I am not allowed to show how I feel, "Shaevre hissed, "it is the duty. This is the first time that I have seen you when I am off. I am always alone and we are social things. We seek company. We lived as packs long ago, and this is still in us. I can be alone, but here, I am excluded, and ... I am always miserable. I spend most of my off time alone in my room."

Selena looked at Shaevre and smiled, "Well, now you have me, so you won't have to be lonely. I find that I enjoy being with you, now that I see this side of you. I liked you before, but this is wonderful. I can talk with you and everything. And it feels really good to be sharing a secret. I've been working alone for so long now that I'd forgotten how good it feels to share a secret with a friend."

Shaevre's eyes widened, "But what is asked, ... the payment, ... will you do it? If this happens, I will likely not be -- "

"This is for her, right?" Selena sighed, "If I do this, will you be there?"

Shaevre nodded, "Oh yes, I must be, I think."

She surprised Selena as she lifted her head and brought her lips to her ear, "This must be said even more quietly. If you need to have trust in me, I have another secret to share to show my trust. You must not tell anyone, not even say the words to yourself when you are alone in this house. Many places have listening devices. I do not know about this room. That is why I am careful even here."

Selena shivered slightly from the feel of Shaevre's soft fur against her ear. The few times that her lips touched the rim of her ear, she almost jumped and wondered why before she realized that it was the delicious bit of a thrill to her rogue's heart for the way that this had to be so carefully done. She loved a little danger, and there was the promise of that here. "Tell me then," she sighed.

"The Xer will leave here very soon," Shaevre breathed into Selena's ear, "This is not known to the Merren yet. It is known to only two of the Xer, and the others are not to be told until the day. Only I and Arrax know, and he must not be spoken to about it either.

I do not intend to go back to Xer. I will stay here. If this is found out -- what we speak of here, I will be killed, so you see, I must trust in you." She moved her head back and looked at Selena from close enough that the rogue felt her soft breath against her face. "Will you do it, Selena? If you wish for me as a friend, then you have that already. I will probably need you to tell me how I am to live here. Will you do it?"

"Let me think," Selena smiled a little slyly, "I have to see if this will even fit into my busy schedule. A bit of a double-cross to start with, a little adventure and the obvious risk of pain and death if there is failure. From what you say, I might find my ass lost in the wilderness at a couple of points in the plan. A few huge unknowns in this which might end with me being hunted relentlessly...

Hmm, and I get to be close to a friend my age that I seem to have just made? The one that I've kept peeking around corners in the hope to see and never knew why? The shy surprise who I now find likes me and would be pretty handy in a tight spot because she can be a tough snarly bitch in a scrape from what I've heard?" She looked at Shaevre, who stared back.

"Well, ... yes," Shaevre nodded, "Will you do it?"

Selena almost had to bite her own hand to keep from laughing. "You like a little adventure, don't you?"

Shaevre shrugged and nodded, "Yes, from what I have heard of your tales, you have not had to face a thousand adversaries with automatic weapons at the same time. This sounds good to me, it would be a pleasant change; not boring and not the kind of thing where think I must pee within the first five minutes either."

"There's one thing I need to know, "Selena hissed quietly, "A couple, actually, but they hinge on the one. The big unknown is afterward. This might work out, but afterward, I suppose that I could just wander off with my pay and head on home to my lonely little farm. What will you do then, Shaevre? I've got it bad enough as it is. I don't really have any friends, not that I can trust, anyway. I live alone since I can't find a man for me worth knowing, never mind wanting to love. It's worse now that I know what I am.

What about you? I'm pretty sure that you want a male Xer, but from what you say, there won't be any left. Even if there were, Ny'Zeille said that they're snobs to you or something. You could live with me on my farm to start with while we figure out how you can get by. It's a thought that I've just had, and it's something for you to think about, anyway. I think I'd be happy to have a friend again."

"There may be one or two," Shaevre whispered, "I do not know if I would be wanted by either of them, and other than my nature, I do not know if I would want the younger one, to say the truth. I only know that I do not want to go back to Xer. It is an option, but it would be an end that I already know and can foresee plainly myself. I would be dead inside of two years, no matter how it would come to me. Here I suddenly feel hopeful in a way.

If I am alone here, I could bear it if I knew no one and saw no one. It is only a matter of living. But to be alone on a world of others where I am the only one like me is a very sad feeling. But now I feel very hopeful. It is only a feeling that makes me happy. I want it to continue, and I think that it comes from being near you. I would be happy to help you on your farm. I am happy that I asked to meet you."

"I think I know the feeling, " Selena said as she slid the arm that was under Shaevre a little for comfort since the weight was bothering her to a degree, so she reached around with her other hand and touched the muscled ribs of Shavre's side by accident. She couldn't much help herself it seemed -- the Xer wasn't anything like a dog, yet there was the same hopeful, friendly feeling to it. She hadn't really meant to do it, but ...

The motion caused the Xer to shiver a little. It took two tries to slide her arm, because her fingers hung up momentarily in the thin wire around Shaevre's neck.

"What is this thing?" she asked, "I always see it on you guys."

Shaevre blinked, "Identification in case we are killed. It can also be used to help find us if we become separated from a group. Only commanders have the way to remove them from bodies, well, assuming of course that our heads are still attached."

"How pleasant," Selena said before she went on with her thoughts, "Going back to Xer sounds like a pretty bleak prospect, I would think," Selena whispered, "It might be a little lucky for us both that I seem to find myself drawn to the friendliness of a Xer fighter that I am getting to know a little.

We might make a pretty good team in my line of work. I think that we could make a fairly good living at it if we team up and make a partnership out of it. When I'm short of gold and work, I always go back to bounty hunting. If we work together, you and I would have no trouble at all and we could take the really hard cases -- the ones where all you need to do is make sure that they've got the right mark. Those ones, you can just kill and go for the pay -- and those ones pay the most because of the risk. If nothing else works out, we'd always have it to fall back on. But we'd both be considered a little twisted you know, me especially, though it could work well in terms of our reputations in the trade. But I find right now that I don't really care about that. I like the idea. I think I want that partnership. Are you interested too? I mean for after this work?"

Shaevre blinked for a moment and thought about what Selena was saying. "I have found myself happy to be a silent, four-footed bodyguard this last while around you, because I never knew what I would say to you if I had to speak. It was a little unsatisfying, I must admit, but I am a little in awe of you. This is so much better, to be talking like this, because it makes me feel hope for after this job -- like spending years wondering what you could do for a living and then suddenly finding that you needn't have worried at all. I have no trouble killing. It was what I did for pay before. I can do it again."

"In awe?" Selena blinked," Of me? What the hell for?"

"That," Sheavre nodded with a smile, "What you show me now. I think that one of these rogue girls must be confident and be a little daring or they die -- or starve at the least. I am confident anywhere on the world where I came from. With a weapon in my hands, I can lead others under heavy fire in a battle anywhere and win. I have done it. But I can be fearless when there are others at my back and this is not the same thing."

She shrugged, "Here? I know nothing of the place and have no faith in myself, other than for my barest survival. I think that humans would feel fear to even see me. After the first hundred or their arrows I would be in trouble."

"Hundred?" Selena tried to keep her voice to a soft hiss, "You'd be 'in trouble' after a hundred? I'm in trouble if somebody draws their bow. Oh, "she thought after a second, "You mean in that other shape you have."

"No," Sheavre whispered, "in this one. In the other one, I wouldn't be in trouble at all."

"Oh, "Selena grinned, "I am going to like having you as a business partner. I think it would be a lot of fun working with you, Shaevre."

Shaevre nodded, "I think that we understand each other, Selena. Keep the golds, take the job, and let us spin the wheel together. If we live at the end of it, I will need a way to feed myself. We could be partners and if nothing else, we will live on your farm as thieves, lady thieves and bounty hunters who look as farmers and we will see what we can make of it. I have never been a farmer, but I am strong."

"Good," Selena sighed, "Now for Pete's sake, what was the other thing? We've pretty much admitted to each other that we can make a friendship between us, and it's pretty weird, my friend, and not because of you, other than this big secret of yours."

She chuckled, "Listen Sheavre, I can't stand being made to be curious about something and not finding out what it is. I've always been this way. If we're going to do this job and we're planning our careers afterward, can't you just tell me?"

Selena was surprised at a few things. Firstly, that Sheavre was really uncomfortable about whatever it was. She looked as though she was ready to crawl under the bed and hide. It was driving her nuts. She couldn't imagine the world where the Xer came from, but she knew that they were a lot more advanced than people here, and whatever had happened in Shaevre's past, she was a veteran of some kind of struggle that Selena likely wouldn't ever be able to comprehend, never mind live through, and she had a thought that Shaevre had more than lived through it -- she'd flourished there. She could understand where the shyness had come from in seeking friendship with someone when you were nothing like anyone else. That she was this uncomfortable about anything else just flat-out astounded Selena.

Shaevre took a deep breath and did her best, but it came out as a lot of mumbling. It took Selena some time to get the barest grasp of a few words. She grabbed Shaevre and shook her a little, bringing her face close enough to look right into her eyes. Without even meaning to, and wanting to offer Shaevre some reassurance, she kept looking into her eyes and kissed the top of her snout softly and very briefly. The eyes widened.

"It's not unusual here for females who are good friends to kiss each other very quickly. Some do it to say hello or goodbye, and most don't do it at all. I'm trying really hard to encourage you. Listen," she hissed, still keeping to a whisper. "I can see that this stuttering just embarrassed you under the floor, but the way that you're going, we'll be here for a week. Make it easy on yourself. Just take a deep breath, close your eyes and pretend I'm not even here if it makes it better, and then just say it."

Ninety seconds later, Selena's jaw hung down, "No, ..."

Shaevre was mortified, but she nodded, "Ny'Zeille has something on her mind now. I don't know what it is, but it distracts her and she hardly listens to one like me. I needed to tell her something as a desire to spend time alone with you. Nothing was working. She barely heard a thing that I said, but, ... Selena, I had to get her to introduce us. She is the most suspicious person alive. So it had to be something that I would need to seek discretion for, and if she could enjoy the thought of it, I hoped that it might work. There really isn't a second thing. I only told her that there was."

She looked away for a moment and closed her eyes, gathering the courage to say it. She exhaled, "So I told her that I ... like you. I mean more than this." Shaevre closed her eyes then, and waited to be told which hell that Selena wanted her to go to.

Selena began to chuckle softly and Shaevre's eyes snapped open.

"She's a piece of work, "Selena smiled, "I'll give her that."

"How do you mean?" Shaevre whispered, "You -- you're not angry with me for saying that to her?"

Selena shook her head, "A week ago, I'd have been angry with you and mortified to hear this. Today?" She snorted, "Not at all. But I can see that I'll have to explain that."

Shaevre nodded, "Please, I was desperate."

Selena nodded, "It's alright. Listen, I don't know how things are where you're from, but here, I guess it happens sometimes -- no, I know it happens sometimes that people of the same uh, sex are attracted to each other. Since you're so wound up about it, I'd say that it happens among Xer too, right?"

She saw Shaevre's nod, "Only I'm -- "

Selena held up her hand, "Let me explain. I think that after being here for a while now, I'm beginning to see through Ny'Zeille a little bit. When she was showing me the things that can be on a demon or a half-demon's body that might be a sign of it, she made a big deal about how someone with demon in them was likely drawn to beauty in anyone -- even their own sex, in a sexual way. She even did it in such a way that it got me a little hot for it. Don't worry, "she chuckled, "I've calmed down since then.

Now, I have the sense that you're not from high fancy people where you come from, and I'll tell you for nothing that I'm just like you -- but in my line of work, I've had to get a little close to people like that quite often. I've learned a few things, you know?

I think that it just happens sometimes, boys liking boys and girls liking girls like that. It doesn't bother me. I don't think that a person like me has much right to look down my nose at anyone, considering that I steal for my living, and I wouldn't anyway. But there's a difference that I think I can see here.

If two people love each other and they're the same thing and they mean it, well fine. I don't care. Good for them. But I've met some people who are like that because they're rich and bored, or, maybe they think that they see something fashionable in it, I don't know." She looked at Shaevre and grinned.

You know who I'm talking about here, right?"

Shaevre nodded and looked very relieved.

"So you told Ny'Zeille that you were interested in me that way so that she'd get a little tickle out of it and arrange that I meet you tonight. That's fine, Shaevre. I think that it's a good story to have used."

She rolled her eyes, "A week ago, I'd have likely run out of here, jumped on my horse and ridden off, blushing and who knows what else. Tonight, I'm trying not to laugh. But you know you can't just say something like that to her and not expect to be asked about how it went."

Shaevre nodded with a sigh, "I know. What do I do?"

Selena thought about it, "When is all of what you told me supposed to happen?"

"Two days from now," Shaevre said, "You must be ready then, as must I. We will need to talk some between us. I am off tomorrow as well. That is why I told her. When it happens, I must be on duty."

Selena shrugged, "Well I know that I don't want to be asked about it, so all I can think of is to do something so that she thinks that she has her answer without needing to ask either of us. That way, we can spend time together. How good are you at acting?"

-------------------------

It was a long past dark later when Selena pulled her clothes on to step outside into winter. It had been a few days since she'd worn them, and she smirked to herself. She'd just gotten used to trying to feel comfortable in the warm building and now it wasn't really a thought to her.

She wanted to think about things, and there just seemed to be no time for it in the house, other than when she finally got to bed, and she knew that she didn't want to have a lot to think about then. Even as it was, she knew it would keep her up for certain.

She walked through the gardens in the thin moonlight, thinking that they must be something to see when they were in season. The wind wasn't too cold on her, and Selena thought that it must be the warmth of the house and the knowledge that she'd be going back inside in a little while.

This had all been a little much for her. The things that she'd learned about herself and her sister.

Her sister. Those words still felt strange to her. She felt fortunate about it anyway as she wandered out through the outer gate, back into the familiar world once more.

Her next thoughts had to do with herself and what she'd learned from Ny'Zeille. That had been an even bigger shock, and Selena knew that she'd have to make a pretty large number of revisions in the way that she thought about things. She thought about Dahlgren then. This had all begun because of him. She asked herself what she wanted from that -- really wanted, and not only the words that she'd tossed at his mother. She came up with not all that much.

She felt like an ass, but there was no changing what had happened. All that there was, was what might be made of it. She had a rather vague hope that something could. She was determined that now that she had Nahl'een in her life, she wanted her to stay there for a time, at least. She just didn't know how it could be done.