A bit of History

After a few moments, our mouths disconnected and we focused more on just the presence of each other. The music from my CD had finished playing and the apartment was silent except for two people on the couch breathing contentedly. I wondered how I had such good luck to have such a quick sensual and intimate chemistry with almost a complete stranger. But, I didn't want to rush things. The last time I had a relationship, I rushed into it as though my heart were an untamed stallion. The last time a gal had tried to capture me, she did it too quickly and I spooked. Tracy was the kind of gal that I really enjoyed. And I didn't want to enjoy her for what she was so that I would overlook who she was.

I made the first movement and my arm snaked over the side of the couch where I fished my shirt off the floor. Her eyelids opened and I saw her beautiful irises once again.

"Did you want to spend the night?" The question was full of promise. She was giving me the signal that I had the permission to take her completely. She wasn't complaining that she didn't get enough, but I got the impression that she wasn't satisfied with what I had given her.

"No, I don't think that I will. The last time I spent the night at a girl's house, I regretted it for a year. I don't like to think that the first relationship I had was so terrible that I will never do things the same way again, but in the same light of the situations that happened after I slept with her, I honestly don't think my body could take the stress of it again."

She raised up on her forearms to look at me and she offered me a view of her breasts framed neatly between her arms. With curious concern in her voice, she asked, "What was so terrible about it?" I had dreaded questions like this, but I had asked myself the questions so often that I had a ready answer.

"Well, the first thing that made it terrible is that I had sex and she got pregnant. Later, I find out that she wanted to get pregnant so that she would have a *moral* hold on me as a way to pressure me into staying in a situation I wasn't comfortable with. I found this out because she was writing a journal and one day, she left it on my truck and I started to read. What I found was the evidence of a control freak. She had the day of a wedding planned out, the names of 100 guests and 100 more blank spaces. She had the dates planned out that we would have sex, the dates that the children would be born on, the *gender* of the children, their names, where we would spend our honeymoon. On and on and on. I realized with horror and fear that if I did not get out of that relationship, she would ruin my character and forever change me into something I did not want to be.

"When I told her that I could not go on in life with her, she broke completely. She promised never to beg for sex again, but I wouldn't bend my back for her anymore. She started to cuss and swear at me and called me some horrible names. She told me that I didn't love her when just the opposite was true. I loved her so much that I would've died for her that day even if it meant I'd be dying as a single guy and not attached. But, I had to go. I could not be the person that I wanted to be and still be around her. Several weeks later, my worst fear of a control freak came true: she came after me with a gun.

"While my youngest sister fled for her life, I talked with my ex and I could tell she was really starting to lose it mentally. Mental retardation had a history in her family and she wasn't a top-of-the-line gal, but I fell in love with her character. The character that she wanted me to see and for two months, it was all I saw. It was the third and final month that I found out who she really was and I knew I would never be the same if I didn't rid myself of her. She was like a disease and I was slowly becoming like her.

"For a while, I simply tried to talk with her. She kept hiding this bag and keeping her own body between me and the bag. At one point, she pulls the gun from the bag and holds it to her head. That's when my sister fled out the other door and called 9-1-1 on her cell phone. I am glad she did because she said she had nightmares afterward from just that short time that she was there. After it was just me and my ex in the house, she pointed the gun at me. I had to watch that she didn't pull the trigger. I kept talking to her and telling her that this wasn't the way to do things. She kept telling me that she didn't care anymore because I had hurt her more than anyone ever had in her whole life. She might as well have shot me, as much as that statement hurt me.

"I kept getting closer and closer to her and finally had my hands on the gun. She still had a hold on it to the point where her finger was on the trigger, but I had it pointed over my shoulder. In one millisecond when her eyes were not on mine or our hands, I made my move. Faster than she anticipated, I took the gun and shoved it up. She was taller than me, but I had a plan that was forming as I moved. I got her next to a chair and then using a method that I learned several years ago in an unarmed self defense class; I flipped her over the chair. In the process of her falling, she had to let go of the gun. Only when I took a quick look at it, did I realize that it wasn't the .9mm that I thought it was. It was actually a pellet gun. I pointed it at the floor and pulled the trigger. The only sound that was heard was the sound of the spring-action trigger hitting the pellet. As soon as she realized that she no longer had the upper hand, she took a scissors off the bar table and threatened to slice her wrist right then and there. I slowly made her back out the door and then I locked it.

"Slowly, with shaking hands, I lay the gun on the table and then called 9-1-1. It was then that I learned that three Sheriffs were already on their way out. My sister was safe with my cousin's husband and he had a gun in case things got out of hand. Those three that showed up brought a sense of relief that I experienced about an hour after they had left. I wrote out a report and so did my youngest sister. I credit her for potentially saving my life. In essence, I owe her mine. I have been trained in the use of a handgun and a revolver. Should the need arise, I have no qualms about maiming any person who would be threatening the life or harm of my sister."

I hadn't planned on saying that much, but once I started, it was like dam that had reached the top of the wall and crashed over it. Tracy had become like a statue. To be sure, not too many people can hear a first-person account of a person held at gunpoint and not have a silent reaction of some sort. Her expression of curiosity had changed to mirror my own horror and fear of having to face down a gun.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have told you all of that." She came out of her frozen expression and looked at me with a sort of awe. Then, she bent down and kissed me lightly on my lips.

"Do you really have to go?" This time, the question held something like a sad question in which she had to let go of a hero of sorts.

"Yes, I do," I replied. "Because of a promise I've made to myself about not getting into a situation that has the opportunity to change me for the worse."

Before she could protest about not being the one to change me, I put my hand on her mouth and shushed her. Then, I gently but firmly pushed her back so that I could sit up. I reached down again to get my shirt. In the telling of the story, it had slipped from my grasp. I stripped it over my head and then got up and retrieved my computer from the other room. When I returned, she was putting her shirt on, but I could see the small circles where her nipples pushed against the fabric. "So beautiful," I murmured as I reached out and touched them. Then, I drew her into my arms and gave her another hug. This time, she emanated warmth and a sort of "I'll protect you for now" vibe came from her. When intimate kisses and words cannot woo me, a hug will.

I turned to go, and as I stood by the door, she had followed me. "What about Ben?" I asked. Her eyes met mine and she asked simply, "What about Ben?"

"Well, I am just curious if I am invited to come around here anymore. I mean, I think that there is a promise of a great friendship and maybe even relationship. But I don't want to be in a place where I am not welcome. I am not the kind to interrupt a relationship that I see, however rocky it may be.

She had a thoughtful expression on her face as she replied, "Ben was my lover. He was my friend. But, he is not my companion." I looked into her eyes as I ventured, "Are you looking for one?" Her eyes met mine and then broke away. "I don't know. Tonight was great, but I understand that you cannot just move on with life because you're just not ready. As far as I am concerned, the relationship I had with Ben is over. I would like to be that gal of yours, but you don't seem to be ready. So, I don't know."

"Ok, let's just take things slow," I replied. "Send me an email at my address. I turned to leave and this time she didn't say anything. I walked to my car and turned. She was still standing in the doorway and she waved at me. I waved back and then got in my car. I started the engine, put the car in gear, and slowly drove away. All the while, I was wondering what the next couple months might bring.

The End

Author's Note: The story of the ex is very real. Once I drowned and had an After Death Experience (ADE). Once I faced a person who was ready to kill me on the spot. I walked away from both with a greater sense of life than ever before. A passion for life, love, and writing has come from these two life changing events. I hope you feel my passion in the reading of my stories.

~Norm~