A Boilerplate Rendering Ch. 01

"You're going."I don't need your fucking pity, you bitch.

"What will you do while I am gone?"

Ha. Am I going to hurt myself, you mean? Or look for a way out? Give up and end it all?

Don't flatter yourself.

"Oh," I looked around the room. "If the girls aren't busy, maybe we'll go out to eat and rent a movie. Otherwise, I've gotten pretty good about finding ways to keep myself busy while you're out having your fun."

She nodded sadly, then gave me a look like she was scared she might never see me again. "I..."

"It's okay," I said. "Just go. And if you're going to be out past midnight, make sure you send me a text so I don't worry."

She nodded, coming over and bending down to kiss me. I turned and gave her my cheek, which she dutifully kissed. Then she stood up, straightened out her outfit, and gave tired, joyless smile. "I almost feel like a teenager going out on a date my father doesn't approve of."

Fuck you."Just don't forget to send that text."And tell old Carl that he should be very, very afraid for his future.

She made a show of rolling her eyes in an exaggerated fashion, trying to inject some levity. Even she seemed to realize that it didn't work, but she pushed on anyways. "I'll remember, Dad," she turned away. I didn't laugh. I don't think she noticed.

After she'd gone, I put my head in my hands and just focused on breathing for a very, very long time. I felt a grim sort of elation...the same way you might feel first waking up after a surgery that was both life-threatening and permanently scarring. It hadn't been easy, but it was done. I was sure that the journey ahead would contain other moments that were as hard or harder, but for right now I allowed myself the small victory of knowing that at least one of them was forever behind me.

Then, when I was ready, I stood up and washed my face in the kitchen sink. And I went off to see if my daughters were interested in getting some pizza.

Thank the good gods above, they were.