A Broken Wing

As always, all characters are over 18 and I welcome all feedback. Enjoy!

*****

"You need to go see him before it's too late," my best friend Lilly says as I throw yet another wadded up piece of notebook paper across the library and into the trash can.

"Why? I'm never going to get it so why bother him? I might as well drop his class and wait until some other time." Sighing I lay my head in my hands and stare down at my open Chemistry book. I had recently gone back to school to pursue my bachelor's degree, but at the rate I was going, I wouldn't be finishing anytime soon. It was only a month into the course and I had already failed one test and was not getting the units we were on now. Why did I need to know how to calculate moles anyway?

"But he can help you. I've heard that he's really tough but he takes the time to help students if they put in the time and effort." I lay my head in one hand and reach for my cup of coffee with the other as I gaze across the table at Lilly. Her short blonde hair is sticking up everywhere in some weird style she had created and her green eyes are heavily lined with black eye liner and mascara with purple eye shadow. We had hit it off over summer term as I'd tried to catch up on missing classes to help me graduate sooner and we'd been inseparable ever since, even though, at 20, she was 8 years younger than me.

I envied her quirky nature and care-free attitude and wished that I still had her optimism and charm. I'd been like her when I was her age but had fallen for the wrong man and had paid for it dearly until he had died in a car wreck last year. I had been both relieved and sad when the cops had shown up at my door to inform me that Tate had taken a curve too fast in his truck, and in his drunken state, he'd gone straight and had crashed head-on into a big oak tree, killing him instantly. I'd been dry-eyed but the cops didn't say a word as they gazed at my battered face. Tate had been in his usual mood that morning and had taken his anger out on me, as was his usual habit.

He had swept me off of my feet in a whirlwind romance and three months later we'd been married in Vegas. The wedding picture was still imprinted on my mind. We'd been so happy then. I was staring up at him with love shining in my big blue eyes, my jet black hair falling softly around my shoulders in gentle waves as my heart-shaped face tilted up to his for the kiss that I knew was coming.

The honeymoon lasted six weeks when he'd hit me for the first time, breaking my nose and my heart, but I'd stayed with him for five years. Why? Because it's harder to leave a paranoid abuser than it seems. He thought that I was cheating on him and that every man was out to get me, so, he'd bought a house in the middle of nowhere while he worked various construction jobs, never seeming to be able to hold a job for very long. I had to keep the house spotless and cook whatever he felt like eating and somewhere along the way, I lost myself. I stopped caring about what I could be and focused only on what I could do to keep him from getting angry. I'd had more broken bones than I cared to admit and was no stranger to the ER. A man that's easily a foot taller and at least a 100 pounds heavier than his wife could do a lot of damage with little effort.

The day Tate was laid to rest, I'd burned all of his clothes, hawked my wedding rings, and had put the house up for sale; taking on odd jobs around town to support myself and moving into a small studio apartment. The money from the house had been welcome but the insurance check had come as a complete surprise to me as I'd had no idea that he'd taken one out. I'd used it to pay for school after my sister had talked me into going back to finish my degree and now here I was.

I had been unprepared for how difficult school would be and, thanks to Tate's insurance money, I'd been able to quit my jobs to focus on my classes. Not even half a semester in and I was getting my butt kicked with Chemistry and was reluctant to ask for help.

Tossing my coffee cup into the trash, I turn my attention back to Lilly as I start to gather up my books and papers.

"I'll think about it, okay? Dr. Gordon has other students and I'd feel bad taking up his time."

"Dammit, Melinda! Stop being so damn stubborn and GO TO HIM! Would you rather flunk out and have to retake it or get the help now in the hopes of passing? Think about it, okay? He gets paid to help students, remember?"

The warmth of the late fall sun warms my face as we step outside and I breathe in the scent of freshly turned soil in the flower beds and the delicate scent of the red and white roses that line the walkway on campus. I had always loved gardening and it was one thing that Tate had allowed me to continue doing when we'd been married. I'd taken pride in my flower beds and vegetable garden as it had been a release for me that I was grateful to have been allowed to have.

A sharp elbow to my side brings me back as I jump and turn to look at Lilly in surprise. "What the hell?" I exclaim more sharply than I had intended.

But, my friend is unfazed as she points to my professor walking towards us with his nose buried in a book.

"Go. Talk. To. Him," she hisses under her breath.

"Why is this do damn important to you?" I whisper in exasperation as Dr. Gordon gets closer to us.

"Because, I know you can do this, honey. You're smarter than most people I know but you don't have any confidence in yourself. Now, Go!"

Lilly gives me a gentle shove that places me directly in my professor's path. The fact that he had caught our movements out of the corner of his eye the only reason he didn't plow right into me.

I can see Lilly off to the side behind my teacher gesturing with her hands for me to talk to him.

"Um, Dr. Gordon? I'm Melinda Macy and I'm in your..."

"I know who you are, Ms. Macy. What can I do for you?"

I'm momentarily taken aback by his abrupt tone when he interrupts me but I take a deep breath and try to still my rapidly beating heart to calm my nerves as I go on.

"Well, I failed the first test and I don't know if I can get the hang of calculating moles before the next test and, if I fail another one, I have to drop, and I don't want to drop because then it will set me back, and if I get set back then I can't graduate on time." I can feel my face get hot in embarrassment for going on and on without stopping because I know I sound juvenile. He just intimidates me so much and because of Tate, men now scare me when they take on a certain tone or look.

Lilly's thumbs up and big grin make me roll my eyes at her when my teacher turns his head to acknowledge a colleague before turning his attention back to me.

"Why didn't you come to me sooner?" I don't hear anger, only curiosity in his deep voice as I slowly raise my eyes to look up at him.

"Because I thought I could get it and..."

Again, he interrupts me. "And you're the type that won't ask for help. Let me guess. Your friend is making you do this, isn't she?" My eyes widen in shock but he simply shakes his head and continues. "What time are you free tomorrow? We'll go over what you know and will figure out a plan of attack to help you pass."

"Let's see. What day is this?" I ask shyly.

"It's Tuesday."

"Mondays and Wednesdays I'm done at one and Friday's I'm free all day."

"And what about Tuesday and Thursday?" Blinking in surprise, I tell him my schedule and we spend the next couple of minutes figuring out when I should come in for help as people part around us on the sidewalk.

"I'll see you tomorrow at two. Bring your books, test, homework, quizzes, and labs and be prepared to work."

"Yes, sir," I get out just as he catches sight of another professor and moves to join him.

My heart is pounding in my chest as Lilly joins me, slipping her arm through mine as we make our way towards the coffee shop on campus. There was one thing she'd learned fast about me, and that was the fact that I loved coffee. I mean, I'm addicted to the stuff! So, knowing that it will cheer me up to have a fresh cup of hot coffee in my hand, she guides me there as I slowly forget about the upcoming tutor sessions with my professor.

//

"Okay, Ms. Mason. Let's see what you know and we'll go from there. Will you hand me the papers I told you to bring, please?" His no-nonsense tone still sets me back even though he was known for it and had used it on me yesterday. Without a word, I pass him the pile and sit back as he slips on his glasses and silently scans each and every one of my papers.

Taking advantage of the fact that he's preoccupied, I study him in detail as the sunshine pours in through the big window and warms the chilly room. The air conditioning was known to act funny in this building and you either froze your butt off or were burning up depending on how the old units decided to act on any particular day.

I always sat in the back of the class so it wasn't until yesterday that I'd realized how tall he actually was. I'm 5'4" and have to look up at most men anyway, but I'd had to crane my neck to meet his gaze as I'd stood in front of him outside of the library. Maybe 6'2"? I couldn't be sure though.

I know he's in his early 50's from the school bio. His blonde hair is neatly combed back from his face to reveal soft brown eyes, framed by a pair of silver glasses that glint in the sunlight when he moves. He's clean shaven but my eyes are drawn to his full, pink lips. I'd never seen lips that luscious on a man before and that was what I was staring at when I hear him clear his throat, making me jump and flush in embarrassment at being caught.

Now what will he think of me? I'd never in my life done that before and why now? Taking a deep breath, I slowly raise my head but stare at his broad chest, unwilling to meet his gaze.

"Ms. Mason?"

"Yes?" I ask timidly, still not meeting the gaze that I can feel boring into me.

"Will you look at me, please?"

An eternity seems to pass as I work up the courage to face my teacher. I never used to be this shy and timid, always being strong-willed and the life of the party. I hated being this way but my sister said that it would take time to heal after all Tate had put me through. I had kept most of the abuse a secret and thought that I could change him with love and patience but it just wasn't to be. Now, men of a certain body type and voice could send me into the shadows, scared that I'd be hurt again.

Ever so slowly, I finally look at him—wary, blue eyes meeting warm, compassionate brown ones.

"That's better. Now, you seem to be struggling with the basics. Tell me what you understand and I'll see if I can't help you figure out the rest, okay?" I'm grateful that no word is said about the way I'm acting because I just can't explain it. Not to him, anyway. How do you explain to a stranger that one man took away my ability to be who I was meant to be and that it was going to take time to get myself back?

Over the course of an hour, Dr. Gordon patiently explains what I have been unable to grasp. The way he talks and the pictures he draws on his dry erase board helping me to understand the subject much better than the book ever could. By the time our session is up, I feel more confident in my ability to pass the class and to face the mountain of a man in the room with me. His deep voice had been soothing as he'd talked and his eyes had sparkled with intelligence as we worked through complicated problems.

"Do you have any other questions for the day?" He asks me with a slight smile. I'm not sure if he meant to do it, but it lights up his whole face and helps to relax me.

"Not right now. Can I bring a list of them tomorrow?"

"Absolutely. Work on a couple more problems in the back of the chapter tonight and we'll go over your answers too. You were excellent, Ms. Mason. I knew you could do it."

Pausing in the collection of my book bag, I turn to look back at him. "You did?"

"Yes. And Melinda?" Startling me with the use of my first name, I can only look at him with wide eyes. "I have faith in you."

//

The semester had come to an end and I had passed Chemistry with a B. To say I was a happy camper is putting it mildly! Sessions with Dr. Gordon had helped in more ways than he could ever know because by the time I had handed in my final, I had been able to carry on full conversations with him without thinking twice about his proximity or the fact that we were alone a lot in his office. Sometimes another student came in for help and we'd work together, but it was usually the two of us with an open door because professors were not allowed to have students in their office with the doors closed.

We had rarely talked about anything other than school but I had found myself relaxing with him in a way that I thought wasn't possible and had revealed that I wanted to become a science teacher after I got some field experience.

To celebrate the completion of my last final, I stop at the diner across from campus and order a cup of coffee and a piece of cinnamon chocolate cake. Lilly had made me try the rich dessert and I'd been hooked ever since; the rich chocolate contrasting with the hint of cinnamon and the strong coffee to send my taste buds bursting in my mouth in pleasure.

I had just taken my jacket off, having ordered already, when a shadow crosses the table. Looking up, expecting Lilly to be there, I gasp out in shock when I see Dr. Gordon standing next to me!

"Do you mind if I sit with you? No sense taking up another table, is there?"

The scent of Old Spice drifts over to me as I nod my head and watch as he settles in. His knees bump mine in the small booth and I shift backwards to give him some room to adjust his long legs and to keep him from touching me. I still had issues with my space being invaded.

"Here you go, ma'am." Thanking the server, I watch in silence as she turns to Dr. Gordon. "What can I get you, sir?"

"I'll have what she's having."

"Coming right up!" The girl's blonde ponytail bobs as she walks away but I can't help but notice that there's an extra sway to her hips than there was before.

Talk goes to classroom topics as we chitchat about the final and my plans for the upcoming semester.

"Here you go! Is there anything else I can get you, sugar?" Glancing at her nametag I notice that her name is Kelly and start to get annoyed at the syrupy tone of her voice as she flirts with my teacher in the hopes of a better tip. She's barely smiled at me but I guess she knew that she had what men wanted.

"Nope. Thanks." Not even a smile back! Ducking my head so they can't see my grin, I watch from the corner of my eye as Kelly's smile fades at his brush off.

The clink of forks is loud on our plates as we savor the cake in companionable silence. The last bite and I'm disappointed, closing my eyes to savor the last of the chocolatey richness as it coats my tongue.

"I like a woman that enjoys her food."

I had almost forgotten he was there as my eyes fly open in embarrassment. I was 28 years old, so why did he make me feel like a child?

"I, um..." My eyes move to the window and then back to the table. Get ahold of yourself, woman! My nerves are on edge but I breathe deeply and start over again. "I love food. My best friend introduced me to this place but I only come here on special occasions. They have some of the best coffee I've ever had."

"Have you a lot of experience with trying new foods?" His eyes are curious as his question registers in my brain. How much do I tell him? I reply as honestly as I can and force myself to meet his gaze as his knee briefly touches mine under the table.

"Not lately, but I'm working on it."

"Melinda, do I scare you?" The question comes at me from out of the blue and I find myself wanting to reassure him that it's not him...well, not really him...that's causing me to act this way.

"Yes and no," I say quietly as I wait for the next question. It never comes, so after another minute or so, I continue. "You scare me because you are a large man and I honestly don't know if I can trust you. I also know that you will never hurt me because you have kind eyes and eyes never lie."

"He hurt you badly, didn't he?"

I can only stare at him in silence as I try to figure out what to tell him.

However, he doesn't give me a chance to reply as he continues. "You have a look about you. When I raised my hand for you to hand me your papers that first session, you flinched and I knew. I'm sorry for whatever happened to you."

"My sister says I need to talk about it; to grieve over everything but I just don't want to think about it. Does that make sense?" I ask quietly, still not looking at him until he gently lays a warm hand on my cold ones.

"Melinda? Now that you're not my student, I feel the need to speak freely with you. There's something about you that I can't quite put my finger on, but you exude life as well as sadness. I watched you progress in two short months from a woman who jumped at shadows to a woman who was becoming more comfortable in her own skin. I had to force you to look me in the eyes, remember?"

Silently, I nod my head.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

The urge to tell him everything hits me then and with tears in my eyes, I haltingly tell him how Tate and I met and end with how I was just now putting my life back together again. I'd never before felt so drawn to a man like I was him and I honestly couldn't pinpoint when I'd started to develop feelings for him; but, sitting in that faded pink booth, tears drying on my cheeks, coffee long since gone in our mugs; I can't help but feel my heart opening up again. He wasn't handsome, or charming, but there was something about him that I found to be incredibly attractive and I wanted to find out what it was.

I had no illusions as I sat there that we would ever be anything more than friends, but I found myself wanting to get to know him better. I was slowly getting myself back and in a move that I would have done pre-Tate, I become bold.

"Dr. Gordon? Look, I'm not your student anymore, as we're both well-aware, and I'm not asking for anything other than friendship. But, I think that you need somebody to talk to too or we wouldn't still be sitting in this booth. Would you like to come over to my place for dinner tonight?"

Minutes pass and I start to wonder if I'd misread too much into this innocent afternoon but finally I see the most adorable dimples on my teacher's face and I can't help but catch my breathe. He's smiled before, yes, but this was a full-blown grin and I couldn't believe how it transformed him. He went from looking like an old, worn out college professor to a handsome young man in seconds. His brown eyes crinkled in the corners and the lips that I'd admired that first day are curled up into a smile that I could only describe as sexy. The man was hot in a nerdy way and I was drawn to his flame.

"On one condition." Good Lord, even his voice was hotter!

"What's that?" I ask in a voice that I hope isn't as shaky as I feel.

"You call me John."

"Oh! Well, in that case...John, would you like to come to my place for dinner tonight? That is, if you don't already have plans." Belatedly I worry that he's married, or even gay, but hold my breathe anyway as I wait for his answer.

"Nope. No plans other than watching White Christmas and It's A Wonderful Life. Now, I'm dating myself, aren't I?"

"I love White Christmas! Have you seen Holiday Inn? It's the movie where Bing Crosby wrote the song White Christmas. We could watch it if you like, but I have to warn you, my apartment is pretty small."

"Not a problem. I'll just sit and watch you cook so I don't get in your way. Can I bring anything?" He's still flashing those adorable dimples my way and for the first time in a long time, I find myself actually happy.