A Brother's Love Ch. 05

Kit approached her quietly, his footsteps muffled by the thick brown rug that covered a large part of the sitting room floor. The light from a lamp on the end table cast a soft yellow glow across her face and picked out all the dazzling gold highlights in her mussed up hair. Kit wanted to smooth his fingers across it. He wanted to touch the smooth, pale plane of her cheek and watch those startling green-blue eyes open like the most beautiful flower. But she looked so peaceful that, for a moment, he was content to just watch her sleep.

He sat quietly on the arm of the other chair and swept a hand through his dark hair.

How had he not seen this coming? Was there a point at which he fell in love with her or had it just swept him away like a slow tide, pulling at him for the six years he'd known her until there was no going back? He wasn't sure.

As he sat there, listening to her murmurs and sleepy sighs, he felt the confusing swell of emotions he held for her threaten to engulf him once more.

He felt so stupid for not realising his love for her sooner; because Jonathan had been right; it had been almost a year since he'd even looked at another girl that way. He'd had several girlfriends before that and the healthy imagination of any twenty-six year old male. But just recently his sexual appetite was bordering anorexia.

Sure, he'd noticed Lena was...well, filling out. He'd have been blind not to notice the change from scrawny, pale teen to...well...

Kit's mind filled with the image of her earlier that same day, as she'd cleaned out the stables, dressed in a pair of worn, pale blue jeans and a white t-shirt. She'd stretched her back as he'd approached and the movement had made her t-shirt ride up at the hem and pull taut across her breasts at the same time. Kit had noticed, sure, and even felt a lurch of something like desire at the sight of her exposed skin, but he'd pushed the thought away so fast he hadn't stopped to examine it.

There had been countless times like this, little things that had made him stop, caught off guard, his natural male reactions rearing up before his mind came up with that one phrase to silence it all; "It's Lena."

He'd told himself that so many times, his brain automatically telling him that she was out-of-bounds, while never once realising that his heart hadn't been listening. His heart had seen her walk to the bathroom in that little black baby doll last month and lusted at her smooth, beautiful legs; his heart had wanted to find out if she was wearing panties underneath while his brain made his head turn away and shut away the thought. His heart had wanted to kiss her exposed hipbone earlier that day, and trail kisses along her smooth abdomen, wanted to taste her skin and make love to her there, against the stable wall; but his brain had shunned the thought and replaced it with a smile and light conversation; the respectable figure of an older brother or a friend, not a lover.

Right now, gazing at her sleeping form, his heart wanted to scoop her up and take her to his bed, carefully undress her and kiss away her pain; and right now, his brain had to admit it wasn't winning any battles; his heart was finally winning.

"Mmmm...Kit..." Lena moaned softly.

Kit smiled at the sound of his name. He wasn't sure if she was stirring or not.

"Shhh, it's ok...I'm here Le." he whispered, leaning towards her and smoothing the hair from her face. Her eyes flickered and she moaned sleepily. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

He pulled the blanket from her legs, careful not to move her bad ankle, and placed it on the other chair. Then he slid his arms beneath her and lifted her sleeping body up to his chest. Lena moaned again and this time her eyes opened properly. She looked so tired, but so pretty too.

"Hey sleepy head." Kit whispered.

"Hey," she whispered back. "Am I dreaming?"

Kit laughed softly. "I don't think so. Unless your dreams often involve me carrying your injured body up to bed."

Lena smiled but said nothing. She nestled into his chest and blinked sleepily.

Kit exhaled. "Anyway...I think it's me who's dreaming." he whispered, making his way from the room and starting up the stairs. Lena lifted her gaze to his face, her eyes curious, as if waiting for him to say more.

At the top of the stairs, she whispered "Why would you dream about this?" She sounded uncertain, as if she wasn't sure whether he was joking or not.

"Because..." Kit pushed her bedroom door open with his foot and entered the familiar cream and deep purple cove of her bedroom. He carefully laid her down on her bed before answering. He stood beside her, met her gaze firmly and said "Because I'd be crazy not to want to take you to bed..." he gave a wan smile and added, "although I'd prefer it if you weren't injured."

Lena just stared at him, her beautiful eyes widening, both disbelieving and uncertain at once. The moments seemed to pass so, so slowly as Kit stared at her, wanting her to understand, while Lena just gaped back at him, her expression so full of shock he couldn't begin to gauge her true feelings about what he was saying.

"I mean..." Kit turned, going to her chest of drawers and searching for her pyjamas in an attempt to buy himself time. He didn't know how to begin or what to say, but he knew he had to tell her now. "Lena, I...I don't know how to say this."

"Kit..." Lena's voice was little more than a nervous squeak and Kit couldn't bear to have her cut him off or change the subject now. He had to get it out.

"Please...just listen to me..." He turned around, holding a set of baby blue pyjamas in one hand. He took a deep breath and said what felt right. "When you first arrived here, years ago...I didn't know how...how empty life had been until that point. I know you think you were a moody little thing back then but...you weren't...not to me, anyway. You were this cool little kid, all scrawny and stubborn and full of fire and so...so sweet." Kit smiled into the distance but his heart ached. "I think I loved you from the first moment I saw you glaring at me across the kitchen table. You were so small but jeez...those eyes could have chilled the sun." He laughed softly and shook his head. "But you liked me....I still don't know why but you wanted to hang out with me, wanted to be part of everything I was doing and I loved it. I used to tell people you were my best friend and they'd laugh, like I was joking; I guess they didn't understand how a twenty year old could be best friends with a twelve year old, but they didn't know you Le..."

Kit moved towards her, his words coming quicker now, though quiet in the stillness of the house. He carefully laid her pyjamas at her feet and then knelt beside her bed. Lena hadn't moved an inch, but he could feel her eyes on him, taking in every word. He didn't dare look at her, scared that if he saw any hint of repulsion that he'd lose his courage and leave.

"They didn't know you like I knew you. Like I know you. If they had, they'd know...you're amazing. You're funny...and strong and sensitive...and kind. You're heart is so big I genuinely don't know it fits inside you." He glanced up at her then, flashing a brief smile that died on his lips; the look in her eyes took the breath from him. Tears trickled silently down her cheeks and she looked both terrified and amazed. Kit swallowed hard, unable to look away. "You're the smartest, sexiest woman I've ever seen and I know I shouldn't be feeling this way or telling you these things but...I can't live with the idea that I never told you...so I'm hoping you don't hate me...But I need to tell you...And I've just realised this is probably going to ruin our entire relationship...I really should have thought about that first, huh? Fuck...sorry..."

"Kit, just say it..." Lena breathed.

"I love you. Lena...I'm in love with you. In every way. I know I shouldn't feel this way about you but..."

"Shut up."

Kit almost choked. His felt the starkness of her words fracturing his heart. She was rebuking him. Of course. What else would she say? She didn't want him, never would...and now he'd fucked everything up. Their relationship was ruined and she'd never see him the same way again...

Kit stood from her bedside. His hands were starting to shake, he could feel them but he felt suddenly blind. In a second he'd turned and was at her door when her voice stopped him in his tracks;

"No! Kit...wait...I meant..." Lena cried out as her foot hit the floor, her desperation to stop Kit from leaving making her forget her injured leg; she'd tried to spring from the bed but the pain was sharp, and she fell to her knees on the floor.

"Lena!" Kit darted to catch her but she was already trying to get to her feet, trying to get to him. "Don't, you're meant to rest!" he scolded, but his voice was hoarse and was barely more than a whisper. His hands tugged her up from the floor.

"I don't care...that's not what I meant Kit..." Lena's fingers reached out to his chest and Kit felt a tremor go through him as they met their mark. "I meant...shut up..." she repeated. Her voice shook and her fist pressed against his chest. "Shut up and kiss me."

***