A Caged Bird SingsbyYKN4949©
Part 1: Entering the Criminal Justice System
The gavel came down hard; the cracking sound was so loud that it made me jump. But I was in a sort of haze, I didn't really understand what was going on. I looked over at my public defender, his lips were pursed and he was quietly collecting his papers on his desk.
"What does that mean?" I asked and he looked over at me but didn't speak, "I don't understand, what did the judge decide?" My attorney sighed and put his hand on my shoulder.
"He sentenced you to 15 years without the possibility of parole," he said glumly and the commenced collecting his papers again, "I am really sorry Odessa."
"But I confessed," I said, "You said that would get me leniency."
"You could have gotten twice that," he said and finished packing up. He lifted his brief case and slung his jacket over it. He looked down at me, "You should be happy you will get out in your mid-thirties, still young enough to have a life." And then he walked down the center of the courtroom and out of my life forever. It was completely alone now, just me and 15 years of incarceration at a California State Correctional Facility.
And alright, I deserved to go to prison. That's why I confessed, that's why I threw myself on the mercy of the court. But I didn't deserve this. I mean, none of this so-called hearing passed anything approached the sniff test. I was totally railroaded here.
Ok, let me step back a second and explain. My name is Odessa Ko, you might have heard about me. I had a hit song ("Love Me Now, Not Forever") that briefly went into the charts (and was a minor viral hit on YouTube). That was about ten months before my arrest, right around my 18th Birthday. See, I've wanted to be a singer since I was little, and I was going after that dream tenaciously. When the song started to get some radio play, it was like a dream come true. I even got to buy my own song on iTunes! The critics didn't really like my song. They said I was trying to get famous for being a sexy Asian girl with less than stellar talent. But I wrote all my own music, I was trying to be legit. And what Asian girl doesn't want to be a sexy Asian girl? I didn't think that was much of a put down.
Anyway, even if you never heard of me for my singing career, you probably heard about me on all those awful cable news shows. Yes, I am the "T-Girl Terror" or the "Shamed Shemale" that Nancy Grace and all those other assholes followed around for six months. I don't deny I broke the law, but I am not the monster they made me out to be. See, I have always known I was a girl, always. It didn't matter that I'd been born with a penis. My adoptive parents (I was born in Korea, but I was half Japanese, so I was not wanted), were very supportive of me and they paid for hormones and the surgery and stuff. They died in a car accident when I was 17, and I promised that I would make them proud of me. And at 18, when my song went into the charts, I looked great and felt better. I mean, I was a sexy Asian girl, you'd never know I had a cock. I mean I am only 5'1 and no more than 95lbs. I have long, straight black hair, soft Korean features and dark brown eyes. My body is girly (not quite womanly, I guess) with small 32-B breasts, a round bottom, and a very narrow waist. You'd never guess I have a cock (I never considered getting rid of it, I kind of liked it for some reason, just the rest of me was supposed to be girly).
All that was fine. I just wanted to pass as a girl and sing songs and be famous. Guys would claim to have sex with me (because everyone always claims to have banged the hot chick) and I would lie and say they did and everyone would just think I was a normal girl. Except, there was this one reporter. I guess he was kind of obsessed with me, and he started to research me. Somehow, he figured out that I'd been born a boy and was brought over from Korea as a boy. So one day he came to my house, he told me what he'd found out and said he was going to publish the story the next day, he just wanted my reaction. And he fucking got it.
I can't really tell you what I was feeling at that time. It was like, you know, he'd torn into my life and was going to blow it up. For what? I wasn't famous really. It wasn't really pertinent to whether I could sing. It was just going to make people think I was some sort of freak. So I kind of snapped. I was living in my parent's old house still, my dad had played for a company softball team, and his bat was next to the door. I grabbed it and just sort of went nuts. I hit the reporter in the face, and kept hitting him until I couldn't lift my arms anymore. But I need to remind you, I am a little girl, 5'1 and 95lbs. This guy was 6'3 240. I mean, a pretty big dude. I couldn't really hurt him. I broke his nose and he was pretty bloodied. But when the police came later, they said I was charged with attempted murder! I swear to God, I did not intend to kill that guy, just to kick his ass. He was trying to kill my career and reputation. And he is fine! His nose is healed by now! I think it was because, by that time, everyone knew I was transgender. I was a pariah, and I had to be punished. Not for hurting some reporter, but for giving boys a boner even though I had a dick. That was what made me sensational, and it's why I got 15 years in prison without the possibility of parole.
* * * * *
"Welcome to San Sebastian State Correctional Facility," the warden said after I'd been taken off the bus. It had been a very long ride from the county jail in L.A. to this prison in the desert. It was miserably hot outside, but it felt like the air conditioning worked fine in the warden's office. I was the only new inmate that day, so she was greeting me solo. I was wearing my county lock-up uniform and sitting at a chair. My feet and ankles were shackled. A blonde, female guard was standing at the door. I felt terrified. I was about to be dropped into prison. And I had a dick. So I'd be in men's prison. I was about to get raped. Repeatedly. And here I was, getting a calm welcome from the warden like I was applying for a job.
I was squirming and the warden was just rambling on about the rules. About when I could exercise, about what I could wear, about when I'd be out of my cell, about when I'd eat, sleep, and everything else. There were so many rules that I couldn't bear it anymore. I just zoned out. But then she asked me a question that brought me back to the world.
"Do you know anything about San Sebastian?" she asked. I looked up at her though my hair and just shook my head.
"Few have," she said, "Well I want you to know it is a relatively new facility. And the first of its kind. You see, California incarcerates more people than just about any other political entity on earth. We have 164,490 prisoners here in the Golden State. Now, about 0.3% of the U.S. population is transgender. That means that in a population of 164,490, there are going to be about 493 transgender people. Now, for a long time, the state of California would simply put women like you in jail with men, and put female-to-male transgender people in the female prisons. This was done for a lot of reasons, but the point is that now; the population is big enough for it to make sense to make an all-transgender prison. And that is what San Sebastian is."
I looked around, the place looked very new. Suddenly, I realized what she was saying. I wasn't going to be thrown into prison with a bunch of brutal men that hadn't seen a woman in years; I was going to be with my people. Sure, the kinds of people I'd always pretended not to be, out transgender girls, but still it was better than nothing. "you mean..." I began.
"Yes. The prison is broken into two spheres; you will be in the MTF wing with around 350 other girls like you. Then FTM wing has around 150 inmates, but you will not be permitted there. All of our guards are female, to decrease the chances of confrontation. Do you have any questions?" She asked. And I wanted to hug that ugly old bitch! I mean, I was still in prison, but I wasn't going to be killed my first night. I knew some other t-girls, I could live with them.
"No, I am just..." I said, but I couldn't finish.
"Relieved?" The Warden asked and I nodded, "Good. You are here to pay your debt to society, this will not be easy. But I never subscribed to the belief that violence or rape was part of your sentence."
"I understand," I said, and boy did I understand.
"Bethany?" The warden said, looking behind me to the guard standing by the door. The Guard stepped forward, "Please take Ms. Ko to the showers, get her cleaned and then find her clothes, and taken her to her cell." The Warden then looked down at her papers and started to write. It was clear she was done with me. I felt so good; I stood up quickly, looked at the guard, and smiled. She smiled back at me.
She was a pretty woman in her early 40s. She was much taller than me, around 5'9 and very slim. She had large breasts and a big butt, and a youthful face. She kind of looked like the woman who would be your best friend's hot mom when you were growing up. Like you were surprised that someone could look that sexy while being a mom. Well it was twice as weird with a prison guard.
"Let's go to the shower," Bethany said and I nodded. She pointed to the door and followed me out as I left. I followed the various signs until I reached a shower room. It was just sort of a big room with a bunch of shower heads. It kind of freaked me out because it looked like the shower rooms in like a Holocaust movie. But I walked in anyway. Bethany the guard walked in after me.
"Okay honey," she said sweetly, "take off your clothes." Now I felt awkward. Like my entire life was based on, you know, trying to keep people from seeing me naked. My parents had both seen me naked, but I didn't let people see me naked. But, when you're in prison, they don't so much ask you things as tell you things. So I unzipped my baggy county lock-up jumpsuit and threw it off. I kicked off my shoes as well, and I was in my bra and panties in the shower room, the guard with her arms crossed watching me. I noticed a little glint in her eye at that moment, like she might be enjoying this. But I was too scared to think about it. A lifetime of covering my body was about to end now. Someone was going to see me naked.
"Come on, we ain't got all day," the Guard said disinterestedly. So I reached behind myself and unhooked my bra, letting it slide off my arms. Like I said, my breasts are small but they are perky and have that nice teardrop shape I like. My skin is sort of a light color but my areolas are dark and about the size of nickels. My nipples are sort of long, but not bizarrely. I crossed my arm across my tits for a second, and then realized that I was being absurd and reached down to my panties. This is where the real scare was. Someone was going to see my dick.
I shimmied out of my panties and looked down. There it was, the little lump of flesh that caused all my problems. Given my small stature, the hormones I took for most of my life, and my Asian ancestry I have like zero body hair, so it looked even more stark there. It isn't really big or small, kind of small-ish at like 5 inches. My balls are kind of big (I guess it would have to take big balls to think I could get away with pretending I was a girl forever...sorry, bad joke). I looked up. The guard was staring at my cock. I put my hands over it and turned around and faced the shower head.
I waited a second and then cold water rained down on me. It hit my head like a shock, I even screamed out. Hey, remember when I said what my nipples look like? Did I mention that ultra cold water makes them razor blades? Remember when I said my dick was smallish and my balls are big? When 45 degree water cascades on my package it all shrivels up into something even less impressive.
Finally, after gasping a few times, I managed to grab some soap and quickly wash my body and hair (no shampoo, it seemed). The worst part was sticking myself back under the water to rinse off the suds. But, finally, I was completely clean and the water shut off. Then I was just standing and shivering in the shower, my arms wrapped around my chest and my balls in my throat.
I was waiting for Bethany the guard to hand me a towel or something. But then, instead, I felt her hand on my shoulder. Then a shove. I started to fall forward, so I put my hands out, catching myself on the wall. I was sort of leaned over now, my butt sticking out. And her hand was on my shoulder. For a second I was totally confused, was she getting me in a good position to dry off or something? Then she leaned over and breathed into my ear.
"I don't give a shit what the warden says," she said, "You animals are absolute degenerates and I make it my personal quest to make sure you know you're in prison." I turned back to look at her, but she shoved my head forward with her hand. I didn't move, I just stared at the wall. My heart was beating a mile a minute.
"What are you doing," I managed to whisper and she laughed. Her voice echoed around the empty shower and I never felt so alone in my life.
"Don't worry about that," she said, and I heard her slide her Billy club out of its holster. She rubbed the hard wooden object against my back, then let it slide down my leg. She pried my legs a part a little with the club, and then tapped my balls with it. It wasn't a very hard tap, but it hurt like hell. My stomach ached and I wanted to throw up.
"Fuck," I groaned, on hand moving down to gently massage my balls. She wracked my hand and I moved it away.
"You little fags hate your cocks, but you always take such good care of them," she said, "Okay, you don't want to play with your dick? You want to pretend you're a girl? Well girl's get fucked, that's what we do. I am going to show you how a girl takes a cock." It doesn't take much imagination to figure out what she was suggesting.
She slid her baton up my balls and planted it between my ass cheeks. She put just a little bit of pressure at first, spreading my cheeks and rubbing against my asshole. I was still wet from the shower and it slid there easily. But it felt huge, like it had a diameter of about two and a half inches. It was going to tear me apart.
"Tell me you want my cock," she said and I was crying now. But it was so strange, I still, to this day, don't really remember this like it happened. It is sort of an out-of-body thing, where I see this stuff happening to me outside my body. And the next thing I see is her slap me in the face about as hard as she can, "say it!"
"I want your cock," I said, the pain hot on my face, the raise red area burning harder for my tears. This was exactly what I'd been afraid of in prison, but it was coming from such an unexpected source.
"I knew you were a little slut the first time I laid eyes on you. I saw you on TV, you are disgusting," she said, and for some reason it hurt almost as much as her slap. But not as much as what happened next. She leaned in and started to push that big baton into my ass.
If you hadn't gathered already, I was a virgin at this point. No one had ever put anything into my ass. It wasn't even a part of my masturbation ritual. It was totally new and totally horrible. I remember screaming, until she hit me. The pain was so blinding. The cock slid, inch by inch into my asshole. It felt like it was completely filling me up, like it was going to come out of my mouth. After a few inches, I was actively thrusting into it, just trying to get it all in my body so it would stop.
And the guard was relentless, she just kept pushing the baton into me harder and harder. I was moaning lowly and she kept telling me to be quiet. My cock got hard. I can't explain that, it was so strange, but it was involuntary. And then, something even stranger happened. I mean, it isn't strange, it is mechanical, but it felt strange. She must've hit my prostate in just the right way. I didn't know that's what she did, I learned that later. But suddenly, mixed with all this humiliation and pain was the most powerful orgasm I'd ever felt in my life.
It built from inside my asshole, it felt like the most unholy pressure, all over my body. Then, it just sort of broke; it broke so hard that I thought I'd died to something. And when the tension released, the pleasure poured out of me. And so did the cum. Big, thick strands of cum shot out of my dick, spraying the wall in front of me. The whole time the guard kept plugging away at my asshole, she was even reaching around and grabbing my nipples now. But for a few seconds of transcendent bliss, all I could feel was the orgasm. And that was enough. Finally, the orgasm subsided and she appeared to get bored. She cruelly yanked the baton out of my ass.
"Clean this off," she said and she shoved the baton into my throat. I didn't really have time to react, it pushed through my teeth (not knocking any out, but hurting nonetheless) and against my tongue. It was covered in my ass, but I licked it off, hoping I could get it her stop.
"There," I said in a shaky voice. My knees felt weak.
"What's this?" she said, pointing to the cum on the wall, "you've made a mess all over my shower. Clean it up!" And as she finished she wracked the back of my knees with the baton and I feel into a kneeling position, like I was about to pray. There looked to be about two or three ounces of sperm sliming down the wall. I looked at it for a second, having never tasted the stuff. I knew what she wanted from me. I was powerless to resist.
I leaned forward and opened my mouth. I wondered for a moment about how dirty the wall was, but I couldn't do anything about it. I sniffed the cum, but I couldn't really smell anything. Then I stuck out my tongue and pressed it flat against the wall. The taste was salty and slimy and...pleasant. I sucked the sperm into my mouth and let it roll around on my teeth and tongue. The flavor was strong, but not bad. It was kind of sexy. I knew why people gave blowjobs. I leaned back in and licked up more of the cum, savoring its taste. By the time I lapped the rest of it up, I loved it. I wouldn't waste another drop of it in a tissue when I masturbated, I wanted the cum. My tormentor must've sensed I wasn't averse to eating sperm. She yanked me to my feet.
"You're disgusting," she said. Then she walked away and turned the shower back on, "clean up again." She said. I was being punished for liking parts of my punishment. The water was just as cold and terrible as the last time. I was shivering, and now my asshole hurt. But at least I hadn't given her the satisfaction of hating every second of it. She'd made me harder somehow, more ready for prison. As the water shut off again, I heard the door to the shower room open.
"Bethany, you finished with this chick? I need this room," a voice said, I looked back and saw another guard. Bethany rolled her eyes, but she grabbed a towel and threw it at me.
"Hurry up, we're done here," she said and I wanted to run over to the other guard and give her a big cummy kiss. But I didn't. I just wiped myself down and then walked over to Bethany. She handed me a pair of blue sweat pants and a white t-shirt. There was a pair of white panties and a pink bra as well. A uniform I guess. I got dressed quickly and we went outside. The other guard went into the shower room and Bethany led me away.
"You are lucky," she said, "that was about to get a lot worse." I felt my blood run cold. I didn't want to think about the inventive torments this person could invent for me. But then we were just walking, making our way through the prison. Guards were everywhere, but there weren't any prisoners, that I could see.
Then I could hear noise. A lot of noise. It was just talking and stuff, but it sounded terrifying. I realized that it was lunch. There was a large group in the lunchroom, talking and I was about to be thrown into the middle of it. It was like the first day of junior high all over again. I was in a narrow hallway, and I was walking towards the noise. Bethany kept pushing me further. Finally, we passed a door on our left; I looked inside, and saw the lunch room. Bethany handed me a folder, pushed me into the lunchroom and turned away. I was alone.