A Cautionary Tale

Copyright 2011 by madengineer3

This is largely a true story. Names and locations have been changed, but the facts are correct. I hope that this father's loss will warn others in similar circumstances.

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My name is Henry, the last name doesn't count. I have worked in industries that require applied physical sciences for most of my adult life. Don't misjudge me, I am not an anti-people nerd.

I married my college sweetheart over forty years ago, and our marriage is strong. That strength has been, and is, tested almost on a daily basis; but not because we ourselves have a problem.

My wife and I both have blood relatives who have exhibited emotional/mental instabilities. We became aware of this when our son, George, started to go to public school. We had brought George up to be (what used to be called) a gentleman. That is, he was taught that it is never right to hit a girl/woman. He also knew that men were to open doors for them. They are to be protected as much as we can arrange it. Cussing was not allowed in our house. Essentially any adult born before 1950 would understand exactly what we were trying for.

Along about this time it became clear that George had inherited my tendency to depression. He received excellent care from a psychiatrist who put him on an antidepressant that had a good track record for young people.

George was not a well coordinated young man. He took after his father, me. Because of the lack of coordination George was never good at sports. Because of that and the fact that he didn't curse he was picked on unmercifully from about fifth grade on through graduation. Because of this he had a soft spot in his heart for the underdog. That was his major weak point. George turned his interests toward mathematics. He was very, very good at abstract mathematics.

George started out in college as a mathematics major, and his life seemed to take off! It was wonderful to see him smiling. He still applied himself to mathematics but also occasionally spent some time with his classmates. One of his classmates was a girl who should have been named, oops! I don't use words like that. Let's just call her Carol. Carol was a large boned girl who had large breasts and was hunting for a prospective boyfriend.

Unfortunately, she set her sights on George. Initially, George felt sorry for her (as an underdog) but also became physically attracted to her.

George fell for her. However, within a couple of months Carol realized that she might be losing him. So, she used the oldest emotional blackmail trick in the book. She told him that if he left her she would kill herself. (I could only wish that she had! My son would probably be alive today.)

George worked hard in school and at his outside job to help pay for that schooling. He still stayed with Carol. Carol and George married and a year later had their first child; our granddaughter Sophie. George was a doting father and also suffering from spouse abuse from Carol. She took advantage of the fact that George wouldn't hit a woman. She hit and threw things at him. She also knew nothing about cooking and housekeeping!

Now, Carol had been brought up in a family that was family in name only. Her father and older brother sexually molested her over a long time period. She was also taught (by example) that it was o.k. to write bad checks, promise to pay for something and then forget about the payment, and lie (I believe she is a pathological liar.). Because of the rapes, that she never got (and refused to get) counseling for, Carol had to sleep with the lights on.

George's emotional problems escalated due to his inability to get a decent night's sleep. He probably did not have more than three or four hours continuous sleep a night. Around this time George developed a painful "tick" in some of his his larger muscles. The doctor, who reviewed his case, decided that George was also bipolar and suffering from a convulsive disorder. He was put on some very strong medicine and informed him that he needed a good night's sleep every night and on a regular schedule. Carol, knowing better than a board certified psychiatrist, didn't change how she slept. She wouldn't even allow him to sleep in a separate room so that he could sleep. (Since Carol is also a screamer it is doubtful that he could have slept anyway.)

George graduated Magna Cum Laude with a bachelor's degree in mathematics. He had raving reviews from his mathematics and physics professors. About a year later George killed himself. He couldn't take the emotional and physical strain anymore. Carol might as well have been the one who pulled the trigger. At the funeral, George's mathematics professor indicated that George was one of the two brightest math majors he had ever had.

What have we got now? Carol has allowed herself to balloon to a massive physical size (she is obese). That means that she has had no man in her life (since George) and that our granddaughter, Sophie, has been brought up with Carol as her teacher and mentor. My wife talks to Sophie on a daily basis (on the phone since they moved half way across the country). My wife tries to mitigate the damage that Carol is doing to Sophie's mind and morals. It's hard work from a thousand miles away.

What is the bottom line? If a woman or man is told by a "significant other" that the "significant other" will kill themselves if they drop them; drop them as fast as you can! If you have a child who says that their "significant other" has threatened to commit suicide if the relationship is broken off; do everything in your power to get your child out of the relationship!!

I am not joking when I say your, or your child's, life may well hang in the balance.