A Change In The Status Quo Revisit

"So have you slept with him yet?"

"No but he is so nice that if he asked me to I would in a flash. As we seem to be in a true confessions mood, how about you, have you met anyone that rings your bells more than Chuck does, after all you've been married over ten years?"

I thought, Good Mom maybe I'll get the answer I've been seeking over the last year; Rebecca must have been seeing somebody.

"No, First of all Sam and Lila the owners of the company have a really strict morals policy. No attachments with members of the same department, any affairs for married employees meant immediate dismissal, and while on the road, we were the company and our conduct reflected on the good name of the company. If anything bad got back to Sam I would lose my job and let's face it, in sales there are regular talks between the company and our clients, even a breath of scandal would get back eventually.

Second and most important, years ago I picked Chuck out as the man I wanted to marry. Oh there were lots of other guys who wanted to date, but most just wanted into my pants, and the others seemed immature. It took me a long time to convince him that I really loved him as he seemed to be really unsure about himself then, as if he were wondering why I would choose him as a husband.

Over the years while I was on the road I had lots of opportunities that the company wouldn't know about, but I never met a man that I thought was worth losing Chuck over. I knew damn well that if I did cheat on him, Chuck would divorce me for sure. I stayed out of the bars and dances, ate in my room a lot and watched a lot of TV. I missed him like hell of course and I watched more than my share of porno movies and used a lot of batteries in my little friends." She gave a little laugh at that. "They were pretty handy at home too when Chuck was working."

"Same here, strange how you miss having a man when you've had one for a while."

Little friends, I guess they were better than a hand, how come I never saw any sign of them, of course I didn't go round looking through Rebecca's things while she wasn't there, I was too busy playing with fishing rods, tying flies or looking at porn on the net. I never thought Becca would be doing the same thing as me. If I'd known we could have had a lot more fun when we were together.

"Mom, can I ask another question?"

"Sure while we are in the mood, go ahead."

"When you came in you said that you begged Pop not to turn Chuck into a carbon copy of him, what happened."

"When Chuck was young. He played with the kids next door, both girls and boys, and then when he started school he kept right on, he had lots of friends, played games, just a normal little boy. Ken was a little hardnosed but then so were many guys, it was expected. When Chuck or Charlie as he was known then was around eleven or twelve, Ken who was always a grass roots Republican got interested in the survivalist literature. He started collecting a few guns, laying in supplies enough for a few months, trail running, hunting and fishing. Nothing major to start ringing any bells, but after a while he started to call Charlie Chuck, said Charlie was a wimpy name, like a girl, Chuck was manly. Then he and his buddy Jeff started taking him trail running and making him fend for himself, they would run and he would try to keep up with them, they wouldn't wait for him. I lost count of the times that I waited at the end of the trail they had been on to welcome a crying Chuck who was lost and scared and just blindly followed the path.

I gave Ken hell lots of times, but all he said was "Hell the trail is marked, all he has to do is follow it," I kept on going out with them and you wouldn't believe the way I felt the first time that he beat those two to the end of the trail. I felt like saying take that, he's better than both of you. Along with the trail running and the rest was the constant brainwashing that they used. All the garbage they talked about never needing anyone else. That he was superior and didn't need anybody else especially the little people as they called others, that he wouldn't need any further education and had to stand on his own two feet.

When Chuck was almost finished high school he had pretty good marks, I asked about sending him to college. All I got from Ken was," Oh he doesn't need that, I never went to college and I've got a pretty good job and pull down good money, let him work for a living just like any other guy." Sure Chuck can stand on his own two feet but thanks to his father he never lived up to his full potential. My feeling was that Ken resented the fact that I got an education and made more money than he did, he absolutely hated it when I went back to work after the kids went to school full time." It was terrible to try and get him to look after them when I was on late shift. Come to think of it, it was like a reverse snobbery, because others got an education and got on in life, they weren't real men."

"Okay Mom, thanks for being honest, I'll take off for a while so I can get a shower before they can smell me coming down the hallway, I'll be back around 6. I have to call my boss and tell him how things are, and I better call Chuck's boss and tell him how things are going."

I heard footsteps fade away. Hey Becca, where is my kiss. I started processing what I had heard. I remembered the kids in school, the fun I had with them until Pop started calling me Chuck and making me run. It was easy to remember the scared feeling running the trails when I had no idea where I was and Pop and Jeff running off ahead of me. Yes they had made me tough but what a cost. I could hardly believe that Pop had been sick but what I could believe even less was that he hadn't admitted it, not even to himself. Pop, I took you for many things, but I never ever took you for a fool, yet you destroyed your marriage rather than admit you needed people."

Just then the drugs kicked in again, a hazy feeling then all was quiet.

I could feel the sheet with my hands, it didn't seem so dark, and I just wished that I could get that damn tube out of my throat, it was so uncomfortable. My left hand felt like it was stretched out on a board and there was a cool feeling in the back of my hand. It seemed to go dark then light again as it somebody moved nearby. My right hand was being lightly held, I tried to move my fingers but still couldn't, I just knew someone was holding my hand.

I heard more footsteps, a new voice, "Hi Patricia, what are you doing here in, I thought you had retired and taken up knitting?"

"Betty Jean, how are you? I didn't think you would recognize me now that I'm that bit older. This is my son Chuck; I'm keeping him company while Rebecca gets cleaned up."

"Not recognize my favourite mentor, come on lady, how would I not? You spent all that time training me, the book learning was great but you taught me nursing. Things may change but I still use a lot of what you taught me about the practical side of the job."

"Things haven't changed that much around here and I'm glad that you are one of the nurses looking after Chuck."

"Well he is lucky, right now we only have two patients in the cardiac unit, so we can do a lot more. Actually I can monitor everything from the office over there, but we still have to come and check his fluid output here, they haven't got a machine that will do that yet." She laughed and Mom joined in

"Hey Patricia, in our briefing today we were told an insurance company investigator was sneaking around asking questions about your son, how come he was brought here instead of County which was closer to the house?"

"I don't know, Rebecca might, I'm just glad he was, I worked here for 25 years and I know that the heart unit here is way better than County's . We will have to ask Rebecca when she comes back, she said about 6 and it's just that now.

There were more footsteps, quicker and lighter, "Hi Mom, sorry I didn't get back sooner, that shower was so good, so relaxing, I feel much better now."

"Well I'll take turns with you so that will help you feel better, by the way Betty Jean here was just telling me that there was an insurance investigator here poking into things about why Chuck was brought here to St Barts rather than County, of course County's rates are a bit less."

"That was my boss Sam's idea, I called him from the ambulance to tell him I wasn't going to be going on the company trip Saturday that Chuck had had a heart attack and we were on the way to County. He said that St Barts was better and that if there was any argument with Chuck's insurance he would be covered under the spousal section of mine Then he asked to speak to the EMT and told him that Chuck should be brought here."

Thanks Sam, I really owe you when I get out of here, there has to be some way that I can. You've earned all the fishing trips you could ever want and then some.

Mom said, "Rebecca, have you heard anything from Chuck's company at all. I don't want to worry you but I've been told on the side that there has been an investigator around from Chuck's company's insurance company asking questions."

"I know, I called Jerry White, he is a friend who goes fishing with Chuck, probably his closest friend in the plant. He told me that the guy was asking the cafeteria staff what Chuck ate. I know they are going to try to get out of paying, all his boss wanted to know was when Chuck would be able to get back to work, When I told him that it had been open heart surgery and that it would be at least 10 weeks, he said they would have to hire someone to do his job.

I mentioned this when I talked to Sam and told him I was taking indefinite leave and would get in for a day and clean everything up that was outstanding, he told me that my PA had done all that was necessary, to just take things one day at a time, and that he was making me an appointment to see the company lawyer at 2 tomorrow afternoon. As he put it, "If that cheap asshole over there wants to keep doing business with us, he had better show a hell of a lot more compassion."

Sam, I owe you big time, not only for the hospital but for the care you've given Rebecca. I might have known what the company would do, to them you are just a number, and the only number they are interested in is the bottom line. What I can't figure is why when I knew that I gave them the service I did working like a dog sometimes, particularly when an important machine went down.

One thing about a heart attack it sure as hell makes you think and gives you time to do it. Why would Sam want to do all this for us? I sure as hell didn't deserve it; Rebecca must have really been something to deserve all this. I never realized just how important to Sam's company she was. No that's not really correct; the truth is I never bothered to take enough interest to find out, I encouraged her maybe but I didn't really take a thorough interest. Just like Mom, I had no idea that her co workers thought so highly of her that they would remember her so many years after she retired

The hand holding mine changed, it was obviously Rebecca that had taken over, I felt tired suddenly and I think for the first time since this ordeal started, I actually relaxed and slept.

I heard footsteps and felt the bed give a little under me as someone pressed down. Rebecca's hand left mine and I heard a chair scrape on the floor. It sounded like she was getting up.

"We need you to leave for a little while Rebecca, we are going to turn off the ventilator and remove the tube from Chuck's throat, we have backed the anesthetic off some more, and hopefully we will have a fully conscious husband for you by around 10, It's eight now, why not go down and get some breakfast and have a little clean up then we should have him awake for you."

"Okay Doctor James, I'll get out of your way and see you later, I'll be back around 9 30, I want to be the first sight he sees."

"I'll be back around 11 he should be awake enough then that I can talk to both of you about what happens from here on in."

"I will see you then, I have an appointment in the afternoon."

I heard footsteps going away and there seemed to be sounds on each side of me. I heard, "Slowly at first then once it starts moving it comes out quickly." I felt hands around my mouth, and it felt as if they were removing tape. Then I just wanted to vomit as I felt something sliding up my throat faster and faster. Suddenly my chest expanded on its own and the air rushed through my nostrils and mouth in a great gulp. I was breathing on my own again.

"Betty Jean, put a nasal cannula on him and turn the oxygen on fairly low, we won't cut him off completely until we see how he does on his own, maybe keep it up for a couple of days yet. I'm going to knock him out for a little while yet to ease the shock of being off the ventilator."

Just after I heard that, the slipping feeling came again and I went deeper into the darkness for how long I don't know, time seemed to be stopped in this place, and then things seemed to lighten. There was a hand holding mine, I pressed it, and this time it pressed back. I opened my eyes and there was a light above me and when I tried to roll my head to the right it worked and I saw Rebecca with tears streaming down her face. She stood, leant over me and kissed me.

"Welcome back Chuck, it's been a long four days. I thought I had lost you forever."

I tried to speak but all I could get out was a croak.

A voice from the bottom of the bed said, "You hush now, your throat will be too sore to talk for a while."

I looked and at the foot of the bed was a tall dusky colored woman writing in a book.

"Hi Chuck, I'm Betty Jean one of your nurses, your mom is a good friend of mine, she taught me a lot of what I know. Welcome back to the real world, you've been out of it for a couple of days but we are doing our very best to keep you in it. Doctor James will be back here before long. Just remember you are still very weak so don't try doing anything, just leave it to us. Now Rebecca, why don't you give Chuck a sip of cold water from that glass there, just a sip at a time remember his throat is pretty sore. If you give him anything tell us as we have to measure it."

Rebecca took the glass from the table and hooked the straw into my mouth. I hadn't realized how dry I was, and the cool water was like nectar as I took a few sips. Then I just laid my head back and closed my eyes, I felt as weak as a new born kitten.

After a few minutes a short bouncy woman walked into the room. "Hi Chuck, I'm Etta James your doctor, I hear you are a bit of a hardass. Well that may be the truth outside but in here I'm the hardass. If you don't believe me ask Betty Jean. While you are in my hospital you do what I say, and I hope you keep on doing it while you're out of it too.

The main thing for you to know now is that you had a heart attack; you are anything but indestructible and have to accept that. As it was your heart stopped twice but thanks to that lady alongside you, your level of fitness and the EMTs there is relatively little damage. I opened you up and did four coronary by passes to go round the blockages. I used a vein from the inside of your chest, and a vein from your left leg. The leg will likely begin to hurt as we reduce the painkillers that you are getting; most bypass patients usually say that the pain from the leg is the worst.

We are going to keep you in the unit here for another day and if you continue to progress well you will be going to a room on the cardiac floor. You will be allowed visitors other than family then, and you will be working with a dietician and physiotherapist who will get you up and moving around, and when you are walking by yourself and able to climb a couple of flights of stairs then we will let you go home. After 6 weeks of minimal activity we will bring you back and stress test you and if the results are good, you will be placed in a cardiac rehab group to start getting your fitness back.

To sum up, you have been a very lucky man, and there is no doubt that your level of fitness helped you survive. If you take our advice, you should lead a pretty normal life. I don't promise that you'll be running any marathons, but you never know if you apply yourself you just might. For now we take baby steps, one day at a time, can you handle that?"

I just nodded a little and Rebecca said, "He will, he may be a bit of a hardass but he isn't stupid." I pressed her hand after she said it and as she pressed mine in return, for the first time since we were married I felt as if there was a flow of energy from her to me, that between us we could take on the world.

Rebecca and I just sat and chatted, well she chatted, I just listened and nodded, I still felt pretty weak. It was a pleasure to be able to sit and listen to her though, a pleasure that I had sorely missed. She told me about that night, of course she was unaware that I had heard quite a bit.

"I felt you get up, I hadn't slept much after that spat we had, I realized that I should have told you about the trip being a get together thing but all year you haven't wanted to go to company functions. I didn't know what to do; it was bad enough when you saw that necklace, it was like you were thinking it was a gift from a lover or something instead of just something I thought you wouldn't be bothered hearing about. To be honest I didn't think that you would believe it was a gift from the company, which is why I said I bought it myself.

To tell the truth I didn't really want to go on the company trip myself as I knew if I did, apart from meal times, I would be either sitting in my room or reading on the beach. I could have gone sightseeing, but doing it alone isn't that much fun. As the sales director I pretty much had to go or felt I did.

Anyway I heard the crash from the bathroom and I ran through. Seeing you laying on the floor put me into a panic for a minute then I remembered what we had been taught on the company first aid course. I grabbed the portable phone and kept it with me while I checked for a pulse. When I couldn't find a pulse I dialed 911, told them that you had collapsed and I couldn't find a pulse and I ran down the hall and unlocked the front door. I ran back to you and started to do CPR and kept it up till they arrived. They shocked you right there, then again in the ambulance when your heart stopped again.

I called Sam and told him what happened and that I wouldn't be going on the trip and he insisted that you be brought here to St Bart's and said you would be covered under my insurance. Either he or Lila have been calling me at least twice a day to see how you were doing.

I whispered, "I'm sorry I messed up your trip." She didn't hear me at first and had to get closer while I repeated what I said.

She replied, "I'm not, I'm not stupid, it has been obvious for quite a while that there has been something, but I couldn't say what and when I asked you, all I got was that there was nothing wrong. You just seemed to be more and more uptight. I told Dr James that and she told me that it is quite common for personality changes before a major body event, as if the body is getting ready for it."

I whispered again, "Do you know what Sam wanted to see me for."

Rebecca thought for a minute, "No, I didn't even know he wanted to see you, but he has asked if he can visit when you are out into a room, I told him I thought it would be fine, so unless you don't want him to, I'll tell him to come in once you are moved. It also looks like the bosses at the plant are trying to get your insurance changed; they have an investigator asking questions. Sam has arranged for me to see a lawyer this afternoon to act for us with them."