A Change in the Status Quo

The waiter brought our drinks and I told him we would need a little more time to order. I was not about to order for Rebecca. She was pretty picky about what she wanted and no doubt I would get it wrong. She could never order straight from the menu. Something would always have to be on the side, substituted or cooked different.

As I waited it gave me some time to think. I have noticed that certain units of measure we use are not exactly quantified. How much is in a pinch? What is an ass-load of something? What about a bunch? How many are in a handful? Are there metric equivalents to these units of measure? Is a metric group of something more or less than an imperial group? How about time? Are a few minutes five minutes plus or minus? How about when someone says they will be right back? How much time is that? How long do you sit at a table alone before you wonder what happened to your companion when they said they will be right back; 5 minutes or 30?

I guess it is all relative. Do you think sitting at a table for a few minutes by yourself would seem like a long time? If you are on fire five minutes is an eternity while if you are getting a really first class blow job it is almost instantaneous. I won't get into how long I waited for my beloved wife to "be right back" before I went to see where she was. The lounge was just as irritating as the restaurant. It served those fruity drinks like an appletini. Can you imagine James Bond ordering an appletini shaken not stirred? Drinks like that is evidence of our decline as a civilization.

I entered the lounge a spotted her across the bar squeezed into the outside seat of a both with six other women all about the same age. She did not see me as she was engrossed in conversation with her friends. I stood off to one side and just watched her. When a waitress delivered drinks to her table and one of them was for her I went back to the dining room. I told the waiter we had changed our minds, gave him money to cover the drinks we had ordered plus a tip and left. You could say I was angry and hurt but I guess mostly I was disappointed. Not about my birthday but having one I loved so much and thought so much of treat me like that If she could treat me like that how was she treating others? Had she changed that much or was I just now seeing it?

I decided I was still going to eat out for my birthday. It was too late to get a good seat at my favorite steak house but my favorite hamburger joint was just across the street. Besides making great burgers it was my favorite for another reason; you could order any item from the menu anytime of the day and they were open 24-7. If you want a breakfast biscuit at twelve noon- no problem. If you want a burger at 5:00am it also is no problem. If you have not had a hamburger for breakfast you are missing out.

So that is how I came to be here by myself on my birthday. I had grabbed a seat in booth that gave me a view of the restaurant across the street. I was enjoying my burger when my cell phone began to vibrate. I am one of those polite bastards that set their phone to vibrate when in a restaurant. If the call is not urgent I will call back when I am done eating. If it is important, something that has not happened yet, I will leave the dining areas and take the call. My dad did manage to beat some politeness into me when I was growing up.

I do not know how long it took Rebecca to realize I was gone but I do know that enough time had elapsed that I was able to leave the restaurant drive across the street to the burger joint, place and receive my order and start eating before she came storming out the front of the restaurant to where my truck had been parked. She looked around and stomped her foot. Whenever she was frustrated or angry she would do that. It was move I always found kind of cute and amusing in the past. I would admit to deliberately aggravating her in the past just to get her to do that. Besides making up it up to her back then was kind of fun.

She took out her cell phone and shortly mine began to vibrate. It was her of course and I did not answer. Childish perhaps but I wanted to enjoy my birthday meal and talking to her would only spoil it. She did not bother to leave a voice message. I watched as she went stomping back into the restaurant.

At this point the situation might have been defused or mollified a bit had I called her back. We would have argued with her doing the yelling, at least most of it. In the end I would apologize for leaving her at the restaurant and she would have said she was sorry for the disrespectful way she had treated me and things would soon return to normal. Thing was I did not want to go back to what had become normal.

A taxi pulled up at the restaurant and I watch Rebecca get in and it drove off. I guess it was something that she did not stay and party with her friends but then again she had to get up early for her business trip. Rebecca called again, I didn't answer again and she did not leave a message again. They say a lack of communication can be bad for a marriage whoever "they"are. But right now I knew that we would only say things to each other that would make things worse. We would say hateful things or to be more accurate she would rant and rave and say those things. I would irritate her more by trying to remain calm stating my case instead of fighting back. Oh, I might say few things but I would try not to raise my voice. In the end we would apologize but we would not be able to unsay what we said. The wounds would heal but there would be scar tissue. Better to let tempers cool and give thought to what you want to say.

I finished my meal and decided it was too early to call it a night for celebrating my birthday. I figured I would go see a movie or maybe even two depending on how I felt about going home at the time. It may not seem like I was angry but I was royally pissed. I never did see much point in a bunch of yelling and screaming so I didn't. My normal method of letting off steam was to go for a run or some other type of physical exercise but changing into my workout clothes meant going home and that was not an option right now. So I was left to stew about it. I drove over to the multiplex where there were two movies getting ready to start. One was about a lame super hero whose weakness was a color so he could be defeated by a crayon. It is as bad as having a "super" ability of being able to talk to fish. Beware the dreaded attack of the Clownfish.

I opted for some foreign movie about hunting trolls. How is that for expanding my horizons? I was watching a foreign movie. Actually I have watched a few foreign movies; Das Boot, North Face and Downfall just so you don't go thinking I lack refinement.

I paid a not too unreasonable amount for my ticket and then was bent over at the snack bar. What is the markup for movie popcorn, about 900%? Why does the cost of admission cost less than the snacks? Well my anger over my wife's actions was briefly displaced by my anger over getting ripped off at the snack bar. The only plus was I was able to get my popcorn with extra butter, or what they call "butter". Unfortunately that just reminded me of Rebecca. She always insisted we shared an extra large popcorn like a couple should but she did not want extra butter so like a good husband I went along with it. At least for my birthday now I am able to enjoy the popcorn my way and they do not even charge you for the extra squirts of "butter". Of course I do not verbalize the fact the there is no charge for extra "butter" least it give them ideas.

While I was in the snack line my phone vibrated again. I checked it when I got seated another missed call from Rebecca and no message. I figure she got home without any problems. The Troll movie was OK so I thought I would see another movie but the next one showing without a long wait so I had to come up with another game plan. I sat in my truck and gave the situation some thought. I was still very angry about the incident and knowing her as well as I do I figured she was more than a little upset with me. If she was in anyway apologetic she would have left a message.

Rebecca had her business trip to leave for the next morning and I knew she would not cancel it. If it was me I would not have either. I figured it was an opportunity for both of us to cool down. I sent her a text message merely stating I was OK then shut off my phone. At this point some guys would have decided to spend the night in a motel but not me. I had a comfortable bed waiting for me at home even if the spouse was hostile. Long ago we came to an understanding. I would not be sleeping on the coach if she was mad at me. If she was that mad she could sleep there but I would not prevent her from sleeping in our bed. If it got to the point were neither of could share a bed maybe it was time to call it quits.

Driving home I gave it some thought. That our marriage was not in good shape was obvious. We were more like roommates than spouses. How much was I to blame for this I wondered. Why did I stop making attempts for us to spend more time together? Was it just a matter of my feelings being hurt after being rebuffed? Should I have tried to attend more of her company functions? I don't think so because she never asked why I stopped. It was like she was almost relived not to have me there, particularly when I found out about this upcoming trip.

Was it just about the sex? I know it is all we guys think about all the time but it was more like just a symptom than a cause. I did come to realize that she was not to happy with me. One incident always stuck in the back of my mind. Not long after she got promoted I was sitting in the den surfing the net looking at new fly rods one evening while she was at the desk doing some work. We had not said much to each other both lost in what we were doing when out of the blue she asked "You are never going to change are you?" I responded jokingly that it was not likely and went back to what I was doing not taking her question seriously. Maybe I should have and asked some questions of my own. Was she unhappy with whom I was? What exactly about me did she want to change?

It did seem that she no longer respected me nor it seemed thought much of our marriage. I still dismissed thoughts that she might be having an affair as I don't think that was her way. But then again I did not think she would treat me the way she had either.

When I got home she was waiting at the door still dressed up and with an almost finished drink in her hand. No telling how many she had knocked back before I got home. She, of course, launched into me. Rebecca followed me around yelling and waving her hands around while I shed the monkey suit .

I sat on the bed listening to the airing of her grievances over my conduct. While she was on her rant I looked at one of my tackle boxes on the floor in the closet and realized it had been too long since I had been on a fishing trip. Perhaps I needed what some called "me time".

This did not mean I was not listening to what the wife was saying but it did not require my full attention as I had heard most of it before. To sum up the key point of her yelling were:

That I had embarrassed her by abandoning her at the restaurant. That I showed no appreciation for her taking me out to dinner on my birthday and that I had ruined our last night together before she left for her business trip.

I knew this was coming and had spent most of the night formulating my response. When she paused for a breath she stomped her foot and aid "damn it say something".

I stood up and paced back and forth as I laid out my response.

"I wish you were more honest about taking me out to dinner for my birthday. If it was for my birthday why take me to a place you know I don't like?" She started to say something but I continued "I know I took you there before but that was because I know you like places like that, I did it for you. Sometimes couples do that. They don't have to share every like or dislike but they compromise and endure them for each other. When was the last time you compromised for me? Tonight was not about doing something for me but doing it for you under the pretext for doing it for me. I could have handled that but everything else on top of that just took it too far."

Rebecca just stood there looking angry so I continued

"You were the one who abandoned me at the table while you ran off with someone. I might add somebody I didn't know as I was not even afforded the courtesy of an introduction. All l got was an " I'll be right back."

She then interrupted before I could continue yelling about how I could not wait while she said hello to some old friends she had not seen in years.

At that point I lost it a bit and told her to shut up and not in calm voice. I had never told her to shut up before maybe that was part of our problem. I then continued "I may be just and undereducated shift worker to you but even I know the proper thing to do would have been to introduce me to your friend explain the circumstances and made arrangement to meet for drinks some other time. Yes, I know about the drinks I checked before I left and realized you would not be right back as you put it."

"Tell me Rebecca how long would you have waited if I left you sitting there to go have some drinks with friends?"

At that she exploded in anger with the response "Fat chance of that happening, you do not have any friends!" She quickly shut her mouth after that. Was that regret I saw in her eyes or hate?

My response was calm and even "I used to have at least one friend; that was all I needed. That friend was you."

She started to approach me and I held up my hand. "I am tired, I am going to take a shower and go to bed. I think when you leave on your business trip tomorrow you should spend some time thinking about what we should do with what is left of this marriage. I will do the same. Things cannot continue as they are between us. I do not wish to discuss this anymore until you get back."

I headed toward the bathroom but stopped and turned. "By the way your boss called me earlier expressing regret on my being unable to attend this so called business trip of yours due to my work. Seems that you neglected to tell me that this was a social -getting to know you - gathering for executives and their spouses with spouse attendance strongly encouraged, using his words. A weekend of fun and sun as he put it. You do not have to worry I am not as slow witted as you may think and kept with your story to him about my not being able to get the time off. Enjoy your trip."