A Christian Wife's Duty

Me and my husband have been together for 3 years. We met on my 18th birthday. I am now 21 and he is 40. During all this time we were together I had really bad depression. This was mainly problems with my contraceptive pill which I didn't realise at the time but it was also because it was his plan for me.

We are still together, and I am only able to write this now because he has given me two hours off. That is how much I can have off and do what I want every month. He calls it me period of freedom. It’s a pun on when I have a period – his joke, of course. The rest of the time he says that I am the female of the family. He refers to us as his family. That’s him and his son from a previous marriage, and his son is 21, so I am exactly the same age as my ‘step-son.’ Weird.

My husband is a member of a fundamentalist Christian group that believes that women should always be women. I only wear skirts now, and I haven’t cut my blonde hair in the last 3 years – it is now down to my waist. The women aren’t allowed to go to work, or do anything educational. Some of the girls I know can only just write their names.

This is encouraged has it promotes economic dependence on the men folk which is seen as a good thing. To be honest, my husband wouldn’t approve of me watching TV, or listening to the radio, or being on the internet. Writing this once a month is the only thing that I do which is disobedient, God forgive me, because ‘the woman should worship and obey the man as the man worship and obeys God.’

When we first together, the contraceptive pill meant that (how do I put this) I didn’t become very wet. I used to have intercourse with him even though it hurt me, but then I realized that if I performed oral sex on him for a long time beforehand and brought him to almost climax, then my saliva and his leakage made it wet enough for him to have full intercourse with me.

Quickly after we consummated the marriage he said that he wanted to have anal sex with me. I said that it wasn’t natural but he reminded me that as I was his wife I had to obey him. There was nothing more I could say.

He never mentioned it again thought and I was glad. He didn’t pressure me.

One night we got in bed and it was the first time we had done anything in a while. We use to have sex every day, but he had been very busy and it had been about 3 days. He NEVER masturbated, saying it was against Church teaching. I said that if it was OK with him I didn’t want to have sex because I was depressed.

He was really loving, gentle. That was really nice and I got really aroused and he seemed happy that I was so aroused.

I then lay on my front and he was on top of me- his stomach leaning against my back. He was kissing my neck and then started thrusting against my bum cheeks in a 'back and forth' motion. The weight of his body on mine meant I couldn't move.

I told him he was heavy and he supported himself on his elbows. Then he grabbed my forearms with his hands. There was on way I could move now, and it was even difficult to breath. His penis was not very hard, and I felt it pushing between the cheeks of my bottom. Then suddenly he penetrated me anally and then he started thrusting inside me really vigorously. I still couldn’t move till he climbed off me, and I tried not to think about it.

When I confronted him about this the next morning he just denied that he sodomised me. He just said that if it happened (IF it happened!) it was by accident and he thought that he was coming between my thighs. I just don't get how a man how a man can penetrate his wife accidentally and the orgasm and then say he didn’t even realize it.

The first time he took me anally, I’m willing to believe it might have been an accident. But the very next night I happened again. This time he was more up front about it. Then the same thing happened the next night.

He says that it is more enjoyable for him to take me anally, and in any case, it allows me to stop taking the pill, and that would be better for my depression! I didn’t want him to take me anally, so I feel it is rape. He has raped me anally every night for months. I didn’t want to believe that he is a bad man, and so I convinced myself that this is what wives do for their husbands.

And for their step-sons. Because now his step-son, who is 21 like me, also takes me anally every night. My husband says that there is a passage in the Bible which allows for this to happen, but each night my husband holds me down while the step-son takes me. And then immediately after the first has finished, my husband climbs on and rapes me anally the second time.

Although this has only happened for a few months, in reaction to is I started putting on a lot of weight. I have lost it now because they put locks on the cupboards, and I can only eat what I am permitted to eat. My clothes are also locked away, so I can only wear what I am permitted to wear. I also do all the housework, cleaning, cooking, and the surrender my body to the both of them at night.

It did happen for a couple of days, but last night my husband and his son raped me again. He said that he had to do it before Christmas, but why that was relevant I don’t know. I had showered and went to bed, not expecting him to come home till late because of the Christmas preparations at the Church hall.

He came into the bedroom with his son and they had both been drinking. This time though they brought another man whom I hadn’t seen before. Usually when my husband wants it or his son does I give it to them because there is no point in resisting, but this was the first time that he brought a stranger. My husband said that he was a ‘fine man’ who ‘deserved the best’.

There was no way I was going to accept this, however, and I said so. Both my husband and the son got on top of me and held me down. I don't know how long we fought and I don't know how many times I told him to stop and then I realized what they were doing. They were just resting their weight on my so that I would struggle and weaken myself out. Then I felt defeated. I still struggled a bit and we ended up on the bedroom floor and he held one of hand down, but I was trying to push him with the other hand. I couldn't push him off! He was so big that he just needed to rest his body weight on me and that was enough to bring me under his submission.

I was on my back looking up at him, and my husband reached down and took my panties off. The son and the stranger were laughing and getting undressed. I held my legs together but he pushed them apart and entered me, the first time he entered me vaginally for a long time. Somehow his penis came out he then started rubbing it on my vagina.

He was still holding my arm down and my chest was hurting because he was so heavy. He decided that that wasn't enough, he told me to let him put it in me, but I kept my legs closed. He pried them apart and entered me again. By then I was too, tired to keep fighting. Then eventually he came inside me, and following him, the son and the stranger as well.

It is about 4 months since the rape occurred with the stranger, and my doctor has confirmed that my pregnancy is normal. My husband and son has continued to rape me, even though I am pregnant. The doctor says that my depression I worse, but that is often the case with women who are pregnant. The doctor is sure that I will feel better when I give birth.

I could say a lot more, but my two hours is up. I have to get food ready for when we have supper in the Church Hall tonight.