A Clear View

"I didn't realize guys talked about anything except sports, the weather and sex."

"I don't have much interest in sports or the weather," deadpanned Bryan.

Sasha let out a hearty laugh.

"Well, what I saw in the shower supports that theory."

"What did you see in the shower?"

They turned to see Linda coming onto the porch. She, too, had her morning coffee and a bowl of granola doused with almond milk.

Sasha, Mark and Bryan exchanged a glance.

Linda raised an eyebrow.

Finally Bryan answered.

"Sasha accidently walked in on me in the shower this morning."

"Accidently?" she said grinning at Sasha.

"Absolutely. I didn't hear any water running and it was early. I didn't think anyone was up."

"Oh, someone was," added Mark with a short laugh.

"Huh?" said Linda.

Sasha extended her index finger.

"Really! Bryan you had an erection in the shower?"

Bryan blushed and nodded.

"Wow, morning wood. Who woulda' thunk it?"

They laughed.

"Look, it's not a big deal," said Bryan.

"I wouldn't put it that way," added Sasha, grinning.

"You mean..."

"Oh, yeah, quite an eyeful," replied Sasha.

"More than a wiener?"

"Think kielbasa," said Sasha.

"Oh, Bryan, you devil. Hiding it from us all these years," teased Linda. She gave him a theatrical wink.

***

Bryan knew Linda the longest of the women in their group. She married Jeff not long after they graduated from college. Bryan and Linda dated briefly freshman year in college. It never progressed to the point where she could offer comment on the size or condition of his private parts. They decided they were better friends than potential lovers. Not long after they declared their non-dating status, Jeff asked Bryan if he would mind if he asked Linda out. Bryan said he didn't. Jeff did, and now they've been married close to thirty years.

Linda is tall, blond, trim, beautiful and lots of fun. Add to that a first-rate intellect and a sardonic sense of humor, and Linda became Bryan's model of a dream girl. Jeff was the closest he had to a brother and now Linda was like a sister, or at least, a sister-in-law. He felt noble about letting Jeff date Linda, although he also felt like a pompous ass when he felt noble. He thought he did the right thing by letting her go. After patting himself on the back, he would come back to reality and admit to himself that he did not let her go. She had wanted to split up with him. And, in his most truthful moments, Bryan had to admit he could look at Linda and wonder if he should have fought harder to keep her. Usually those thoughts occurred when she was wearing her green bikini or a ridiculously tiny pair of running shorts.

But, Jeff was his best friend and Linda deserved a good guy like him. Jeff had always been his best friend. But, his relationship with Jeff had been different since Judy died. After the funeral, they talked less frequently and this is the first he's seen Linda and Jeff since then. He wondered why Jeff had been a little absent. He chalked it up to each person dealing with grief differently. At least, he hoped that was the reason. He knew if one of the women of this group died, he would hard pressed to deal with it.

Still, looking at Linda in her terrycloth shorts and tee shirt, he admitted she looked as beautiful now as when he first saw her. She was long and lean. Her face reflected some of her fifty plus years, but still had a clear complexion that made her look at least 10 years younger. She kept her blond hair short, avoiding the awkward problem of having long hair well into middle age. In the morning sun, Bryan could make out some silver among the gold. He imagined Linda couldn't be bothered with coloring her hair. She looked great.

***

Bryan asked, "What's the plan for today?"

"High tide at ten," said Bob who closed the sliding screen door as he spoke.

All said "morning" and he toasted with his mug.

"So, I say we do whatever to mid-afternoon. We can then hit the beach and hang out until dinner time."

Bob was the expert on beach time. Years ago he and Carol built this house and spent August of every year down here. They rented the house out in June and July. The income had helped pay taxes, upkeep and part of the mortgage. Just two years ago they had a mortgage-burning party during their week together. A week with their friends was part of their Bob and Carol's month.

"I wouldn't mind hitting the shops in P'town," said Sasha.

"Me, too," came a voice behind them.

They noticed that Carol had joined them on the deck, followed by Jeff.

"Great, girls go shopping," offered Bob. "I thought maybe the guys might like to go fishing. I have tentative arrangements with a friend to go out for a short cruise on his boat. Any takers?"

Mark and Jeff immediately declared their interest.

"Bryan?" asked Bob.

"Actually, I thought I'd go over to the Truro historical society. I'm working on something new and I could look up some background."

"A new book?" asked Linda.

"Yeah. Still piecing together the framework, but part of the action takes place on this end of the Cape in the late 1800's. I'm looking for some information on a famous shipwreck."

They all chatted for a while and then went to get ready for their morning activities. They agreed to meet back at the house no later than 2:30.

Mark and Jeff piled into Bob's Jeep and headed toward Pamet Harbor to meet up with the boat.

The three women and Bryan left the house together. As they were getting in their separate cars, Linda told the other women to wait.

She approached Bryan's car and stuck her head in his window.

"Hey, would you mind some company?"

"What? You'd rather poke around a dusty historical museum than go shopping?"

"Well, the dusty museum doesn't sound all that great, but I'm not up for shopping. Besides, wouldn't you want some exhilarating company?"

"Sure would. Do you know someone who could supply it?"

Linda grinned and flipped him the bird.

"You're such a douche."

"What? Oh, you meant you? Sorry, I got thrown with the exhilarating part."

"God, a douche and an asshole. I must be masochistic. Anyway, what do you say?"

Bryan looked into her hazel eyes with the gold flakes.

"Sure. I look forward to boring you beyond all measure."

Linda ran back to tell her friends of the change in plans.

Both cars left and soon went their separate ways.

"So, was it embarrassing?" Linda asked.

"What?"

"Getting caught by Sasha with a boner."

Bryan shook his head slowly. "What's embarrassing is having to talk to you about it."

"Oh, come on, Bryan. We've always been able to talk."

"I don't recall ever talking to you about being caught nude."

Linda giggled. "Got me on that one. And, I am quite sure we never discussed stroking your hard dick in front of anyone."

Bryan shot her a look.

"Oh, come on. We're girls; we talk."

"What are you really asking, Linda?"

"Well, you must need relief. I mean if you were turned on when Sasha saw you, and played with it, did you have to, you know, get relief?"

"You really want to talk about this?"

"I thought it might help you to talk about it."

"Ok, let's start by discussing your sex life. How often do you and Jeff do it? Do you like porn? Is masturbation better in the morning or the afternoon? Doggy style, missionary or cowgirl?"

Linda stared ahead for a minute.

"That's harsh, Bryan."

"Well, maybe I don't want to talk about my having a hard-on. Being single the only release I have is jerking off. Satisfied? Isn't that what you wanted to know? How often does this poor widowed guy have to wack-off?"

Linda turned and looked at Bryan.

"We never have sex."

"Duh, I think you mean we never had sex," said Bryan.

"No, not you and me. Me and Jeff. He hasn't touched me in two years."

Bryan tried to keep his eyes on the road, but had to turn to look at his friend. She stared out the side window. He looked at her slender neck showing between her hair and the pink of her polo shirt. He wanted to touch her, but his hand didn't move.

"I don't know what to say, Linda."

She turned toward him. Her eyes were red, but she smiled. Bryan thought it was a mirthless smile.

"Tell me about your book idea."

"Linda, about being a shit..."

"You're writing about being a shit? I didn't think it was an autobiography."

They both grinned. Bryan got the message that Linda had changed the topic.

Bryan laid out a vague concept of how a family took in one of the sailors from the shipwreck. There is some mystery about him and perhaps his role in being responsible for the wreck. The local authorities start an inquiry. He becomes infatuated with the wife. Bryan was still working the plot details, but felt he was ready to do research on shipwrecks and what happened after one.

"You know there were quite a few wrecks in this part of the cape," he said.

"So, the hero, or let's call him the protagonist until we discover if he's really heroic, is going to be bedding his host's wife?"

Bryan looked at Linda and she returned his gaze. The silence in the car drowned out the road noise.

"As I said, still working on the plot," he replied.

"Ah, but as an author you'd need to have a point of view, right? So, what's your point of view, the husband, the sailor or the wife?"

Bryan didn't answer. He did not want to go down that path.

"There's the turn-off," he pointed out.

He pulled into the lot next to the old hotel that served as home for Truro's historical society.

They got out of the car and Linda looked out toward the ocean.

"Ever been to the top?" she asked looking at the Highland Lighthouse.

"Once, a long time ago. It's a great view, want to go up?"

She nodded and they walked toward the tall structure.

"Lighthouses are quite phallic, don't you think?' she said and slipped her arm through his.

"Never really thought about it."

"Hard to miss the symbolism," she said. "Wonder how'd it look in a shower?"

She giggled and Bryan slapped her butt. "God, you are a tease sometimes."

He paid for two tickets and they began the climb up the 69 winding stairs. He allowed Linda to go first. His eyes were fixed on her taut thighs and tight butt clad in white jean's shorts. Telling himself to relax, he fought his second erection of the day.

Reaching the level nearest the top, they found themselves in a room that held the mechanism for the light. There was a young tour guide who explained how long the building was in its current location, having been moved from the original location because of erosion of the dunes.

After listening, they climbed the ladder to the top, where the lens still sent out its warning light. These steps were steeper and Bryan caught a glimpse of Linda's pink undies as she stepped up. Walking around the light, they arrived at the door to the catwalk. They exited and stood on the narrow balcony that wound around the perimeter.

A warm land breeze moved over them. Looking out over the ocean, Bryan could make out the sail of a passing boat. He pointed it out to Linda.

"Wonder if they're going somewhere or just riding along for fun," she mused.

"If you're moving, you're going somewhere," Bryan said.

"Are you going somewhere, Bryan?"

She had slipped her arm through his and pulled herself tight to him.

"Sure," he quipped. "Going around the other side to look at P'Town."

He moved and she followed.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"Look, you can see P'Town Tower."

Pointing off to the distance, they could see the square shape of the famous landmark.

"Hmm, another great phallic symbol," said Linda. "Must be the day for things sticking up."

"Jeez. You've got phallus on your mind today," he teased.

"Well, I'm not the one waving a pole at Sasha in the shower," she said.

"Really, Linda, there is nothing about Sasha and me in the shower. She walked in by accident. I had a boner. End of story."

"Did you want there to be more of the story? Sasha told me she would not be offended if you needed to finish while she watched." she said quietly.

"I could never do that."

"Wouldn't it be a sexual thrill, like a sexual adventure?"

"I don't think about her that way," Bryan said.

"You mean you never thought about Sasha sexually?"

"She's Mark's wife. She's my friend, for crying out loud."

"That doesn't answer the question."

"I'm not going to, Linda. And, I don't understand where all this is coming from?"

"Bryan, all I'm asking is that if Sasha weren't married to Mark, would you find her sexually attractive?" Bryan wondered if Linda were really asking if he found her attractive.

Bryan turned to look at her. She held her gaze fixed on the distant tower.

"Is that all you're really asking, Linda?"

She shrugged. "Just because a woman is married, does that make her not attractive sexually? I think Sasha is beautiful. She always has been and she is today. Sometimes I look at her and it takes my breath away how beautiful she is. So, I imagine a guy must feel that way, too."

"Linda, when you know someone, you can't really separate them from who they are. Sasha is Mark's wife. That's part of her. It seems like I would be objectifying her if I just looked at her physically."

"Well, I think she is one of the sexiest women I've ever seen. Any man—or woman—would want to make love to her."

"Including you?"

"As I said, she is beautiful. She is also seriously sexually deprived."

Bryan reflected on Mark's admission of impotency. He had been caught up in the effect it had on Mark. He never considered what lack of intimacy must have meant to Sasha. Now, Linda had told him that she and Jeff were not intimate. Were the two women helping each other? Could it be that Judy was also part of the ménage? Was Judy sleeping with Linda and Sasha?

Bryan tried to redirect the conversation.

"Look people need to respect each other for their entire being, not just their sexual side."

"I don't buy it. If that were the case, there would never be adultery. Adultery is 80% sexual and 20% boredom. Cheating could be to make up for a lack of sex, or boring sex or even revenge sex. But, it's sex. So, I don't think that because a person is married they are not sexually attractive to other people."

Bryan turned and looked at his old friend. Nothing really surprised him about people. Being a writer, he understood that there were many currents, running in different directions, under even the most calm exterior. Was Linda telling him that she made love with women? Was she hinting that she and Sasha were lovers? Was she admitting that she indulged in adultery? Was she coming on to him? Or, was she trying to tell him something he didn't want to hear?

Bryan felt his stomach tighten. He sensed he knew where Linda was now going. And, he dreaded it. She was playing with the lock that kept a demon outside the door.

She turned toward him and slipped her arms around his middle.

"Hold me," she said.

He embraced her and she melted into his grasp. He could feel her breasts pushing into to him and her naked thighs felt warm against his. His cheek rested against his and her warm breath covered his neck.

"Do you find me attractive?" Linda asked in a whisper.

"You're beautiful," he said. "You always were and, I think, you've gotten sexier through the years."

"Mmm," she said and squeezed. "Sexier than Sasha?"

"I don't understand why you keep picking at this bone," he said as Linda squeezed her body to his. "Ok, just to shut you up, I find Sasha sexy. No, make that, I finder her incredibly sexy and always have. You remember what she looked like when we were in college. She's just gotten more attractive through the years. That happens with some women."

Bryan felt Linda move in his arms.

"Just like you. You are more beautiful today than ever. So, does that answer your question?"

Linda nodded against his shoulder.

Wordlessly, they clung to each other at the top of the tower, a breeze blowing alternately warm and cool as the wind shifted from land to sea.

"I think she was screwing someone," he said so softly she almost missed it in the wind moving past her face.

He held this thought inside for a long time. Even before she died, he felt there was something Judy was hiding. He suspected what it was. The dread that had hung on him since he found the note now came crashing around him as he voiced his suspicion. The door was opened and there was no safety catch to be found to close it.

"I know she was," Linda said as softly as he had.

***

The first time Bryan saw Judy she was nearly naked.

It was the near the end of his junior year. There was a demonstration at a town park to protest a "double standard" in clothing regulations. The protestors claimed that since men could run or play in the park without a shirt, women should be afforded the same opportunity. The town council said that there was an ordinance banning indecent exposure and that the act of women exposing their breasts was indecent. Women had to keep their tops on.

So about two dozen protestors, all college women, showed up on a Saturday morning in the spring and stripped to the waist. They carried signs that read "Boobs are not indecent" and "Free the Breasts".

Bryan was oblivious to the fact there was a demonstration. He was just out for a run and cut through the park. He saw the crowd and a TV truck and jogged over. Being a warm day, Bryan had pulled off his shirt and stuck it in the waistband of his running shorts.

He just reached the crowd and for the first time noticed that there were topless women there. One woman looked at him and ran toward him. She screamed, "This is what I'm talking about."

She stood next to him and said, "Why am I indecent and he isn't?"

Bryan looked at the slight woman. Her black hair was a tangle of crazy curls reaching down past her shoulders. Weighing probably no more than 100 pounds, she came half way up to his shoulders. Her body was fit and white. He looked at her dark eyes and immediately sensed the energy and something else in them. It was more than intensity; it looked like a touch of madness.

He looked at more than her eyes.

Her small breasts were tiny mounds on her chest. Round areolas and dark nipples pushed out in defiance. She wore a black bikini bottom that showed a taut butt. Bryan had never seen anyone like her.

The media and spectators were taking pictures. The woman slipped an arm around his middle and called for the others. In seconds, Bryan was surrounded by a gang of topless women. He felt naked breasts pushing into him from all angles, as they mugged for the cameras. Bryan laughed and grabbed a "Free the Breasts" sign and held it above his head.

A reporter shouted out to him. "What do you think of topless women in public?"

Bryan said the first thing that came to his mind.

"Hey, if women want to take their tops off, I say let them. Boobs are cool."

The wild woman next to him immediately took up the call.

"Boobs are cool," she chanted. The other women joined in. Bryan shouted along with them.

"Boobs are cool." "Boobs are cool."

The women raised their arms and jumped around, screaming, "Boobs are cool."

After a few moments, the wild woman yelled, "Boobs are cool. Off to the pool." The others picked up that chant and began heading out in the direction of the town pool.

The wild woman turned and hugged him.

"Thanks for being a sport."

"Sure. It was fun."

She hugged him again and he felt the hard nipples boring into his naked chest.

The woman took the sign from him, stood on her toes and kissed his lips. She turned and ran to catch up with her fellow protestors.

Bryan watched the small rear with the slightest butt crack at the top of the bikini head off.

He finished his run and was in cool down mode, walking along the north end of the park.