A Correspondence with Sharon Ch. 02byrivertown_rat©
This is the continuation of an email correspondence I had with a woman named Sharon Alderson. If you have not read the previous part I suggest you go back and read it to get the full background.
Oct 10/02/08 9:07 PM
Don't worry about taking up too much of my time with your emails. In fact, you are actually inspiring me to write even more and you are giving me good story ideas. I hope you don't mind if I use some of your experiences in my stories. What happened to you is almost unbelievable. You know what they say: life is often stranger than fiction. Now I have some more questions.
1) Was the first time you had sex with Jay in the office?
2) Was it anti climatic in the sense that you felt you had already cheated?
3) Did you feel more or less guilty?
4) After that did you give in to his advances or did he try to blackmail you because of the affair?
5) Did he immediately escalate his sexual demands or was there a normal period before he got bored and wanted more?
6) How did things progress after the affair started?
7) Were you always looking for a way out or did you just accept it and try to survive?
Oct 10/04/08 11:25 PM
I'm glad that confessions to you are not a distraction to your writing. That was a big concern of mine. If it is providing you with material and inspiration then I'm happy. Please feel free to use anything I tell you in your writings should you so desire.
You are correct about life being stranger then fiction. Since I've been recalling this from my memories,it is hard not to think about how really strange it really was. It's funny how 20/20 hindsight can make things seem so clear when I was really very confused at the time. As I'm telling you these things it is almost as if I am standing back and watching it happening to someone else. Perhaps it is a defense mechanism that is detaching me from the reality of the fact that it was really me. I know when I was writing my last e-mail, there was a part that seemed too incredible to be true and I nearly deleted it. I was certain you would read it and think "This girl is making this up"!! What I was writing was true so I left it in. I came to that conclusion because I felt that honesty was more important then believability.
Another thing that seemed strange when writing my last e-mail was the clarity of my memories. What was weird was that when I started writing you, I only had the general concept of what happened in my head. As I began recalling it, it was like one door opening into another and details and even conversations suddenly were clear as if it were yesterday. It's funny how much the mind retains. Personally, I was amazed at the details I could recall. I'm sure there were some things that I couldn't recall but the clarity of what did come back was astounding to me. I don't know if my memories will remain that clear but there seems to be every indication that they will. As I'm sitting here now, I recall the first time Jay and I had sex but few if any of the details. If they come back to me as I'm writing, I will include them. If not, you will be reading a general overview.
One last thing before I get to your questions. Please excuse any grammatical errors that may appear. I am purposely not re reading anything and simply telling you things as I recall them. I'm afraid that if I read it, I will say to myself "OMG, I can't tell him that" and not send it.
Now for your questions:
There are several questions posed but most of them can be answered by telling you of the first time we actually had sex. The others I will answer separately.
Before continuing, I feel it is important to give you more background information on my situation there.
Before starting her own business, Lee was a very good computer programmer and a very hard worker. She worked at a bank and developed on her own a program to simplify her work at the bank. The software she developed was passed around to some other banks and she got the credit but no monetary compensation for her work. Without getting into too many boring details, she discovered while working with some federally backed loans that she could improve the process there with a program. She developed a working model and presented it to the federal agency. The result was that she got a federal grant to develop the software for their use. That was where I came into the picture.
Lee was born and raised on a farm. She lived on a farm and had a very rural way of thinking. Prior to this contract, the most she ever made in her life was 18K. Suddenly she was in a position where she couldn't do things on her own. She needed to hire more programmers to help her meet her deadline. She did that and had people working literally in the living room of her farm house on card tables. Amazingly she was not operating as a business and paying people cash for their work. That went on for a year. Then when tax time came, she was in trouble. Her accountant got her through it but insisted that she form a company and operate as a business.
She knew nothing about business and needed someone knowledgeable in that area. I was working for a concrete company at the time as the payroll clerk. A friend of mine who was working part time for Lee told me I might be able to make some extra money if I was willing to help her set up her payroll. I needed the money and called her. I helped her with that and then was asked to help with other aspects of setting up her business. Before long I was offered a full time position to run the business part of her company. With that position, I became her key employee.
The business grew by leaps and bounds. So did my responsibilities and my paycheck.
Now back to what went on with Jay and I:
What happened the night of my birthday with Jay, really scared me. Only a small part of it was the cheating. What bothered me the most was that I had the best job I ever had in my life and messing with the boss's husband was certainly screwing it up. For weeks after that I avoided Jay. That didn't deter him from trying. We did talk about what had happened and I let him know in no uncertain terms that what happened was a mistake and could never happen again.
We started talking again and things kind of returned to the way they were before that night. Lee always worked into the night unless she had something to do. I often stayed after the others left because she was there and without distractions I could get more done. The other factor was again, I was still going home to an empty house so why not stay. Jay was a frequent companion when I stayed late. I actually enjoyed his company.
On this one night, I was working at my desk and Jay moved behind me to rub my shoulders. He had done that in the past so it wasn't unusual and It always felt good. Let me stop here to make a quick comment. Jay seemed to always have a knack of knowing when I was most vulnerable. On this night, I was very vulnerable. Joey and I had been arguing and the result was that we hadn't had sex for over two weeks. That left me become easily aroused by Jay's back rub. There was nothing sexual about it but like I said, I was vulnerable at that time. Just the physical contact was enough. Somehow, Jay seemed to pick up on that.
While Jay was rubbing my shoulders, Lee walked into my office and made a comment like "You ought to try his back rubs", "they're even better". Then she said that she was done for the night because she had to go to her pottery class. (The class was every Tuesday night from 7-9) I said that I had a few more things to finish up (I did) and I would be leaving too. Jay told her to go ahead and he would stay to lock up. Before Lee left, she jokingly told me "Watch him because he has been known to have roaming hands".
I had been in a horny mood all day and the shoulder rub was only making it worse but I was enjoying it. When Jay asked if I wanted to try his back rub, I answered "Why not" and laid my head down on my desk to expose my back. I was wearing a sweater that day and after only a short while, Jay started pulling it up from the back. I stopped him and he assured me that it was only to do the back rub properly. I let him hike it up in the back to rub my skin. Then he unsnapped my bra. I scolded him but let it go. If I wasn't in the horny mood I was in, I would have stopped things right there. I have no doubt about that.
Jay's hands did wander to the sides of my breasts and I did clamp my arms to stop him after scolding him again. By this time he had the back of my sweater pulled all of the way up to my shoulders. I was holding it across my breasts in the front. Jay wanted to take the sweater off of me. I initially refused but after repeated requests, I gave in and let him pull it over my head. Even looking back now I'm still not sure why I let him do that. For some reason it just seemed OK. I even mentioned to him that Lee wouldn't appreciate it if she knew he had my sweater off. He came back with the statement that she told me to try the back rub and she knew I always do it on bare skin. He made it seem like Lee had given him permission to take my sweater off. The other thing was that he was stretching the heck out of my sweater and I didn't want it ruined. With my bra straps off of my shoulders, the bra was just hanging there, so I took it the rest of the way off.
The back rub did feel very relaxing and I even enjoyed his quick passes over my breasts. After a while, I had quit trying to stop him from reaching around the front. Eventually, Jay was spending as much time on the front as the back. I was enjoying both. Then Jay stopped rubbing my back completely and held both breast in his hands. I wasn't minding at all. He began kissing the back of my neck. I told him no but made no effort to stop him. By that time I was feeling very horny. Again I was letting my sexual desire interfere with my logic.
As you might have guessed, I was responding to all of this and Jay knew it. His kissing went around to my cheek and finally to my lips. I can clearly remember telling myself that this shouldn't be happening again but I was enjoying the attention too much. I was not only enjoying it, I needed it. Jay was providing me with what my husband wasn't. Jay continuously reminded me about how wrong it was for my husband to neglect me the way he did. He had been saying that all evening. It was like he was saying that it was OK for this to be happening and it was my husband's fault that it was. He actually had me believing that. I was really rationalizing the situation by thinking Lee did give us permission and Joey caused it by not giving me enough attention. It may sound stupid but that is really what I was thinking. A horny brain will come up with any excuse and I was definitely horny.
Jay pulled me up to a standing position and we started kissing. I quickly lost all resistance. I knew I didn't want this happening again but felt powerless to stop it. I felt desperate for the sexual attention and Jay was continuously reassuring me everything was OK. It was somewhere during the kissing that I just let go of all of my resistance. I needed the sex and that was all I was thinking. When Jay started opening my belt, I let him without objection. A minute later, my slacks were at my ankles and I stepped out of them. His hand slipped down the front of my panties and I welcomed it. Then my panties too were moving down my legs. I didn't care.
Jay pushed me back to my desk and lifted me up on it. He said that he had been wanting to do this since the first day I started there and sat in my chair between my legs. He began giving me oral sex. I have to stop here a minute to tell you about Jay's ability there. I have had oral sex from different men but none like I got from him. To this day, he is still the best I ever experienced.
Jay took me through multiple orgasms with his tongue. These weren't small orgasms either. Everyone was huge with each one stronger then the last. I thought I was in heaven. It got to the point where I just couldn't take it anymore and I pushed his head away. While I was coming down from the clouds, Jay was opening his pants. I had my eyes closed and wasn't aware of what was happening until I felt his erection moving into me. Back into the clouds I went. The sex was also great even considering how uncomfortable it was on the hard desk. He could have lasted a bit longer but considering the situation, I understood. He was just as excited as I was. After he was done, he held me and stayed inside of me until he began to soften. Only then did we separate. I grabbed my clothes and went naked to the bathroom to clean up. At that point, my head was still in the clouds and I felt no guilt. I still recall that night as one of the best sexual experiences of my life. I had gone to work that morning unhappy and sexually frustrated. I was going home content and satisfied. It was a good feeling and one that I hadn't felt for some time.
Jay and I shared an affectionate kiss before he walked me to my car. Neither of us wanted to part but we both knew it had to be. We both were happy but for different reasons. I needed affection and attention which he provided and he wanted a sexual relationship with me which he got.
I had an hour drive home and it gave me a lot of time to think about my situation. I was still feeling that after sex glow but as I got closer to home the guilt surfaced stronger and stronger. I didn't want Jay. I didn't even like Jay. I wanted my marriage to work but was doing things to destroy it. A million thoughts were going through my mind. I did enjoy what had happened but had serious questions about why I let it happen. Everything about having sex with Jay was wrong and stupid, yet, I did it. For some reason what had seemed so right an hour earlier seemed so wrong now.
I got home and my brain was still working over time on my situation. I came to the conclusion that I was going to try to make thing right between Joey and I and definitely had to stop things with Jay. What I wanted was to make love to Joe that night to erase in my mind the good feelings I had about having sex with Jay. I waited up until two in the morning and went to sleep. Joey had again had a few beers after work with his friends. I was disappointed but not angry. How could I be angry with Joey after what I had done.
The next day at work, Jay was in a very good mood. I didn't avoid him but did feel uncomfortable around him. It was Lee that I really felt uncomfortable around. She had been so nice and treated me so well. I had returned the favor by having sex with her husband. I was going to do my best to put what happened behind me. Jay wasn't about to let that happen and I was spending a lot more time with him then Joey.
That description of events may not have directly answered your questions but should have given you an idea of what happened and how I was feeling. To clarify things, I'll answer each question briefly and directly.
1) Was sex with Jay in the office?
2) Was it anti climatic in the sense that I felt I had already cheated?
ANSWER: No, as I explained, it was a heightened experience.
3) Did I feel more or less guilty?
ANSWER: Less guilty even though actual sex was involved
4) After that did I give in to his advances or did he try to blackmail me because of the affair.
ANSWER: Neither. I was terribly confused at that time. I wasn't just giving in to his advances but I wasn't resisting them either. Again it was the attention factor. At that time this was very early in our affair. I believe Jay's only goal at that time was to continue the sexual affair. He wasn't going to have to blackmail me to accomplish it. That would come later when his sexual demands increased more then I was willing to give.
5) Did he immediately escalate his sexual demands or was there a normal period before he got bored and wanted more?
ANSWER: There was a normal period. At that time, this again was still early. Any sex we had was exciting enough just because we were doing it. Jay never really got bored with the sex. That was very clear. After a while, he saw an opportunity to do things with me that Lee would never do. It escalated then.
6) How did things progress?
ANSWER: Slowly at first. Jay's original intent was to divorce Lee and marry me. At least that was what he told me. He was doing everything possible to make me happy and show how much better of a husband he would be then Joey. We went through a rather long period where he was trying to prove to me that he could make me happier. Things changed later when he realized I wasn't about to leave my husband. If this was only going to be a sexual affair, he was then going to get all he could get.
7) Was I always looking for a way out or did I just accept it and try to survive?
ANSWER: Both. I was looking for a way out from day one but once I lost control of the situation, I went day to day and tried to survive it.
The situations I have describes so far were at the very beginning and I was still very much in control of it. I say that because I still had options. A simple no could have and would have ended it. Even after the sexual part started, I still had that option. I didn't say no because I needed the attention and affection I was getting from him.
After the first time, about two months went by before our next sexual encounter. It was nearly as good as the first and a deciding factor on me wanting to continue the affair.
Oct 10/04/08 11:25 PM
Wow. You are by far the most fascinating person I have ever "talked" too. Thank God for email, because I suspect that without the anonymity it allows we would not be having this conversation.
While women are still a bit of a mystery to me I think I understand what you were going through at the time. There was a period in my life early in my marriage when things were very difficult. It had just started my career as a software engineer and I had been laid off from my job. I was forced to do some consulting work to pay the bills. This required that I do some traveling to take some training on a computer system that I was not familiar with. The idea is that I would then set up and configure their new computer and train the permanent employee (when he/she was hired). Anyway, while I was there I was stressed out and lonely. The first day in the class I met a friendly young woman and we hit it off immediately. After class we had dinner together since neither of us wanted to eat alone, at least that was what I told myself. After dinner we went back to her room to watch a little TV. There actually was something on that I wanted to watch, so again I convinced myself that it was innocent. After we were there for a while she started really flirting with me, and I have to tell you I was very tempted and did flirt back initially. But as time went on and the flirting got heavier I finally came to my senses and told her I had to leave. I still felt very guilty that I had let things go so far.
The next day she apologized to me and I told her I was sorry for leading her on. We both realized that we had just barely avoided a big mistake (she was engaged to be married). After that we stayed friends for the rest of the week and kept each other out of trouble.
Now a few more questions for you. After you made it clear that you were not going to leave Joey, do you think that Jay escalated his demands as a way of punishing you? Was Lee completely unaware of the affair, or do you think she had given him some sort of unspoken permission? It seems to me that she would almost had to have known something was going on. After all, at one point you thought Lee was interested in you as well. Have you considered the possibility that perhaps Jay was pressuring Lee for more sex than she wanted so she allowed the affair to take off some of that pressure? What was the first thing that Jay demanded or did that you considered an escalation of the relationship? What was the first thing that you refused to do that caused Jay to threaten or force you to do?