A Cuckold's Diary Ch. 27

Sally came. A deep, guttural moan followed by silence, and the sound of her body bouncing up and down on the bed. I felt it through the floor, and thought about this being the only way I feel my wife cumming. "We don't think about you at all when we cum," she said, and I believe her. I believed her as I sat there and listened to my wife orgasming in her lover's arms. I knew it was true: right then, my wife's world encompassed her own cumming body and her lover's warm, excited body molding itself to her.

The problem with language is that it is linear; we describe one thing and then another. But listening to -- and feeling -- my wife orgasm flooded my brain with thoughts that reverberated like a dozen of those crazy bouncing balls in a small room.

Naked touching skin

Pleasure release trust excitement

Bouncing tits spasms rolling eyes

Grunting kissing sucking nipples intimacy

orgasm Infidelity my wife

I love sex with him fool loser

I felt like an ocean crashed over me. I worked to keep from cumming, to keep from calling out or groaning too loudly, to keep from crying. My wife CAME in his arms, and I just sat there rubbing myself while I stared at their bedroom door. How pathetic. And real. It's her, it's him -- it's me. They are in there, and I'm out here -- alone.

In less time than it took you to read this, Sally was fucking Ted. Oh, I was still shut out of their room, but I could tell. I heard the sheets rustle, I heard my wife suck in her breath the way she does when a cock -- HIS cock -- enters her, and I heard him let out a groan of pleasure. I tried to picture them: I didn't know what position they were fucking in (wow -- what kind of loser writes a sentence like that?), but I knew that Ted's penis was in my wife's vagina.

I knew it, but I really had no idea. I was about to find out.

"Paul, come in," he called out to me.

I opened their door and saw... THEM.

Sally, my loving and beloved wife, was kneeling on top of Ted. She was absolutely, completely naked. Her naked breasts -- both of them, not just one like she had him show me -- were pointing toward her lover's eyes. He, was naked, too. The only thing he was wearing was... my wife.

She was fucking him. With her legs spread around his hips I saw her body move, and clench, and release, and grind and swirl on his cock. I didn't know where to look first: at my wife's face, staring at her lover and whispering to him to cum in her, or at her hips, dancing the most obscene, sensual sex dance I had ever seen. Or at his face, twisted in pleasure and grunting out sex noises.

I stood there for a few minutes, watching my wife and her lover. Then I knew I just had to see. I didn't even stop to think of how I was about to debase myself; how I would shame myself beyond even my own belief.

I walked quietly to the foot of the bed, and leaned in close.

Again, I have to choose an order to tell you that I saw Ted's cock sliding in and out of Sally's pussy. Do I first mention my wife's pussy, shining with the wetness that her body never produced for me? Do I talk about how her lips formed a perfect O, wrapping itself around HIM and caressing him? Do I talk about his erection, his sex organ so hard it looked like the veins were going to pop out? Do I talk about the noises he made which corresponded to every one of Sally's squeezes? It all happened at the exact same time. I saw sex.

Sex. Cock in pussy, penis in vagina, intercourse, fucking, cowgirl, her pussy lips clinging to his shaft as she raised up on him, their soaked pubic hairs following the flow of her hips up and down, his spasms as she worked her magic on his body. I saw it all. And I wasn't part of any of it.

Then Ted said the most overwhelming thing he has ever said to me. In between grunts of pleasure he looked down at me by the bottom of the bed and said,

"I want you to watch your wife make me cum."

Later, I asked him why he called me in to show me that. He said right away that he loved seeing my wife fucking him and he thought it would be the most humiliating thing he could do to me. I agreed that it was, and I asked if he enjoyed it.

"Actually, I DID. Sally fucked me SO well, and knowing you were going to stand there and watch her draw my cum out of me just seemed SO hot."

I asked if my presence was a distraction.

"Absolutely not. You don't matter to us."

I watched my wife make her lover cum... in her. When Ted spoke to me I instinctively got up and moved toward the side of the bed again, so as the shock of his words reverberated through my brain (and cock!), I saw that he was now holding my wife's tits in his hands. One breast, one nipple, in each of HIS hands. Her hips started to buck, then draw forward slowly; then buck again, then slowly forward. It was true: he was lying still, or as still as he could manage with waves of pleasure pounding through him. It was Sally -- my wife -- who was doing all the fucking.

He wanted me to stand there and watch as my wife fucked him. Loser that I am, I did.

It sure sounded like it felt good.

I had just made my way back to the foot of the bed when his orgasm hit him. His breathing escalated into pants and he began to whimper, faster and faster until his AAAAGHH! marked his climax. His body shook and spasmed, but my wife held his cock firmly in her pussy and continued to stroke him as he came. I actually saw his penis contract as he ejaculated, when my wife drove him over the edge and made him orgasm and squirt his cum in her. Ted was right: nothing could be more humiliating for me than to stand there, impotently rubbing my penis while my wife fucked him and made him cum right before my eyes.

Even now, thinking back on what I saw, I can't believe how I behaved. No protest, no dragging my wife off the other man and reclaiming her. I just stood there and watched my wife fuck him and bring him to orgasm inside her.

Even after he came, she kept fucking him. Adding his semen to her lubrication produced a squishing noise every time she moved her hips to pull him deeper inside her. I stood there and listened to the mixture of their body fluids until Sally said, "I love our juices together." He shuddered again, and so did I.

Finally she lifted her leg and slid off him, lying down beside him and wrapping her arm around his chest. His cock was still hard, and as she kissed her lover and caressed his body, his erection was the final blow to my remaining ego. HE was the man today, not me. She is always the woman, but she didn't even know what that meant until she met him and he showed her how a woman feels when she's in bed with a MAN.

My wife's lover called me into the bedroom to show me how my wife fucks him -- and only him. He wanted me to see his cock in her pussy... inside her body. He wanted me to see him cum in my wife. He wanted me to see how my wife was so focused on fucking him that she didn't care -- or even notice -- that her husband was watching her cuckold him.

I stared at his still-erect penis until Sally waved me out of the room.

I was irrelevant. And I was ashamed. I still am.

I closed the door behind me, and sat down in my place again. It was quiet for a while -- soft talking, gentle movements, the sounds of lovers enjoying each other's company. Then the door opened and my naked wife came out to go to the bathroom. Naked. Completely unashamed of what she had just done, and what she was doing. I LOVE seeing Sally naked, but seeing her there, seeing her when she is his, is not easy. She quickly made her way to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. I turned back toward the bedroom and there was Ted -- also completely naked -- lying exposed on the bed, grinning at me.

"Well, did you like the show?" he asked.

"It was overwhelming. It was so exciting, but so humiliating. Thank you for letting me see you fucking my wife."

"No, what you saw was your wife fucking ME," he said. "She's SO good at it, isn't she? The way she rides me, the way she uses her pussy to coax my orgasm out of me... amazing, and she just keeps getting better!"

He was casually stroking his cock as he talked. I stood there at the bedroom door, masturbating furiously as my wife's lover talked about how great she is at sex. Years ago I found it too embarrassing to keep masturbating while he told me about fucking her, but I gave up on having any dignity a long time ago. He knows I'm a loser, so what else do I have to lose? I stood stroking and grunting as he lay in THEIR bed, his cock soft because he just came in my wife, discussing my cuckolding with me. He didn't actually laugh at me, but it felt like he did. I know what *I* thought of myself; I wondered what he thought of me. It couldn't be pretty.

The bathroom door opened and Sally stood at the sink. She washed her hands and asked me how I was doing.

I thought about that question then, and I still do: "Hi, I'm taking a break from sex with my lover and I just want to see how you're doing. You're okay, right?"

I said I was fine, and I asked if she was having a good time.

"I'm having a WONDERFUL time. Can't you tell?" and with that she headed back to him.

She went to close the door, but Ted suggested she leave it open. She shrugged and climbed back into the bed. THEIR bed. She laid down facing me, and Ted moved closer and spooned her. His right arm immediately draped over her body and he began caressing her tits. Her tits. MY WIFE'S tits! His hand fell to her naked skin as if it belonged there. He cuddled even closer as he felt her up in front of me, and I felt like a knife was being shoved into my guts.

But I just stood there and watched him caress my wife's breasts because... fuck, because I'm pathetic.

"So Paul tells me this is our 15th anniversary," he said to her.

"I know. Happy anniversary," she responded, and turned her head to kiss him.

"Fifteen years since you found out he doesn't know how to fuck," he added with just a hint of a smirk, and with genuine sympathy for her.

"Oh no, I knew LONG before that," she shot back. "But 15 years ago I found someone who could." He smiled, held her tighter and kissed her again.

They made small talk together, as if I wasn't there. But we all knew I WAS there, and by showing me their intimacy they understood that they were giving me what I needed from the day: to be humiliated and hurt.

They humiliated me and they hurt me.

I don't know how long I stood there masturbating as my wife and her lover cuddled together, naked body touching naked body. Eventually, Sally turned around and faced him, throwing her leg over his and giving me a perfect view of her spread legs and the gift in between them which she gives only to Ted. Her hand reached for his cock. She kissed him, passionately and deeply. She stroked him. And then, with her free hand, she waved at me to leave the room.

It was time for them to be alone together again. My naked wife and her naked man.

Yeah, I closed the door behind me, sat on the chair, jerked off as I listened at the door, all that stuff. But something was different. What they had done had really affected me, touching deeper in my submissive core than I thought possible. I sat there and heard my wife start to sigh, and I began saying all the things I've written here about myself. She sighed again, groaned a little and I began to recite to myself:

Loser

Pathetic

Inadequate

Irrelevant

Non-person

Cuckold

She groaned louder now, but didn't cum right away. In fact her noises just kept increasing in intensity and, for lack of a better word, depth.

"This is why we are here," I said to myself. And again I remembered her words: "I'm sorry. I love you, but I love sex with HIM."

That's when I cried. Not a loud, sobbing cry; I was too self-conscious (and too excited) to do that. But the feeling of being cuckolded, RIGHT NOW, RIGHT HERE overwhelmed me. My stomach seemed to collapse on itself and the tears just started to flow.

I'm sorry to write this, but it excited me so much I can't stand it. My wife -- my wonderful, loving wife -- kicked me out of the bedroom so she could enjoy her lover. Again.

It went on and on and on. Ted whispering in Sally's ear, so softly that I couldn't make out a single word. Sally moaning. Sheets rustling. The occasional hum of her vibrator as she moved it around on her clit. She was having SUCH a good time. So I kept masturbating, kept myself from cumming, and kept crying.

Then she came. As I listened to the sounds of my wife's pleasure, and the sounds of her lover's excitement as my wife came in his arms, I remembered, "We don't think about you at all when we cum."

As I stared at the closed door, jerking off as I listened to my wife climax, her loving guidance came back to me: "It's not always about you."

Oh. Right. It's about THEM. THEY are why we are here.

I'm such a loser.

Ted had an early appointment, so he left soon after they finished cuddling. Sally got up, thanked me for giving her such a wonderful gift, and went to take a shower. I turned on the lights in the bedroom and began cleaning up: collecting her pajamas, putting the cap back on the KY Intense and packing her well-used vibrator. Every time I turned around I saw the bed which looked and smelled like sex. Sally came out of the shower and walked up to me, giving me a big, naked hug. It was loving and, in a way, passionate, but we both knew it was not about sex. At least, not about US having sex.

We packed up and drove home, Ted's sperm swimming inside her womb and me horny and broken and excited and ashamed and hot and hurt. At home Sally went to attend to some work and I went to my home office, where I sat and masturbated and replayed the events of the day and came. But neither the excitement nor the pain have left me since then, and I had to write it down; my way of saying it out loud. I'm jerking off five times a day and no number of orgasms has diminished the power of what I experienced. I'm not at all proud of what I am, but I'm grateful beyond words that my wife accepts me and loves me for me. Each of us -- each of the THREE of us -- has found a place that works, that fits. They make each other feel good, and they make me feel bad.

A Masochist's Motto: Just because it hurts, doesn't mean it's not exciting. And just because it's exciting doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.

Thanks for listening.

Cuckold Paul