A Day with Myselfbyrakastuja©
Author's note: I try to write about my life, my experiences. While this not a description of any specific day, all the elements are real. I'm really looking forward to get any feedback or comments about this story.
My thanks to LadyCibelle and Captain Midnight for great editing work.
I wake up before alarm goes off. I close my eyes knowing that there's still time to enjoy lying there, warm, under the blanket. I'm smiling at the dreams I remember seeing during the night. Someone might call them dirty but there's no dirtiness involved just pure arousal, pleasure, enjoyment.
I continue thinking "what if..." alternatives for the dreams. At the same time I lazily slide my hands along my body. I would love to get more concrete stimulation but I'm too sleepy and lazy. I just brush my stomach and hips with my hands, occasionally moving them between my legs.
Finally the alarm goes off. I get up and wander to the kitchen. I measure some coffee and turn on the machine. I can do it half asleep without any problem. My hands just move like arms of an industrial robot. While waiting for the coffee, I visit the bathroom and get a t-shirt to wear (I usually sleep completely naked ... it feels much more comfortable without strangling clothes).
I take a cup of coffee, make a sandwich and sit down on a couch to watch some morning TV shows. I sit in a half lying position with one leg up on couch sipping coffee and absent-mindedly touching myself. I'm not actively masturbating. It's more like a habit of touching myself all the time. I'm not aiming to orgasm or even high arousal just doing something little to make me feel good. I'm wet and wanting but I enjoy staying at this stage.
I circle around my clit and pay much more attention to other parts. I slowly move index finger in and out. Then I bring my finger up to have a smell myself. I do all this without really taking eyes off the TV - totally absent-mindedly. I quickly dip my finger in my mouth and then return it down between my legs.
Then I woke up to reality. It's time to hurry again. I go to bathroom, take a leak and wipe myself clean. I throw the t-shirt on the couch and look for something better to wear. I put on a bra and pretty normal, light blue panties. I prefer normal panties over narrow strings on days like today. Over those I pull jeans and another shirt.
Quick check in the mirror. No make up today, just little lip balm and combed hair, then rushing to the underground. At the underground I get a free newspaper. Temporarily I forgot everything that happened during the morning. I'm like any girl going somewhere.
Lecture begins. These are always the worst. It's a fight between three things: following the lecture, falling asleep and fantasizing. I try to do all of those same the time. I feel awfully aware how wet I am and as much I would love to touch myself, I can't do it here. I shift position constantly and can even feel how the movements of my clothes brush me. Not enough.
I look around, trying not to blush, wondering if people there can see what I think and feel. Mostly they stare forward. I go through ranks of sitting fellow students with my eyes. I check hairstyles, clothes. I imagine what it would be like to be in bed with them.
While sitting in a poor posture I gently tuck my ear lobe with finger and occasionally brush my cheek or neck with my hand. I smile to one of my favorite fantasies - getting an orgasm during lecture. It would involve wearing a clitoris vibrator. With thousands of students coming here every day, someone must really have such under their clothes already. But not me. Not today anyway.
Lecture ends. I head to the toilets. I lock the door and sit on the toilet seat. I amuse myself with the moist patch in my panties. I look down and just carefully touch myself a little. I don't want to go too far here, but I want to do it a bit while it's possible. There are people just behind those thin walls. I can hear their voices. It adds to the thrill.
I soak just a tip of my finger in me and then trace slowly with it. It's like a sweet torture, but also a great enjoyment for controlling myself and not going as far I would like to. Denial in it makes it feel twice better. I take a few seconds massaging the hood over my clitoris. Just enough to make me want to moan. Then, by the command of some inner voice, I stop.
Time to go. I take a deep breath, relax and sigh. It takes a bit time to finally relax enough to allow myself to pee. Then I wipe myself. I pull my pants up despite the coldness of the wet patch feeling uncomfortable. I correct my clothing, try to measure if my cheeks are blushed with the back of my hand, and step out of the stall convincing myself that no one can know what happened there.
Lunch time now. I go to the student restaurant. I hope that I won't see anyone I know because I fear that they might notice my aroused state. On the other hand, having someone to chat with would make it easier to get rid of the excess arousal. No one I know is there.
I eat alone while thinking wild things. I probably look very absent minded sitting and eating while staring at the void. I take a cup of coffee and head to the computer class room. I read emails, answer some and then check all the discussion forums I follow. Sometimes I would read erotic stories but today I don't want to tease myself more than I already have.
Another lecture begins. I drag myself there knowing that I'm definitely not going to follow it. Even in an aroused state, I feel a bit sad being always so lonely there with only fantasies as company. I sat in the lecture trying to take notes but just as much fantasizing about things. There's a gothic stylish girl sitting before me. I subtly giggle to myself imagining what would happen if I would reach and start fondling her neck.
Finally the lecture ends and I'm in a hurry to get back home. It doesn't take long but it's always a pain to sit still when my mind is constantly thinking about what I'm going to do when I get home.
When I close the door behind me I feel relieved. No more people watching. No more social play. No more hiding what I feel. Here I can do whatever I want without anyone knowing. I take off my excess clothing leaving only my panties. I put on that same t-shirt I had on this morning. Now I can freely touch myself again without worrying a bit.
I turn on the computer and surf around the net, posting to discussion forums or playing some game. All the time slowly and passively, almost absent-mindedly, touching myself. I brush my thighs, massage my breasts, sometimes pushing my hand in my panties and fingering. I still avoid too direct and too strong stimulation. I don't touch my clitoris. I still want to postpone the actual prize. I still want to enjoy the feeling of being able to control myself and deny orgasm.
I chat with people who don't have a clue what I'm doing at the same time. It has nothing to do with them. I don't get excited because of them, and chatting while touching myself may sound exciting, but actually it takes as much my mind away from what I'm doing. It feels so good touching myself but I don't get so aroused all that much.
I continue that for a long time. Today this is going to last hours. I chat, watch TV, make dinner and eat it, chat some more. All the time I'm playing with myself. Not really chasing an orgasm but keeping the "tickling" going in me. The longer this goes on more the wilder my thoughts get. I start to feel many normally "disgusting" "perverted" things arousing.
Finally I feel frustrated enough with all this. I want to use the last of my self-control in preparing for climax. I try to seek a good erotic story that I might read but after browsing dozens of standard porno writings I give up the idea. I surf around, finding mostly advertisements of commercial porno sites. I browse quickly through sample videos and pictures trying to find something that would catch my interest. In porn what I'm really looking for are certain facial features, expressions, something in people's faces that would wake something in me. I get tired looking, just a bit more frustrated.
I go to the bed room. Now I'm not thinking about just absentmindedly fondle myself. I'm going to masturbate for real. I want to fuck myself... to be a passive side and just take it. I cant alone - not properly anyway. I strip off my shirt and panties, get my vibrator from the nightstand's drawer and climb into bed. I lie down on my back and take a deep breath of relief for allowing myself, finally, full enjoyment.
The same breath of relief is also a sigh of disappointment because I feel like I am betraying my long control over arousal. I don't want a quick orgasm now. And I can't get proper multiple ones. I'm chasing for a big one. Something that would cause my body to tremble and exhaust all the raging and stress that goes on in my mind.
Even now I start slowly. First with my fingers, then slowly introducing the vibrator. I don't like the buzzing sound, or the vibrating head on my clitoris, so much. I rather use it like a dildo, slowly teasing myself by pushing it in and out. I squirm and carefully try to keep pace slow even though its completely opposite to what my body wants. Last bits of enjoyment for being in control of everything.
I get very aroused. It's like all the barriers suddenly would open and all the cumulated stimulation I have got today would take effect now. I breathe heavily while every muscle in my body seems to tense in anticipation at every push. I would want an extra hand to handle the vibrator and let me concentrate on the feelings only. I push vibrator all way in and turn it on finally. I leave it there and bring my right hand to my clitoris. I slowly start to massage there. My hand is well lubricated from my own juices. I straighten my legs and feel my whole body tensing.
Voiceless moans come out from my mouth. I'm close already but still I would love to build up more. I pause my hand and run the fingers of my left hand through my hair. I grasp and pull until it hurts - in an enjoyable way. Momentarily I can imagine someone pulling my hair while fucking me. I slide my left hand down and replace the vibrator with my fingers. I keep them in, trying to reach deep while concentrating again on my clitoris with my right hand.
I pull out my left hand and bring it to my lips. I can smell the scent in my fingers and taste it on my lips. I quickly return my hand back feeling the orgasm coming. The scent stays still in the wetness left on my upper lip. I rub myself vigorously and feel my whole body becoming rigid like it has been captured in this state. I'm curled up a bit staring at my hands trying to free myself. Then I come. Exploding. Violently.
I throw myself backwards on the bed, eyes open but not seeing anything. It's not only small and quick warmth or relief, but something that takes my mind completely away from everything. I'm lying with all my limbs stretched out feeling the orgasm pulsing and then slowly fading away and my muscles relaxing. The air feels cool on my sweat covered skin. A gigglish sigh escapes me as I finally got rid of all the tension I built during day.
I feel relieved and even a bit disappointed. Disappointed since the climax always goes by too fast and never seem to be enough. I close my eyes and enjoy the afterglow. I tremble a bit with muscles still pulsing but it quiets down all the time. I brush my pubic area gently, almost non-erotically. I feel very swollen and sensitive down there. Even touching with slick fingers is too much. I would curse the wet patch on the sheets under my butt if I would have any energy left to care. I'm just still and enjoying the exhausted feeling I have.
I pull my blanket over myself, feeling warm and cozy under it. Some days I crave cold beer and snacks after an orgasm but today just being there, safe and comfortable in my own bedroom is all I need.