A Difficult Confession

"Because you're making me uncomfortable," I lied. The truth was his body was exciting me.

"It's my home and I like being comfortable. I'll be happy to take them off but I'm not putting anything else on."

I guess I was little disoriented from the wine and Mick's unexpectedly nice home. Mick was also somewhat intimidating standing so confidently in a single undergarment.

"OK," I answered not believing he'd do it.

He was so cocky I wanted to call his bluff. That was a mistake because Mick dropped his shorts to the floor and stepped out of them. He wasn't erect but I liked what I saw. It was really quite beautiful. I was more than a little embarrassed but not enough to keep me from looking. He seemed completely at ease with me staring at his penis.

"Like what you see?" he asked.

"No comment," I answered.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said. I didn't correct him.

I couldn't believe I was even at his house, yet there I was having a glass of wine with him while he stood completely naked. Incredibly, we began talking about why he took his shorts off and how he could be so comfortable.

My eyes never left his penis the entire time. I knew I should look away, look at his face as we talked but I just couldn't. It was so lovely I wanted to drop to my knees and worship it. I have no idea how I restrained myself.

It was Mick who finally cupped his hand under my chin and lifted my gaze. His look had a disarming affect on me. I'd never experienced the look in those eyes. It was like we both knew he had complete control over me. I really can't explain it. It wasn't the alcohol or love or lust. It was more of a presence he had. I don't know what else to say.

"I want you to be comfortable in my home," Mick said putting down his glass. Then without any hesitation or reservations he reached toward me and started unbuttoning my blouse. I just stood there and let him do it. I think I would have let him undress me completely but he leaned over to kiss me and the logical part of my brain kicked in. I had a reality attack.

"No Mick, I can't do this." With that said, I grabbed my purse and raced for the door. He didn't try to stop me or even follow me to the door.

"You'll be back," I heard him say as I rushed out of his house.

That arrogant statement infuriated me. I was so upset with myself that I was a couple of miles away, waiting for a red light when I realized my blouse was open to my waist!

The weekend went by with me still mad at myself about going to Mick's apartment. Monday, I saw Mick but never had a chance to speak with him until lunch. I was sitting with two other women in back of the lunchroom when Mick walked by and said "Why don't you stop BACK at my place after work and we can finish that drink." Then he walked on. I could have died on the spot. I was trying to curb the gossip and he just threw a huge log on the fire.

I avoided Mick for the rest of the day and the next two days. He finally stopped me in the hallway and apologized for making that statement. Then invited me to his apartment again!

"You just don't give up do you?" I asked in disbelief.

"Not till I get what I want," he replied. I shook my head and walked away.

Part of the problem I was having with Mick was because, somewhere along the line, I'd lost my nerve. There was a time when I would have eaten him alive and enjoyed doing it. I would have run him ragged until he begged me to stop. When it came to a sexual appetite, I could outlast any three men and had done so on more than one occasion.

But I was different now. I had worked hard to be where I was. I loved my husband, my job, and my life. I had no desire to lose any of it. Yet here was Mick challenging me in ways no other man in our office would have dared. It excited me and scared me at the same time. I didn't want to go back to my old life and I didn't know if I had the strength of character to visit it briefly and still return. It was kind of like lighting a cigarette after you have quit smoking.

I was still upset at how Mick treated me at his condo. Just about everything he did or said that week irritated me. What's weird is that I now found this irritation to be attractive. Don't ask me why.

I delayed telling Dan about my trip to Mick's condo but I would when the time is right, when I better understood what is happening between Mick and me. Dan was aware of Mick's desire to have sex with me. He wasn't actively encouraging me to do anything with Mick that I didn't want to do but he did let me know that it would be OK with him as long as I kept it discreet. He thought I was hesitating because of Mick's age and that was part of it. That was what I told him initially. Now I'd let Mick get away with things, I'd never tolerate from other men, not even Dan.

I wasn't sure what I wanted or expected with Mick. He had a certain self-confidence that I found to be both attractive and repulsive. He could elicit ambivalence from me like no one I'd ever encountered. He was always so sure of himself. That could be very irritating but I was also sexually attracted to it.

Generally, I found things he did so irritating I'd walk away. There were also days when I'd be in one of my horny moods and I didn't think I could resist him. I had days when I felt resigned to the fact that I would have sex with Mick and wanted to do it. Then there were days when I was so repulsed by him that I wanted nothing to do with him. It's not that he was acting differently towards me. It was my reactions that were different.

One thing I became sure of was that I knew I would only be a notch on his bedpost. As I've already said, I consider that a good thing. He was attracted by my looks but I think it was more to flatter his ego. He was the type that would bed me and then brag about it and that worried me. He has the self-confidence to believe that he can walk into an office full of older women and within a few months turn the most untouchable female there into his personal whore.

I knew there were others who said they would gladly trade places with me. He knew that too but showed no interest in them. That flattered me and all but sealed my fate. I was slowly becoming aware that what we would do was now up to him. My will was no match for his.

I was very confused. My husband and I had a prominent social standing in the community and were both well respected. No one knew of my past sexual indiscretions and I wanted it to stay that way. I was exactly where I wanted to be at this point in my life. Yet there was Mick and a dark side of me that kept bubbling to the surface.

I wouldn't lose my job or my husband over doing something with Mick but I did think it might put a shadow over everything and I would lose my "untouchable" status with the other males at work. Having sex with Mick would be a big risk but it is that very risk that I found so exciting.

If I did submit to Mick it would be just that, a submission. He would treat me like a cheap whore. It probably seems strange but what worried me was that I might enjoy it. The more I thought about it, the more excited and confused I became.

Some of my old fantasies returned to haunt me. These were things I hadn't thought about since before I'd had sex. I was masturbating like crazy back then but and I wanted to take the next step but was too afraid. So I started thinking up situations where I didn't have a choice.

In one of my favorites was to be in a bank when two robbers arrive. While one collects the cash, the other singles me out and orders me to take off my blouse and bra. The bank employees and other customers can't stop themselves from watching me strip. I was so excited from doing what I was commanded, my nipples were hard and protruded from my breasts. I felt humiliated because I thought everyone knew I was sexually aroused.

The robber ordered me to the middle of the floor and told me to kneel. He pointed his gun at a young teller and told him to stand in front of me.

"Suck him off," I was told. My whole body shook from fear and excitement as I unzipped his pants and exposed his penis. Everyone watched intently as I lovingly sucked the dick. When the guy came, so did I. I was so embarrassed because the whole audience knew I had cum from sucking dick.

Sometimes, I would substitute someone I liked, or had seen, for the teller. They went to the bank with me and I was "forced" to do for them in my fantasy what I was dying to do in reality.

Now it was Mick in those fantasies. I'd have to go to the bank for work. Mick would volunteer to go with me. I'd tell him no because everyone wanted to see if I'd let him. He'd persist until I relented. In the bank, I had to strip then play with my hard nipples while everyone watched. It was Mick I was ordered to suck. Later, the whole office heard what happened including that I climaxed from blowing Mick.

My humiliation was unbearable and it excited me more than anything I'd ever experienced. At home, in bed, I had the most intense, thunderous orgasms thinking about sucking Mick off while people watched. It scared the hell out of me. How could I ever admit that to my husband?

The company had outgrown our offices and we were scheduled to move to a larger facility. The move was planned for the weekend but those of us who weren't directly involved in actual moving activities were given the option of "working from home" on Thursday and Friday so long as we were available by cell phone. At the same time, Dan was called to Washington for a meeting. The stage was set for something to happen between Mick and me.

Thursday was a very strange day. Dan left early this morning for his trip. Usually I have no trouble sleeping but this morning when I laid back down, I just tossed and turned. All morning, I was certain I was going to hear from Mick but I didn't. At 11:30 I called Debbie and we had lunch. All we talked about was Mick. She knew enough about him from previous conversations and I filled her in on the more recent stuff, leaving out my submissive fantasies. She seemed very excited about the possibilities with Mick and told me I should do him.

"Just fuck him and get it over with," were her exact words.

"Look at you giving advice...like you'd ever."

"You don't know everything about me."

"Like what don't I know?"

"Remember when I bought my Lexus?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I looked at other cars first. There was one salesman, he was very nice, very sweet."

"Cute?" I interrupted.

"Yes, cute too. I decided early on that I didn't want to buy the car but I just let him go on and on anyway. He'd get so excited describing things I didn't have the heart to stop him. Eventually, he realized I wasn't responding. 'You're not going to buy the car, are you?' he asked. I told him no. He was crestfallen and I felt so bad. He asked why I didn't say so sooner. He told me that time was money for him, that if he didn't sell cars, he didn't get paid. I felt very sorry for him. He said, 'Why don't you just fuck me and we'll call it even?'"

"You didn't!"

"Those were his exact words, just fuck him and we'd call it even. It was so, I don't know, so exciting to imagine fucking someone like that. No strings, just raw sex for its own sake. When would I ever get that chance again, being in that mood, having that offer? Why can't I be more like a man? Or you?"

"Just fuck him Ellen," Debbie advised me again.

She seemed a lot more certain that something was going to happen than I was at that point. That really got me thinking. Here I was supposed to be a slut from way back and my best friend was doing things I no longer had the nerve to do.

After lunch with Debbie, I left and found myself driving toward Mick's condo. I told myself I was just going to drive by and see if his car was there. I did and then went back home. There was a message on my answering machine that had just two words, "Call me." It was Mick's voice.

I fought the urge to call him. Instead I did some housework and then took a bath. After a long bath, I caught myself taking extra time putting on make-up and fixing my hair. I was putting on eyeliner when I had to stop and ask myself "What are you doing?" I had no plans to go anywhere.

I put on one of Dan's shirts and decided to go to my computer to read my e-mail. I turned on the computer and then looked over at the answering machine. The temptation was too much and I picked up the phone and called Mick.

"Talk to me." That was how he answered.

"Hi it's Ellen. I got a message on my machine to call you."

"Oh yeah babe, I hope the message didn't get you in trouble with your old man."

"No, he isn't here."

"Cool girl."

"So what did you want?"

"You naked on my bed would be nice."

"Get serious. Why did you call?"

"OK honey, don't get your panties in a bunch. I was just thinking about you and thought you might be thinking about me."

"What gave you that idea?"

"Seeing you drive by my house." I'd been caught!

"I had lunch with a friend," I told Mick more than a bit embarrassed, "and was just driving around. I don't know why I drove by your place. I guess I was just in the area."

"Sure Babe. Why didn't you stop?"

"Why should I have?"

"So we could finish that drink."

"I told you Mick, the last time I only stopped there because I had too much to drink and things got out of hand. That can't happen again."

"Why not Babe? I don't bite."

"I wish you would stop calling me Babe. My name is Ellen."

"Sure Babe, so why don't you come on over and we can talk about it."

"I've told you a hundred times that I am married and there are already too many rumors about us having something going. I don't like that Mick."

"I just wish the rumors were true. If you slip on over here we could make them true."

"I said NO Mick!"

"So why did you really drive by my house?"

"I told you why."

"Come on Babe, you know you want to fuck me."

"You're gross and you know I don't like that kind of language."

"I'll bet you like it when you have a dick shoved in you."

"I'm going to hang up if you keep talking like that."

"OK, OK, so why don't you get your pretty little butt over here and we can talk about it."

"I told you, I'm married and I'm nearly twice your age. I'm sure there are a lot of nice young girls interested in you. Pester them and leave me alone."

"I don't want them. I want you and I like older women. Besides, you don't look that old to me."

"Why me Mick? If you just want to bang someone at the office, I know of a few who would be a lot more receptive."

"Come on honey, you know you are the prettiest piece of ass at that place. All of the guys drool over you."

"That's not true!"

"The hell it ain't. I'm not the only one who thinks about you when they jerk off."

"I told you not to talk like that with me."

"Fuck, don't get prissy with me. I think it turns you on."

"Well it doesn't."

"Sure it does honey or you would have already hung up. Now get you ass over here. You know you want to."

"I really don't think that is a good idea."

"Would you rather I come over there?"

"NO!!"

"Then you come here. We can just talk if that is what you want."

"But I'm not even dressed."

"All the better. Come as you are."

"It's a little chilly outside for that."

"So put a coat on. Just get your ass over here."

"I'd have to wear more then that."

"OK, put some clothes on then. I'll see you here in twenty minutes."

Click. He hung up! On me! I couldn't believe it but ten seconds later I was in my bedroom trying to decide what to wear."

I put on a black bra with matching black bikini. I almost wore a dress but at the last minute decided on gray slacks and a black blouse. Low black heels and a black belt finished it. I only wear black under things when I'm feeling horny.

The entire time I was dressing I was telling myself that I wasn't going over there. I knew it was wrong and I knew it was stupid but still I kept dressing. I would ask myself "What is wrong with you?" and "Why are you doing this?" The guy was obnoxious and yet I was dressing for him. I honestly didn't want to do what I was doing but felt compelled to do it anyway.

I walked out to my car and had pulled out onto the street before I even realized I hadn't even put on a coat. I headed in the direction of Mick's condo while literally arguing with myself. I could think of a hundred reasons why I should turn around and not one reason why I should continue. I pulled onto his street and drove very slowly trying to give myself every opportunity to back out. I turned into his driveway and stopped. I can't describe how nervous I was. Then I saw him open the door. I got out of my car and went in.

Mick was wearing a black silk robe, black slippers, and nothing else. I commented that he could have at least dressed since he knew I was coming. He just smiled. I told him I was just there to talk and I wanted to put an end to the rumors at work.

We went to his living room and I sat on a couch. Mick sat next to me. I was doing all the talking, telling Mick all of the reasons the rumors had to stop. He listened very nicely but it was clear he wasn't paying any attention.

"Are you done now?" he asked when I'd finished. I didn't say anything.

"Lets get down to business then." Mick put his arm around me. I told him no and that I didn't want that. He leaned forward to kiss me. I turned my head away.

"Haven't you been listening?" I asked him.

"Sure," he said, "but I know what you really want". He parted his robe and put his hand on his erection and shook it. "You want this."

I turned my head away and told him he missed the point entirely. He moved his hand to hold my face and literally forced a kiss on me. I did struggle. When he let go, I jumped off of the couch and stood quivering.

"I didn't come here to get raped by some pervert," I fumed angrily. The jerk actually smiled.

"That's exactly what you want".

"Right now I want to leave."

"Go ahead, but I'll bet that tight little pussy of yours is soaking wet." I blushed. He could read me and knew he was right. He laughed at me and shook his head. "Come over here and let me feel it," he said.

I was furious and stormed out the door. The last words I heard Mick say were "Don't come back until you're ready to fuck".

I drove home thinking about how stupid I was for going there in the first place. I kept telling myself that I should have known better. I knew that I was lying to both him and myself by saying that I just went there to talk. I was there with every intention of giving him a blowjob. There was no point in lying to myself anymore.

That is why I was so frustrated. I went there to essentially "make his day" and give him something I was sure he would be thrilled to receive from me. It took so long for me to even build up the courage. Then when I got there, he acted as if he expected sex from me. Like it was something I was obligated to do for him. That upset me. I was expecting him to be thrilled that I was even there. His attitude was almost like he was going to do me a favor by allowing me the privilege of doing him.

I really had not planned on having sex with him. My intention was a blowjob and no more. Mick seemed intent on fucking me. My thoughts at the time were that he probably figured I would never consider a blowjob. People who don't know me generally think I'm to be uppity and standoffish. It was an attitude I adopted several years ago to distance myself from my past.

I was home and thinking that Mick missed his shot and I was going to have nothing more to do with him. I was fuming at the fact that he actually shook his dick at me. That was so arrogant and showed no respect for me. What a jerk he was. Then the phone rang and I was certain it was Mick. I was ready.