A Drow's Dilemma Ep. 80: Take Two

Having just orgasmed, Caleldir was no where near as close to cumming again as Ashyr was to her first release. But when she orgasmed around him, he nonetheless slowed down and pulled himself out of her, panting. Rolling himself to the side, he pulled Ashyr up close to him on one side and tried to gently pull Selene up against his other side while leaning his back up against the tree.

Ashyr was willing to keep going, but it seemed that Caleldir was satisfied enough to just want to cuddle. That worked, too. Besides, they couldn't lie there making love all night. There was actual camp setup to do. So both drow curled against him and let out their own satisfied sighs.

"The three of us really have come far together." He said in a tone of soft nostalgia.

"Yes." Selene responded in an equally soft tone. "And I don't think I ever want to go back to how things were before..." Unless, of course, she could have saved her daughter. But that impossibility was better left unsaid.

Ashyr was content to remain silent, as she was still enjoying the afterglow. It was clear that she agreed with the two of them.

Caleldir held the two of them closely for some time, just enjoying all three of them together. "These days, I give thanks that I am privileged enough to be with both of you," he said softly. "I love both of you so much, and am sure that this is far more than I deserve." He sighed, activating his cleaning magic. "We should set up camp now."

Reminiscing on this little life-changing event could not occupy all evening. Caleldir started setting up camp with the others. They had not really packed a tent, since they had planned on sleeping in R.I.S.A. (hurr hurr) but it was not difficult to set something up with magic between the four of them. Three users of Divine magic ( Ashyr, Tsabdrin, and Caleldir) and three users of Arcane (Selene, Tsabdrin again, and Caleldir again). Somewhere in that mix they managed to conjure/create/coax a shelter for the night a bit away from the clearing itself; Caleldir had not wanted to put the campsite exactly there. The drow women agreed that the actual clearing should be a sacred spots of sorts. It was, after all, one of the major events that tied the three of them together. And that bond was the most precious thing that they had at the moment.

A fire to cook rabbits over was much easier. They had to have a lot of food though, what with three carnivorous animals and four hungry humanoids. The rangers were even able to craft an advanced warning system with the combination of spells and mundane traps. Everyone could sleep without worrying about something sneaking up on them. In all likelihood, anything that came too near was going to get eaten by an allosaur or rapidly growing wolf. They also crafted three beds; one for the animal companions who got along extraordinarily well considering how vastly different they were, one for the female drow and Caleldir, and the last for Tsabdrin. He looked a little surly about it, but did not complain out loud.

And so the evening was spent in (mostly) happy camping busyness. Nothing was stupid enough to bother the party, so it was quiet and cheerful. When they finally got to sleep, however, a couple unforeseen issues arose. Selene's nightmares were back.

It began with restlessness, and with Selene unconsciously clinging to Caleldir. But soon enough there were soft, distressed mumbling that progressed into panicked noises. At least those were enough to wake Selene from whatever horrors she saw. But with her sudden jolt of consciousness, her newly formed and uncontrolled psychic powers flared and tried to impart the images and sensations that she had just been subject to. It was lack of control, it was pain, it was terror, it was anger. She had been a toy whose every part was for nothing but another person's pleasure. And it wasn't going to end any time soon.

Given that Selene had been sleeping apart from Althaia for quite some time now, bar a single night, Caleldir had not expected her to have the return of nightmares that of a former time had been the result of being too far away from the paladin's aura during rest. The mental images and turmoil hit Caleldir strongest of all, but since the pain was not physical, Caleldir's weakness, but merely mental, he immediately shrugged it off. He had been a psychologically tormented half-undead cursed ghost for twelve centuries, after all. Gave him a very poor pain threshold, but a mind that was immune to distress.

Both Ashyr and Tsabdrin became intensely panicked by the time the psionic attack ended. Ashyr recovered quickly, but Tsabdrin fled through the forest in sudden terror. Ashyr was more concerned about Selene than she was about her other cousin, so she ignored him. She scrambled over to be nearer her youngest cousin, but hesitated before she touched or tried to embrace her. "Selene, hush. It's okay. You're safe."

Caleldir looked from Selene and Ashyr to the direction that Tsabdrin had run in. Now, he had a choice, of course. He loved Selene far more than Tsabdrin. Obviously. No contest at all. Selene was his wife, for all practical purposes, Tsabdrin was just his brother-in-law. Again, for all practical purposes. But, that said, Selene had Ashyr, and poor Tsabdrin was liable to go running off into the nether if he was not calmed down. So, Caleldir made his choice.

"Here, Selene, this will not solve your problem but it will take the edge off long enough to calm yourself." He said in a sympathetic tone. Putting his hand on her shoulder, he cast Greater Heroism. Even more potent than a paladin's aura, but temporary. "This will last about fifteen or so minutes." He said. "I am going to go try and find Tsabdrin."

The spell cast upon Selene didn't seem to have an immediate effect on her state of mind. Then again, the mage did seem comfortable enough to finally curl into Ashyr's arms as the older drow seemed to want. Ashyr held her youngest cousin tightly, expecting Caleldir to join them. She gave him a funny look when he instead left the shelter.

"What are you- oh," she began to ask. Only part way through her sentence did she realize that Tsabdrin was missing. That was strange of him, to just run away. Then again, he was doing a lot of running away recently. Trying to run away with her, actually running away from his brothers, and now running away from freaky mind blasts of a newly formed psychic with post-traumatic stress. Somebody probably should stop him and talk him down before he got too far. "Bard. Help him."

Caleldir off into the night following the ranger's trail. He had an ordinary Heroism spell in reserve, so he could him down enough to get him back to camp once he found the runaway male drow. Sigh. He would really rather be back with Selene...

Bard, who had been growing at a near alarming rate since the rituals they did on him, hesitantly left Ashyr's side to go after Tsabdrin with Caleldir. It was probably a good thing that he did, for Tsabdrin had been a ranger for over a century and a half. Even blinded by fear - or perhaps especially so -- Tsabdrin could hide his tracks and even minimize his scent trail. The scene was quite familiar by this time: Caleldir following the blond, hyper streak that was Bard in pursuit of a Duskhaven drow who was probably about to get themselves in trouble.

Caleldir had not expected Tsabdrin's trail to be this hard to follow. Granted, he was an experienced ranger capable of concealing his walk through woodlands, but doing it unconsciously even in blind panic... well, that was really something. Really something indeed. He was very grateful for Bard's assistance. The golden wolf's nose was obviously massively superior to his own. Thus, they followed the drow ranger through the bushes and the brambles. "Deja-vu, Bard," Caleldir mused. "Deja. Vu."

Bard presumably found the distressed male when suddenly one of his allosaurs burst through the foliage in front of them and let out a very unfriendly rumbling hiss in Caleldir's direction. Caleldir took a step back from the dinosaur, holding out his hands in a gesture of 'remember me? Not your master's enemy!' Sadly, that gesture did not work as well as the more bestial one that Bard inflicted on the creature. Huh. A very odd pack hierarchy these ones had formed. Unless the overgrown lizard was simply recognizing that Bard was not his enemy. Yeah. That could be it.

Fearlessly, Bard came between them, his head and tail high, his feet squared firmly on the ground, and his teeth bared menacingly. The wolf had not grown enough to be anywhere near taller than the almost human-sized dinosaur, but the scaled and feathered beast stepped down anyway.

Tsabdrin was just around the next tree, head and one fist firmly pressed against the rough bark. His hair covered his expression, but his whole body was trembling. In all likelihood, if he had not been leaning against the tree, he would not have been able to keep to his feet.

Taking a deep breath, Caleldir approached Tsabdrin. Would Heroism really be enough? Hmm... actually, he could just use another one of his instinctive spells. He had been practicing this one on the sly. Time to try it out. With a surge of concentration, Caleldir dropped a potent Emotion spell, bringing out calmness and hope in everyone within the target area. A rarer fae ability, but one that Caleldir could use from his bloodline. That should dispel and counteract whatever despair and distress Tsabdrin was feeling.

"Tsabdrin? You have sustained a psychic attack." Caleldir explained gently, weaving the magic into his words and using his ability to punch through Tsabdrin's spell resistance, should that be necessary. "It bypassed your drow spell resistance. It is nothing more than an illusion, the distress you are feeling is not yours." He waited for a moment to see if the spell calmed Tsabdrin down like it was supposed to, then gave him a wry smile. "Are you going to be fine?" He asked with concern.

Tsabdrin didn't look around him when Caleldir approached. He already had ample warning about the half-nymph's presence. The distressed drow didn't even move, except for the trembling that occasionally ran down his spine and the almost hyperventilated breath making his back rise and fall in an erratic rate. As Caleldir spoke, however, his breath became better regulated, and the trembling almost stopped entirely. Deep breath in. Hold it. Deep breath out. He could smell the wild forest around him, the beasts that protected him, and even Caleldir, faintly. Everything but the latter was naturally soothing. Another deep breath in. Hold it. Deep breath out.

Finally Tsabdrin pushed himself away from the tree he leaned against. He kept his hair in his face, and his head turned away from Caleldir. An arm came up to hastily wipe at his eyes.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to be fine." His arm came up again, this time to pull his hair away from his face and tie half of it up at the back of his head. Only then did he turn to Caleldir. His expression was mostly back to normal, if not for the slight redness in his cobalt eyes and general ashen look to his obsidian skin. The drow didn't meet the other male's eyes. Instead, he stared without looking in the general direction of his chest.

It was interesting, in its way, that Caleldir and Tsabdrin had the same eye color. Perhaps Caleldir's eyes were a smidgen lighter in shade, but still.

Putting that thought aside, Caleldir relaxed a bit. "That is good to hear. The Calm Emotions spell does not last very long, but you should be able to fully compose yourself by the time it ends." He grinned awkwardly. "Sorry, hope you do not mind my testing my 'calmness and hope' magic on you. I burned the Greater Heroism spell on your sister already." Caleldir let out a long breath to calm himself; he was not affected by his own spell at the moment.

"My sister's memories triggered some of my older ones. Didn't know where I was for a moment. Just had to run," he told Caleldir. A weak, crooked grin twitched at his mouth, and he glanced briefly at Caleldir's face. Not at his eyes, though. "Learn to live with it or die, eh?" The drow began to rub absently at the back of his neck.

Caleldir shrugged. "On principle, I suppose I should agree. But there are a lot of other options in this world of ours. Erase the memories. Or do what I did: die and then live with them anyway. Then again, I do not remember the memories I live with. The part of me that remembers is a surprisingly psychotic sociopathic alternate personality with terrifying powers. So perhaps I am not a very good role model in that way." He sighed. "I just know that I apparently spent the better part of a thousand years torturing - physically and psychologically - a former student of mine who had a precocious crush on me when she was a little girl. And other... things. I apparently killed a lot of people in some rather horrifying ways. I do not remember them, but I know." He sighed again. "Anyway, I just want you to know, that whatever you have done in your life, I have almost certainly done far worse. I just cannot remember it, and the only one who really remembers is some mad half-ghost psion who is in psychotic hatred/love/lust with me."

"I do not like your way of coping. Imagine if you told my sister that the remedy for her mental affliction was to forget." Tsabdrin responded with a half-hearted scoff. "It was not about something we did, but something that was done to us. It is something we must remember, as much as it is something we must cope with. Otherwise, vengeance will not be had and our murdered young will be forgotten."

"It is not 'my way of coping'," Caleldir said in a dry tone. "Since I did not do it on purpose. I do not tell people to forget things. I just point out that it is terrible to know that you did horrible things and not be able to remember what those things are." He sighed. "I know that there are people, or at very least one person, who is seeking vengeance on me for something that I do not even have any memories of doing."

Tsabdrin began to walk back to the camp they had made, but not with any sort of speed. He knew he should get back. The artificial calm that settled over him was still working -- or at least it had naturally progressed into actual calmness. That relatively short episode left him bone-tired and emotionally weak. All the same, he didn't want to be back. It hurt to be around people he cared about deeply who obviously cared so little about him. Neither did he want to be alone, though. And to wrap it all up, he hated that he seemed so determined to brood and generally be unhappy. It felt childish no matter how justified it may be.

"I feel like inflicting my story on a non-hostile ear. It's terrible thanks for your kindness, but I'm Drow. I'm supposed to be terrible." Tsabdrin took a deep breath. "A male like me, with my pedigree and desirable traits, will often be contracted out to other houses for breeding purposes. It happened to me when I was sixty-five, after Selene and Ethefein were out of their especially needy stage. I went through two houses and three sons with as much ease as could be expected. But if you ever find yourself negotiating a breeding contract with your sons-" He looked towards Caleldir, and realized that that wasn't too likely. The nymphs would want what precious little males he was able to produce. "Or at least Ashyr or Selene's sons, do not make the terms too specific."

"I am pretty sure that any sons I have will be given several nymph brides the moment that they are adults. Probably their own sisters," Caleldir replied. "At least, that is what Althaia wants. As for Ashyr and Selene's sons... I am not sure about that sort of thing. I do not think that breeding contracts are a very good idea."

Tsabdrin didn't respond to that. He seemed to be formulating his words. His hand had almost constantly been rubbing his neck, but now he just gripped the back of it. "That is where my demons come from. House Dhuan'Felyn contracted a daughter caught from me, and I had to stay with them until the contract was complete. Only- only every single female who caught from me gave birth to sons. Seven of them, when it was all over. I don't know if it was some sort of curse, or just bad luck. Either way, they blamed and punished me for it as if it was something I had any control over. That wouldn't have been so bad. It was, after all, my fault even if it was out of my control." The drow clenched his teeth, and his gait became louder, less careful. "But then the babies..." His voice cracked and faltered. Then he continued talking in a quiet, broken voice. "I took care of each one that came for the thirty years I spent with them. All but one died suddenly and 'of mysterious circumstances.' For which I was blamed and was not at fault. By the abyss, I know I shouldn't have felt this way - I'm Drow - but I felt like a part of me died each time they did. And I was punished severely on top of it all - but thankfully, not killed, because they could never prove my guilt enough to risk bad relations with Duskhaven. Eventually, they gave up. No other house would have me after that debacle. No good breeding was worth all male offspring that they expected me to kill somehow anyway. I was banished to the south, to the surface."

The ranger let out a long breath. "And you can probably see more clearly why I'd think joining the Male Rebellion was a good idea. Until I found out that they were almost worse than the females. The things done to me can't be fixed, and I'll never even come close to those happy first few decades of my life, but I know Ashyr will make it better for those who come after me. So I remember, cope, and live on."

"Ironically, a father of seven sons would be considered to be blessed up on most surface societies," Caleldir wryly observed. "But seven sons, all but one dead. That... I do not know what to say."

"Six of them are gone," Tsabdrin confirmed. "There are three still that are alive, last I heard. One from each house that I spent time in, actually." His mouth turned upward in a sad smile. "Not that I'm permitted to see them. I'm sure all of them think I'm some sort of infant murder. For all they know, that extends to all my sons no matter how old they are. Anyway, in completely normal circumstances, I'm not supposed to really care what happens to them. They are their house's children, not mine."

"So, no one knows why your children kept dying?" Caleldir sighed, then looked severe. "There is no mystery so hidden that Eternity cannot reveal it." He intoned with the air of one repeating a dearly-held mantra. "If you so desire, I will make a note to find out the truth some day. Perhaps gain some closure."

Tsabdrin let out an amused breath that could almost be considered a laugh if it didn't have that depressed undertone. "I appreciate your intensity, but you misunderstand me, Caleldir. The boys from Dhuan'Felyn were almost certainly killed by their own house, if not their own mothers. At least... that is what I assume. Some of the populace may suspect that Dhuan'Felyn may have been to blame, not me. But it just as easily could have been some Duskhaven plot, or I could be an insane infant killer, or the babies could have simply been sickly. All of which I can be blamed for and, indeed, I was punished for. Althaia healed the worst of it, but I still bare scars. It was none of those reasons, of course- Well. Probably. It is complicated... You know, it would probably help to find out exactly what happened. Then I'd know who needs to be punished."

"Such investigations are long term, I am afraid," Caleldir said. "And if you do not think we should pursue them, then we shall not. But still, I am at your service as much as possible in this matter."

Caleldir drew a deep breath, and then lowered his voice, looking around. "I am not sure if I want to be saying this sort of thing around Ashyr - or definitely Selene - just yet, but I do intend to equalize the sexes a bit in the Underdark. Or at very least prevent such terrible abuses as led to the rebellion. I mean, I may be unassertive and effeminate by surface standards, but as House Consort, I will not allow any other males of Duskhaven to be used in such a way. And the same with Ashyr. She means very well, even if her disposition is rather flighty. With me to keep her focused, we can eliminate the brutal unpleasantries of the male drow role. And become much stronger for it."