A Gardening Affair

Still looking hesitant Jim picked up his orange juice and followed me into the lounge. We seated ourselves opposite each other in armchairs.

I sipped the juice and said, "Well?" a trifle more vehemently than I'd intended because I felt so tense. I wasn't sure what to expect, but what I got was certainly not what I'd anticipated.

Jim took a deep breath and said, "I can't work for you any more."

That took the wind out of my sails.

"You can't...why...why...we're such good...have I done something...have I...er...upset you...what...?"

"Ner-no...ner-nothing ler-like that Sally."

He seemed to rally and his next words came out in a rush.

"It's nothing you've done, it's what you are."

"What I am? What am I, what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing, there's nothing wrong with you Sally, that's just the trouble."

"Well for God's sake say what it is about me. You can't just walk away and not tell me, that's not fair."

"I...er...it's der-difficult."

I was starting to get angry so I said, "I don't care how difficult it is just tell me. You say you're leaving; you say it's something to do with me but there's nothing wrong with me and I haven't upset you, so what the hell is it that's so difficult to tell me?

"I'd better go," he said rising.

"No you don't Jim," I said, also rising. "If you try and leave I'll scream the place down and accuse you of trying to rape me."

The moment I'd said it I knew what a bloody terrible thing it was to say. It was my old game of manipulation again.

"Oh God Jim," I said, starting to feel tears coming, "I didn't mean that, but please, don't just walk away without telling me what it is...what it is about me, we've been such good friends and...and you need the money."

Jesus, there it was again, money. I didn't know what Jim's problem with me was, but there was one thing he might have picked on, my thinking that it all came down to money.

He looked at me solemnly and said, "I didn't work here just for the money, I could have managed without that; it was just that I got to love the garden and...and..."

"And what?"

"You; can I leave now?"

"I flopped back in the chair saying, "No you can't. You can't say you love me and then walk away. Is that what it's all about, you loving me?"

"Yes."

"But surely if you love me you'd want to be near..."

"No, it's too painful."

"Painful? But isn't love supposed to be beautiful like...like the Sally Rose?"

"Yes, but...but when it's...when you can't...when you love someone who's..."

"Married?"

"Er...yes...you don't know what it's like seeing you and wanting to...to...you know, it's so...so..."

"Frustrating?"

"Yes, so I'd better leave. I can get someone to replace me if you like but..."

"No I don't like it Jim, I don't like it one little bit. It doesn't seem to have occurred to you that I might have feelings about you."

"No...yes...no...I mean, I'm sure you like..."

"Like...like...you silly man, I love you."

"You...?"

"Yes."

"But you can't, there's..."

"Ken?"

"Yes."

"Jim," I said, rising. "Come with me."

I grabbed hold of his T-shirt and pulling him after me I took him along the passage and opened a door, and asked; what do you see?"

"Well, it's...er...it's a bedroom."

I opened another door. "What do you see?"

"Another bedroom."

"The first one was mine, this is Ken's."

"You mean you don't..."

"No, not for a long time; don't you know that he..."

"Well, I've heard rumours, but that's what I thought they were, just rumours, because having...if I had...he's got you and you're so..."

"I know what you're thinking Jim, but there are lots of women who are attractive. You just see me as some idealised image you have of me, but if you knew the real me you mightn't be so enamoured."

"No...I mean yes...I would be ena...ena...whatever you said."

"But you don't know what I'm like, not really, or what I've done."

"I don't think whatever you've done would change the way I feel about you, Sally."

Determined that Jim would not continue to love me on the basis of a false image of me I said, "Then I'm going to tell you about me; come back into the lounge."

Suddenly demon came to life. "Fool, you could have him in your bed right now and instead you're going to put him off."

Angel put in its ten cents; "The truth will set you free."

I ignored them both and Jim and I sat in the lounge where I told him my story of promiscuity, deception and money grubbing. Telling him I felt that angel may have been right, I did feel a sense of freedom, but at the same time I felt apprehensive. It seemed that I'd done what I could to change Jim's view of me, and now didn't want him to stop loving me.

He heard me out without interrupting, and when I finished he sat for a while staring into space, then he asked, "Was that intended to make me stop loving you?"

"Well, if your going to love me it has to be the real me, not some fantasy."

"Good for you," angel yelled with unusual exuberance.

"Stupid women," groaned demon desolately.

Jim looked up at me and said, "I suppose we've all got things in our lives that make us want to cringe. We can't ignore the past, but we can learn from it and not be controlled by it. If by telling me what you have you intended to stop me loving you, then you've failed. Now I know how things are between you and Ken the only question that remains is, could you love me?"

I used the sort of voice that indicates infinite patience covering up boiling impatience as I said, "Jim, didn't you hear what I said a little while ago?"

"I...er...what in particular?"

In the same voice I said, "I told you that I love you."

"Ah, yes, so what do we do about..."

"Well you can at least kiss me," I snapped.

"Yes. Well...I suppose I..."

"Oh for God's sake Jim."

I got up and went to him, and planted a kiss on his lips that after a few seconds was on full bore. He was still sitting and I was kneeling between his legs, and could feel his hard penis pressing somewhere in the region of my breasts.

When we broke from the kiss I said, "You know what I want to do with you, but I can't, not right now, unless you've got a condom."

"I...er...no...I didn't think; I never thought you...we...would..."

"Well then, my darling boy, there's something I can do for you - something I should have done a long time ago, so just sit back."

I gave him a push and he subsided into the upholstery. I undid the belt round his shorts and pulled down the zip and drew out his penis and started to masturbate him.

He cried out, "Sally...oh my God...you're ah...ah...I'm going to..."

He gave a loud groan and the sperm shot out of his urethra leaping up and then cascading down onto my hand and his shorts. After his initial eject the sperm seemed to flow out of him as he pushed upward against my downward thrusts.

When the last of his sperm had dribbled out of him I said, "That's a down payment on things to come, did you like it?"

"Oh my God Sally, it was beautiful, much better than doing it my self; but I really wanted to..."

"I know, but you'll have to be patient with me darling. I'll put myself on the pill, but it will take a while to be effective. Are you willing to be patient with me?"

"I'd wait for ever for you," he replied passionately.

"I promise you won't have to wait that long, but don't you think you ought to be going now, you said you only had a couple of hours and..."

"I don't want to go," he protested.

"You've got to, there's your studies and...and anyway Ken will be back soon and I don't want him to know about us yet."

"But we will be together, won't we, I mean, permanently?"

Rather coarsely I said, "When you've tried the goods properly we can talk about it; now go; you're due back tomorrow for gardening and I can masturbate you again if you want me to." I didn't give him a chance to reply or argue; I hustled him out of the house and sent him on his way. My real reason for getting rid of him was less to do with his studies and more to do with the state I was in.

I'd come very close to letting him copulate with me and I knew what the consequences might be. Another ten minutes and I would have succumbed.

Of course I could have got him to relieve me with his hand or tongue, but what I wanted was what I then thought of as the real thing. I was to get the real thing, but in an unexpected way.

"I dropped down into an armchair and asked, "Well, what have you two got to say now?"

Demon yelled triumphantly, "Excellent Sal, wonderful, but it's a pity you didn't go all the way, still, you're on the right road now."

Angel was very ominous. "The fiery pit is opening unto you," it snarled.

I went to my bedroom and lying on the bed I used the vibrator to get some temporary relief. Before I orgasmed I heard Ken arrive home, but since he never came into my bedroom I managed to finish myself off.

As was usual when Ken deigned to be home, we ate our evening meal and then Ken disappeared into his study. He seemed to be in a rather bad mood, but I didn't enquire about it because I'd probably have got my head bitten off.

Since there was only a lot of rubbish on television I decided to make an early night of it and went to bed to read. I heard Ken moving about, showering and cleaning his teeth and then all sound in the house ceased.

I put the book aside and with the bed light still on lay back and thought about Jim and how much I wanted him as my lover. I started to get horny and was thinking of using the vibrator again when the door of my room slowly opened and Ken came in.

He was wearing one of his fancy dressing gowns, the one with the dragons embroidered on it. He came to the side of the bed and stood staring down at me, a curious smile, or more accurately, a leer on his face.

Since as I have said he never entered my bedroom I was somewhat taken aback by his presence.

"What...is there something you want?" I asked.

"Oh yes, my darling little wife," he replied, "There is certainly something I want."

"What?"

"You," he said pulling back the bedclothes from me. "I've decided its time for you and me to renew acquaintance...to get to know each other – in the biblical sense – again," he said as he removed his dressing gown to reveal that he was naked and horny.

Something that up until a few months back I'd longed to happen now seemed repellent to me. I suppose it was Jim coming into my life that had made the difference. I couldn't come to Jim as a sweet innocent virgin, but as he had said, I could leave the past behind, and in that sense I could come to him refreshed. That I had resolved to do, but now that resolve was being threatened.

"If you want sex why don't you go to one of your sluts?" I said.

"Because I've decided to favour you with my attentions tonight," he sneered.

"I don't want your attentions," I retorted. "You haven't been near me for more than two years and now you think you can come back to me just like that, well you can't, I don't want you."

"Oh, so my life soul mate doesn't want me, and is she going to resist?"

"If you come near me I'll kick you in the balls," I replied savagely."

"Thank you for the warning, dear heart," he replied nastily, "we'll see how successful you are."

"Leave me alone," I demanded, but he started to get on the bed beside me.

"Leave you alone...leave you alone! You deceived me about being pregnant, we're married; you live in my house; you spend my money and now I want some return on this rather poor investment."

"You should have thought about that before you started to screw around with..." I started to say, but he smothered my mouth with his.

He tried to thrust his tongue into my mouth but I bit it. He took hold of one of my nipples and started to twist it, making me scream with pain.

"You bitch," he snarled. "Do something like that again and I'll tear your bloody nipples off." He sank his teeth into the base of my neck, causing me to convulse and scream again.

"Resist if you want to, I like a bit of a struggle, it adds to the excitement, but you'll give in eventually because if you don't you'll experience a whole new dimension in pain."

I tried to knee him in the groin, but he had taken my warning to heart, and lay so I couldn't reach his testicles.

"Shouldn't have warned me my love," he jeered, "now, are you going to open your legs for me or do I have to get really rough.'

"I won't...I won't..." I yelled, now thoroughly scared of and revolted by him.

"I think you will my darling after I've given you some encouragement."

He bit viciously into one of my nipples and at the same time took hold of my clitoris and squeezed it savagely.

I'm a reasonably healthy woman but not overly strong, and Ken was quite capable of breaking down my resistance, and he knew it.

"That's just a little taste of what I can do to you," he sneered, as he tried to pull my legs apart. I tried to fight him off yelling out, "No...no...no...I don't want you....no..."

His teeth bit into the other nipple, the one he had twisted at first, and the pain was excruciating.

The next moment he was over me, feeling with his penis for my vaginal entrance, and then he was in, thrusting in brutally as I continued to wail, "No...no...no..."

It was useless; the more I protested the more I seemed to spur him on. I felt his orgasm coming and finally yielded; there was nothing more I could do.

When he'd finished I lay there weeping with pain and humiliation. I thought he might leave me then, but he didn't.

"There my darling," he said nastily, "didn't you enjoy that. I hope for your sake you did, because I shall be doing it again shortly, and I'm sure you don't want anymore pain...or...or perhaps you liked it...shall I do it to you again?

He made as if bite my nipple gain, but I screamed out, "No...no...please... don't hurt me again, I won't resist anymore, but please don't hurt me."

"That's better," he said, "of course, I enjoyed raping you, it makes an exciting change, but it will be nice having you surrender to me."

I lay back unresisting as he took me twice more that night before he finally left me. As he left he taunted me; "Thank you my darling, and since you enjoyed it so much, I shall probably require my conjugal rights on other occasions. Goodnight and sweet dreams."

I had fought back my sobbing because he seemed to get pleasure from making me weep, but when he had gone I broke down completely, muffling my sobs with the pillow.

At the time I couldn't be bothered to work out why he had suddenly decided he wanted me. Now, without really knowing, I think his current slut might have sent him on his way, or some girl he fancied had rejected him.

What he had done with and to me had been far from an act of love. It had been raw lust with a desire to inflict pain. I now think he was taking his frustration and anger out on me; wanting to hurt the one who had rejected him, and being unable to do that, he had used me instead.

I lay awake the rest of the night aching and throbbing with the injuries he had inflicted on me and fearful he might return.

He didn't return, and I stayed in bed until I heard him leave the house. I got up and went to the bathroom. I examined myself in the mirror. I had savage bruises round my nipples, where he had bit my neck and at the top of my thighs. There were other red marks and weals where he had handled me brutally.

Instead of a shower I took a long hot bath, trying to ease the pain and relax my self. It helped, but not much. I made my way back to the bedroom feeling weak and unsteady on my feet.

I didn't put on bras or panties because I thought their chaffing would hurt my already painful breasts and genitals.

As I slipped on a light negligee I heard Jim's car draw up. I'd wanted to give Jim so much, but now Ken seemed to have made a sexual pariah of me; someone Jim wouldn't want. That may sound foolish and unreasonable, but that was how I felt – dirty.

I went to the kitchen and not feeling like eating I made myself a cup of coffee and a slice of toast and sat at the table. My mind was befuddled as I tried to come to terms with what had happened and what might happen in the future if I stayed in the house.

Jim came breezily into the kitchen saying, "Good morning my love, and how are...My God, what's happened to you?"

He had seen the large bruise on my neck and came over to me.

I had partially resolved that I would not – could not – let Jim relate to me, but seeing him I broke down again.

"Jim...Jim...darling...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."

Jim looked perplexed. "Sorry...what are you sorry for it's only a bruise although a very nasty one, how did you...?"

"Last night Jim, he forced me, he raped me."

"Who...who raped you?"

"Ken; he came to my room last night and he made me...he hurt me so badly I gave in...I'm so sorry."

"He did that to you," Jim said in a low voice that was clearly masking a rising fury.

"That and a lot more," I wept.

Jim came to me and gently opened my negligee. He looked at my bruised nipples and thighs, and all the other marks of Ken's brutality.

"My God, "I'll kill him...I'll kill him...he'll never do that to you again or any other women."

"He threatened to come back another night," I sobbed, "I'm frightened."

"I'll kill him," Jim repeated.

"No...no he's not worth it," I said.

"Then I'll take you away, you'll come and live with me; we'll leave now, just get your things and we'll leave."

"I love you Jim, I really love you, but you can't want me after this, not after I've..."

"My God, Sally, you make it sound as if you've raped him. What did you expect me to do, drop you because you were forced to have sexual intercourse with him."

"A lot of men would," I moaned.

"Well I'm not a lot of men," Jim replied, "the woman I love has been badly used, and I'm not going to let it happen again, so get your things and we'll go."

I hadn't the energy to argue. I got together the things I could definitely say were mine and together we left the house.

I've never been back there. At first Jim took me to the small unit he rented. He made no attempt to have sex with me until the worst of my injuries had healed, and when we did I was still not on the pill and at my request he didn't use a condom.

You think it strange that I asked him not to use a condom? You may be right, but I wanted it to be the real thing with Jim, and I told him I longed to have a baby with him. This time it was not going to be a trap.

I told him that he didn't have to marry me and that got him rather upset because he said, "You don't have to be pregnant for me to marry you, and if you do get pregnant, then we shall certainly get married."

How I loved that gentle man, and I still do. I never made any claims on Ken, just being glad to be away from him. The last contact I had with him was when we divorced, and I think he was rather glad to get rid of me.

When I got pregnant Jim, who had told his parents about me and the rather messy way we had ended up together, arranged for me to go and stay with them. I was somewhat scared about meeting them, feeling that they would not want to know a woman like me. On the contrary, they welcomed me as if I was already their daughter-in-law.

Things were made rather difficult because Jim still had another year of his course to complete. He said he'd drop it, but I persuaded him not to.

So it came about that after I'd given birth to Pauline, one bright sunny day we got married. My mother, who was a widow and not having much knowledge about my life after I left home, when she met Jim said to me, "You know Sally, I never did like that Ken you got married to. He seemed so...so..." She groped around for a word, and finally said, "Cocksure."

I don't suppose she realised just what she had said, but I couldn't resist a smile. Certainly Ken was cocksure and was also sure of his cock.