- NonHuman
- A Gift from Hell
- Page 5
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Click hereI couldn't believe it. An hour and five minutes of love-making? That was a little longer than I normally could hold out for.
She sniffled between gasping breaths, and just buried her face into my neck, her open mouth letting her hot breath touch my neck.
I pulled out of her, then cradled her with both arms while I let an exhausted breath of fresh air out of my mouth.
"I love you..." She said one last time.
"I love you too, honey."
I sweetly returned, grazing her forehead with my lips.
We both fell asleep; cuddled up together against one another's bodies in bed, and slept peacefully.
When I woke up, I nuzzled her.
But she looked bothered.
"I have to go home."
She stated sadly.
I was confused.
"Why? Stay with me, please?"
"Love, I can't. I have to go back."
"But why?" I persisted.
"Something's happened there."
I didn't want her to leave.
"I don't know how long I'll he gone.
It could be for a while, in your time, like years.."
I let go of her, then rolled away from her.
"So you're going to leave me, and wait till I die of old age?"
I felt my face harden.
"I'm sure it won't be that long."
And if it is?" I rose my voice.
"I-I..." She was at a loss for words.
"You're abandoning me..." I said.
I didn't want to look at her.
All this time I spent bonding with her, through sex, through kissing, cuddling and hugging her, all wasted for nothing.
"I won't abandon you," she touched my shoulder, "I'll return before then."
I tried to believe her words.
She never lied to me before so why would she lie to me now?
"Promise?" I pressed for further assurance.
"I promise." She smiled warmly.
I rolled back over to her, and then, moving my face towards her, kissed her as hard as I possibly could without suffocating myself.
When she broke that kiss after a long minute, she touched my chest.
She disappeared from sight.
Satana left.
And although she was gone now, I knew it wouldn't be the last I saw her.
She'd be back, I didn't just believe that because of her promise, but because I felt it deep down, in my heart.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 7 years agoWhile the scenes may have been pleasant in and of themselves, the writing structure does need a bit of work. The way things are point to point, it almost feels like you're just writing a list instead of an actual story. You need to have the sentences flow together a bit better. For example, I'll take the last six lines, and word them a bit better.
I rolled back over to her, and then as I moved my face towards her, I kissed her as hard as I possibly could without suffocate myself. She broke the kiss after a very long minute or so, touching my chest, then disappearing from sight entirely. She'd left, but although she was gone now, I knew it wouldn't be the last I'd see her. She'd be back, but not because I believed her from the promise, but because I felt it deep down in my heart.
DrSpideyabout 9 years agoAuthorWill do, Anonymous. I'll try and check it for any typos from on when I'm writing.
DrSpideyabout 9 years agoAuthorMermaid 2188, I intend to. I'm going to make it a three part story.
Anonymousabout 9 years agobut you need to check the spelling.....i won't even touch the grammar....keep writing you have a good imagination....................george
