A Gift from Mother Christmas

I climb to my feet and begin dressing, retrieving my clothes from the bed and the floor where they had been placed or dropped as Kris undressed me. At some point I'm going to have to leave this room and face the world, with the Danny Jacksons and other perverts and abusers therein. Kris called me a 'wonderful, intelligent, strong, capable woman' though I've not shown much of that recently. However, she was right about my sexuality, so maybe I am all she thinks. Just then I have a light bulb moment as an idea pops into my head and I smile; I know exactly what I'm going to say to that little shit Danny.

Fully dressed, I take a deep breath. "Thank you... Mother Christmas, for everything," I whisper into the dark room, "but especially for being my first lover."

It doesn't take long to locate Danny Fucking Jackson but I have to wait a few minutes before he leaves his mates as he goes in search of the bathroom. He looks a little tipsy but not too drunk that I cannot talk to him. He sees there is a queue for the bathroom and heads out into the garden, presumably to piss in the shrubbery, and I follow.

As soon as he's on his own I grab his shoulder and spin him round. "Hello, Danny, remember me? I'm the girl you sexually assaulted earlier this evening."

"What? That's bollocks, I never did! You wanted..."

"I wanted what?" I interrupt, "You to pin me against the shed wall and shove your fingers in my vagina? Did I ask you to do that? Did you talk to me or ask what I wanted? No!" He looks a little confused and just a bit worried. "After the sexual assault you boasted that you'd got your hands into my knickers, just as you bet you would. The trouble is, you were so desperate to win your bet that you did so without my consent. I just want you to understand so that when the police turn up and start questioning you about the assault it's not a complete shock."

"The police?"

"Yes, the police; after I call them and tell them how you sexually assaulted me."

"But you can't prove that," he replies, trying to sound confident.

"Can't I? What about all those people you boasted to about what you did? And those who saw me distressed and in tears, running away after you assaulted me? Would I have been that upset if I'd wanted what you did to me? It must have been a sexual assault, maybe even rape."

"No, but... that's not fair!" he whines.

"Not fair? Is what you did to me fucking fair? You set out to humiliate me you little shit and you dare to complain about 'not fair'! Oh yes, you wanted to be a sports teacher didn't you? Well, good luck with that with a complaint of sexual assault on your police record."

"Suzie, you wouldn't..." I fix him with my hardest stare.

"Want to bet on that?" He is suddenly very sober and genuinely scared. Good. "Of course, you could tell everyone that you'd made it up, that I refused to let you touch me and mocked your little cock when you got it out. That I ran away crying because you'd called me names. That would make it harder for my claim of assault to be believed."

"I'll do that, I promise," he replies desperately.

"Even the bit about..."

"Okay, even the bit about me getting my cock out... okay, okay, my little cock."

"Make sure you tell all your friends and convince them; if I hear the word 'slut' being attached to my name then I'll assume you've broken your promise and I'll go to the police. Am I clear?"

"Yes, okay," he agrees sullenly, so I leave him and walk back into the house. In the kitchen I pick up a can of cider and a plastic tumbler and wander into the conservatory. It is cold in here and the lights are off but despite that, or perhaps because of it, I come across Alicia, a girl from school, and a boy I do not recognise snogging and groping each other passionately on a wicker double seat. They are oblivious to me as I move silently past them to a seat facing out of the window, though my eyes linger on Alicia's rather attractive thigh where his hand has pushed her skirt up. A few hours ago I would have blushed and looked away, embarrassed for even seeing it; now I'm tempted to stay and watch her.

Sitting in the window I look out over the garden. In the light from the back of the house I can see Danny with a couple of his mates, Stuart and Kevin I think. He is saying something and shaking his head. The other two say something and Danny looks down as he talks and his friends start laughing. When Stuart holds up his fist I wonder what he's doing until I see his little finger extended and wiggling. Now I know that Danny has kept his word, even to including the 'little cock'. His discomfort and embarrassment are so painfully obvious that I'm almost sorry for him. Almost.

I sip the cider and relax, reliving that magical time with Kris. How long was it, I wonder? Perhaps I should ask If anyone saw a woman who was... what? Older and with a nice body ('No, a fucking awesome, sexy body!' my memory screams); very pretty, with a lovely mouth and with shoulder length, wavy hair of some colour wearing a dress, that I also don't know the colour of, but she does smell softly of sweet spices. I smile and decide that there is no point and that I should just accept the magic of that encounter.

A while later and the cider is gone and I am alone in the conservatory; I feel mellow and content with life as I stand and decide to head home. On my way I overhear Gemma talking to Marie, Becca and Becca's boyfriend, "So Danny and Suzie went out into the garden together after the dance and he took her behind the shed out there and," her voice drops, "he took his prick out but she told him to put it away because it was too small!"

"Well, it was very cold in the garden, so maybe it wasn't his fault," suggests Becca's boyfriend and the girls laugh.

"But," says Marie, "I saw her run in crying and she disappeared somewhere."

"Yeah, apparently Danny called her all sorts of names and said she was a slut for leading him on. What a wanker that boy is." I move on quietly and unnoticed; I have heard enough and it's time I went home.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Come on Pickle," I call as the dog drags on the lead. She's not used to her walks that have now become runs and walks as part of my promise to myself to exercise. I know she's only got short legs but Pickle should be able to keep up with me. It's only day three but I've done this every day, each time managing to run a little more and I'm already four pounds lighter. Kris's magic is working.

This morning I automatically pulled a couple of chocolate chip cookies from the jar to go with a cup of tea I'd made and I saw the green knotted cord on my wrist and put them back. "Are you alright, Suzie?" Mum asked when she saw what I'd done. "You seem different since that party the other night; is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Not at the moment, Mum, but thanks. I guess I've decided I need to make some changes in my life, starting with my weight." I told her.

"Well, good for you, Suzie, and you're not even waiting for New Year's Day tomorrow to start your resolution; that's very impressive. Let me know if there's anything you want me to buy or not buy when I'm shopping."

"Um, yes, please can you not buy any more crisps or chocolate? They're too tempting."

"No problem, Suzie dear. Maybe I can lose a bit of weight too," and she gave me a hug.

I turn off the pavement and into the park and Pickle seems a little more enthusiastic as she even overtakes me. There is something I'll need to talk to Mum about, of course, but I'm not ready yet to come out and tell her I'm gay. Anyway, it's not as if I've got a girlfriend.

I follow the path heading towards the lake and I'm impressed that I'm still jogging, This is a new record for me, even though I know I won't be able to run much further. I look ahead and there, on a bench where the path bends, is Emmy. Next to her a woman in a deep green dress with pale, shoulder-length wavy hair is rising from the seat and I can see they are talking. I stumble to a halt, staring as the woman bends and kisses Emmy on the top of her head before turning and walking away. I notice buttons down the back of her dress and her lovely figure before she disappears behind the bushes and trees as she walks round the bend in the path.

I don't know what to do; I thought I was over Emmy and what happened but no... very much no. I feel my throat constrict painfully and I have to go, to flee. Just then, however, Pickle decides to bark, perhaps recognising Emmy. I see her look towards me and I turn, pulling Pickle's lead. "Suzie, Suze, wait!" I take a few hesitant steps away from her but she calls again, "Suzie, wait, I'm sorry." I stop and turn as she runs up to me.

"What are you sorry for, Emily-Rose?" I ask roughly and she flinches at my use of her full name, almost as if I'd slapped her.

"For everything... for that note I left you... for being selfish and a coward." I see tears welling in her eyes; one beads and runs down her cheek, tugging at my heart despite everything. "I, I really hope that awful note and how I treated you didn't make Christmas too, well, shit for you."

"I've had better," I admit. "Mum did wonder what the hell the matter was with me. I just couldn't tell her that we'd fallen out, let alone why." I stop talking; the hurt in her eyes is just too much. However, there is one burning question on my mind.

"Emil... Emmy, who was that woman you were talking to just now?"

"She just came and sat beside me. I'd been crying, thinking about what I'd done writing you that horrid note and how you must hate me for it. She said that she was there because I needed to talk to someone... so I told her about us and what I'd done. I told her about what we'd done together, you know, kissing and stuff. I hope you don't mind but she was right, I did need to talk about us. She said that you and I need to talk and... she told me that you'd surprise me."

"No, I really don't mind you talking to her." I hesitate then I touch her arm. "Let's sit down," I suggest, pointing to the bench she just left and we walk over and sit. "Emmy, what was her name? Did she tell you?"

"She said I should call her Kris. Do you know her?" she asks, surprised.

"I think I, er, met her recently and spent some time with her. I also told her about us and what happened."

"Suze, I'm really sorry about how I behaved and, oh god, that horrid, spiteful note. I, well, you know we..."

"Emmy," I interrupt sharply and she looks at me anxiously. Her hands are clasped tightly in her lap and I rest my hand gently on top of them. "Emmy, you were right, I am a fat dyke. If I manage to lose weight I will be a thin dyke," I smile at my little attempt at a joke but Emmy just looks stunned. "I'm gay... a lesbian, Emmy. Not curious, not 'I wonder if I might be' but absolutely certain that I'm attracted to girls, to women."

"To me?" she asks in a small voice.

"Oh Emmy, yes; to you more than anyone, even before that afternoon last summer when we kissed in that field. Did you not know?"

"I, think I did know, deep down, but couldn't believe it, didn't want to believe it. It's not right, two girls together in that way. That's why I couldn't... each time we kissed I liked it at first but I couldn't..."

"Emmy, you're the first person apart from Kris that I've admitted my sexuality to. Can I ask you to be honest and tell me why you kissed me that day in the field, and all those other times and then came into my bed," my voice catches but I force myself to continue, "after our party?" She looks at me briefly as she chews her lip before looking down.

"Sometimes when we're together I feel, well, all warm and tingly and close to you and... you look at me in a certain way, like I'm the loveliest, most special person in the world. Kissing you seems so right just then and, well it feels nice and you're a good kisser, but... I know it's wrong and then I feel guilty." She hangs her head and sighs before continuing, "I know I shouldn't have come into your bed after the party. I was a bit drunk and I just wondered, you know, what it would be like..."

"And when I responded, you got scared," I tell her and she nods.

"I put my hand out to stop you but, of course, I ended up touching your boob. Suze, your hand squeezing my bum felt nice and, um, you have a, a lovely boob but... oh Suzie, when I felt you rubbing your v-jay against my leg it was just so wrong... it felt disgusting and dirty! I was angry, furious at you for doing that, even though I knew I'd sort of led you on. Please forgive me." There is a long silence. It was all misunderstanding and silly mistakes, each of us looking for something different and not understanding the other. We need to set boundaries, for both our sakes.

"Emmy, of course I forgive you but you need to decide. I can be your friend or we could try being girlfriends... you know, girlfriends as in gay girls in a relationship. What I can't cope with is you coming onto me then pushing me away because I respond sexually to you; that's not fair." She nods again.

"I know. Suze, I do love you, you know that, don't you? It's just... I don't know if I could ever, you know, sleep with a girl, with you, I mean. Can we just be friends?" Even though I am more than half expecting that answer, it is still crushing when it comes. Stoically I nod, holding back tears through sheer willpower. "I'm sorry that I can't be your proper girlfriend," she adds.

"No, you must be who you are. You're my oldest, closest friend and I don't want to lose that." I take a deep breath and force a smile. "If you can accept me as your freaky lesbo friend then I can accept you as my boringly straight friend."

To my surprise she leans in and kisses my cheek. "You mean freaky lesbo and boringly straight best friends!" We both chuckle. "Come on, Suze. I don't know about you but it's too bloody cold to sit outside; let's go to the café, I'm buying." We stand and she slips her arm through mine as we walk across the park to the café on the south side, Pickle walking alongside. "Of course, if I ever get a bit curious..."

"Don't go there!" I cut Emmy off mid-sentence and she looks at me a little startled. "You were going to say, 'If I ever get curious about sex with a woman.' Don't hold that out as a hope for me or you'll have me mooning around after you forever. Look, hopefully we'll be off to university next September; go and find some girl there to experiment on if you get curious. Naturally, if you come back and tell me you've embraced the marvels of lesbian sex then that will be different," I smile.

"You seem to be very sure you're a lesbian, so is that what you did: find a girl?" She looks at me and I blush. "Fuck, Suze, you did! You've slept with a woman!" There is almost awe in Emmy's voice. "Do I know her?"

"I think you might have met her once but even best friend privileges won't get me to name her. Maybe if we were in bed together I'd tell you."

"Hey! That 'no coming on' rule applies to you too, missy! No trying to seduce your boringly straight friend with your lesbian wiles." I hold my hand up in apology and she grins, "Still, my best friend sleeping with a woman: wow!"

"Are you alright about me being gay, Emmy,? I mean really alright?"

"Yeah, though I don't think lesbian sex is for me," she smiles. "Like I said, I think deep inside I always suspected you might be gay and now I know for sure but you're still the same person." She hesitates, thinking. "Actually, would you and your Mum like to come over to see in the New Year with us tonight?"

"Maybe; I'd have to ask Mum. Is it just you and your Mum and Dad?"

"No, actually, my aunt and uncle are staying with us so they will be there." She looks at me with a mischievous smile, "My cousin Terri will be there too." My interest is piqued.

"Would that be the cousin Terri with her short, spikey blue hair and cute face, who likes wearing cargo pants and tee shirts?"

"Yes, the tomboy of the family. The one you heard Mum and Dad talking about the last time she was here; the Terri who's never had a boyfriend, even though she's nearly twenty."

"Do you mean she's..?" I cannot quite ask, but Emmy knows what I'm wondering.

"I don't actually know but, well, I bet we could find out. I know I made your Christmas shit Suze, so, like, maybe I can help make my best friend's New Year better."

"Amen to that and thanks, Emmy, you're a wonderful friend... considering you're a straight girl!" I hug her arm tight as we push open the door into the inviting, cosy warmth of the café.