A Gift in Disguise Ch. 06

"I might take you up on that. And if I do, I'll hold you to your promise to help me," I answered. Our eyes locked briefly before she went on.

"As you know, I wore my new cock intermittently over the weekend. The idea was to see how it felt in everyday nonsexual activities. I was quite pleased to find that it was very comfortable. Just as she does with all her prosthetics, Jamie had done an exceptionally good job designing and building and fine-tuning it for the contours of my body, I hardly even noticed it most of the time. It did not feel foreign at all. It felt as if it had always been part of me. That really surprised me.

You'll hear me say it felt 'natural' over and over again, Tom. Being a woman, I can't really know what the 'natural' penis feel would be for a man. So what I guess I'm saying is that it didn't feel at all foreign, strange, or uncomfortable at any time. The sensations felt as natural as if I could have been experiencing them all my life. But it is also possible that because I'm bi, I simply don't feel the unease or even guilt that a hetero man might feel if he were able to experience sensations he could readily identify as uniquely feminine.

Anyway, you and Jamie had explained that a certain amount of pressure almost anywhere above the base of the shaft and on the head would start the erection process, so for most of the weekend I was careful to not wear tight clothing or to touch myself there except, of course, to remove and then reapply the phallus. Two hours on, two hours off seemed about right.

But on Sunday afternoon I got curious. Or maybe some latent exhibitionism in me started appearing," she said with an easy laugh. "In any case, I wondered what would happen if I were to wear the phallus in public under my usual street clothes. Would anyone notice? What if I got a hard-on? Would they be shocked or offended -- or turned on? Would they say anything? How would I react to them? The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to try it -- wearing the phallus in public, I mean.

First I put on a pair of my jeans. I couldn't even get them fastened completely before I started getting an erection! That started all the sexual sensations that comes with it, so I had to shed the jeans and wait until my cock went limp again. By the way, and I told this to Jamie, when I relieved the pressure on the cock, the sensations didn't instantly stop. They seemed to subside proportionally with the flaccidity of the phallus. That was a nice feeling -- gradually coming down from arousal rather than instantly being turned off. That's really nice.

Then I began thinking of how you are turned on by women in tight, one-piece swimsuits, so I put on my tank-style swimsuit. It's a high-cut, skin tight black one piece. You've never seen me in it. Actually, I haven't worn it for a few years, because when I decided to let my body hair grow naturally, my pubic hair started sticking out the high leg openings. I know that would be a huge turn-on for you, but believe me, that plus my leg and arm and armpit hair would gross out many people."

When Lorraine said that, I started getting hard myself visualizing her in the swimsuit, wearing the phallus and having her own erection! My distraction did not escape her notice, and when I looked back up, the sparkle in her eyes told me she knew what I had been imagining. Then she continued.

"Anyway, I got into my swimsuit and stood in front of the full-length mirror in my bedroom. The pressure from my swimsuit had started the erection process again, and I got so hard so quickly that I thought I was going to cum right there! My sense, though, is that I was aroused not only by the impulses generated by the physical pressure from the suit on the phallus. I was also visually stimulated by the appearance of my penis growing harder under my swimsuit. The high-cut leg openings accentuated my erection! I know that the phallus should not be affected by my mental state -- it should only become erect during direct physical contact -- but it seemed to me that my mind was exerting some control over it. There seemed to be some neurological interaction, not just external physical stimulation by the swimsuit's pressure on the electrical sensors embedded in the phallus.

And then I experienced another surreal feeling -- looking at myself in the mirror and getting turned on by my own obvious erection growing before my eyes beneath the swimsuit. It was as if the person in the mirror wasn't really me but a separate person. She looked exactly like me but with a cock bulging under her swimsuit. I was overwhelmed by the desire to have my lookalike in the mirror fuck me!"

As she told her story, Lorraine's eyes seemed to glaze over. Her voice stopped, but clearly her mind's eye was back looking in the bedroom mirror on Sunday.

"I'd like to have seen that," I said spontaneously and truthfully.

"Well, after I get the phallus back from Jamie, maybe I should model my old swimsuit for you. I think that would be fun...for both of us." After pausing briefly, she continued.

"Since I couldn't get even my usual street clothes on without generating a visible hard-on, and of course not knowing for sure whether I would be able to conceal an orgasm if one or more overtook me, I abandoned my thought about wearing the phallus in public. Well, at least for now. But I have to confess the idea still excites me -- wondering if people will notice and how they'll react."

"I hope I'm there when you decide to try it," I injected. Although she continued talking, her eyes again told me that my comment with its subtle suggestion of us engaging in some sort of forbidden public sex had not gone unnoticed.

"Anyway," she continued, "I removed the phallus, cleaned and stored it, then went to bed. By that time I was eager to actually get to Amanda's and get ready for the test yesterday.

When I got there, Jamie took me into the prep room and applied the phallus.

While the cement cured, we talked. She mentioned, Tom, that you and she had agreed to tell me when you two finally had sex. She decided that yesterday would be a good time to tell me. I hope you're not upset with her?"

"No, that doesn't bother me at all. We had agreed that since we are both your clients, you needed to know."

Once again the relief flooded Lorraine's face and was completely revealed in her body language.

"So, how did you do it? How did it feel?" Then she stopped abruptly, apparently shocked by her own bluntness. "God, what terrible questions to ask you! I'm so sorry, Tom."

I laughed, genuinely amused by Lorraine's momentary discomfort but not wanting to prolong it. I was a little surprised, though, that Jamie hadn't already given Lorraine all the details.

"We just started kissing and touching each other, then pulling off each other's clothes until we were naked. Then we fell onto her bed, kissing and touching and rubbing. We actually seemed to be perfectly sexually synchronized. We had our cocks between our two bodies -- I think Jamie was on top -- and we just started rubbing them between us with our bodies. The closer we got to cumming, the more we pushed and the harder we kissed. Finally we both just orgasmed and let the cum flow between us. To tell you the truth, Lorraine, it felt completely natural to me. It was very spontaneous, and I was so consumed by the pleasure of it that I can't remember many of the details."

"Do you think it would feel the same if it were you and me and I was wearing the phallus?" Lorraine asked.

"Maybe. I mean, we did it when you were wearing the version 1 phallus, and I didn't have any trouble getting hard and cumming then. I'm guessing that if you were wearing your new one, you might even be more into it which might increase both my and your excitement. If that's what you're asking...

But if you're trying to ask delicately if I'm turned off by you or Jamie or for that matter Kim having a cock? Not a chance. Maybe I am closer to bisexual than you first thought, Lorraine."

She looked thoughtful before answering. She could even have heard the slightest hint of uncertainty or apprehension in my voice.

"Maybe, but I don't really think so, Tom. What I think you're experiencing and also getting more comfortable with is the realization that sexual satisfaction and pleasure, as distinguished from sex for reproduction, is not exclusively gender-defined. As I've said to you before, the boundaries of sexual pleasure are sometimes arbitrarily set by culture, not exclusively by gender. I think you're coming to understand that those boundaries are wide and fuzzy shadows rather than distinct and high walls.

What I really think may be happening with you, Tom, is that you're not as upset as you think you ought to be by your acknowledgement of the blurring of those boundaries. Let me reassure you, and of this I am absolutely positive: If you were truly uncertain about your sexuality, you wouldn't have been able to have an erection with Jamie or experience an orgasm with her as you did. You would have experienced the same situational impotency that brought you to my office in the first place almost a year ago when you were unable to achieve and sustain an erection with a woman. That didn't happen with Jamie, a woman born with a penis. You have long ago overcome that internal mental barrier, but you're still a product of your culture and upbringing. Consequently, in some deep recess of your mind, you question the propriety of sex for pleasure. Fortunately, it is not inhibiting your experiencing sexual pleasure and fulfillment.

Our brains are programmed for sex, Tom. It may be that programming is gender specific for reproduction but gender indifferent or at least ambiguous for sexual pleasure. Our cultural upbringing sometimes erects a barrier between the two. For example, I refer to myself as bisexual, but that's more for convenience during conversation than anything else. It's a term of convenience to avoid long-winded and sometimes incomprehensible explanations.

If you really need any reassurance, Tom, one thing Jamie told me ought to provide it. She said that her orgasm with you was unquestionably the most comfortable and satisfying one she's ever had. Just like me telling you how the phallus feels when I wear it, she used the word 'natural' to describe how it felt to have sex with you. She attributed that to your being a completely heterosexual male whose sexual attraction to her had more to do with her being a woman than her being a sexual anomaly with a fully developed and functional penis rather than a vagina. She said you were her first male sex partner -- not that she's had many -- who made her feel completely feminine, completely female, in spite of her penis. Jamie's been my client for several years, Tom, and I've never heard her say that before. It was a truly remarkable observation for her to make, and I'm sure she intended it to be a compliment to your masculinity.

But now I do wonder about something, Tom, and I hope you won't mind my asking this. I'd like you to think back to when you were an undergrad in college and specifically to the night your frat brothers set you up with Stephanie. I think you said when you were kissing her, you sensed something was different. Yet you kept kissing her. Even after you discovered that she was a transgender woman, you kept kissing her. You said that was to keep up the act you and Stephanie had agreed to fool your frat brothers. Tell me something, Tom. Did you get hard and stay hard while you were kissing Stephanie then, even when you knew she was a man?"

If Lorraine had asked that question of me before my sex with Jamie, I would probably have been shocked and maybe a little offended. But now, I gave it the thought I had not given it before -- or maybe had blocked out of my mind.

"Yeah, I did. I guess being honest with you, I'd have to say I was still a little turned on kissing Stephanie. When she and I talked, she said she felt like she was really a woman trapped inside a man's body."

"That's something we commonly hear transgenders say, Tom, and it is a simple but very precise and honest expression of how many of them do feel.

Tom, what do you think you would have done then if Stephanie had loosened your pants and started stroking your cock?"

"I... I might have let her. I mean, I really thought she was a girl. Woman."

"But before that could happen, you started feeling her up and found she was a man with a cock. What was her reaction then?"

I had to pause to recall that night.

"At first, I guess when she still thought I knew she was really a man, she liked it. I mean, she was hard. But when I rubbed what I thought would be her pussy and felt his cock, I pulled my hand away. We pretty quickly both realized we had been tricked and deceived by my former frat brothers."

"Yet you both went on to act as if you didn't object. And you said you and Stephanie have stayed friends. But you've never had sex or even kissed again, right?"

"Yes, that's right. Oddly enough and in spite of our differences sexually, Stephanie and I have a lot in common."

"So, Tom, aren't you even a little curious about what it would feel like for you and Stephanie to mutually masturbate each other? Maybe to cum together?"

"Until now, I've never really given it any thought, Lorraine. And she and I have never talked about sex at all. Why? What are you getting at?"

"Really, Tom, I'm not sure. I suppose I'm just trying to get a better understanding of my own feelings after wearing the phallus yesterday and after my experiences today.

Like I said earlier. Yesterday was a little confusing. Once the phallus had been applied, I continued to feel the same sensations that I've always felt as a woman becoming aroused. But I was also feeling other sensations, new ones, as well. Obviously they were distinct or I wouldn't have even noticed them as different from what I usually feel. They weren't in conflict, and in fact they were really nice, but even though my cock felt natural, the sensations it generated were strange. I was behaving more like a man than a woman at times. I swear to God, Tom, there were times I just felt like grabbing someone and fucking them."

Her words revealed her own frustration. And they left me feeling completely inadequate, unable to say anything that would help her understand her feelings.

"I mentioned this to both Jamie and Amanda yesterday right after the test. Something happened during my orgasms that has never happened before. I ejaculated.

Like most women, I never had ejaculated during orgasm. But I did yesterday. When I removed the phallus, there it was, a small amount of ejaculate. It's fortunate that there wasn't more, because there's no provision in the phallus design to capture any emissions. Since we were at Amanda's lab, she did a quick chemical test on it and confirmed it was not urine but an emission from the Skene's gland. From a medical perspective, she thought it was significant that now but never before had I ejaculated. That tends to support a very tentative theory that Amanda, Kim, and I have begun to outline about how sex with you, specifically your 'gift,' may have had a greater effect on our brains than we first thought. But I don't want to get into that right now. At this point, we're more interested in testing and perfecting the prosthetic phallus.

Jamie, Amanda, and I discussed it, and Jamie believes that the phallus may have to be modified to either provide a catch reservoir or redesigned to allow for urogenital emissions to be expelled just as with a urethra in a natural penis. Amanda had already been working on the second alternative, a urethra. Amanda, Jamie, and I generally agree that is a better solution. Of course, we haven't discussed it yet with Kim, because we want to hear her observations without being biased by the results of my test.

Then I hit both of them with a question that left them baffled. When a man ejaculates, does he feel the flow of his ejaculate through his cock, or does he just feel the overall orgasm?"

She paused, apparently waiting for me to respond and when I didn't, she asked, "Well? Do you?"

I had to think about that before answering. "I don't know. I've never really paid any attention. Why?"

"That was what Jamie said, too. Her inclination was to think that a person just feels the orgasm, because the urethra is just a tube. But Amanda said there are nerves associated with the urethra in both men and women, so she wanted to see if there was a more complete and accurate answer in the medical literature.

The reason I wanted to know, Tom, is that when I came, it actually felt like I could feel it flowing through the phallus. It was like a slow-motion movie, though. I know that was impossible with its present construction, but it really did feel like that was happening. I wondered if the feeling of the jism flow could be replicated with some kind of sensors in the phallus. That is, of course, assuming the feeling is there in a man's natural penis."

"It's a good question, and I think it would be a great design and engineering challenge. Let me talk with Jamie after Amanda tells us what she finds." I wanted to ask a lot of technical questions right then, but Lorraine was quickly relaxing, and I didn't want to interrupt that.

"There are a couple of things that happened today that I believe are a direct result of the test yesterday," she said. "I would like to tell you about them today. And of course, I'll tell Amanda and Jamie before Kim's test begins."

That odd tone I had heard earlier on the phone had crept back into her voice. This time, though, it was clearly more professional curiosity than apprehension or concern. Lorraine was comfortable and in her element as a psychologist again.

"You'll recall, Tom, that back when Jamie made the version 1 phallus for me to wear while trying to treat Kim's inability to orgasm, I went along but was not exactly enthralled with the idea. Even though Kim has long held a sexual fantasy about having a penis and being able to have sex as a man, I haven't. Although I am comfortably bisexual, I'd never had any desire to know what it feels like to have sex as a man. That is one fantasy that had eluded me." She paused and looked deeply into my eyes before continuing. "After yesterday, though, I think that is changing. In fact, I'm sure it is."

After pausing again for me to absorb the full effect of her words, she resumed.

"Jamie's version 2 phallus is a dramatic advancement over the version 1. At least for me it was, and I'm guessing we'll hear that from Kim, too. It has many more and different sensations associated with it, a far greater range and depth of sensations than version 1 had.

Even though I hadn't experienced exactly those same sensations before, they felt remarkably natural for me. They were also very exciting, and of course, very arousing. If I had to speculate, I'd say that Jamie's being a woman born with and still having a penis enabled her to somehow, maybe almost subconsciously, translate some unique sensations that usually only a man with a real penis could experience into the technology to impart them to a woman wearing the phallus. And of course that would increase the comfort and restore the natural sexual sensations to a man wearing it as a sexual prosthetic, too.

"But you said you wanted to mention a couple things you noticed today...?"

"Oh. Yes. Well, actually, it began yesterday before the test, but I didn't think much about it. Jamie needed to handle the phallus to cement it to my bare skin, so it was already erect from her handling. That didn't cause me to have any unexpected or uncontrollable sexual sensations, though. Once she applied it, we talked about you and her having sex. Then Jamie left the room, I laid back to relax before the test, and the phallus went limp within a minute, maybe two, just as it should have when external physical pressure was removed.