A Hard Night Without Youbyshorty_drea©
It is always the hardest part of my nights – saying goodbye to you. Even after an hour on the phone, I want to talk to you longer. It's no substitute to being with you and being able to be near you, but hearing your voice is always the highlight of my day.
After reluctantly hanging up the phone, knowing you need your sleep, I throw my phone across the room, roll over and sob into my pillow. If someone were to hear me, they would think I had lost a loved one – my whole body shakes, the pillow becomes soaked, I cry loudly and I am still left with that feeling of longing, the pain of not being with you.
Tonight though, I ache for more than your sweet words and sweet kisses. It's been six weeks since I last saw you. This is probably the longest I've gone willingly without sex. I know there are guys from my past I could call up – I have been turning down some amazing offers lately. It's hard to explain, but the idea of being with someone else makes me want to cry harder. We're not in a relationship with the definition of labels (though sometimes I wish we were), but being with a lover from my past would feel like cheating. I would rather wait until I see you again in a few months and dream about being with you than be with anybody else.
I lie there, in my favorite short shorts and a wifebeater stolen from my best gay guy friend. I like the shorts – I have too much hips and thighs to ever feel comfortable being seen in them, but they are so short, so light that sometimes I forget I'm wearing them. The wifebeater provides no support for my breasts – possibly my best physical feature – and I like the feeling of having only a thin layer of fabric between my breasts and the cool night air from my open window.
I remember how it feels to have you lay next to me, holding me close, and I'm inspired. I love to walk around naked in the morning, but when I sleep, I crave a minimal amount of clothing to keep me comfortable. You sleep in the nude, and I imagine what it would be like to have my bare skin be next to yours. I slide off my shorts and my wifebeater, letting them drop on the floor. I feel the cool breeze, hearing the crickets and I realize that all my sobbing has subsided, only the occasional hiccup and damp pillow to remind me.
I love lying there naked, wishing you were next to me. I close my eyes and smile, thinking of everything about you that I love seeing while in bed. Your strong shoulders, your light touch all over my skin - I start to shiver just imagining your fingertips all over every inch of me. I remember the feel of our legs intertwined, and I feel my nipples start to harden.
I slowly trace the skin along my breasts, along my stomach, and slip a finger in between my legs. Without even realizing it, I had become so wet just thinking about you. I bring my hand back up towards my aching nipples, and enjoy the feeling of my wetness being massaged all over my breasts, causing my nipples to get harder. I open my eyes, enjoying the glisten of my nipples in the soft night light. I reach back towards my shaved, soft pussy and slide my fingers in again. I reach again for my nipples and ignore my aching clit – that would have to come later. No point in rushing towards the finish line now.
As I grab my breasts, feeling their soft fullness and the slight wetness around my hard nipple, I feel a rush of warmth take over my pussy. It's that same rush of excitement that I get when I see you, and I wish you were here with me tonight. I slowly trace back along my chest and stomach, and slide my fingers down to my thighs, skipping over my aching pussy. My thighs feel so soft, and I love the idea of teasing myself.
I finally slide two fingers back into my pussy, and pull them out, drenched. I smile slightly, knowing that teasing myself had paid off – I love getting this wet. I start to spread open my legs and I feel my wet pussy being exposed to the cool air. The contrast of feeling so hot and wet with the cool, light breeze makes me shiver with anticipation.
I pause for a moment, and reach under my bed to grab my vibrator. I stop myself, knowing that as intense the pleasure is and how easily I would be able to orgasm twice, three times, even four times in a matter of minutes, that's not what it's about right now. Instead I reach back to my pussy, and slide my fingers in and then up towards my clit. I feel the soft warmth and enjoy the initial shiver of pleasure as my fingers finally meet with my clit. I imagine its your hand and your fingers – bigger and stronger than mine as I begin to stroke myself quickly, increasing the pressure every second. My legs begin to shake, and I force myself to pull my hand away. Not yet, not yet.
I insert one finger in my soaking pussy again, and then another. Having my two fingers reach inside me will never match the feel of your cock inside me. Nothing can come close to imitating that second when you first enter me – I long for that split-second feeling of such intense pleasure and pain. I begin to fuck myself with my fingers, rocking my hips, and working harder and harder to reach my fingers in as far as they can go. I love the softness and warmth of my pussy enveloping my small hands, but I think about how much greater it would be to feel your cock. I wonder if your cock craves feeling the soft, warm walls of my pussy enveloping it – and the more I think about your cock, the harder and faster I fuck myself.
Suddenly, I stop. Waiting a moment for my heart to stop racing, I slowly slide my wet fingers back up towards my clit. After being ignored, my body shakes again as I start to rub my clit. I rub harder and harder, faster and faster – I love the feeling of roughness. My legs start to shake even harder, my heart beats faster and faster and I can hear myself start to breathe heavily. My hips naturally start to arch forward and push harder against my quick fingers. As I get closer and closer, the only image in my mind is you fucking me. I remember my view with those mirrors on the ceiling the last time we were together, and in a moment that arrives too quickly, I come, and a moan with your name comes out of my mouth as the slow waves of ecstasy roll over my body and I feel my heartbeat slowly return to normal. I lie there – my fingers still on my pussy, but I know I can't touch my clit again, it's too sensitive right now.
As I lie there, dreaming of your arms around me and the feel of your naked body holding my body close, a few tears escape my eyes. I think of how our bodies fit together perfectly, and how I wish you were here with me right now. I think of calling you to describe to you what happened, but I can't even think of moving right now. My hand is still right over my pussy, and as I lay there I start to drift into a deep sleep. I can feel you there with me when I dream, and I fall asleep, for the first time in a while not dreading waking up without you here.