A Heart Divided Ch. 01

I started holding deep for a second or two after each thrust, feeling like I could cum any second. But it built and built and built until I worried I would never release. After one hard thrust, I heard a restrained whimper of discomfort from Lynn. That set me off, and with two more pushes against her, I came. I grunted loudly and cried out in primal groans.

I don't usually like doggy style- it lacks the intimacy of being able to face or embrace Lynn. But no other position matches it for feeling myself pulse inside her. I lowered my hips just slightly so that the base of my shaft pressed against her pubic bone. That sensation made my orgasm all the stronger. I was pushing so hard, Lynn had to put her hands on the headboard and push back to keep from being crushed. For once, I didn't care.

I held myself in that position until I was completely sated. I squeezed her hips and rubbed her ass a few times until I felt my legs start to get sore. Then pulling out all but the tip, I milked my shaft, making sure every drop had made it into her. Somehow that act seemed degrading, or a sign of ownership- I wasn't sure. But it felt right.

When I finally pulled out, Lynn walked wordlessly to the bathroom. I lay down and was almost asleep when Lynn came back to bed in her silk summer nightgown.

"Someone had some aggression to work out tonight," she said disinterestedly.

The bravado I had felt when I was nearing my climax had faded and I was a little embarrassed. I didn't know if Lynn sensed that and was leveraging it to hurt me, or if it was just coincidence.

"Well, I was just...caught up in the moment, or something, and I didn't hear you complaining...or saying anything, so..."

"Well don't get used to it- I think you bruised me," she said, not sounding angry.

"Sure, whatever," I mumbled and soon fell asleep.

*******

I didn't see Lynn at all the next day. She was gone when I awoke, and I had faculty meetings that afternoon and evening. It was nice to be busy and not have the down time to be thinking about my confusing and failing marriage. And when the faculty meeting moved unofficially to a local drinking hole, I decided to join them, uncharacteristically.

I was used to hearing other professors- men and women- complain about their marriages. Some had already divorced, some were on that path, and some were just resigned to an unhappy home life. For the first time, I felt like one of them. As the alcohol flowed, I refrained from more than a glass or two of beer, planning to drive myself home. Seeing how the booze made other people's lips loose, I was glad I wasn't as far gone as many of them. They told private stories about their spouses, all of which made themselves look good and their spouse just evil, of course. The alcohol also had the effect of leading a few colleagues to get more physical than they should have with each other. After a couple hours, I was ready to leave.

I wasn't home until nearly 11, and when I got there, Lynn was sound asleep. In my slightly buzzed state, I considered waking her up for our daily sex act, but I figured we could pass on that- maybe make up for it with a double feature the next day. I fell asleep next to her, my hand around her waist.

*******

I awoke to a feeling like being shaken, but not quite. Then, when a hand grabbed by penis, I realized that what I had felt was Lynn pulling off my briefs. I kept my eyes closed for a few seconds, trying to make sure it wasn't a dream. Then, opening my eyes and rubbing them, I glanced at the clock. It was morning, but early- barely dawn. My dick had responded on its own to Lynn's attention, and the next thing I knew, she was rolling onto her back and pulling my shoulder to get me on top of her.

Still shaking the cobwebs from my head, I rolled over and got into position between her legs. Lynn quickly had my cock in hand and lined it up with her entrance. She moved it around a little with her hand, getting it fully seated and spreading some of her wetness around my tip. Letting go, she whispered, "OK," and put her hands on my back. Not thinking it wise to ask questions, I pushed down. For a straight guy, finding yourself balls deep inside the welcoming pussy of a stunningly beautiful woman within a minute of waking up is about the best possible beginning to any day. I groaned as I entered her and whispered, "Ohhhh yesssss. I love you, Lynn. I really love you so much. I've missed being close to you."

She didn't respond with words, but she began moving her hips slowly up towards me in gentle, regular thrusts. And she sought out my lips with hers and began exploring my mouth with her tongue. I was hesitant at first because both of us knew that morning breath usually ruled out kissing during wake-up sex. But Lynn's breath was minty and nice- had she used mouthwash already? As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I could see that her hair had already been done, too. Apparently Lynn had been up for a while, which made our present position curious.

But I was male enough to let those concerns slip to the back of my mind- topics for later discussion. The task at hand was more urgent and demanded my attention. As I thrust down into her, meeting the movement of her hips up to me, she began to arch her back, pushing her very full, very beautiful breasts up toward my mouth. I happily received that offering and began kissing them whenever they were in reach of my lips.

I moved a hand to her upper back and held her up mid arch, keeping those lovely globes where I could appreciate them better. My lips went around one nipple and helped bring it out to it's full potential. Then moving my fingertips to that nipple, I began teasing the other one with my tongue until they were both sticking out. I then trailed my kisses down her breast and into the space in between them. From there, my lips found their way up to her neck, and Lynn mover her head to one side so that I could have better access. Then returning up past her jaw and cheek, I found her lips again. Our nostrils struggled to keep the air flowing into our bodies while our mouths locked together.

I didn't need to look at her eyes, her body was telling me how present she was with me in that moment. Her pussy squeezing my cock, her hands on my ass, pulling me into her, her lips coming after mine, her legs wrapped loosely around my thighs. We had always communicated well about sex- telling each other what felt good, what we didn't like, what we wanted to try. After 8 years of that dialogue, we both had a good idea how to rock each other's world. This morning, Lynn was doing everything right.

I was getting close, but I wanted to bring her with me. When I slowed down a bit, Lynn picked up her pace. Putting her mouth by my ear, she nibbled my earlobe and whispered, "Go ahead, don't worry about me."

I didn't bother asking why. We had all day for me to take care of her, and I would be happy to do that whenever and however she wanted. So I took over our pace, grabbing her hips to hold them still. I pulled out so far that I could feel the tickle of her trimmed bush around the crown of my shaft, then I firmly and slowly pushed as deep as I could. I repeated that motion for a minute until I was just on the edge, then I only needed to hold myself deep and grind against her a few times.

"nnngh! NNgh! hhMMM!! I'm close, baby...I'm close...oh, yeah...hhhnnngh..."

As I teetered on the edge, Lynn ran her hands up my back and then wrapped them around me. The different sensation pushed me over the edge and I came, pulsing rapidly inside her. Lynn continued to rub my back, and I moved my hands from her hips up to her shoulders, holding her in place so I could still push up against her. My orgasm was quick but intense. Even after I was done, I still wanted to push inside her, to continue feeling those smooth, comforting walls massaging my shaft. Before I lost my hardness, I did a few more slow strokes, suddenly pushing deep and kissing her passionately. I loved my wife.

She didn't rush me to get off her but instead let me revel in the afterglow of my climax. I did very slow strokes in and out until my tip felt too sensitive to continue. I pulled out and gave Lynn one final kiss before rolling off her.

As soon as I did, she got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I heard her cleaning up and moving around a little in there, then she came out a few minutes later, fully dressed, her hair pulled back into a neat ponytail.

I gave her a curious look, wondering why she needed to be dressed so early in the morning. She walked over to the bed and sat down on it next to me, letting her legs hang over the side.

"Gareth, I'm going to leave for a while."

"OK, what time will you be back?"

"No, not like that, Gare. I'm leaving. For a while. I don't know how long, but for a while. I'm not even sure why- I just...I really need to figure some things out, and I can't keep doing this."

By then I was sitting up straight and looking around for my underwear.

"I've found a place to live downtown, I've got it all set up and everything. I've got my important mail being forwarded. I'm not taking all my stuff, but I am taking a lot of it...most of it. I won't touch our savings or anything- I can live fine off of my own salary for a while..."

I tried to interject, but she held up a hand to silence me. She had clearly prepared this speech and had done a lot of preparing for this change.

"There's no one else, Gary, I'm not moving in with anyone or seeing anyone. That's important Gare- I'm not cheating on you and I'm not going to. But I...I just don't know about our marriage right now, and I need some time and some space to work that out alone."

I was out of bed trying to find my pants, or anything to put on me so I wasn't walking around exposed like that.

"Please don't call me or try to track me down. I'll let you know when I've got my head straightened out. Please don't come after me Gare, it will only make things worse, I think."

"But what..."

She kept going, talking over me, fiddling with her wedding ring on her finger. "You'll need to call the counselor and cancel. Or see if we can indefinitely postpone the sessions we paid for. I just can't do this Gare. Something's wrong and it's partly me and I need to figure it out. But being here, in the middle of it, feeling like this- I can't keep doing it. I'm sure you feel the same way."

She was wrong. "No, I want..."

"I'll call you Gary. It might take a while, a month or two, or longer, I don't know. Just...I need to do this. It's the only thing I can think of that might help at this point...I know it's a lot to ask, but...please wait for me, Gare. Please?" She stood up to leave. I was searching through my dresser for just one God damn pair of pants.

"This morning...that was a good-bye gift to you. Or maybe a see-you-later rather than a good-bye. My car is packed up. All your pants are all in the office closet," she half-smiled at that. "I didn't want you getting any ideas of coming out to the street and trying to prolong this. I...I'll be in touch."

And with that she trotted down the stairs and out the door- still wearing her ring, I noticed.

"Wait! Lynn, hold on!"

I was in the office, pulling open the closet. Of course she had put them in a suitcase under a pile of stuff- in the same place I hid her Christmas and birthday presents every year- I guess she had always known my hiding place. I heard her car pull away as I yanked a pair of jeans out. I was hopping on one foot, trying to get them on, so confused and upset that I wasn't thinking straight at all. I lost my balance and fell to the floor. Realizing that she was gone and that I couldn't chase her, I stayed on the floor and sobbed.

*******

Apparently Lynn needed a lot more time than either of us expected. She left me in late July, and by early December I still had not heard from her. I spent the rest of the summer in a bit of a funk, trying to focus on writing, planning a new course I was to teach in the fall, getting a lot of work done around the house...

By the time classes started that fall, I was over the initial shock. Getting back into the routine of lectures and meetings was good for me. It added structure to my life and gave me things to focus on other than the growing list of questions and fears that had faced me every day since Lynn had left.

Thanksgiving had been awkward- we usually went to be with one of our families, and with no word forthcoming from Lynn, I went to see my family and finally told my parents a little of what was going on. I guess the word was "separation," but that just didn't feel right. It was too strong a word when I still considered us a couple, but it was too soft a word when I realized that she wasn't communicating with me at all. They were supportive, but saw this as just a step on the road to divorce, which they thought was inevitable. It was hard to talk about it in those terms, since I was still holding out some hope.

The tension of our last 6 months together had somewhat prepared me for the loneliness of those months, though the forced chastity was difficult. Masturbation had gotten me through most of my single life, aside from a few brief relationships before Lynn, but after 5 months without her, I was bouncing off the walls. I decided I needed some sort of outlet to absorb the sexual energy that was making me antsy.

That December, I decided it was time to start running again. I had been a decent distance runner a long time ago, and my body type still suited the sport, so I resolved to start jogging. Having plenty of extra time on my hands, I started walking to campus 4 mornings a week, listening to music and podcasts on the way. Then in the afternoon or evening, I would jog home. It was about 4 miles, so I couldn't jog the whole thing at first. But after only two weeks I could do a light jog most of the way. Stopping for breathers at intersections really helped.

Final exams for students were during the second week of December, and after that, everyone went home for winter break. I had been one of many joggers near campus before then, but once the winter exodus was done, campus and the areas around it were mostly empty. As I jogged through campus the following week, I saw a young woman jogging towards me on the same path. I gave a polite wave as we passed each other, our breath coming out in little clouds of fog. She smiled and continued her run.

Wanting to continue my new habit, I kept jogging my route over the break. And almost every day, I passed the woman at some point on campus or close to it. Students being gone, I guessed she was either a young faculty member or else a local person enjoying the greenery of campus. We usually waved, smiled, or said a short hello.

A few days before Christmas, I was a half-mile away from campus, jogging up to a red light on my way home, when she came to the same intersection from the road to the right. We both stood at the corner, catching our breath and waiting for the signal to change, when she greeted me, "Hey, Professor."

I felt a little embarrassed at not recognizing her, but I had met so many students over the last 6 years, so I've gotten used to not remembering them all. I gave my standard response for those situations. "Hi! You'll have to remind me of your name."

We were both bending over a bit, hands on our knees and breathing deep. She looked at me and smiled, and I instantly felt warmer. "Sorry. You probably get that a lot. I had you for a class on Renaissance painters last year. I'm Gina..."