A Kitty for Santa Ch. 03

Upon arriving a car will pick me up and drop me off at my headquarters. Where I will surprise everyone with my arrival. The Captain has arranged for my transportation, so no one knows where I've been.

"Detective Prescott, thank you for gracing us with your presence to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Shawna, I need a friend to help me out of this mess. I know I've been gone and I don't know how to deal with it. If I still have a job I would love to drop the whole U.S. Marshall thing and never have to work with the FBI again and will give them everything that may be left in the lab. If not then I guess I should be leaving."

"Tiffany you know you're an idiot. What were you thinking running away?" She stepped around her desk and gave me a hug. "You scared the shit out of me honey, Canada really? I mean what happened one day your in Utah the next you're gone and all your girlfriend says is you didn't tell her about leaving."

"How bad is the situation?"

"First tell me why you left."

"I can't, you wouldn't understand."

"She pissed you off?"

"If I was mad it would have been fine, but to be insulted and called a liar is a whole other ball game."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"You could have just asked for separate security detail."

"It wouldn't have been enough."

"Well you have friends in high places that kept it under control and we said it was for your safety that no one know where you were and that you were safe. So now that you're back you can resume your position and I'll take care of everything as long as next time I get a phone call before you go and make a mess of everything, understood?"

"Loud and clear, thanks."

"I heard about that Agent Butler. I will have to assign you a partner when you're ready to come back because of safety reasons. I also need you to see the therapist a few times and she has to clear you for active duty. Where you staying, Is Solo out of the question?" She wrapped an arm around my shoulder as we headed out of her office.

"I said no FBI remember, I want nothing to do with her or Butler."

"Wanna talk about it?" She was looking at me straight in the eyes, trying to analyze my emotions.

"Nope, can you give me a ride to do some errands."

First stop I went to get a new phone and as Lieutenant Edwards waited outside, I got it under my real name, Rosa Lopez, okay my birth name. I had gotten an American Passport, ID and Social Security under that name, don't ask me how but I had one.

Second stop another cell phone shop, I put the other one in my purse and said I wasn't able to get it there. This next one I got under my real Tiffany Prescott. This number would be used for work and family. Soon enough it would start ringing with everyone trying to check up on me.

Then Shawna dropped me off at a dealership with my side arm and badge. I was back and ready for trouble, I dare it to come knocking. My sister met me at the Rusnak dealership, with my insurance money for the car. The Captain had an order put in for a bullet proof, wait for it, Mercedes G 550 SUV. I mean bullet proof! That thing must cost a fortune.

Apparently he had not kept his word that I would pay for part of it and all I had to do was sign on the lines. It was also under Rosa Lopez. I felt like a bit of a criminal, but what can I say I've been a good kid all my life and a little bit of rebellion never hurt anyone. Especially, when such a beautiful car is involved.

"So now that we aren't being listened in on or followed want to tell me about this Agent Solo and why she was apologizing." I told her everything from day one up until my time in Mexico where I couldn't sleep with a sexy long haired brunette because of her.

By the end we were headed to my parents house to check on them and show them I was still alive.

"What are you gonna do now Tiff, I mean you're obviously not over her and she calls me everyday asking if I've heard from you."

"She does?" That threw me for a loop, Tori hadn't bothered to mention this little fact.

"Everyday like clockwork at 8:00 PM. I gave her my number she seemed so worried and she looked so sad when she came by the house that night. I asked her every call what she had done to you and finally last night she told me she had been a total asshole and hoped that one day you could forgive her. She said she knew you would probably want nothing to do with her but she at least wanted to be sure you were safe and out of harms way. She's so in love with you. What kind of a spell did you put on her? Baby sis why are you crying?" Loved me, how does someone say those things if they love you. Damn I'm a cry baby I always have been. Since I had 3 sisters to torture me, crying was the only way they knew I was serious for them to stop.

"How could she say those things, when I had been good and tried to be respectful of her marriage situation and I had killed to make sure she was safe. I had done everything to get us out alive. I'm not a killer Tori I swear I'm not."

"I know honey I know." Thankfully we had pulled up to my parents house by then and I just sobbed onto her shoulder. I stayed there for almost ten minutes crying and was finally able to settle down with her rubbing my back and begging me to stop before mom came out and saw me like this. She would send my father and my brother in laws after her, the in laws are marine veterans, both of them.

I got myself together and cleaned up as best as possible and walked into my parents place. We had said I was happy to be home and that was why I had been crying with Tori who had shed some tears. We were really close and she was always the one who could feel my pain. She could always sense when I was in trouble or needed a shoulder to cry on.

I stayed the night and left for my hotel around noon. As always the Captain had payed for two months in advance and they would not take my credit card for deposit or anything necessary. They said everything was on file. What took me by surprise was the knock on the door as I was about to settle in for some much needed sleep. Grabbing my gun and a steak knife I had taken from my parents house I went to the bathroom, next to the door and asked who it was. Yes I'm paranoid, to my defense an attempt has already been made on my life and I kind of like living, for the most part.

"Me, please open up."

"I don't know a me, go away."

"Please." Damn that sexy voice, but today it wasn't sexy not even flirting it was sad, she deserved it. How had she found me? It had to have been my sister who told her where I was. No one but the captain knew.

"No! Go away Agent Solo."

"Baby please I need to see you, I just need to know you're ok, that you're safe, please." Baby how that one word could melt my heart, how that one word could change my world. How this one person could break my heart into a million pieces.

I went to the door with knife and gun and leaned my head forward on it.

"I'm telling you I'm fine now please leave me alone." I was so sad still, I wanted to be angry but I was just too sad to be mad.

"Kitty, I need to see you please." My heart was shattering I could hear the pain in the voice I had longed to hear, the regret, the loss. I was crying, why won't these tears just run out. She doesn't deserve a tear shed for her.

"Fuck. I didn't deserve it Santana I trusted you and you broke my heart." I undid the lock and opened the door slightly as I walked away.

I heard the door close and I felt her warmth behind me as she stroked my arm with her finger. I had the knife in my right hand and the gun in my left. She took both out of my hands and placed them on the table next to the TV. I walked away to the window, crossed my arms over my chest and just stared.

"I fucked up so bad that no matter what I say I won't be able to make it right. But I have to try, I need you to see how I feel."

I turned around and slapped her. Don't ask me why, because I'm not really sure, but I think it was because that night when she said those things I hadn't done anything. I hadn't even bothered to argue I had just left and that is what was left over.

"I deserve that and more." She didn't even bother to rub it or touch it no shock, just sad eyes full of regret. Sorrow and pain, no sleep, tired and alone.

I couldn't be this person, angry and spiteful.

"I gave myself to you." I stroked her red cheek, damn it that sounded like it hurt and looks like it stings. She kept her eyes on mine. "I gave you all I had to offer, mind, body and soul." I cupped her face with both hands. "You threw it all away for her." Tears were falling from her eyes, but she never took them off mine. "I hope she was worth it. Please let yourself out, you have seen that I am safe." I kissed the cheek that I had slapped and went to my bathroom.

I heard the door close a few minutes later and that is when I started sobbing, then crying, then full on ugly face crying. I cried myself to sleep on the tile floor of the bathroom and awoke the next morning around 3, cold as hell. I took a sleeping pill I had bought earlier, my fear hasn't let me sleep, and went to bed. I found a note on my pillow, I sat it next to me on the bed side table and crawled into bed. Tomorrow I will try to face the world again, tonight I conquer my sleep.

The next morning my body guard, payed for by the Captain, showed up around 7:30 AM. I was about to leave when I ran into him in the hallway. He had the belt buckle like the Captain's letting me know he was sent by him. He was twice my size at least and looked like he ate steroids for breakfast. His arms were the size of my waist and I'm not small. He was in a suit and buttoned the jacket once I had seen the black buckle.

"I will be following you from a distance and when you go to work I will be outside waiting. I have been instructed to protect you and keep you safe."

"If I ask you to go away will you?"

"No."

"Fine."

I had learned after my time with the captain that no one answered to me they answered to him and he just wanted to protect me.

Once at work I packed up anything left over from the case and an Agent Celeste Young picked it up. My day was spent going over files from cases currently worked on and a few detectives came in to ask for my opinion on their cases. I have an eye for detail so a lot of people stopped hating me for it and just started working with me.

I got one call from Solo but didn't bother answering, I sent it to voicemail. I hadn't even read the note she left yet. I really need to talk to Tori about giving out my information. The voicemail was basic and to the point, "I'm sorry here's my number call me please, I need you." I wrote the number down in case of an 'emergency'. I had no intent of ever using it again. This case had almost cost me my life and now I just wanted a clean break.

I made plans to have dinner with Jordan. She had been in contact with my sister throughout all this mess and my sister was nice enough to point out how mad she was that I hadn't called her directly. We were going to have dinner at the hotel restaurant to avoid driving and any drama. She was being escorted over by one of the Captain's men. Apparently I currently had 4 men watching me, so I asked the one who watches my door to send someone to get her.

"What happened, you look...different?"

"It's good to see you too." I gave her a big hug, I had missed her.

"What's with the driver?" I had been waiting in a booth and she sat right next to me even though the seat across from me was empty, all I wanted to do was hold her close.

"I don't want you to be in danger because of me."

"First things first, where were you and don't tell me Canada, that is not where you would run to."

"Mexico, I met my birth father. He goes by Captain America, and my birth mother died a few years ago. I think Jane wants to kill me and is the killer we were looking for and Santana and I are no longer involved. That basically covers everything for the past few weeks." There it was, all out and all in one long breath. Her mouth was hanging open, I closed it for her.

"Are you kidding me the Mexican mob, kingpin, leader, druglord, most wanted man is your father? I'm sorry about your mom." She went from surprised to sad she can be so strange.

"It's fine it's not like I knew her. How do you know him?"

"I watch TV and read the newspaper. Jane is a killer, that's hardcore, and she wants to kill you. Girl you cops attract trouble like the Mexican Border, sorry was that to close to home for you. I heard about your car and your place, it really sucks. Oh and about Santana, Tricia, Tori and I are on the hunt for that bitch, we're gonna, well Tricia is gonna kick her ass. Tanya thinks you should just get over her and move on, but you know she's emotionally retarded. I mean seriously ever since she became a Doctor it's like she feels nothing sometimes."

"Thanks but I'm sure I can handle her, I rather never see her again. I get Tanya I mean show me a dead body and I'm fine, most people want to throw up, it comes with the territory."

Damn the tears, she pulled me into her when she saw me crying.

"You have it bad kid."

"No, I just can't believe the things she said to me. I was protecting us, her, doing my job, now I have to live in hiding with round the clock security. You know in Vegas we slept together two weeks straight. Nothing happened but for two weeks we slept together how do you say those things if you don't mean it you know."

"I don't know honey, I'm sorry."

"Not to mention the fact that the day everything went down, we...we...fuck we made love Jordan, the amazing blow your mind kind, where I knew I wanted her for more than just sex you know."

"I'm sorry, love."

Dinner was the furthest thing from my mind, so I had it sent to my room and we ate there, well Jordan ate I just picked at my food. She stayed the night with me to try to help me calm down but it wasn't like when I slept with Solo, with her it was different, it felt right.

As much as I had wanted to avoid Agent Solo like a plague everything came to a halt four days later on Christmas Eve. She had called once or twice a day everyday since she had acquired my new number.

A call from Virginia came through on my phone. I love that feature that tells you exactly where the caller is.

"Hello."

"Yes may I speak to a Detective Prescott." The voice sounds familiar.

"Speaking."

"Good Afternoon honey, I hope Im not interrupting. This is Misty Solo, Tana's mother."

"Oh yes is everything Okay?"

"Well not quite, Tana has told me what an idiot she is and how she has made a fool of herself."

"Oh."

"Yes and she is here moping around my house like some lovesick teenager."

"Mm hmm."

"Now I don't like to meddle or get involved in her life, Lord knows I barely understand it, but I think she really needs you."

" She did tell you what she said to me right? As well as how our last conversation went? Not to mention my reaction to her."

"Yes and believe me I am not the only one who has scolded her on it her sister was not as kind as I was. You see the reason I am calling is because I saw something in you that only a mother can see. I saw the way you look at each other and it breaks my heart that you are both going around like sad puppies."

"I just don't know how to take all the hurt. How do I know that all this trouble is worth it?"

"Look honey I understand your conviction in this matter and I'm sure I would be just as upset. But she is my baby girl and all I want is to see her smile before leaving me again. I can't answer your question but I know that you two are miserable without each other."

"I miss her so much."

"Sweetie you don't have to forgive her or even forget it yet. Just do me a favor and talk to her I know it would mean the world to both of you to at least hear each others voices."

She was right I had missed Santana so much that I would call my voicemail just to hear her voice.

"Okay."

"Thank you my dear, God will repay you. Tana there's a call for you."

"I really hope it isn't work." Even over the phone she sounded miserable.

"Yea." My heart was beating faster than a Chinese Day Parade drum.

"Is that how you always answer the phone?"

"Kitty?" She sounded like there was a smile on her face and that made me smile as well.

"Yea Santa it's me."

"How are you? I miss you. I wish I would've known you wanted to talk I would've stayed out there."

"I'm not ready for all that I just wanted to...to..." My hold on sanity was faltering and the tears were forming. "I can't do this...I'm sorry I have to go."

"NO! Please don't, baby, please just give me another minute. Even if you don't say anything just let me stay on the line with you even if it's just to hear you breath. Even if it's just to know you don't hate me. Please."

Everything was hurting and I couldn't hold it in, I started crying and I just felt so alone.

"I was such a fool. I hurt you in more ways than one when all you did was trust me and give me everything. You put yourself out there for me and I hurt you in a way I promised I wouldn't. I begged you for a second chance when we hardly knew each other. I made love to you and I saw a future so beautiful that I knew I was losing control."

I had promised I would be strong but something in me forced me to listen. Something within didn't allow me to just lose hope, throughout all the pain I had hope of making this work.

"Kitty you mean more to me than my own life. That morning when I woke up with you I had a second to enjoy true bliss. That moment was ripped from me and I will never get that back but I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

When all the alarms went off I didn't think of myself I thought of the gorgeous woman sleeping next to me. I wanted to protect her. In that moment it wasn't about me it was about her.

A few seconds of silence passed with me sniffling on the phone.

"Why couldn't you pick me? Why did you protect her, why did you believe her innocence and proclaim my guilt?"

"Because I was a fool blinded by the truth that I didn't want to believe. The truth that once upon a time I had married a killer. I didn't pick her, I picked me. I didn't think you were guilty, I merely said things out of pain."

That sounded plausible.

"I'm not ready to be your friend."

"I know."

"I'm not ready to forgive you."

"I understand."

"I'll see you, when I see you. Merry Christmas Santa."

"Merry Christmas Kitty."

I drove to my sisters house looking like a hot mess. Well my bodyguard drove me. Once I got there I looked presentable for the most part and slept off the pain for most of the day. My sisters were well aware of my situation and didn't hassle me too much. Needless to say Christmas wasn't that great for me. Only Santa could give me what I wanted.

The next week went by and it was basically the same, Jordan or Tori would have dinner with me and stay the night and during the day I would get a call from Solo asking me to please give her a chance to talk to her.

I had no idea where she was or what was going on with any of the cases. I missed her but I just wasn't ready to deal with her.

Lieutenant Edwards had been by several times to talk about the case involving Solo and I, but there were no solid leads on Jane. I didn't care I knew that if I let the other case go I would be safe, not to mention Solo. If I never saw her again Jane would be happy.

The day before New Year's Eve, she left a message saying that she realized that I didn't want to hear from her so she would stop calling and let me be. It broke my heart all over again that she was giving up. What a way to end the year right heart broken, sad and alone.

I finally gave in and read the letter.

Kitty,

No matter how many times I say it, I can't take back what I said, but I'll keep saying it until you talk to me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said and for how I reacted. I'm sorry that you felt you had to leave to be free of me. I never wanted for you to leave, but how could I expect you to stay after what I said. I fucked up so bad that I don't know how to fix it, but I'll try. I now know that what I felt for you was not just attraction. I can't sleep without you near me. I can't function knowing that you don't want me in your life. I'm scared to go to sleep and scared to wake up without you. You were right about Jane it is her and now she's in hiding and I can't protect you. I made this mess and now I have to make it right. I won't live in hiding she took everything from me once and she won't do it again. I need you to know one thing before you write me off and that is that I love you. It took me losing you to figure it out. I need you in my life kitty, I love you.