A Learning Experience Ch. 06

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Josie loses her family and goes sightseeing in hell.
18k words
4.69
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Part 6 of the 10 part series

Updated 06/07/2023
Created 06/14/2013
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Joscelyn2tg
Joscelyn2tg
225 Followers

I'm sorry to have taken so much time to complete this interim chapter. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done, that is... to try and describe all of the various events that occurred during those terrible days that forged my new persona from the old, so many years ago. It was a thorough metamorphosis that changed me so dramatically, most people no longer recognized me, either physically or psychologically. However, if I was angry I never felt it, in fact I can't remember feeling anything for weeks after the initial set of traumas occurred. And I will fully explain the amazing process that woke me from this extended nightmare, in the next chapter.

The only thought I am able to share now is a vague recollection of flame... tremendous heat, as if I was being scorched and burned... then being returned to some earlier state of existence. Once abandoned by family (and I felt friends as well), I became obsessed with proving myself. This feeling drove me away from everyone that I loved or even knew and I can only remember wanting to prove myself as a female... as a woman... as the gender I was born to be.

It seemed to me I was worthless, but even if the only thing I had to offer was my body itself, then I would use it to prove I was just as much a woman as any in existence. If this required me to sell myself for sex, then I would seek out the best place I either knew, or had ever heard of, in order to make it happen. But while I was desperately clinging to these thoughts, I was in fact simply fleeing... to what I would eventually think of as my own little world... my own private Hell.

I am dedicating this chapter to William smyth, who has been a wonderful mentor and good friend while I have struggled with writing this. Hope you are feeling better soon Bill!

And to my love and muse Griffin57, my love is yours Always & Forever.

-

However, at that moment... back in the very real, very dark, and certainly ugly world of that cool spring night in June of 1975, I was being carried into Melissa and Cindy's house by Billy, holding me tightly wrapped in a blanket from the trunk of the patrol officer's car that I was originally abducted in. Every friend I had in the Pagans had desperately been out searching for the rogue police officer who had grabbed me right out from under their noses. It was still unknown what his real purpose was. Before blacking out, but just after being rescued, I'd told Smitty about the "daddy" comment that he had made, and he acknowledged the possibility that this involved my father. But really, after everything that had just gone on with Roy and all of his threats? It just didn't seem possible. In any case, because of that remark, we would have to bring my family into this at some level, if only because they might still be in danger. I knew this was unlikely, but you can't imagine the terrible angst that added to my mind.

Billy and I had been friends since elementary school, and while we were not really close friends, we had shared a common background for many years now. He had joined the Pagans not long after I did, and we were just always hanging around together it seemed. A veritable giant of a man by this time in life, he was muscular, yet stood a lanky 6 foot, 6 inches tall and weighed in at around 260 pounds. It was no wonder that the Pagans took him, even though he was another gentle giant like Tiny. He had grown up on a State Farm, taking care of a large dairy barn. In Pennsylvania, a State Farm was a mental hospital that had a number of occupational therapy resources on its property that supported the hospital and supposedly gave the inmates a place to experience a limited form of employment and rehabilitation.

Billy's older brother was committed there and his father looked into ways the family could be closer to him. Eventually he was hired to oversee the diary farm, and the family had lived in a house on the hospital's property for as long as I'd known Billy. It wasn't until Billy walked into Cindy's house and saw me dressed as a female several nights ago that his demeanor towards me changed and he became increasingly close and protective.

We had always been good friends, but now his attitude became much more than that, and so I finally asked him what was going on. His answer was more shocking than I could have imagined. His older brother had been committed to the mental hospital in 1968 due to his admission of wearing women's clothes and propositioning other men for sex. Basically? He had been doing everything I had for the past year or so.

When I asked my doctor how this was possible, he became very angry and explained that before 1970 transgender behavior was dealt with by the kind of draconian laws that incarcerated Billy's brother. Fortunately these had been modified, and by coming to him, a specialist in sexual and gender disorders, I was able to be evaluated quite differently than I might have by other doctors. That such things were possible only a few years ago was quite a shock, and it was no wonder Billy was worried about me... he was convinced I would share his brother's fate and confessed to me that he was prepared to do anything to protect me from that. Once I introduced him to my doctor, he relaxed and went back to the friend I'd always known. But he also had his father call my doctor so that something could be done for his brother.

However, the main reason Billy was upset right now was because from time to time I would come back to reality and simply scream. Grabbing onto him just as hard as I could, until my eyes would roll back into my head, and I would faint once again. As he brought me up to Mel's bedroom, I awakened, resulting in another blood-curdling scream. I then grabbed him like an "A" ride at Disneyland, before just as suddenly dropping back to sleep again. He carefully laid me on the bed, but would not leave me. Cindy tried to calm him, and convince him that he should leave me to Mel's care while we all waited for the Doctor to arrive.

But I don't think there was a force on the planet that could have made him leave. Somehow he had convinced himself that HE was responsible for my abduction, so until the Doctor got there we were all just spending that time together. Only upon hearing the Doctor's BMW screech to a stop in Cindy's driveway, was Billy now willing to 'give ground'. After some excited exchanges between everyone, the Doc opened up his bag, readied a hypo and gave it to me. There were no more problems once that was accomplished and I was sleeping calmly as Mel could now finally start cleaning me up.

The next day I awoke barely able to function, but wanted to know all from Smitty. Apparently, after my violator was down, Smitty managed to get his name, and other information from his wallet. But they never could "persuade " him to give any reason for his attack. So who would be so tight-lipped, after his ID had been revealed and even threatened with bodily harm and NOT confess? To Smitty it was obvious, as his driver's license was the only form of real ID in his wallet, therefore, it must have been faked. After Cindy did some checking, she came back with the news that he was indeed, an imposter, the patrol cruiser had been reported as stolen. Somehow, the other officers at the scene seemed to acknowledge him as if they knew him. But again, Cindy insisted that many times new officers came into areas as unknowns and as long as he pretended well enough, he really could get away with it.

In typical Cindy fashion she said, "Shoulda killed the bastard while we had 'im!"

"You know you don't mean that," I replied, "but maybe we should have turned him in somehow, as embarrassing as that might have been for everyone, and I could have pressed charges or something."

Cindy scoffed at me and left the room in a huff, I gave Mel a look, and she immediately nodded and went after my 'Mistress' to get her calmed down. I called Cindy my Mistress mostly during my training sessions as I was currently only a 'Novice' and she was trying to get into the "Sisterhood" so that I might eventually become a Mistress for her sister Mel, or Melissa. These sessions were intense, and I had only just begun them really. I was very new to the S&M community and while I worked hard, I had so much to learn that it seemed like I'd really bitten off more than I could chew right then.

"Remember though," Smitty said, "we didn't know then that he was a fake, we all thought he was the real deal, and that would have made things tough as far as prosecuting him, it would have been his word against ours!"

He was right, even if Smitty testified to what happened, we were afraid he'd have been arrested for assault on a police officer before anything else could be brought to the police's attention, we hadn't known he was a fake. Or was he...

"Something just dawned on me," I said slowly, "what if he WAS a policeman, just using a faked ID... who would know how to act better than the real thing?"

I could see lights going behind Smitty's steely eyes, "You're right, that would solve a lot of these puzzles."

"Let's get Cindy to take our photos to the police," he continued, "and see if anyone recognizes this guy."

"And we're going to need to ask my Dad," I replied, "what he knows about this, it may seem a long shot Smitty, but I think it will help me sleep if we rule him out, ya know?"

After a long pause ending with an even longer sigh, he said, "Alright Josie, but only when you're better!"

I smiled at my new found hero, and swore I saw a blush start, but he managed to turn away from me hoping I wouldn't notice, just before I had. I would remember that blush and I would allow it to trigger even more controversy into my life a few days later. But Smitty had done all the right things from the start, contacting my Doctor, and then transporting me directly to Cindy and Mel, all together creating as good a support group as any transgender woman could possibly want. Ready, willing and able to provide all the help I might need, now all I was required to do was heal, and then figure this whole mess out.

In the mean time, Smitty assigned round-the-clock armed guards to observe my Parent's and Sister's houses - from a discreet distance - just in case. However, these were not Pagan members. Andy's dad volunteered the money to make this little miracle happen. When it came to official help, whom could I really trust? Because a State Policeman may have raped me, I could not trust help from that direction. Even though I knew Cindy was doing her own research with the help of more conservative local government leaders, I knew I could not possibly trust any info coming from those sources right now, until I had better sources of my own.

Two days later, I had improved enough to go on a ride home for a talk with my Dad about this latest craziness. My Doctor had diagnosed PTSD on top of the other alphabet soup that made up my latest "issues" list. Of course, I also had to worry through the lab tests on my blood to see if my attacker imparted any diseases that I should be made aware of, oh what fun!

I decided I would ask my Dad about this Patrolman in as off-hand a way as I could. But before we go any farther, allow me to dissuade you, gentle reader, of any notions that because my Dad was a bigot, that he was just a simple bully. I never really understood my Dad... during his entire life I didn't. But bully... well, you want to take 'im on, you have my empathy, but you'll more'n likely get your butt kicked. Why?

I'll never forget a call we got from the security department for the Chicago International Airport one morning, before it was named O'Hare. My Dad was trying to get a little sleep on a couch located in a deserted part of the terminal that was under construction, while waiting to get on a red-eye for home. Three ex-cons decided they would sneak into the terminal, and rob anyone that looked well off. Well, waking up with 3 knife wielding ex-cons standing over you would cause enough fear in most people that they would do as they demanded, especially bullies, and give up their briefcase. But not my Dad, he immediately began fighting. So was he an ex-fighter of some kind? Did he have years of self-defense training? At 60 years old with serious heart problems... 5'7" tall and 180 pounds, his only advantage was being one stubborn SOB! That morning in Chicago he knocked one of his attackers out, seriously damaged another's eye socket, and finally ran the last one off, and had lost nothing! All the while calling them names that they hadn't even heard when they were in jail. THAT is a true story and it was 100% my Dad!

My parents had just received a letter from my older brother saying he was now at an airbase near Da Nang, South Vietnam. After talking for a while with Dad and Smitty about my brother's situation, I asked my Dad about a 'weird' comment I got from a state patrol officer, something about you "getting him demoted", and then I asked if he might know anyone like that.

He frowned for some time, took off his glasses, and then slowly began shaking his head in a 'no' back and forth motion. "I'm sorry Jack-my-boy..." he said winking at me, "I think he was just giving you a hard time... probably that long hair of yours! But I could no more have gotten a patrolman demoted within that little neighborhood watch program, than I could fly to the moon!"

Smitty gave me his best 'told ya' look, as I gave my apologies to Mom and Dad and explained that we needed to go. My Mom seemed to know I'd just been through something serious, but as usual, she never followed up on it. And we were soon outside walking to Smitty's bike as I said, "God Smitty, how did I get myself into this one?"

He looked at me with one of his usually intense stares, almost looking through me, as he finally said, "Not sure... but you may already be out of it!"

I was immediately shocked but he kept dancing around his answer, until I just didn't want to go around one more time. Then he said, "Just do me a favor, leave the Pagans behind, and stick to your guns on what you're doin' now."

"Smitty," I said, "you know sumpthin' you're not sayin'..."

"A feeling..." he replied, "I can 'feel' what's going down here, but that's all it is and I can't back it up... yet! Josie I want you to stay away from the Pagans, Billy and Tiny are alright and we'll all still get together and party, but I don't want you anywhere near the clubhouse from now on... somebody in the new leadership wants you dead... or worse... until I get a handle on this mess, will ya do that for me?"

"You know I will!" I exclaimed, "I don't understand... but I'll do anything you say. Do you think you can find out who it is?"

Once again, I was subjected to another blank stare. I have to say, I have only had the opportunity to meet three Special Forces military men. Smitty was Green Beret and my first and I thought there must have been something that happened to cause his erratic behavior. The second was an Airborne Ranger, and he and Smitty talked and acted so much alike that I began to believe it was much more to do with the person than what they did. Finally, I became intimate with a Navy Seal, and then I knew my answer. Their depth of intelligence, bravery, and shear cool, generates these wild self-dependent phases that can last for days, making it very hard to get close to these boys...

The blast of the Harley's exhaust woke me from my amateur psychoanalysis, and as soon as I'd managed to hook my left leg over his seat back, we were gone an instant later. As we flew along the main street, the crisp spring air was beginning to really warm up and it felt so good to have the wind in my hair again. We pulled up to a red light next to a family station wagon, the husband looked over and quickly looked back in to his wife next to him to say something condescending. I could see her draw her upper lip into a sneer as she continued to stare at us. I knew Smitty had seen this, and that he knew he was the target of their hatred.

It was then... when I knew the sterling character of the disheveled giant of a man in front of me, and the pathetic character of the egocentric worms staring at us from their station wagon next to us, that something just finally 'clicked' deep down inside. I wanted to show Smitty how much he was cared for. Dressed in male street clothes, I wrapped my arms around that fireplug chest and began gently kissing his neck and cheek right in front of them. I'm not sure who was the more surprised out of all of us!

"Wanna get lucky?" I whispered into his right ear, dropping my arms down to his hips to hang on for the rest of the ride, "C'mon, let's go to your place!"

In all of our rides together, I'd never seen Smitty turn all of the way 'round in his seat, so I guess he was the most surprised, but even then, all he said was, "Josie... you don't have to do this!"

"Stop by Cindy's and let me grab a few things, ok?" I said stroking his forearm, "...and I really, REALLY want this!"

He just nodded and finally kicked the big bike in gear, and we were there in a few seconds. I jumped off and went running up to my car's trunk getting out various clothes I kept there as a secondary closet. The first thing I grabbed was my female biker leathers and boots, along with all the fun things to keep boys on bikes well distracted.

A quick run into Mel's upstairs bathroom, allowed another transgender Clark Kent transformational moment, for a male to female quick change in just seconds. I threw my feminine sleeping things in a bag, and began the process of becoming Smitty's bitch.

I knew Mel and Cindy had to go to their grandmothers for the next two nights, and so I was to just sleep in and heal up, I'd have to hope I could think of something that would be a good reason for not being there when they called, as I knew they would. I loved Mel more than my own life and felt a terrible conflict was coming over this. I wanted to call her, explain my feelings to her, and tell her how my need to share my love with this lonely hero was no reason for jealousy. I just couldn't find the words to keep her from being hurt. But then there was also a deep-seated need within me to satisfy my new found bisexuality, something that had been growing with each and every day I was anywhere near this man. The only option seemed to be silence. And yet...

As I walked through the living room toward the front door, I saw their phone on the side table between the recliner and the couch. For some reason, I could not look anywhere else, and I stopped in my tracks to simply stare at it, as if somehow I expected it to speak to me any second. I collapsed onto the couch and continued staring before I realized just how much Mel meant to me, and that I had to make her understand not only my love for her, but also exactly what I intended to do with Smitty, and why. Only the absolute truth was of value here, and if I still couldn't convince her, then I would cancel my night's plans with Smitty until I could. I picked up the receiver and dialed the number on the little notepad where Cindy had written her grandmother's number. I listened as the number rang once, then on the second ring...

"Hello Baby!"

"M-Mel?" I asked tentatively.

"Hi... Cindy and I were about to go get some take out," she said, "when all of a sudden I got this feeling you were going to call, isn't that weird? And you needed to tell me something important."

She now produced a loud and very sad sounding sigh, which made things even stranger because I was about to do the very same thing, but she beat me to it. My heart was pounding out of my chest!

"It... it's about Smitty... isn't it," she said, causing another long pause between us.

"Yes my darling," I sounded surprisingly calm, "I... I love you... I love you more than my life Mel, but something made me see Smitty as someone I need to share my love with tonight. Not just because you aren't here, or because I am in love with him, but because he needs me tonight... and I... this is so hard for me... I need him too."

Joscelyn2tg
Joscelyn2tg
225 Followers