A Magnificent Bastard Pt. 02

"Oh, Rachel, you're such hot little fuck. Such a delicious, tasty, perfect pussy. So, just oh ... fuuuuuck."

This orgasm wasn't quite as volcanic as my last one, but I could feel it running for a while. I somehow miraculously just stayed hard and kept thrusting, like some overclocked cock machine, churning her pussy with nearly unquenchable lust. Eventually, however, I ran empty, and I could feel my self softening. Like a locomotive slowly coming into station, I just coasted to a halt, and lay beside Rachel in the dark, holding her close still and listening to our ragged breathing in the dark.

"Jesus, fuck, Jake. What the hell did I do to deserve that?"

"Did I get carried away?"

"I'll say. I am a glorious fucking mess, or mess of fucking. Or something. Whatever. I can't fucking think straight. No. Thank you. Thank you. Fucking thank you. Though, now that you're here and staying, get properly undressed while I head off to the bathroom."

"But I am undressed!"

"You've still got socks on. All of that frantic tearing clothes off stuff is fine in the moment, but still having socks looks super fucking dorky afterwards."

"Point."

She crawled off the bed and walked out to the bathroom, letting me ogle that simply lovely ass of hers as she unsteadily walked out. While she was out, I got up and folded my shirt and suit and set it up in a tower on her dresser. Outside there was the soft crunching sound of trucks and buses rolling their way through the accumulating snow. The entire city sounded like it had been muffled in a sweater. Then there was Rachel's shapely shadow as she re-emerged in the threshold of the bedroom, and the warmth of her as she wrapped her arms around my waist, and pressed her cheek to the back of my shoulder.

"Having a look around?"

"Just putting my clothes away. I don't suppose I could hang my suit."

"Yeah, here, let me take that and put it in the closet."

"So, this is your place then? I like it. It's what I imagined New York apartments being."

"What? You mean overpriced and undermaintained? No need to scrounge for compliments, Jake. It is what it is, a temporary crashpad while I figure out what to do with my life. Come on, it's cold."

Rachel slipped back underneath the covers and I soon joined her, wrapping my arms around her waist and feeling the soft swell of her belly. I kissed along the nape of her neck and the hollow of her jaw. She sighed and then turned and buried her face in my chest.

After a moment, I could feel tears staining my chest. Rachel said nothing, just wept silently, and all I could think to do at the moment was just stroke the length of her chestnut hair and kiss the top of her head. Then, after what felt like minutes of this going by, she let out a big sigh. I asked, "anything you want to tell me?"

"I'll tell you in the morning. I want to tell you in the morning, but right now I just want you to hold me. And ..."

she looked up at me again, fixed me with those blue eyes of hers.

"... you were right to suggest this. This is exactly what I needed."

I'm glad. I kissed the top of her head again, and let her fall asleep in my arms.

I woke in the pre-dawn, to get up and go pee. Outside, I could see that the snow had kept coming and the city was just blanketed in winter. Out of curiosity, I picked up my phone and checked the airline app. Apparently, the storm had arrived in earnest, and flights out of the city were being cancelled. I just got back in bed. Rachel had woken up again, and sleepily laid her head on my shoulder as the light outside her curtains had started to change.

"hey, buddy," she said sleepily, yawning.

"hey, yourself."

"You know, last night was probably the first time in a long while where I had a good dream. And it wasn't a dream about Josh."

"Sounds like you want to talk about it."

"Yeah ... you know, sometimes I feel like I've forgotten how trust myself."

"How so?"

"Well, you know I always thought that my Older Guy Fetish was a thing that I might have to get over. Like, you know, that was the thing that I liked about Josh. He's my age. He's normal. We're normal. We can go around without people getting all judgey about me being a piece of arm candy for a dude going through a mid life crisis. Also, the thing that I learned about Josh, was that it wasn't exactly the older guys that I was into ... though, admittedly, I have developed a thing for the silver. No, I just like being told what to do."

"In bed, you mean?"

"Totally what I mean. So yeah, I find this guy who knows what he wants, and can tell me exactly what I need to hear to fill my head with all of the filth that I need to get excited, but I start to realize later on that he also wants to tell me what he wants outside of bed too."

"At first, I think it's fine. He's just being a guy. Some guys are bossy, but then it gets to the point where he's telling me what I should be thinking and saying, and he's lecturing me on manners and telling me why I'm a terrible person. But in between that, he's devoted and sweet and does nice things for me. And I don't know what to do. Half the time, I was scared and angry, and the other half, I begin to think that I can be the person that brings out the good parts of him. I just have to ... I just have to behave."

"Oh, Jesus, Rachel. I'm sorry."

"And, fuck, even saying it now I have to ask myself what the fuck was wrong with me, to believe that. Now, I also ask myself how I can be sure that I won't fall for that sort of manipulative scumbag ever again."

"Well, not to be at all 'not all men...' , on you."

"I'm sorry, the preferred nomenclature, is 'Well, -actually-, Rachel, not all men are manipulative assholes.'"

"But, we aren't. It's just a lot of fucked up cultural programming."

"Exactly! And it's the flipside of that cultural programming that makes me all fucking wet when you tell me to take my panties off, but it also makes me feel like I'm failing at feminism. Like, I shouldn't need a guy to make me feel sexy."

"I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of your female colleagues find you hot, too," I said as I continued kissing the nape of her neck.

"Kind of specifically missing the point."

"No, actually kind of held up by the part of you being all wet after taking off your panties" I said this as my fingers started gliding across the smooth flat plain of her belly. "though, I'm listening, really."

"oh," she sighed, "right. Still a bastard."

"No, I get it." I kissed her and then kept kissing her in between sentences and phrases. "We're supposed to find this stuff old fashioned. It's retrograde. It's toxic. And it can be abusive as you found out."

My other hand stroked across her back, down to the small of her back and the squeezed a nice handful of her ass, but as my other hand continued to play with her belly, I continued saying, "But, you know, it is hot when you have your own confidence, when someone that you desire yourself tells you unamibiguously that they want you. Like I do right now. I mean I could just keep telling you about how you're going to be fine, and you don't have to think of yourself as broken. Or I can show you how happy you can be. Are you ready?"

"Oh. Oh, yes."

She turned on to her back, and I felt her legs spread as she let me delve into her pussy. My cock had been limp and dormant now, but I could feel Rachel's hands on me again, trying to rouse me once more. I shifted away and said, "no, here let me make you feel good."

I extended my tongue again and started to lick her labia in slow circles as my fingers parted her and let my tongue in ever deeper and deeper. Rachel's musk got more intense as her fingers wrapped themselves in my hair. My fingers found the trigger of her g-spot, and I could feel her tugging getting more insistent.

"Oh, Jake, God. I forgot how much I missed this."

She released another scream and then relaxed her grip, going a bit limp, and I brought myself up from her thighs. My cock had hardened against slightly, but as I slid into her, I could feel it going soft, and so just gave her a few thrusts before pulling her into my arms, spooning her, and letting both of us fall asleep.

At night, I dreamt of Elise and Rachel. Somehow the two of them had combined into one person, morphing between Rachel's deep blue eyes and Elise's grey or shifting hair between blonde and chestnut. It was an argument. There was a voice that was yelling. It was my own. Then kisses, forgiveness, soft murmurs, restless quiet.

As morning came, I found myself still spooning Rachel, my left arm draped over her waist, and my hand nestled in the warm valley of her soft, round breasts. She turned her head and gave me a sleepy smile.

"Morning. When do you fly out?"

"I don't know. I think my flight's been cancelled because of the storm."

"Oh, that's too bad. Are you heartbroken?"

"Fucking devastated."

"Do you need someone to help you feel better?"

"Yes. I'm really, terribly sad. My spirits need lifting."

"I do my best."

She turned in my embrace and slowly palmed my cock and balls, before kissing her way down to my groin. It felt nice, but I had started thinking about how soft it was, willing it to harden again, which is, of course, the wrong thing to do. Ah well, I guess that really was it for the Viagra. It was nice while it lasted. Rachel, though, was a trooper and still kept slowly trying to suck me awake, but fortunately a rumble in my stomach distracted us from any further awkwardness.

"was that you?" she asked.

"Maybe. It's been a while since dinner and we've been working up an appetite."

"That's right. I never did figure out how to log 'marathon sex session' in my Fitbit. Do you think that counts as, like, core exercise? Maybe Pilates?"

"Given the way you come, girl. I'd call it more like interval training."

"Given the way you make me come, I'd think you're right. Come on, let's get up. I'll pull something together."

She slid out of bed, and teetered unsteadily, as she got to her feet. We both giggled a bit and as she pulled a robe around herself. Rachel just smiled and said, "workout indeed" before taking up a towel and tossing it to me.

"One thing I'm grateful for about this place," she said, "old radiators work like a fucking tank, and heat's included in the rent."

I wrapped the towel around myself as I got up and went to my bag, still lying discarded in the entrance to her apartment. From my bag, I pulled out an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt, then walked into the compact little kitchen where Rachel was pulling out a carton of eggs and a bag of coffee.

"So, seriously, Jake. I'm sorry if I made you miss your flight. I didn't realize the storm would be this big of a deal."

"No worries, honestly. It's a bit inconvenient, of course, but I didn't have any plans back home that I had to worry about. Hey, umm, I just realized that since I've got all of my stuff, maybe I could just check out from my hotel over the phone and just stay here?"

"I knew it. First they start with offering a one night stand of rebound sex, and the next thing, they just want to move in. So clingy, Jake. Of course you can stay until you figure your flights out. Scrambled eggs and toast?"

"That sounds fantastic."

The sounds of the coffee grinder drowned out conversation, and as Rachel busied herself on the stove, making breakfast, I just sat at her tidy little table for two and dialed my hotel to settle my room. As I waited on hold, I just let my eyes roam over her, taking in the gamine length of her legs, and the fetching tousle of her chestnut hair. Then the hold music came off and a clerk answered.

"Hello, this is Jake Traeger. I had rebooked for an extra day, and I just wanted to call to say that I'm checking out and need to settle my bill. No I'm pretty sure that I didn't have extra charges. No, I'm not at the hotel right now. I moved my things to a friend's place last night after the storm kicked in. No, everything at your hotel was splendid. I just haven't seen this friend in a while. Yes, you can use the card on file. And, yes, send my bill to my email. Thank you and have a good weekend."

I was working on searching for a new flight as Rachel placed a plate of eggs and toast along with a mug of black coffee in front of me. All flights were still grounded, and cancellations were creating a cascade of stranded travelers like me. Fortunately, having premium status meant that the airline could just setup an AI bot for me to book my next flight once I gave it my preferences rather than make me wait on hold. Direct, no connections? preferred. One stop? ok. Evening or afternoon departure for today? ... not preferred. Sunday departure preferred.

When I was done, Rachel sat across from me and said, "you know, I was just thinking of that time I hung out in your kitchen and we just talked about all of this stuff. I didn't know you, not really, but you know I just felt totally okay and natural. I can just tell you anything and trusting you to be good about it."

"And like, last night, you were telling me about what was happening with Josh."

"Yeah, as I said, I liked him. I liked him a lot. But he's just got a lot of problems of his own. Fucked up ideas about women and just trying to tell me how to do everything. And I mean, yeah, I like it when a guy's a boss of me in bed, but not outside of it. He'd sometimes just have these horrible screaming fits, and most times it wasn't over anything that I did. I was just close by. Sometimes he seemed to get it, and said he'd change. I was just a sucker to believe him. It was just another way for him to keep me hooked.

"But then he punched me, and I ran to the police, got a restraining order, and that was that."

Rachel was looking deeply into her coffee mug, and took another deep breath and said, her voice shaking.

"I was such an idiot to believe him. And now I don't know if I'm going to be an idiot with whoever else comes along. Like something about me is just broken."

"Come here," I said.

I slide my chair aroudn the table, and I just pulled her into a hug. Neither of us said anything. Just held her and let her bury her face into my shoulder.

"I'm sure," she said after some time, "that this is probably more than you bargained for. I wish I could be the girl I was five years ago, just having fun with you. You're the first person I've told since the assault. My family knows some details about how he was shitty to me, but I couldn't bear to tell them everything."

"Hey, you're the woman you are now. I would never change that. You had a shitty relationship. We've all had those. We just learn from them and we move on. Don't worry about what you're supposed to be with me. I'm your friend. Friends are there for each other no matter what."

"Thank you. What's the story with your flight?"

"Don't know yet. I setup a bot to confirm me for the next plane out whenever the storm lets up, but I may be here a while. I hope you don't mind."

"Hey, no, that's cool. I want you to stay, but ... do you mind if we just hung out for a bit with our clothes on? I mean, it's a little weird realizing that our one night stand is just turning into a friend hanging out in the apartment."

"Well, of course not, and frankly, I think I need a bit of time to recharge myself."

"Oh, I thought you acquitted yourself well in your middle age."

"Oh, fuck you for being condescending."

"I'm serious! You're what, like, 67 now?"

"43, you fucking child."

God I loved hearing her laugh, and seeing that smile.

"No, seriously, Jake," she said, "you were fucking awesome last night. Exactly what I needed."

"I'm glad. You were also pretty sexy, well, all the time, actually." I said, suddenly fascinated by my coffee cup, not wanting to look her. It was quiet for a very significant moment, and then I took in a breath and realized that I had to do this. I had to tell her.

"Hey, Rach ..."

"Yeah?"

"Umm, you know how I said that earlier I was a bit out of practice? To tell you the truth ... I haven't actually had sex with someone for more than a year now."

"Oh, I thought you were still with Elise a few months ago."

"Oh, we were, but the sex had stopped before we did. I mean, uh, I don't know. I'm making it sound worse than it was. I mean, Elise is a lovely person. I'm happy that we met, but you know, she's had a rough time of it when she was young. Lots of the wrong kind of attention from guys that she thought she'd trust. She'd gotten ... spiky. For a moment I thought she'd let me in. Trusted me. But there were things that I said, things I had a habit of saying, that just kept triggering her."

"Oh, sweetheart..."

and then it was her turn to reach out, and take my hand in hers.

"It's not her fault," I continued, still staring into my coffee cup. "Lots of men are shits. I know that. She let me see that. Some of us are even shits when we don't mean to be, because we're taught shitty things at an early age. And I felt ashamed for some of the things that I said; things that I thought were normal and just guy talk but just had all of this latent misogyny embedded inside of it. I had to figure out how to drop all of that programming.

"And, I don't know if it was me getting older, or some of that shame or processing, or a mix of the two; but even when I could manage to get her in the mood and say the right things, I still couldn't, you know ... rise to the occasion. Anxiety, stress, age. Who knows."

"So, what happened between then and last night?"

"On a buddy's advice, I got a script for Viagra. Just a couple of pills to get my confidence back. I tried one with her, and you know, worked like magic. But the relationship was too far gone by then. We knew that we weren't going to work. Too many of the wrongs things said. Too many little cracks in our trust to fix. So, we broke up, and I still had one pill left and that's what I used last night. That's the thing that I used to turn into such a fuck machine, and it was my last one. This morning was a return to the normal state of things. Me and middle age."

"Oh, gosh, Jake. I didn't know. That was a stupid joke."

"No, not your fault. It's my baggage."

"Hey, look, I like you as you are. Gentlemanly Jake Traeger and Bastard Horndog Jake Traeger. Don't worry about it with me. If we just spend the rest of this snow day lounging around and watching guilty pleasure movies, then that's still a day well spent in the company of good friends. Deal?"

She held her fist out to me again. 'Honest to goodness, not fake professional courtesy, just tell each other when the other's being an asshole' friends.

"Deal."

It turned out that Rachel's guilty pleasures were breakdancing and hip hop movies. We spent that morning curled up on her couch, watching a successive series of street kids trying to save their school/neighborhood/reputation with the magical power of dance and hip hop, while I let Rachel curl up against me and fold her body into mine.

"God," she said, "these teenage romances are so exquisitely awkward."

"I know right? I've been spending the last ten minutes wanting to just grab this guy and tell him to kiss the fucking girl already."

"But maybe the girl doesn't want to be kissed quite yet. Maybe she's just enjoying the chase and the flirting. Maybe she's not in a hurry for it to be over."

She shifted so that her body spooned into mine, letting my hand fall on a terry-clothed hip. I looked at her and Rachel looked back with those beautiful sapphire eyes.

"You like the tease and the chase?" I asked.

"I like the ambiguity. I like the moments just before things are said, when your mind is just guessing and anything can happen. I like ..."

At this she shifted again so that a part of her robe fell open and I could see the swell of her breast.

"... anticipation."