A Man in Turmoil

The three girls returned to our table and they were laughing. Jen put on a little show shaking her tits at them. I walked back to the table and Jen looked at me.

"I came in second. Did you get over your little hissy-fit?"

"I meant what I said. Showing your tits off to strangers meant more to you than our future marriage. We both promised that when we got engaged that we would no long do the things we did before. In fact you said you regretted it."

"Regretted what?" said Terri.

"I won a wet t-shirt in college but I never regretted it, I regretted something else that happened and it's very personal," replied Jen.

"Well, I want nothing more to do with you. Just go and show them your ass too if you haven't already. I don't care anymore. We're through!"

"You'll come crawling back. I know you," replied Jen.

"Afraid not, I don't want a slutty whore for a wife."

"I don't want a husband that kills his own kid either," she yelled out.

I couldn't believe what she had just said. She was the only person I had ever told and it was just to come clean with her on my past. I stared at her and everyone around us looked at me. I think she knew she had overstepped her bounds.

As I turned and walked out her friends were asking her all kinds of questions. I'm sure glad she never moved in with me.

She tried calling me a half dozen times on Sunday. I couldn't believe it when I finally answered it that she asked me if I was ready to apologize to her.

"You went way too far, Jen. First you show your tits to the world even though I begged you not to. Then you tell everyone a secret that I never told anyone. I don't ever want to see you again." I didn't let her say anything else.

The phone kept ringing and I finally unplugged it from the wall. I was sitting there drinking a beer when there was a knock on the door. It was Ben, Jen's dad.

"What the hell's going on Jerry? Jen said you two had an argument and you called off the wedding. I have a lot invested in this wedding. I came over to hear your side of the story. I figure we could work this thing out."

"There was a wet t-shirt contest at the lounge yesterday. Jen said she was going to compete. I told her no, that I didn't want her to do it. She said she didn't care what I want and entered it anyway."

"My Jen was in a wet t-shirt contest? Kind of hard to believe! Anyway is that bad enough to call off the wedding?" asked Ben.

"Ben, she won second place and was proud of it. Would you let your wife enter a contest like that? What kind of marriage would we have if she could run out and do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted? What kind of marriage would that be and what kind of husband would that make me?"

"Are you sure about this Jerry? Damn, I have a lot of money invested in this wedding."

"Ben, you're a good man. I'll tell you what put the icing on the cake." I went ahead and told him about me giving Brenda money for an abortion when I was in college. I told Jen in complete privacy. In front of our friends and the whole lounge, she called me a baby killer. I have been living with that mistake for three years. I truly regret it.

"I'm sorry about the wedding. Better to find out how compatible we are now than after the wedding. Tell her to keep the engagement ring. She can pawn it and give you the money toward the wedding."

"Damn, she must have been mad. I know I spoiled her and she has a temper but I didn't know she would do or say things like that. I'm truly sorry Jerry. I'll move her into another office at work so you won't have to talk to her till things calm down."

"Ben, I'm turning in my resignation. I'm sorry, I truly am. I'm taking my two week vacation that I was going to take for the honeymoon. I won't be returning to work. I'll stop by when Jen isn't there and gather my things. Just divide my accounts among the other agents. I won't be going to a competing firm. I respect you too much. I expect to be moving out of state.

Ben tried to get me to stay one more time but I told him this was for the best. He was a decent man to work for. I couldn't believe I so misjudged his daughter. After he left I plugged my phone back in. It must have rung thirty times. It was all Jen leaving messages. She started out apologizing and then each call got worse till the last one told me to go to hell. She used up all the space on my answering machine.

On Monday I called my mom and told her the wedding was off. I asked her to call all our relatives that were invited and let them know. Most of the invitations were friends and relatives of Jen's and of course Ben was a business man in the community.

I told mom that we had an argument and I found out we just weren't compatible. We both expected different things from this marriage. I also told her I quit my job. There was no way I could work for Jen's dad. Mom said she understood and she guessed it was good that we found out we weren't compatible before getting married. Mom always stood by me. I knew she was hurt.

I made a few calls to some large Insurance companies in Michigan. I went to a couple of conventions the year before and a number of people told me if I ever wanted to go into the big time to give them a call.

I called one executive who had given me his private number. He asked me why I was interested in changing positions all of a sudden. I told him the truth that I was going to marry the bosses' daughter and called it off. I thought I heard him chuckle.

He asked me if I could come in for an interview on Wednesday. One of their executives recently retired and they were looking outside the company for a replacement.

I stopped by my old office right after closing time on Monday. The guard knew me and said that Ben had said I might be coming in. He said he would have to stay with me while I gathered my personal things.

I had two boxes and took my personal stuff. I left the customer files just like I said I would. I gathered my awards and even a copy of my original resume. Hopefully all I would have to do is update it.

I got home and the phone started ringing again. I had cleared all the messages from the day before. The first two calls were from Jen but she didn't leave a message. The next call was from John at Allied Insurance.

I answered it, "Hello."

"Jerry, this is John Webber from Allied. I thought I'd save you a little time making up a resume. We talked with your former employer and he said he tried everything to get you to stay. We didn't discuss why you were leaving. He sent us your sales record. You've been the top person in sales three years running. That is very impressive! He had nothing but good things to say about you."

"Thank you, do you still want me there Wednesday."

"Yes of course. I talked to a couple of the members of the board and they will have the final say. I'm pretty sure you're a shoo- in but we still have to go through channels. They'll ask you questions and have a short meeting. You'll know in a couple of hours after that if you got the position. See you Wednesday."

I just lived in an apartment. I called my mom and told her about the interview. I asked her to keep an eye on the apartment for me and not to give Jen my new cell phone number if she should talk to her.

The calls finally stopped. I figured that Jen had finally realized I was dead serious and we weren't going to be a couple. She had her good points and of course the bad ones which I recently found out. What did surprise me was that none of my so called friends even called to see how I was doing.

I knew I shouldn't think of it but I had to wonder if they had their own little sex club and were priming me to join. It seemed odd that none of the other guys cared that their wives showed off their near naked bodies. I didn't think I could live like that.

****

I got the job and was to start the following week. It was a little different than what I was doing but they gave me a hefty raise. It was sad saying goodbye to mom and dad but I had been away before for college. I promised I'd keep in touch with them regularly and be home for holidays. I told dad as soon as I found an apartment I'd come after my belongings.

John explained my position. He explained to me that I would still be in sales but I wouldn't have to go out and canvass for business. They had a lot of walk in business and needed a qualified agent to help these people with their needs. There may be times when I might have to go to their homes to speak with spouses or to check locations.

"Jerry, we are a big well known company and spend a lot of money on advertising. People come in and believe me, they have plenty of questions. We aren't just out to sell a policy but to give the customer what they need."

"The insurance industry has taken a lot of negative hits in the past and we are trying to change that image. We have heard that you put the customer first. That's what we expect from you."

I was lucky I didn't have to retake the state insurance exams. Michigan accepted my Ohio tests results. It saved me quite a bit of time and I could start helping people immediately. I was staying at a local motel for a week. I spent my days working, it was really busy and I spent my evening looking for an apartment fairly close to the office.

I finally found a nice place in Dearborn. It was only about two miles from the office and I could even take a bus if I wanted to, but I didn't. I went home the following Friday and rented a U-haul and loaded up my things. Only my dad helped me. It seemed I lost most of my so called friends.

It was nice to know it was only a three hour drive from my parents to my apartment. It made my mom happy that she might see me regularly.

I loved my new job but I still had a lot to learn. Every company has different types of policies and I had to know exactly what I was selling people. Some clients I would ask to bring in their present policies so I could actually see what they were getting for their money. It's always nice to compare apples to apples.

There were very few cases where we couldn't help the customer out. Our company sold all types of insurance, annuities, and even bonds for those who might have had bad driving records. I took the time to help each individual out. Most people thanked me for taking the time to explain their policies to them.

I usually had lunch with other members of the company. Sometimes we talked business and other times we all just got to know each other. Most of the women who worked in my area were married. I almost felt like asking them if they would enter a wet t-shirt contest. It still worried me wondering how people were acting today. I needed to get over it.

Some of the men I worked with were like men everywhere. Complain about the wife but can't live without them. I never told anyone why I never got married, just told them we didn't see marriage the same way.

I was introduced to a couple of women and did go out for dinner. They were nice but I just wasn't ready to date. I buried myself in my work and after my first two months John told me that the company's sales numbers had gone up considerably. He asked if there was anything I needed.

"To be honest John, my secretary June has had a lot more work put on her. We've both stayed over a couple of evenings a week so we wouldn't get behind on our paperwork. I know I'm new here but it seems that if June had more help, things would flow much better."

"What do you suggest, Jerry?"

"I was wondering if we could hire an additional secretary. The only difference is she could also be a licensed agent, at least for the insurance part of our business. That way if I wasn't here or with another client she would be able to witness policies and I think business would flow much better."

"What if June was licensed?" asked John.

"I asked her and she said she really wasn't interested in being an agent but loves her job as a receptionist and secretary. She's in her late fifties and I don't think she really wants major changes in her life. It's just right now she is backlogged with paperwork and computer work."

"Let me talk with the board and see what they think of your suggestion. Your performance here has turned quite a few heads. I am happy to see it all working out for you."

John never took long to call a board meeting. It was only two days later he asked to see June and I over lunch. He said he had met with the board and we could hire a full time agent.

"June, I'm sorry we piled so much extra work on you. I guess we didn't realize the increase in sales would give you so much extra to do," said John. He had known June for over twenty-five years and knew she was a definite asset to the business.

"Jerry, I don't want to come out chauvinistic with what I'm about to say but the board thought it would be best if we hired a woman for this position. When clients come in we like for them to see a friendly, pretty face like June." It brought a smile to June's face.

"You would have to see that she gets licensed and it will be June's job to show her the computer and paperwork side of the business. I'll leave it up to you and June to find this person since it will be you two working with her. June, do you have anything to say?" asked John.

"No, just a big 'Thank You'. Jerry is a good boss and a great salesman as you know. We'll do our best to find the best person for the position."

I decided to let June find the prospective agent. I told her I would stay over evenings and work on our paperwork. The sooner she found the right person, the easier it would be on all of us.

Instead of advertising the job, which would give us hundreds of applicants to interview, June had a good friend that worked in an employment agency. She gave her an idea of the type of person we were looking for and what would be expected of her. She came in my office and said she had sixteen people for us to interview.

Three were men, we didn't want to get in any kind of trouble by being gender biased and besides, maybe we might find a man that the board would approve.

I just glanced through the resumes. One name popped out at me, Brenda Wilson. I was taken back wondering if it was my old girlfriend. I glanced quickly where she graduated from and it was Michigan State. It was two years after I had graduated from Ohio State.

Wilson was a pretty common name just like mine was Jerry Jones. I'm sure the Detroit telephone book would be full of them. I asked June if she knew any of the applicants personally and she said she didn't.

We decided to interview for the position after hours. Most everyone on the list was already employed and we didn't want to upset any apple carts. June gave me half the names and she took the other half. She set up appointments over two days.

I looked at my list and I didn't have Brenda Wilson. I did kind of want to see what she looked like. The first day we each interviewed four candidates and four more the second evening. Four we had to eliminate because of age. You needed to be at least twenty-one to sell insurance in the state.

The three men were looking for a higher wage than we were starting at. We each picked the two from the ones we had remaining and figured we would swap and interview the ones we chose. I did notice that Brenda Wilson was one of the two June had chosen.

I asked her what she was like. June said she was articulate, had a bachelor's degree in business, single and a beautiful smile and very easy on the eyes. She was presently working as a receptionist in a small office and was looking for something better.

When June told her she would have to study and take state exams, she had no problems with that. She graduated from Michigan State with a four point average her senior year.

The following evening she walked into my office. Saw me and said, "Oh my God! Jerry! I'm sorry, I need to leave."

"Brenda wait please, let's talk, I saw your name but I didn't know it was you, I swear. It's so good to see you. When did you move to Michigan?"

"Look," said Brenda. "This won't work. I can't work with you Jerry. I would have never applied for this job if I knew."

"Please let's talk business and if you don't think you want the position, then so be it."

"Jerry, we have a past. It won't work. I've learned to go on with my life."

"Brenda, let me say one thing. Giving you the money for an abortion was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I regret it most every day of my life. Seeing you now makes me realize I gave up the one woman who meant the most to me. Asking you to abort my child is something I have to live with the rest of my life. I truly regret it. I wish I could turn back the clock and make a different decision, but I can't.

"Back to business. I'm the assistant sales manager here at Allied. I've been here two months and we are looking for a professional person to join our company. We prefer a college graduate, someone who is articulate and very personable."

"Jerry, please, I don't think..."

"This person will need to be licensed by the State of Michigan to sell all types of insurance. She will also be a part-time receptionist and secretary along with June."

"Jerry!"

I kept talking. "The starting salary will be thirty-five thousand a year plus commission on some of the policies."

"Jerry, I can't take the job even though it's a wonderful offer if of course I was accepted."

"Why not Brenda? I looked for you all summer and you had moved. I wanted to see you so bad because of the way I hurt you. I was wrong but I can't do anything about it. I'm sorry."

"The reason I can't take the job is because I still have strong feelings for you. I felt it the second I saw you. That's not all."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I didn't have the abortion. I kept my daughter, our daughter. I had her and then went back to school. Mom watches her while I work. I never contacted you because you didn't want her. Mom said I should let you know but I told her I couldn't face you again.

"I've been raising her on my own with the help of my parents. That's why I applied for this position, more money."

"Brenda, I need to see you again so we can talk. I know you and your parents must hate me but I'd like to see my daughter."

"As far as this position goes, I don't make the final decision. It's actually June's call and she will present it to John, who is our boss who in turn takes it to the board. Please consider it if you're chosen. You are in the final four."

"God, Jerry, I don't know about the position but you have a right to see your daughter." Brenda got up and was crying as she left the building.

June came in and saw my face. "What happened? Looks like you saw a ghost! Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, did you finish your interviews?"

"Yes, and I think Brenda Wilson is my first choice. What did you think of her?"

"I love her!" I replied.

"What? What's going on Jerry?" June was somewhat of a motherly figure to me even though I was the boss. She was the type of person that could almost see through you.

I told June about what happened in college and that Brenda kept the baby and I was a daddy.

"Oh shit Jerry, she was perfect for the job. I know I could easily have sold her to John. What are we going to do?"

"Take her name and Judy's name to John and let them decide. If they choose Brenda then we'll need to talk to her again."

****

Brenda was the choice of the board. She came back two days later to see me. June came out and asked to talk with her privately. I don't know what they talked about but June convinced her to take the position. Now it was my turn to talk to Brenda.

"I know this is hard on you but I want you to know I'll do whatever it takes to make it easier. I have so many questions and I am probably as nervous as you. Does our child know I exist? When can I see her? I don't even know her name. I'm so sorry for everything. I want to pay any back child support; just tell me how much you want. I do want to be in my child's life. How old is she now?"