A Marriage in Crisis

Tommy had started to cry, "You hurt me Sandy."

She pulled him to her chest. She felt his face press against her breasts. She loved it when they were close like this. He was so wonderful. She shivered; she'd almost lost him. She had him now though, she knew it. He felt good, warm, "Tommy you only cut one tire. You made it so I had to take a time out, enough time to start to put things together. I teach second grade. Sometimes when a child misbehaves they get a time out. They have to go somewhere and think about what they did. You cut my tire. Don't you see? That was my time out."

"My Mom and Dad came to me right after that. They helped me a lot. Tommy if I had gotten to you right after the restaurant who knows what stupid things we might have said. But you cut that tire. You put a break on disaster. I don't know exactly if you knew it, but you sure saved us."

His eyes were flooded with tears. The dam had broken. Days of determination, countless hours of holding it all in, the protective walls of denial and self-preserving delusion collapsed. He unloaded, "Sandy you hurt me. You really fucking hurt me."

He was blubbering like a baby, "You were ruining our marriage. Our happy life was at an end. I was like a dead man." He kept crying. He kept pushing his face into her warm little breasts. God they felt good. It had been days. Jesus he missed her. Her arms felt so good around him. He loved the perfume she wore. She smelled so good. It was her smell. He couldn't imagine going through life without her scent, "You broke my God damn heart Sandy. I wanted to die. You killed me."

She kept holding him. She kissed the side of his face. She was scared he might get mad. She had to get him to release all this tension, all this anger and humiliation in a healthy way. Crying was the best way, "Oh Tommy we love each other so much. We're so much a part of each other. We're like Siamese twins joined at the hip. One can't live without the other."

She squeezed with all her might, "I know how much you love me, how much we love each other. All the pain you're feeling, we're feeling, is proof of our love. You're so much better than other men. Other men are only interested in catching and punishing. You were into rescuing and saving."

She took a hand and waved her brother and father off. She needed alone time now.

Her brother and father silently left the room. Sandy got off Tommy's lap. She pulled him to his feet and toward the bed, "I need you Tommy. I need you inside me."

The angry beast in Tommy still wanted to strike out, but the husband and the sexual man went for the bed. She pulled down the covers and pulled him into the bed. She started to pull his pants down. He pulled his shirt over his head; he started to lift her blouse over her head.

She whispered, "Get inside me. No pushing or pulling, no in and out, just get inside me in that special way we do. Get deep inside." She kissed his cheeks, his lips, his eyes, his neck, behind his ears.

Tommy pulled off her white lace panties. He slowly pushed his way inside her damp vagina. God she felt so tight, so warm. He loved being in her.

Sandy started to whisper, "We need to fix things. It's time to build for the future, our future."

His mind grew more alert, the angry demon inside responded, "We have a future?"

Sandy whispered, "All we've done for four years is make lists of names. Think of the names, Raelyn, Brianna, Sierra, Brian, Sean, Tommy Jr.; think of our future Tommy, ours and the future of our children.

He was crying again, "You've ruined it."

She whispered, "I might have. It was close. If you hadn't shown up it might have ended in tragedy. But you did show up. You're my hero. Think on it. All you've talked about is having girls so you could dress them up and parade them around as your little harem. You wanted girls who would look and grow up and be like their mom. And what have I talked about; little boys, handsome little boys, little boys who'd be raised, nurtured and inspired by a great man. That's us Tommy."

He kept crying, "You hurt me Sandy. I don't know. It really hurts."

She held him tight. He felt so good inside her. She felt alive, complete, "I stopped taking my pills today. In a couple days I'll have my period. Then I'll be fertile. Then you know what will happen?"

Tommy wasn't so sure. He shook as the tears kept flowing. He asked anyway, "No, what?"

Sandy crushed him to her, "We'll go to bed. We'll go to bed like right now" She felt him get bigger and harder inside her while she whispered, "And then you know what? You and I will make love. It won't be sex. We've never had sex. I don't even know what that is because we make love. Well one night real soon we'll be making love and you'll pour your semen in me. You'll fill me with your life, and then something special will happen; a miracle will happen, a life will begin to take shape inside me. I'll have your life in me, and we'll start to make our first child."

He kept crying, but they weren't exactly crying tears. He couldn't explain what he felt, but he knew it felt really good. He was really crying hard; all boohoos and everything.

Sandy whispered, "We're on a mission. We're out to build a family. Maybe we'll have three, maybe four, who knows maybe six, seven children. Of course there'll never be enough money. I don't think there ever is, but it won't matter. Three, six, seven; so if there's seven; who knows, I'll pack eight peanut butter and jelly sandwiches each morning, and the spaghetti sauce will have turkey instead of beef, and we'll have hamburger instead of ground round. But you know what Tommy, they'll all be ours, and they'll be immersed in the greatest thing parents can give. They'll be immersed in our love, the love we have for each other."

Tommy wanted to fight this; he suddenly sort of felt like he wanted to nurture his anger and sense of betrayal, "You did a terrible thing Sandy."

"No," she said, "I almost did a terrible thing, but my wonderful heroic splendid husband slayed the dragon and released the maiden from her delusional chains. And you know what?"

Tommy sniffled and replied, "What."

Sandy kissed him, "The damage done this weekend, is being patched, it's being repaired, and how many times does the patched spot end up being stronger than the unscathed parts. I learned something. I found out how lucky I am. I have you."

She kissed him again and again, "Tommy what the highest mountain in the world?"

He thought, "Everest, no K2."

She nudged her face up under his chin, "Imagine I was standing atop K2 and looked out across all the Himalayas. I saw Everest and a bunch of other high mountains. For a second, for a blind second I forgot I was already atop the highest mountain. For a second, just a smidgen I wondered what it might be like to be on a lesser peak, but you know what happened?"

He felt a little better, not much but a little, "No what."

She nudged his chin, "K2 gave me a nudge. I remembered I already had the best. That old dead guy said it about his wife. Someone asked why he never cut out on his wife, and he answered?"

Tommy knew, "Yeah he said, why go out for hamburger when you've got steak at home."

By then Tommy had already ejaculated inside her and he was getting smaller. Sandy reached down and pulled out his penis. She squeezed, "This is the steak Tommy."

He had to bring it up, "You know you haven't said you're sorry, not once have you apologized for hurting me."

She rubbed his soft member, "Am I sorry, well no and yes. I'm sorry for being stupid, for being so easily manipulated, for being afraid to come to you and try to work out my fears. But I feel good too, really good. You saved me, you saved our marriage; you saved Raelyn, Tommy Jr. and all the little ones we haven't made yet. Am I sorry, sure, but I feel real good too. You reminded me about how strong, how caring, and how wonderful you are. You've given me new strength. We're going to make a wonderful family; we're going to build a great life. You and I have a great and wonderful future. I know you'll feel bad, you'll get angry; you'll want to strike out. I'm ready for that. You know how I'm ready, because I've got you. I've got your strength, and your love to go on."

He sniffed, "It really hurts Sandy."

She kissed him again and again, "I think it will always hurt honey, but I want to be there when it gets you down. I can't allow you to be off alone with this. You'll see. You teach history. What was August 8th at Hiroshima? It was bad. Today, half a century later the scars are still there, but Hiroshima is a great city. We'll always have the scars, but we're going to build a great family. You'll see. Today it's bad, terrible, but give us time. We're in this together. God I love you. You're so strong, so good, you're so honest. You're my Prince Charming. They'll always be reminders of the witch with the poisoned apple, the dragon queen, but those things will fade..."

Tommy started to lean back, "This is all pretty much. It's easy for you..."

She grabbed his face and pulled him back, "No it's not easy for me. Listen, we can't un-change my stupidity, but we've got a lot to build on. Oh darling there's wreckage all around us, but we'll move on. It took me a while but think on it. Think about the Lamaze classes, the sonograms, hunting for our first house, the nursery, the rainbows and horses we'll paint on the walls. Think about our babies, cutting the umbilical cords, the slap of that newborn on my belly.

He stared at her. He really wanted those things to happen.

She kept at it. This was where Barry told her about how men solved their problems with teamwork and goals, "Tommy there's the ballet lessons, little league, the storybooks, Big Bird, that first day of school, think of all that's ahead of us. We're in this together Tommy, we're a team you and I. I can't imagine facing those challenges with anyone else. I'd end up a lonely old maid like Donna Reed in It's a Wonderful Life. Remember Christmas? You said that was one of your all-time favorite Christmas movies. I want our babies, and you do too."

Tommy looked at her, "Sandy."

She saw the uncertainty, "Tommy we're in this together. This isn't some sprint, this is a marathon. It looks tough now, but we'll do this together, one step at a time. I know you're hurting. I can see it. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I'm sorry I'm so stupid. But I'm not apologizing to you, because I did this really stupid shit to me too. We're in it together; we'll climb through it together.

Then Tommy asked her the big one, "How will I ever be able to trust you again?"

She held him close. She gripped him as tight as she could, "I trust you Tommy. I got really stupid, but you stepped up. You saved our marriage. I could never, ever, betray that kind of courage. You can trust me because I'll know you'll always be there. My mistake was in forgetting that you were always at my side. I just forgot to look over and see you. I'll never forget that again. You can count on that. I'll have your strength, and you can trust that I'll always remember that. You make me strong Tommy."

He wasn't quite ready, "You never opened my present."

She had that one too, "No I didn't. Honestly that was like another trigger that awakened me. I knew we couldn't afford a tennis bracelet. That was money for the really big stuff. OK, I was a little rough on that, but I saw the jewelry box as a mistake. We'll need that money for more important things. I realized you were scared; it made me think. Ok, I'm slow, but I got it. You were ready to give up everything for me, and I saw it. We'll take it back to the store. We have bigger projects. We'll need that money."

Then she added, "You'll have to return the motorcycle too. They're too expensive and they're too dangerous."

Tommy smiled at that, "You're OK. You know that?"

She pushed her pelvis against him, "Know what else?"

He wormed his penis back in her vagina, "No what."

"I can be stupid, but I'm smart too. And I can prove it."

He pushed in a little deeper, "Yeah how?"

She squeezed her legs together, "Remember back when you were a junior in college?"

He nodded.

"Well the line to get at you stretched around the block. You didn't see it, but I did. Well guess who got to the front of the line and stayed there? And I'll tell you I had to keep an eye out. You don't know how many times I made you change the places we'd meet so I could keep you away from some girl. Sometimes I felt like a ninja I had to fight so many of them off. I changed classes, shifted my schedule, took courses I hated just to be near you. I felt like I spent my whole senior year on guard duty."

He hugged her tightly, "I'm glad of it Sandy."

They spent the afternoon in bed. They napped, they snuggled, they cried, he got angry, they made love, they talked about children, houses, cars, churches, vacations, furniture; I guess you could say they talked about their future. It was a new beginning.

September 2nd 1945

It was on September 2nd when the Japanese signed the surrender document that ended World War Two. From Tommy's perspective he'd clearly won, but there was still Moyers. Tommy had to have his moment; he had to rub Moyer's face in the shit at least once, but he'd do it his way. Call it pride, call it hubris, Tommy would have his moment, and he'd do it without warning.

One day, just two weeks after that awful weekend Tommy took his personal day. Every year teachers got one day off for personal reasons. Most never bothered to take them, and in the four years he'd worked he'd never taken one, but this time he felt like he needed to.

Sandy had come to him and cried a little saying how Moyers had been trying to get back at her. He couldn't allow his wife to be harassed, not like that, and not by a shit like Moyers.

Tommy had gotten dressed and pretended to go to work as usual, but instead he'd stopped at the book store and browsed around a while. Long about the time he knew his wife would be on her midday break he pulled into her school's lot. He'd changed clothes and was wearing a pair of black jeans and a black Tee-shirt. He knew he looked tough, kick ass bad he thought. He opened the school's front door, went to the main office, signed in and started for the teachers' room.

He walked by Sandy's room and saw she was eating lunch in the back while a teacher's aide supervised. He thought that sucked; his wife was afraid to leave her own room because of that prick Moyers. He'd fix that today.

When he got to the teachers' room he saw the only person inside was Moyers. He'd take care of this.

Tommy walked in.

Moyers saw him, left his seat and stepped behind one of the big work tables. Thus separated he warned, "I don't want any trouble, but if you start anything I'll call security."

Tommy stepped to the opposite side of the table and sat down. He told Moyers, "Have a seat."

Moyers took a chair, but kept his legs outside the table.

Tommy spoke slowly and carefully, "I want you to help me out."

Moyers only nodded.

Tommy continued, "Sandy will be taking a leave of absence at the end of the year. Right now you're presence here is making her life a living hell. I doubt if you could get transferred, but I know there are some things you can do."

Moyers was perspiring. He nodded again.

Tommy continued. "You could rearrange everybody's schedules back to the way they were before Christmas. I'd like it if my wife could spend her last weeks surrounded by all her friends. I'd also like it if you could fix your schedule so that you'd be as far from her as possible. I know you can't be invisible, but it's only for what maybe fifteen weeks. You could keep out of her hair that long couldn't you?"

Moyers nodded; then he started to say something, "I'm sorry Mr. Campbell. I mean I didn't know how close and how much in..."

Tommy stopped him, "Moyers I wanted to hurt you at first, but honestly I just want you to leave my girl alone. Can you do that?"

Moyers nodded.

Tommy stood. He didn't offer to shake his hand; he hated the son of a bitch. He only nodded and left.

++++++++++++

Sandy must have been told or checked the visitors' log, because when Tommy got home she was seated at their kitchen table, "You went to my school today. You weren't checking up on me?"

He pulled up a chair beside her, "No I just had a little talk with Mr. Moyers, that's all.

Sandy was a little weepy the rest of the evening. She was afraid Tommy had gone there because he was afraid she was doing something wrong. That evening they made love, and afterward he held her very closely. They watched an old movie in bed together, and they kissed and cuddled till after midnight.

++++++++++++

The next day when Tommy came home Sandy had fixed dinner. She'd fixed him his favorite, Caesar salad, garlic bread, homemade lasagna, and pineapple upside down cake.

When he walked in the door he saw she had her apron on and wondered what the special occasion was.

She walked up to him, gave him a sweet hug and kiss, "Mr. Moyers changed everybody's schedules back to the way they were before Christmas. This means he'll be supervising in the cafeteria when I'm on my break. I'll hardly ever have to see him anymore."

Tommy smiled, he held her, "Gee that's nice sweetie."

Sandy giggled, "It's so great I'll get to hang out with all my old teacher friends for the rest of the year. It's just so perfect."

He smiled softly, "I'm glad you got that honey."

She squeezed him tightly and pressed her head against his chest. She murmured, "My wonderful man, you're my super hero." She let a little weepy cry slip out.

Tommy felt real good about that. He could've made it hard for Moyers. He could have done something stupid like punch the guy, but he wanted to fix things for his girl; that was what really mattered. The lasagna tasted great. They washed the dishes together, cuddled later, and made love.

MacArthur in Tokyo

The days ahead were filled with good times and bad. Tommy had his unhappy moments, but Sandy was alert, she was quick to find ways to ease the pain without reopening the wound. They had their fights, but she made sure they never went to sleep angry. She made sure when they had those bad times they always ended them with a good roll in the hay. Sometimes at night when he couldn't sleep she even did the BJ thing. She hated it, but it took his mind off things.

That terrible weekend occurred back in February. Long about the middle of May, right about when school let out, Sandy started throwing up; morning sickness they called it. She started to have little fits of pique. She started asking for odd foods. They went to the doctor. Yep, the first bundle was in the mail.

After that thoughts and comments about Bill Moyers and the Holiday Inn receded further and further into the background. It never disappeared, but somehow it got sandwiched between maternity clothes, house hunting, begging relatives for help with money, and Sandy's decision to quit work so she could become a full time mom. She had plans; they weren't stopping with just one.

Junior showed up right after Christmas. By April there was another bun in the oven. There wasn't any money; no trips to the restaurant, the motorcycle never made it past the first summer. They got their first house; a real fixer upper. They fixed it up too. Like a bad dream, Bill Moyers drifted into the past.

++++++++++++

There's an interesting story about the BJs. She actually only did two of them. After the second one she coughed and choked a little, and Tommy made her get out of bed with him. He took a warm wash cloth and wiped her face and chest. She cried when he said he only let her do it because he knew she didn't like it. He was really extra tender that night; it was one of her most special times. From then on he never brought up anything about BJs, but once when she tried to get down between his legs he made her stop. He said he didn't want her to do them anymore because it made him feel like he was being mean.