A Matter Of Trust

Aileen felt even more flushed than before. "Uhhh...just playing on the computer." She said. Did her voice sound higher than usual? If so, it seemed Colin still hadn't picked up on anything being unusual.

"You and your card games," Colin said laughing. "Since I'm home early, if you feel like playing with a real person I could play a couple hands of something. I know we haven't had much time together lately..."

"No, sweetie, that's all right, I'm fine. School's more important anyway, so you go take care of that. But thank you for the thought."

"I suppose you're right. Well, 'night Ma, in case I don't see you till tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Darling." Aileen said and Colin went off to his room.

Aileen let out a sigh of relief when she heard Colin's door close. Then a potent feeling of guilt racked through her. What would her son think of her if he had known what she had been doing?

She turned back to the computer screen. Ben had tried to instant message her several times wondering what was going on since she went silent. She responded to his queries informing him she was all right, she just had been distracted for a few moments. She told him she needed to take a shower and then would probably turn in for the night. She would be back at another time.

Aileen signed off from the computer and then headed for the bathroom. Once there she turned on the hot water of the shower. She took off her robe and then her panties, when the bathroom started to steam up from the water she stepped into the shower. The nights were starting to get a little bit cold and there had been a chill in the air. Aileen hadn't realized how cold she was until she got under the hot water. It felt so good to feel the warmth seep into her body all the way to her bones.

Aileen replayed the events of the night in her mind while the water beat down on her melting the tension out of her body. How could she have gone along with Ben's scenario, and worse how could she have enjoyed it? Was she perverted? Maybe she was. A couple of months ago she would have thought just having cyber sex was perverted, but now she thought of that as an acceptable thing for two people who were close to each other to do. But pretending to be mother and son...that was taking it too far. She shouldn't have done that and she wouldn't do it again. But even as she made that resolution, another part of her mind drifted back to how it felt, how it felt to be imagining a son so in love with his mother that he desired her sexually. As she thought of this her hands began moving over her body. She massaged her breasts, her nipples were hard again, and she gently pulled and rubbed her fingers over them as water fountained down on her tits.

She imagined how truly devoted a son could be to his mother, the safety, security, and love she must feel knowing what he wanted most was to please her. Aileen's hand found its way to her crotch and began touching it. She discovered her clit protruding and craving to be touched. Aileen condemned herself for being a weak and depraved woman but was too far gone to stop now. She fingered her cunt in a frenzied fashion, her digits repeatedly going in and out lubricated by the shower water and her own juices. Then she turned on the hand held spray and set it to pulsate, she positioned the spray between her legs. The pulsating water hit directly on her clit and Aileen rolled her eyes back in ecstasy. For the second time that evening she had a powerful orgasm.

Clean, dry, and dressed in her nightgown, Aileen lay curled up in bed, but her thoughts were too troubled to sleep. Guilt still plagued her for what she had done. She couldn't get over feeling ashamed that she had done something wrong, but what was worse was the shame she felt for enjoying it. Every time she went over what happened too thoroughly she started feeling horny again, which inevitably brought on more guilt. After going through this cycle for about the hundredth time, she finally felt merciful sleep coming on. One of the final thoughts she remembered before drifting off into a troubled slumber was that maybe talking this over with Ben would help. It was a comforting thought that at least she wasn't alone, that she had someone she could share her concerns with.

* * *

The next day Aileen talked to Ben online about the concerns she had.

Bender069: Don't worry about it, we are not doing anything wrong. We are both adults and whatever we talk about or do with each other is no one else's business. If we both get enjoyment out of pretending to be mother and son in a sexual relationship, what harm is it to anyone else as long as it stays between us?

IrishRose36: I suppose you're right.

Ben was really only echoing Aileen's own thoughts when she tried to rationalize what they had done, but it did alleviate some of her guilt seeing him confirm those thoughts.

IrishRose36: But still, I know legally you're an adult but you're only twenty-two. I'm fourteen years older than you, I feel I should be more responsible. Maybe it is wrong to be encouraging you.

Bender069: LOL I assure you, I'm old enough to be responsible for my own actions and I love the fact that you are older than me. I've always found mature women attractive and I used to fantasize about them before I met you. Now your beauty is all I fantasize about. I don't believe a woman can be truly beautiful until she is at least thirty.

Aileen didn't know whether to feel complimented that Ben thought she was beautiful, or insulted that he acknowledged she was over thirty. She supposed that since she brought up their ages, she couldn't really blame him for commenting on it. He had done his best to say he liked that she was older, but it still irked her some that he recognized it. However, with Ben she had found that she couldn't stay even slightly angry with him for long. Talking to him was intoxicating and she soon realized that she wanted to do anything to please him.

Eventually their conversation came back to mother/son role playing. Ben wanted to do more of it, and even though she still felt conscience-stricken about it, she couldn't refuse him and she really couldn't refuse herself. Her biggest concern was would she be hurting Colin in any way by engaging in this activity and she told herself that as long as he never found out about it, it wouldn't hurt him. Aileen and Ben had a secret. She felt guilty and ashamed because of this secret, but also deliciously naughty. It would remain a secret and she would continue to indulge herself because it felt so good.

For the next few weeks they got deeper and deeper into their role playing game and Aileen was astonished at how she hungered for more and more of the fantasy. Ben began directing her to websites that featured erotic incestuous stories. They always focused on the mother and son stories and read them together. The stories aroused Aileen like nothing had before. She became addicted to reading those stories and now that she knew where the sites were that had them she would go and read them even when Ben was not online. There was something about the idea of a mother and son; it didn't seem obscene if they loved each other, their love seemed pure. There was something else about it too, something she couldn't describe, but it made her hunger for these stories. She was hornier than ever and masturbating as often as a teenage boy

Aileen was beginning to think that maybe this was all she needed. She had Ben through the internet and the secret they shared. Maybe that was all the relationship she needed to keep her satisfied. She still had Colin for actual human companionship, and his time actually seemed to be freeing up. Sheryl had a new job at the video store and the hours she worked were different from the hours Colin worked at his part time job, helping out at his Uncle Pat's pub. Colin and Sheryl were seeing less of each other but still managed to go out one weekend night a week, so those were the nights Aileen would spend on the computer with Ben. So Aileen found herself with two young men in her life eager to have her company and she was happier than she had been in a long time.

* * *

The last Monday in October was Colin's eighteenth birthday. Aileen threw a big party for him and invited all his friends, family, and Sheryl. It was a wonderful party and she thought Colin was really pleased with it, but Aileen knew that what her son was really itching for was a night out on the town to celebrate this milestone. Colin was a responsible boy, which allowed Aileen to give him a certain amount of freedom, but even though he was now eighteen, she didn't want to give him carte blanche. He still had school in the morning. She made Colin promise to at least wait until Friday to go out partying, and not to get too wild. Colin acquiesced to her wishes with a quirky grin but Aileen trusted him, he wouldn't do anything that would really disappoint her

In addition to it being Colin's first Friday night as an eighteen-year-old, it was also Halloween. Colin was out with Sheryl and Aileen knew he wouldn't be in until late, so she devoted that night to being with Ben. Once she knew the trick-or-treaters were done for the night, she got into some intense mother/son role playing cybering with Ben.

Suddenly, in the middle of the session, right when Aileen was getting the most aroused, Ben stopped typing. It still indicated on the computer that he was online, but he wasn't responding.

IrishRose36: Ben, are you there?

Aileen typed, but there was no answer. Then she typed,

IrishRose36: Ben, are you ok? Please answer me!

Still no answer. She waited for ten minutes and finally she got a reply.

Bender069: Ben won't be talking to you anymore.

Aileen was totally confused.

IrishRose36: What?

Bender069: You heard me you perverted bitch, go find your own fucking man!

IrishRose36: Ben, what's going on? You're scaring me!

Bender069: What are you stupid as well as twisted? This isn't Ben, this is his wife!

Aileen felt her heart fall into her stomach. Was this some cruel Halloween trick?

IrishRose36: Wife? He never told me he was married. I didn't know.

Bender069: We've been married for fifteen years!

IrishRose36: Fifteen years? He told me he was 22!

Bender069: He's 43, now fuck off you home wrecking slut!

Aileen was stunned, she didn't know what to feel. Hurt? Anger? Fear? Despair? Her emotions seemed to be swirling around in a big ball in her stomach fighting for dominance. Aileen rushed to the bathroom where she promptly lost everything she had eaten that day. It felt like she lost everything she had eaten in her life, plus a whole lot more.

After cleaning herself up, Aileen went back to the computer. The last message from Ben's wife was still on the screen staring at her. With tears in her eyes she shut the machine down. She then made her way to her bedroom and shut the door tight. She collapsed onto her bed, buried her face in her pillow, and let out the sobs that had been building up in her. How could she have been so stupid after all that had happened to her? All she ever heard was don't trust anyone you meet on the internet, they could be anybody, and what did she do? She foolishly got involved with a man and believed he was who he said he was. She trusted him, she let him see a side of her that even she was hardly aware of, and he betrayed her. How many times would she have to be betrayed by people she cared about before she finally learned her lesson not to trust anyone? Aileen continued to deliver sobs of anguish into her now soaking wet pillow. She cried until she exhausted herself and finally fell asleep.

CHAPTER 2: INTERLUDE OF A PROMISE

She was awakened by the sound of the phone ringing. Her bleary eyes focused on the clock on her night stand. It was past two o'clock in the morning. Who could be calling at this hour? Aileen thought she knew. She picked up the phone and answered, "Hello?"

"Aileen, it's me."Why did I have to give him my phone number? she thought.

"Ben, what do you want?"

"I want to explain..."

"Are you really married?"

"Yes."

"Are you really forty-three?"

"Yes."

"Then what is there to explain? You lied to me."

"I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I was going to tell you the truth, I never meant for you to find out this way, I'm so sorry. My wife caught me while I was talking to you and saw what we were writing..." Aileen thought she was going to be sick again, a total stranger had been reading her most intimate thoughts. But wasn't Ben a stranger too? He might as well have been for all she thought she knew him. Anger was burning in her now.

"When were you going to tell me? After I had told you every deepest darkest secret I have and you were still pretending to be twenty-two years old and single?"

"I was going to tell you, I swear I was!

"Why did you lie to me, Ben? I was totally honest with you."

"We had something special, you and me, I was afraid to lose you. I thought I would if you knew the truth. Things aren't working out well between me and my wife...I'm going to leave her."

"Why couldn't you have been upfront from the beginning?"

"I'm sorry, sometimes I like to pretend I'm a young guy online, then we met and things were going so well and I just thought it would be better for you to accept the fantasy if you thought I was younger..."

"You preyed on me from the start, didn't you? You had it in you're head to find some lonely old woman, befriend her, then slowly get her involved with your sick fantasies! You played me for a fool!"

"Aileen, you enjoyed it too..."

"Your wife wasn't into that kind of stuff; was she? Or maybe you just can't satisfy a woman in real life? So you found me, and I trusted you, you bastard! You know how hard it was for me to do that! I trusted you and you betrayed me!"

"Now wait a god-damned fucking minute! I have to take this shit from my wife, but I'm not going to take it from both..."

"Fuck you, Ben!" Aileen hung up on him. Her eyes, sore from her previous crying, began to burn as tears started to swell in them anew. There was a knock on her bedroom door.

"Mom, are you okay?" Colin's voice came from the other side of the door. Aileen swallowed a couple times to steady her voice before answering him.

"Yes, Sweetie, I'm fine." She called to him. "Did you just get in?"

"Yeah, about twenty minutes ago. I was just having a bowl of cereal before bed when the phone rang. Who was calling at two in the morning?"

"Just a wrong number,"

"You sure you are okay Mom? I thought I heard you yelling at someone?"

"It was an obscene caller, don't worry about it Honey, I took care of it."

"Maybe we should report him Mom?"

"Don't worry. He's not going to bother us again. Go to sleep Dear." Aileen almost managed not to sound choked up when she said that, and it was true, Ben would not be bothering her ever again!

"Okay Ma, good night then," Colin said through the door.

"Good night Honey."

Aileen thought Colin had left, but then she heard him say, "Mom?"

"Yes, Dear?"

"I love you."

Oh thank God for you, my precious, darling boy! Aileen thought to herself as tears coursed down her face. She didn't realize how desperately she needed to hear those words until this moment.

Once again she swallowed to gain some control of her voice, then answered him, "I love you too sweet baby."

"Night Ma,"

"Night Honey." Once she was sure Colin had actually gone to bed this time, Aileen flung herself back down on the bed.Oh, Colin, I pray you never find out what a fool I was! She thought to herself. She didn't know if she would be able to stand it if her son knew she had gotten into another bad relationship. What was wrong with her that she kept falling in love with men who hurt her? She knew there were good men in the world, Colin was proof of that. Look at tonight, if there was any night where he could possibly think he had an excuse to get into some trouble, it was tonight, but here he was home safe and sound, just like he promised he would be. She could always trust him. Aileen had no delusions either that it was due to her parenting that made Colin that way. She tried her best to raise her child right but she knew she made mistakes, but still Colin had grown naturally into the kind of man that gave her faith in the decency of the human race.

Why couldn't she find a man like Colin, someone who was kind, gentle, and trustworthy? She was just beginning to come to a place where she thought she could trust a man in her life again, her old wounds felt like they had finally healed, but Ben had deceived her and ripped them open again. Now it hurt worse than ever and she didn't think she could ever trust another man again. Aileen wept silently as memories of her past resurfaced from the depths of her mind, her new pain clearing a pathway for her old pain to return.

It began with her parents. Her father beat her severely when she was growing up; sometimes for no reason she could understand at all. Her mother never confronted her father about it, even when her father was in the worst of his rages she would still stand by and do nothing to stop him. Sometimes it felt as if her mother's noninterference hurt more than her father's beatings. She grew up in constant fear that she would be assaulted at anytime, and in emotional turmoil that maybe somehow she deserved it. Why else would she be beat like that, if it wasn't for doing something wrong? Her father beat her and her mom let him because they loved her; that had to be it. It scared her that sometimes she didn't even know what it was she had done wrong to deserve a beating, she had thought if she couldn't tell right for wrong, she must indeed be a bad person.

Her brother, Patrick, wasn't much better when they were growing up. He received his fair share of beatings too. You would think that having a common fear would have made them closer, but Patrick hadn't been there for her. He never paid her much notice except when he wanted to tease her, and when he did that it wasn't a playful teasing, it was cruel and relentless. She recalled one incident when her brother found her secret stash of romance magazines. Patrick gleefully reported to their father that she had "dirty magazines" in her room. They weren't really even dirty magazines; they just had stories in them about people falling in love. But that didn't stop her father from giving her one of the worst beatings of her life and then throwing out the magazines afterward.

He had taken his belt and whipped her repeatedly using the buckle. She was stung and cut and battered, she thought the pain would never end. Aileen cried and screamed until her voice was ragged and her tear ducts were depleted and still the lashes came. She was sore for weeks after that. She had welts and black and blue marks all down her backside and whenever someone made a sudden move, especially her father, she flinched, thinking another blow was about to come.

Whenever Patrick saw her flinch, he snickered. He actually thought what had happened to her was funny. Adding further insult to injury, she had known for a while that her brother had magazines like Playboy and Penthouse hidden in his room, but she had never told on him and still wouldn't. What good would it have done if she told on Patrick? It would have just made him angry and want to get back at her for getting him in trouble, which would just result in her being hurt again. For Aileen, life was about surviving, she couldn't afford revenge.

By the time she was seventeen Patrick had left home and gotten married. Even if they were never that close as brother and sister, at least when Patrick was living at home he would sometimes draw some of their father's ire, but when it became just Aileen all his attention focused on her. It was a bad situation that kept on deteriorating and she had had enough of it. She had to get out of there. That was when she met Fred Martin. He was tall, strong, and good looking and she was flattered that he was interested in her. They began going out. He was so powerful he even intimidated her father, which completely awed Aileen. She felt she had found a protector and that was part of the reason she fell in love with him. In Fred she had thought she found her salvation.