A Matter of Trust

I walked the show floor Saturday and looked at all the beautiful machines. I must have said to myself 'if only' a million times dreaming about owning five or ten of them, I bought an extra lotto ticket that night.

"How was your last day on the floor?" I asked Kathy, who with a big smile, said she'd had a blast.

"It's not half bad once you get the hang of it. I think I almost enjoyed it, and I made money to boot." She looked really great and rested for being on the floor all day. She could have quite a future doing this if her looks held up.

"If you don't mind me asking, just how much did you make a day here?"

"Twenty-five dollars an hour on Thursday and Friday and fifty an hour for today. That also doesn't include my room, food and clothing allowance. All in all, it was well worth it."

"Well, I saw a few cars I'd love to have one day but unless I win the lottery that's never going to happen."

"Steve, remember, you promised me you'd join me in the hot tub tonight and I'm holding you to it," she reminded me in almost a scolding manner. "The hotel complex gave me a bottle of champagne and I'll bring it along. Why don't we say seven thirty?" I nodded and figured I'd give her twenty minutes in the hot tub before going back to my room.

Kathy was in the tub waiting on me. Her suit consisted of enough total material that if you put both pieces in your hand and closed it you'd see nothing. The bottle was more than half gone and it looked like Kathy was feeling no pain. I poured myself a glass, got into the tub and enjoyed the hot water jets massaging my sore legs and feet. More than once I had to try and control Kathy's feet. Seems they were on a search and destroy mission to get into my shorts. When she got close to me and told me to loosen up, no one was around; I knew I was in trouble.

"Kathy, if you stay in this tub any longer you're going to be labeled well done." When she tried to get out of the tub she stumbled. I ended up catching her, breasts and all.

"Maybe you'd better walk me back to my room. I think I'm a little dizzy from all that champagne I drank," she proclaimed with a drunken laugh.

I helped her up and grabbed the half empty bottle. More than once she pushed her breasts into my arm or chest on the way back to her room. When we got there she couldn't even find the slot for the room keycard. I grabbed it, pushed open her door and propped her up against the doorframe.

"You want to come in, I've got a warm bed among other things," she said rubbing my dick. "It's just one night and no one has to know," she untied her top and let her breasts fall free in front of my face. "I can guarantee that you won't be disappointed," she tilted her head forward licking my ear and neck.

It took every ounce of moral fortitude to hold her at bay. On a scale of a one to ten, she was a twelve and as willing as she was, I put her at a fourteen.

"As much as I'd probably like it, I just can't. I've got a girl waiting for me back home whom I care more about than a roll the sack with you. Even though you say no one would know, I would know and I could never face her again if I took you up on your offer. So even though I'm going to probably need two cold showers tonight, I'm going to have to pass on your offer."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm more than sure," I replied. "Kathy, let me help you into your room," I said reaching around her to guide her into her room.

"Steve, that won't be necessary," she said tying up her top and speaking to me in a stone sober voice as she straightened herself up.

"Kathy, you ok?"

"I'm fine and I guess you are too."

"I don't understand," I started to say when she pushed the door open and I saw the reflection in the mirror of another person in her room. "Janet?" I said moving in through the door. "Janet, what are you doing here?" I was stammering now, looking around at all the camera gear. Kathy followed me into the room and shut the door.

"Steve, I can explain all this," Janet sounded like a kid getting caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

"Janet, what the hell is going on here?" I asked looking first at her and then Kathy, they both appeared nervous.

"I'm sorry Steve, I had to be sure," were the next words out of her mouth.

"Jesus fucking Christ," I yelled. "This was all a fucking setup?" I was looking at Kathy. "And you were the God damn bait?" I know my face must have turned ten shades of red as I realized what had gone down.

"Steve, it's not as bad as it looks," Kathy said trying to reassure me.

"Kathy," I shouted at her, "I think it would be in your best interests if you keep your fucking mouth closed right now." She threw on an oversize tee shirt and sat on the bed across the room. At that I turned my attention back to a nervous Janet.

"Why? Why would you do this to me?" then it hit me, the conversation with my mom. "I guess once a cheater always a cheater in your book, right?"

"Steve, with Tammy and all I had to be sure."

"Well, I guess you got your damn answer. Satisfied?"

"Steve, please don't be mad."

"What do I have to be mad about, Janet?" I spit back at her. "My girlfriend thinks I'm a cheat and hires some ho to try to get me into bed to prove I'm not worthy of her perfect ass. Oh, I'm sorry. After four days of prying me with sex and alcohol she couldn't do it; that means I must have passed your fucking test. Well, Janet, you can take that fucking test and shove it right up your ass for all I care. So, if you'll excuse me, I've never hit a woman before and if I don't leave right now I just may." I literally ran out of that room.

I didn't go back to my room and when my cell phone started to ring I threw it against the wall of the hotel. Later on I would kick myself for doing that. I was in no condition to drive so I started walking or should say running. After an hour I was still angry but exhausted. I got back to my room just after two o'clock in the morning. I was physically and emotionally drained and fell asleep just after four AM still in my clothes.

My wakeup call brought me back to life. After a shower and shave I headed down to the convention floor. It was a mad house with everyone disassembling their booths and packing up. I got with my lead man, Tim. We went over the schedule and dove headlong into it. Three hours later it was cleanup time.

"Boss, I tried to get you on your phone but it went right to voicemail," Tim told me.

"I had an accident with my phone and will have to pick up another one tomorrow," I explained. "Just make sure everything is cleaned before you shut the doors. I don't need anyone else on my ass today before I leave. You guys did a great job this week and I'll see you Monday." I was out of there.

I checked out of the hotel, returned my rental car and was on a flight home before noon. For once in my life I was glad to be phoneless. The three and a half hour flight home gave me too much time to dwell on my problems. I tried to sleep but my brain and the in-flight movie put a kibosh on that.

Every time I thought about what Janet did I got angry all over again. I felt like a puppet that had been played for four fucking days. I guess this was the big project she told me she was working on while I was out of town. Here I thought she was really working instead of trying her best to get me to cheat on her. The only thing I felt good about, was the fact that I didn't. It would have been so damn easy and Kathy was so incredibly hot, but I'd resisted. I was a lot stronger than I thought.

I landed, got my luggage and walked out to my car parked in the long-term parking garage. All I wanted to do was to go home, grab a shower and a couple dozen beers. I needed to get drunk to ease the pain of being played.

The answering machine was full. Some of them were from my boss wondering why he couldn't reach me on my cell phone, one from Tim saying that it was now three o'clock and he was heading out because it was all done. The rest were from Janet.

"Steve, please call me we have to talk," and another said, " I'm sorry it was a stupid thing to do, and I'm sorry," were just two of twenty. The last person in the world I wanted to speak to right now was Janet.

When I finished the five beers I had in my refrigerator I started on a bottle of white zinfandel I had in my wine rack. I wanted to get drunk enough to fall asleep so I wouldn't have to relive the last four days over and over in my brain.

I wondered how far Kathy would have gone if I'd given in to her? I know Janet was in her room Saturday night, but how about Friday when she wanted to go to the hot tub? Saturday, when I'd walked into that room I remembered seeing all Janet's camera equipment and now put two and two together. She was always in the background snapping pictures of the two of us. Jesus Christ, that's why she never picked up when I called her. I got pissed all over again.

When I saw the sun coming in through my bedroom window I knew I was late for work. I felt like crap. I undressed and took a shower. Standing in from of the bathroom mirror shaving, the mirror reflected back to me that I looked like shit. I'd erased all of her messages but walking by, I noticed there were ten new ones. Boy, I must have really been drunk last night; I never heard the phone ring once. I smiled, mission accomplished.

"Damn Steve, I haven't seen you look this bad in years," my boss said when I walked in two hours late. "You're not reverting back to the old Steve are you? God, I'd hate like hell to have to put up with that idiot all over again."

"Just had one too many last night, that's all," I reached for the coffee pot with the hope that some coffee would help me feel human again.

"Good, because we need to coordinate schedules this morning and I need to discuss something with you as soon as possible."

"Henry, give me five minutes to finish my coffee and check my e-mails and I'll meet you in your office." He nodded his approval and walked away. "Now what the hell did I do?"

Of the forty-two e-mails, seventy-five percent of them were garbage. A third took a yes or no answer and the others would have to wait until after my meeting with Henry.

"Have a seat and close the door," he asked his receptionist to hold our calls. "Got the initial feedback from the convention center on last week's show and we seem to have a bit of a problem."

"Oh crap," were the first words that echoed through my brain, trying to recall what we'd screwed up on or had forgotten.

"They called me first thing this morning and said because of how we handled the New York show, they want us to handle San Francisco and Detroit." I had stiffened up and was cringing, waiting for the bad news that I almost missed it.

"Let me get this straight, they liked it?"

"More than liked it, they loved the way you and Tim handled the crews. They said this was the best show they'd had in five years and with the exception of a couple of burps on Thursday, everything went off without a hitch. I've cut a little thank you check for you and Tim for all your hard work last week," he was beaming. "They want you and Tim out to both sites this week. They want to explain what they're looking for and to set up a schedule for next year. This is a huge opportunity for all of us."

"This week?"

"Why, you've got something going on that I'm unaware of? The only thing I know we've got this week is a hell of a lot of paperwork to go over from last weekend." I wanted to cry.

"I can't fly out until tomorrow and I think three days at each facility should be more than enough time."

"You and Tim will stay as long as they need the two of you, understood?"

"You're the boss," I replied.

"Damn right. Now get out of here, get with Tim and be on the earliest flight out tomorrow. And by the way, where in the hell is your cell phone."

"It kind of broke."

"Well, pick one up today. I can't very well have my top guy out in the field without one."

I picked up a replacement on the way back to my place. I called Tim and gave him the short version. He wasn't happy about going back out of town tomorrow.

"Look on the bright side. When you hand your wife that fat bonus check and tell her to go crazy, she'll probably fuck you to death when you get back." He laughed, I didn't. I still had another issue I needed to address before I left.

I was packed by eight thirty and was just going over my agenda when her e-mail came through. It was pretty much like all the others. She was sorry, I wasn't supposed to have seen her and that she needed to meet me so we could talk. She said something about the 'L' word and that we could work through this. I hit the reply button.

Janet, I think the last thing in the world you want to do right now is to talk with me. I'm still so angry, I don't really know how I'd act or what I would say, but it wouldn't be pretty.

I'm going away for about a week and a half and by the time I get back I probably will have settled down somewhat. While I'm gone, I need you to do one thing and only if you want to that is. I need you to really think about why you did this to me or should I say to us. You can give me the long or short version and we can do this by e-mail or in person, it'll be your prerogative since you started this. All I want to know is why, I think you owe me that much. Why don't we set it up to meet a week from this Thursday at the Chinese restaurant where we had our first date, maybe it will bring us a little luck. That is unless you're trying to trap some unsuspecting husband that night; So, I'll see you Thursday at seven thirty. If you decide not to show, I'll understand.

Steve

Knowing I took an unfair shot with the comment about the unsuspecting husband, I hit send anyway.

We were busy but I couldn't get my mind off Janet and those four days from hell. We finished up a day early and we spent all day Wednesday in the office catching up on paperwork. I didn't sleep a wink Wednesday night going over what I was going to say a thousand times changing it every tenth time. By Thursday night I didn't have a clue what I wanted to say. I figured I would just wing it.

We got a booth in the back and ordered right away so we could be alone. Janet came prepared; hell she had what she was going to say typed out, double-spaced. There was little small talk. We both knew why we were there. She asked if she could go first. I could see she was about ready to explode.

She made some valid points. She brought up her cheating husband, the fact that I'd cheated on Beth, that she had serious trust issues and that she had to look out for Tammy. The fact that she always heard women in the background every time she called made her a little suspicious. In the end, she just had to find out for herself if, given the opportunity, I would cheat again. She hoped that we could get passed this and that she felt we could have a future going forward.

I thought about what she'd said, and had all ready forgotten what I was going to say, about that time I wished I'd made a list like hers.

"Janet, you've made some good points especially about protecting your daughter. Your history, mine and what transpired are all valid arguments, but my first question is why didn't you just talk to me about your concerns? Did you think maybe I'd lie to you or just tell you what you wanted to hear? You see you're like my ex fiancée Beth in one way. Deep down you, like her, don't believe a person can change."

She started to say something but I stopped her.

"Please let me finish. My mom said herself that I had a wandering eye but that was a long time ago and I had grown up. The one thing I showed you but more myself, was that I had changed, and that I was stronger than I even thought myself. And you know what made me so strong? It was my feelings for you."

"Steve, we can get through this, you didn't cheat," Janet reminded me.

"This time. What happens six months from now, a year, five years down the road when you start to have doubts again? Who are you going to send then? You say you had trust issues and now I've got the very same issues. Every time I see a good looking girl smile at me or flirt with me, I'll wonder if it's one of your plants. If I see the same guy twice, I'll wonder if I'm being followed. Finally, I'll always wonder if you've bugged my hotel room, car or are looking at all my e-mails and text messages on my phone. You see, trust is a double-edged sword and it swings both ways. We're both cut and bleeding right now and our relationship is on life support."

"Steve, I know I went overboard but I'd been hurt before and didn't want to go through that ever again."

"Relationships are chancy at best, hell, fifty percent of the marriages end up in divorce but I put myself out there for you to look at, analize and supposedly to trust; I guess I was wrong. You killed what we had before I left that Wednesday morning and right now I don't see how we can ever get it back."

"Can't we try?" a remorseful Janet asked.

"I'm willing to try, I just don't want you to get your hopes up."

We talked and had a nice dinner. Neither one of us ate much and we did kiss goodnight, what there was of it. We e-mailed on and off and even went out two more times but what we had was just about dead.

"Son, I can't believe that you're breaking up with Janet over something so trivial? Can't you see that she was just making sure you were for real?" My mom tried to convince me to see Janet's point.

I guess no one was seeing it from my prospective. No matter, we were about done.

After work Thursday I decided to take Tim and his wife out to dinner as a kind of a thank you for all the hard work he'd done over the last two months. When we walked in, just after seven, I saw her but thankfully she didn't see me.

"Maybe we should go and find another place," Tim said looking at me for direction.

"And miss the show? Not on your life."

We ate and drank and I watched and learned. There was hand touching, suggestive laughing and even a few pecks on the lips. After dessert I told Tim I'd see him in the morning.

"Steve, please don't do anything stupid. Henry will have my ass if I let you get thrown in jail."

"Don't worry, I'm just going to say hello to an old friend," I walked over to their table.

"Good evening, Janet," I said taking her by surprise. "I see now that your job entails a lot more than just taking pictures like you told me." She started to say something but stopped mid-sentence. I guess truth and trust only swings one way in your book, too bad. Well, carry on, I wouldn't dream of interrupting someone when they're doing something they really enjoy." I heard Steve, wait, but I kept on walking out to my car.

I got one more e-mail from her trying to explain that she was only working and that she never slept with any of the men, but I never responded back.

Trust. I never knew one word could cause such pain and hurt in my life. But now when I meet someone I tell them up front what I expect and if they can't handle it oh well, there are a lot of fish in the sea as the saying goes.