A Mere Formality

"Don't do this, I'm begging you."

The woman's voice reached his ears faintly, even though she was crouching at his feet. He looked down at her with dispassionate eyes, watching the wind ruffle the loose ends of her black hair. She looked very pale, small, and frail in the darkness. Already like a corpse, so, really it was only a formality that he was performing.

"I have to. Don't you understand that by now?" His voice was husky, full of emotion, even though he tried his hardest to hide it. You can't hide love. "This is the best, for both of us, for everyone."

"No." Her lips barely parted enough for the word to escape. It wasn't really a plea for mercy, or a disagreement with his assumptions, it was simply an acknowledgement of the cruel nature of the world.

"It won't hurt."

"I know. It's just..."

"You're scared?"

"Yes."

The man sighed -- it was heavy and shook his whole body. "Do you want to know my secret?" He asked rhetorically, shifting the cold, black weight from hand to hand. "What I do on these dark nights, just before it happens...I look up and try to find a star. Doesn't matter which one; I look and look and look until I find it."

Her dark eyes were like pits, sunken into the pale folds of her face. She watched him intently.

"I've been doing this for a long time -- too goddamn long -- and that is the only thing that helps. It doesn't make it any easier; it just makes it so that I can cope. Keep the image of that star in your mind, in your heart, and you'll be able to cope.

"Let's go," she whispered, rising up from the ground, a pale ghost, shining luminously in the light of the moon.

The man followed her, treading a few paces behind, keeping his eyes focussed on the back of her head as they neared the fast-flowing Humber River. The ground here was wet and muddy, pools of water lurking in potholes all around them, left behind when the river had returned to its banks. As they continued to descend, drawing closer to the water's edge, cliffs began to rise up around them, their tops lined with leafy trees, blotting out the meagre light provided by the night sky.

Thick, heavy moisture filled the air, though it was not quite a fog, more like a mist.

"We're here," she said.

The man just looked at her -- staring into the space between her shoulder blades. Suddenly, his stomach leapt into his throat, and his blood ran cold. I can't do this, he thought. But he knew he would. Approaching her from behind, he raised his arm, putting the barrel of the S&W 915 into back of her neck, where spine met skull.

"Just a little more," he said apologetically, "I promise."

They walked until her toes were at the river's edge, and she was standing precariously on a damp rock. Both of them knew it was time.

"Can I say something first?"

"Go ahead," the man replied, taking in her pale nakedness.

She took in a breath, as if to begin a long speech, but let it out quickly, without saying a word. The second time she did this, she found words.

"I love you," she began, her voice catching in her throat. "I just wanted you to know that I love you, that I'll always love you."

"I know, really, I know --"

"—don't speak, let me finish." She cut him off abruptly. "You can tell yourself that this is for the best, that it's necessary even, but you know it's not true. I have to believe that you know it's not true. You're not like the others; you're kind, fair, and strong. You don't..."

The gun roared loudly in the close darkness of the valley, cutting off her voice. The last syllables she uttered were drowned out in the pistols echo. Something splashed loudly as it broke through the crystalline surface of the water, but even that was barely a ripple.

The water was hard, cold and loud, once more.

"I love you too," the man whispered.

He stood there, balancing on riverbank, watching the steady flow of water until the sun rose. He was satisfied that she was gone. Turning away from the bank, he headed back up the hill, back into warmer temperatures, and dry roads, and sunshine. He was nearly at the top of the ravine when he turned back and looked at the sky. There, still shining in what little darkness remained, was a star. The man stood and watched until the sun rose and the star was gone, before he left.

It looked to be a beautiful day.

A beautiful and empty day.