A Mole in the House Ch. 04

I broke the embrace and walked back towards the bedroom. I had already turned the bed down but instead of lying on the bed I stood away from it and waited. Joel joined me a moment later. Wordlessly we began buttoning our shirts.

I paused and leaned against the wall to watch Joel take his shirt off. I could finally see his full chest crowned with a thick covering of jet black hair. The hair narrowed, as my eyes moved down his body to a glorious trail leading downwards to the pronounced bulge in his pants. My cock was throbbing at this erotic sight. It wasn't often that I allowed my cock to guide me but at that very moment it was begging and screaming to be released.

I closed my eyes briefly, relishing this good looking, willing man that stood before me. When I opened them again reality slapped me firmly across the face and I simply shook my head. It didn't matter how turned on I was or how hard my cock was I couldn't do this.

All I could think about was Lawrence.

Even though I still had some lingering doubts I needed to be able to face Lawrence again and work out whatever these feelings were I had for him. I truly felt that during the four days we spent together we crossed over from lovers to something deeper.

I leaned my head back, letting it hit several times against the wall before I regained my resolve and looked at him again. "I am so sorry Joel...I thought I could do this...but I can't." He was silent for a long time as he tried to absorb what I had just said.

"I understand." He finally mouthed but I knew he didn't. Disappointment shadowed his face, starting at his eyes moving downwards to his mouth that sagged into a hearty pout. He picked up his shirt and quickly left the bedroom.

"Please...let me explain." I said following him.

"No...you don't need to. I know it's not me. I know there was a part of you that did want me. But there is someone that you want more."

I nodded. "It's very complicated. That's one of the reasons why I'm here trying to fathom it out." I paused. I felt like such a shit. "I really do enjoy your company."

"I know." He said smiling. "I should go." I didn't blame him for wanted to get out as quickly as he could. I wished I could have replayed the whole evening and stopped things before they started.

I walked him to the door and we stood awkwardly for a long moment. "I truly am sorry Joel. I really did think this evening was going to go differently." I said honestly.

"Don't worry about it. Maybe it's for the best anyway. You are the type of guy that I could really like...and I don't need that complication in my life. I hope things work out the way you want them to." He turned and walked away.