A Most Graceful Life Ch. 02

"Oh, sweetie," his mom answered, coming closer and wrapped her arms around her son. "I knew something was bothering you."

Stephen didn't reply, but just savored the feeling of a caring mother.

Finally, she pulled away and looked into his eyes, "You have to stop beating yourself up about this, sweetheart. It wasn't your fault. You did nothing wrong. Danny... Danny, "she struggled, trying to find the right words, "Danny made a bad call. Unfortunately, he had to pay for it."

Stephen felt that familiar feeling of tingle in the tip of his nose. The same feeling before he felt tears come along. It had been ever frequent lately. "I could have tried harder, Mom. I could have stopped them from getting in that car drunk and driving off."

His mom shook her head, tears falling over her own. After all, Danny had been her nephew as well, the son of her sister, Linda. "You can't blame yourself, Stephen. You tried your hardest, and you looked out for the best for your cousin. I wish circumstances didn't end up the way they did, but we can't change the past. I know it hurts now, but you have to move on."

He buried his face in his mother's shoulder, just to avoid being seen with more tears, "It's so hard though, Mom. He was my best friend. I just feel like I let him down. I feel like I let the whole family down, too. I can't even face Aunt Linda and not want to break down."

"Oh, Stephen, she knows it wasn't your fault, and you did everything you could-"

"But it wasn't enough, Mom. It wasn't enough," he ended finally, before the tears made his words incoherent. He just collapsed into his mother, who held him dearly, and waited for him to recover. She patted his back and consoled him the best way a mother knew how.

It must have been close to ten minutes before the tears stopped flowing so freely, and Stephen pulled away, using a napkin to wipe out the excess from his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mom," he said, pulling away and looking at her finally.

"Nothing to be sorry about, Stephen. It always amazes me how much and how deeply you care. Not just for friends and family. I think anyone in the world would be lucky to have a friend like you, sweetie," she replied, giving a quick kiss to his forehead.

He just gave a small smile, choosing not to respond.If I'm so great, then how come I don't have any friends, no girlfriend, and I'm just an overweight loser, he thought to himself.Not to mention, I'm twenty one years old and crying to my mother. But then again, she's the only family who would listen.

His thoughts gave him an idea, something that he just had to ask.

"Hey Mom?"

Theresa turned her attention back to the kitchen, putting a few dirty dishes into the washer, "Yes, hun?"

Stephen swallowed hard, and then bit the bullet, "Do you ever hear from Dad?"

Theresa stiffened almost instantly. He knew it was a painful subject, for all of them, but mostly for her, and he avoided bringing it up as often as he could. Sometimes, the pain was too great, and he just had to know.

Finally, she responded, "No, Stephen. I never do." Just like that, she went back to loading the dishwasher like nothing had happened.

Stephen could have guessed at her response, and almost regretted asking her. It had been about ten years since Jerry Willow had walked out on his wife and three small children. Mom had always thought it was for another woman, but no one really knew for sure. Since both of his grandparents were dead on his father's side, and his father's sister lived in South America, they never heard any updates about Jerry's whereabouts except from Jerry himself. Those updates were usually contained within a two week late birthday card with $20 inside. It was hard for Stephen to hate his father, but he could conjure up little other emotions at the way they were abandoned so casually by him.

After finishing up in the kitchen, his mother announced, "Well, I'm going to go to bed. Don't stay up too late, okay?"

"I won't, and I'll probably be right behind you," said Stephen, emphasizing the last bit with a yawn.

"Love you, Stephen. See you tomorrow," she said, before disappearing to her bedroom.

"Love you, too, Mom," he replied. He really did, for all the sacrifices his mother had made to keep their family intact and under one roof. He often wished that she would begin to date again, and look for someone to make her happy. If anyone deserved a little happiness, it was Theresa Willow.

Stephen finished his dinner, and after depositing his plate in the washer, he casually headed to his bedroom on the other side of the house. Thankfully, it was one area of the house where he had privacy, as he was rather separated from the rest of the family. Although, it was not like he needed it. No girls had ever been in the house, let alone his bedroom.

After undressed from his work clothes, he took a minute to look at himself in the mirror. The extra weight that he had carried around since the high school all seemed to pool together in his stomach and chest, which he hated the most. Some of the more particularly nasty kids had asked him what his bra size was before, as a way to really poke fun at his weight. He wanted to get slimmer, but had no idea where to start. There seemed to be so many conflicting results when he tried to research weight loss online. Don't eat carbs, or don't eat fats. Do only cardio, or just lift some weights, and ignore cardio. It got very overwhelming for someone who just wanted to lose a little weight and just needed a little guidance.

He would even be satisfied just going back to his early high school weight, when he was still playing baseball every spring. Back then, he was a lot leaner, and the regular practices had him in the best shape of his life. Yet since he graduated, the pounds had slowly crept on, until he became the fat guy he now saw in the mirror.

After putting on his sleeping clothes and sliding into bed, he got in a comfortable position and tried not to think about Danny again. He was largely successful, and thankfully, fell asleep with pictures of Abby Cutler in his head, and the thought of asking her out.Enough was enough, he decided before falling asleep.It was time to make a move on Abby!

Daylight came rather suddenly for Stephen, and he was thankful not to have another nightmare during his sleep. A quick glance at his clock told him that it was already mid morning. Usually on Sundays, he didn't work until 2 pm, so he would have some free time before heading back to Price Chopper. Although, despite the hours, he wasn't looking forward to tonight's shift. As was usual for Sundays, Ram Doyle would most likely be coming into the store tonight.

Groaning at the mere thought of his name, Stephen kicked a rogue sock halfway across the room. Ever since high school, Ram Doyle had been one of the biggest bullies in his class. Ram was around the same height as Stephen, but perhaps only around 180 lbs, yet he was pure muscle. He was one of the hockey jocks of their school, and being a star forward, had led the team to state championships during their senior year.

For all of this, Ram had everything a young man could possibly want: popularity, fame, friends, and girls. He received breaks on his grades, since no one could have their star forward not able to play because he was failing English. He frequently got to skip class early, under the guise of "practice" for the next big game. Not to mention, most of the girls in high school would have done just about anything to be seen with Ram. He always had his pick of women, and was almost never single for any length of time.

Sadly, all this popularity went to his head. While a pretty normal guy during middle school and in the early stages of high school, once he became the star of the team, and of the high school, his ego swelled to enormous levels. Ram started to enjoy teasing his fellow classmates and friends, and then started to become cruel to some of the more outcast type of kids, which of course, included Stephen.

He cringed remembering some of the pranks that were played on him during senior year. One time, he padlocked Stephen's locker, preventing him from being able to turn in Physics homework, nearly falling the course. Another time, when Stephen was chatting with Stephanie Carroll in the parking lot, Ram drove by and called him a fag and a loser right in front of her. He shut his eyes, cringing at the memory of being embarrassed in front of a pretty girl like Stephanie. His confidence was so shot, he couldn't even bear the thought of asking her out like he had intended.

It was only last week when Ram showed up at Price Chopper, he sent a shopping cart flying through the parking lot into Stephen's parked car, leaving a large dent and chipping the paint. To say the least, Stephen tried to avoid Ram Doyle like the plague.

Trying to shake the thoughts of Ram out of his head, he spent the next few hours before work shut in his room, writing up his latest chapter to the story he had been working on for the last few weeks. Writing was calming for him, and a way for him to escape the problems of this world. His latest work, a fantasy story that he had planned out for at least five books, was nearing completion of book one. It was a hope that one day he'd be able to publish his works, and perhaps become a well-known author. The idea never ceased to bring a smile to his face.

There was a knock on his door, pulling Stephen out of his head and back into reality. His brother, Chris, stuck his head in the door. "Hey, can we play your Xbox?" He asked, pointing to gaming console hooked up in the corner of Stephen's room.

Stephen looked at the clock, realizing he'd have to leave for work soon. "Yeah, that's fine. I'm leaving so-"

Before he even finished speaking, Chris was already pushing into the room, with Chase following right behind him. Having received their tentative permission, they paid their older brother no more mind, and fired up the console to play a shooting game.

Stephen took that as a cue to start getting ready to leave. After a quick change of his clothes, he was out the door about ten minutes later, arriving for his 2 pm shift just a little early. Miguel wasn't in yet, but there was someone else who was already working when he walked in.

"Hey Abby!" Stephen called, smiling as he rolled up to the customer service counter.

"Hey Stephen," she smiled in return, giving him a little wave.

"How's your day so far?"

"Much better than yesterday already! It was nuts yesterday. Even for a weekend, it was crazy," replied Abby, carefully categorizing loyalty card applications.

"Yeah, it definitely was," he replied. "I feel like I was chasing carts around the parking lot the entire shift yesterday!"

"Just crazy," she agreed. "Hey, did you hear about tonight? There's a party at Ram's house. Are you going?"

Stephen's smile dropped, "Party? Tonight? At Ram Doyle's?"

"Yeah, I heard about it on Friday from like five other people. You didn't hear at all?"

"No," Stephen shook his head.No surprise there though, he thought to himself.

"Oh, well, you should think about going," offered Abby, not looking up from her work.

Stephen flinched, "Nah, probably not. Ram and I don't really see eye to eye." Although, the truth of that matter is that he'd probably be ridiculed if he even bothered to show up by Ram and his friends.

"Well, at least I offered," Abby smiled, looking up from her work.

God, you're so pretty, Stephen thought, losing track of every coherent thought as she rewarded him with that smile.

"Stephen?"

"Oh, sorry!" Stephen snapped back to reality. "Just thinking is all."

Abby grinned, "You're such a goof ball."

She likes me, he thought to himself.We laugh together, we talk all the time, she invited me out to a party. She has to like me. Now, just ask her out.

"Umm, so, well.. here's the-," Stephen stammered, trying to find the right words. He didn't have much experience with asking girls out.

"Are you okay?" Abby asked. "Cat got your tongue?"

He gave an awkward laugh, trying to defuse the tension. Except, it only made it feel worse. He looked for a way to retreat from the subject.

"Eh, I should get started. Got a lot to do today," he said, feeling the internal regret as each successive word flowed out of his mouth.You giant pussy.

"Okay, well see you in a little bit then," she chirped, going back to her work.

Finding his feet rather heavy as he started to walk away, he resisted the urge to hang his head low. She just had to like him, by the way she treated him. Why was this so hard? Why couldn't he just saunter up to her, say something witty or funny, and then ask her out to the movies or something? Was it always this hard?

Stephen sulked to the back stockroom, and found out his assigned aisles for the night. After grabbing one of the dollys for his first aisle, he rolled it out on the floor and began to get to work. Luckily, it wasn't more than ten minutes before he heard a familiar voice.

"You know, I'm getting really tired of doing the canned vegetable aisles," stated Miguel, walking up through their aisle with a slight smirk on his face.

Stephen grinned, "As opposed to what? The baking goods aisle?"

"No, screw that aisle, too. I'm talking frozen foods. No better place to be during the hot summer months than in those coolers," said Miguel, pulling something from behind his back. "Plus, getting to eat the damaged popsicles." The thing in his hand turned out to be a popsicle from the back freezer, and he tossed it right into Stephen's hand.

"Popsicles, good score!" Stephen grinned, looking down at his flavor. Cherry. Perfect!

"Thought it would be a good way to start the shift," said Miguel, pulling the wrapper off.

"By raiding the freezer? Yeah, good call."

"Those are the only kind of calls I make," laughed Miguel, before switching gears. "By the way, your girlfriend is looking pretty hot today."

"My girlfriend?" Stephen asked with some confusion.

"Yeah, Abby!"

"Oh," remarked Stephen, shaking his head. "Yeah, she looks really great today. But she looks great most days, so that's not a surprise."

"I don't know how a girl looking like that is single."

"Maybe she's got a guy in mind, and she's just waiting for him," said Stephen, quietly, with wishful thinking. Maybe she was just waiting for him to find his confidence and ask her out.

"Girls like that aren't liable to wait long," replied Miguel, tearing open a pack of canned corn.

"Yeah, you are probably right," mused Stephen.

Miguel stopped what he was doing to look over. "Come on, man, how long are we going to ignore the elephant in the room. You totally dig her. Just go ask her out!"

"It's not that easy," Stephen replied, somewhat defensively. "I'm just trying to feel this one out. Wait for the right moment."

"Oh, moment, sch-moment! There's no such thing as a right moment. At some point, you just gotta find your balls and do it," said Miguel, in a way that made Stephen chuckle.

"I wish it was that easy."

"It is that easy. You're just making it more complicated than it needs to be."

Stephen sighed, "Perhaps you're right."

"I'm always right, you know that," chuckled Miguel, going back to that case of canned corn.

"I tried already this morning," Stephen admitted quietly, being entirely candid with his friend.

"You tried? What happened?"

"Nothing happened. I couldn't even get it out. I opened my mouth and no words came out," replied Stephen.

"You didn't have a plan for what you wanted to say, that's why you failed," said Miguel, sagely. "What do you want to say to her?"

"Honestly? That I think she's gorgeous, and I want to take her to the movies sometime," answered Stephen, rather nonchalant.

"See? That's brilliant. Just memorize that statement, and go over there and say it. That's all you need to do."

"You sure it sounds good? Like should I tinker with it? Maybe asks if she likes me or something?" Stephen asked.

"There you go again," Miguel shook his head. "You're overthinking it. Just march on up there, and deliver your line. The more you think about it, the more you'll talk yourself out of it."

"Okay. Well, maybe. Maybe I'll do it."

"No," said Miguel, putting down his now empty case. "You aren't leaving this store today without doing it."

Stephen began to laugh nervously, "Come on, Miguel, you know it's not that easy."

"It is that easy. Just stop making it a big deal. Think about it this way. Going back how long, your dad, your grandfather, your great-great-great-great-great grandfather, they all summoned up the courage to ask out a girl going back thousands of years. You really want to be the one that can't do it?"

Stephen took a minute to think about that, rather impressed with the logic. "Well, since you put it that way..."

"See? Exactly what I mean. You can't fail your lineage there," laughed Miguel. "Just think about your dad. What would your dad do? He'd march on over there and ask Abby out, no questions asked."

"Well I'm not sure what he'd do. He bailed on my family when I was ten," admitted Stephen.

Miguel cringed, "Okay, bummer. Bad topic, and forget I brought it up. But it doesn't change the sentiment. You have the balls to make this happen. Just believe in yourself."

"Believe in myself, got it," said Stephen, affirmatively.

"Just say your line, it's that simple."

"Say my line, it's that simple," he repeated.

"Now get up there. You can do it."

"I can do it," replied Stephen, confidently. All of a sudden, it didn't seem so daunting. He ran his line over in his head a few times, making sure he had it down exactly the way he wanted to ask it. It's now or never.

"Go get 'em tiger," said Miguel, steering him by the shoulders towards customer service.

Stephen marched on over like a man possessed. His line was still running through his head, in the exact wording he gave to Miguel earlier. Abby was just standing their at customer service, unoccupied. He could do this. He had to do this.

She looked up, just as he made it to the front counter. "Hey, what's up?"

Now or never.

"IthinkyouregorgeousandIwanttogotothemovies," Stephen blurted out in lightening fast speed.

"Wait, what?" She blinked, the smile dropping from her face. "I didn't catch like any of that."

"Uhhhh," Stephen panicked, trying to remember the order of the phrasing. It was easy to remember before he had Abby's stunning brown eyes on him.

"I just, um, wanted to say that I think. Well, I think you're really cute. I mean, pretty. Gorgeous even, really. And I want to know if you would, I mean, only if you want to, like go out sometime? Like the movies or something?" Stephen stammered out a choppy line, that sounded much better in his head than being spoken.

"Oh!" Abby said, hearing his full words, and wearing a look of surprise on her face. While the surprise was a good sign, it soon dropped to an awkward expression rather quickly.

"Well, thank you, I guess," she said finally, chewing on her lower lip, and not quite managing to look him in the eye.

"You're welcome, of course," replied Stephen, waiting on his reply.

"I guess, the truth is," started Abby, still fiddling with her lip, "I don't think that's a good idea."

Stephen's heart dropped, "Oh, okay. Why?"

She finally looked up to him, meeting his gaze. Where there had previously been some warmth and a hint of smile, was now cold steel, "I just don't think of you like that, Stephen. I mean, we're friends, that's all. That's all we are is friends."

"Oh," replied Stephen, crestfallen. His shoulders began to slump, hearing the sting of rejection.

"I'm sorry. I just don't want anything to change, like that, at all. Let's just stay friends," Abby offered, but with none of the sincerity of their earlier interactions.