All characters engaging in sexual activities are 18 years and older.
Please excuse any spelling and grammatical errors. I have searched for quite a long time and sent dozens if not 100+ emails out to the editors here and have never found one that actually edited anything I have sent them. So if you are an editor or know one that would lend me their expertise, please, by all means HELP!
................................................
Jason Sloan groaned as he held a hand gently to his sore ribs. "I'm so tired of this kind of crap." Mitchell Haggard and his fellow group of Jocks had beaten Jason again. Three of the jocks pressed him to the wall while Mitchell had repeated pummeled his ribs with his fists.
He continued to stumble trying to be sure that nobody would see him trying to make it back to his off campus apartment. Because of Mitchell's constant hazing, Jason had very few friends on campus.
This was the start of his third year at college and he had so strongly hoped that starting university would mean he would leave behind the stigma of being a nerd. In the beginning it had even looked as though it was working. However that all ended when Jason had convinced one of Mitchell's girlfriends to break up with the douche bag.
The girl, Quincey, had been Jason's best friend all through high school. She was the only popular person in his school that did not treat him like dirt. Maybe because their parents here best friends and neighbors and they had practically grown up together. Or simply because she had such a good heart.
Right as they both started their first semester Quincey attracted the attention of a third year jock by the name of Mitchell Haggard. Mitch was known for his hard partying ways. Mostly because his fraternity got away with almost murderously criminal behavior. His father was the Chief of Police for Ann Harbor and so he and his goons were protected for their horrendously poor behavior.
Jason was jealous of Mitch's relationship with Quincey, after all he had spent years pining over her. But that was not the reason he convinced her to break up with the douche. The fact that Mitch would constantly cheat on her was his reason. Jason knew down to his soul that Quincy deserved better.
Jason had to bring Quincey to the frat because he had heard Mitch bragging about yet another girl he was going to score with. Quincey refused to believe Jason about Mitches cheating ways. Even though they had only been together for a couple of months she trusted Mitch when he told her Jason was just misguided or jealous. But on that day Jason had tricked her into thinking Mitch had a surprise.
It had been heartbreaking when he had opened the door to Mitch having sex with the girl to show Quincey the truth. It had also caused him to have a mortal enemy in Mitch and his entire frat. And because mostly the entire campus was afraid of the frat because of Mitch's fathers connections.
That day Quincey stopped speaking to Jason. Blaming him for the pain she felt. Unbeknownst to Jason she had given her virginity to Mitchell just a few days earlier because she thought she was in love with him. That same day was the start of almost 3 years of attacks from Mitchell and his fraternity upon Jason.
This last beating had been amongst the worst. He was sure at least one of his ribs was broken. But he also knew from repeated experience that going to the police or even the campus police would get him no where. He would have tried to call somebody but one of Mitchell's goons had broken his phone.
Jason cut left and entered a large park, cutting trough would make his trip on foot shorter and he hoped he could get to his bed as soon as possible. Maybe laying down would relieve some of his pains. He was breathing extremely shallowly because of the pain in his ribs. He failed to realize that he was was hyperventilating himself and making himself dizzy. He stumbled off the path and tried to catch himself against huge oak tree.
The last sound Jason heard was the thump of his body hitting the ground at the base of the tree followed by his own moan of pain. Then the world went black and he remembered no more.
It could have been minutes or hours later that he began to wake. He heard the most curious sound. Like tree branches bending in the wind and logs splitting. He raised himself to his feet with the aid of the oak tree. Before he was fully standing he discovered what was making the wood splitting sound.
A long crack seemed to be opening in the tree. Probably fifteen feet long and getting longer as it spread up the length of the tree. It continued to spread length wise simply because it was getting wider. By the time Jason was lucid enough to begin questioning the bizarre circumstances of a tree splitting open on its own, something even more odd happened.
A glowing golden orb pushed itself out of the tree. The orb was roughly the size of a softball. The orb seemed to be clear like glass but with no shiny reflection, almost as though it was made of solid air instead of glass. Inside the orb there was a glowing and pulsing cloud of gold.
Jason reached up and pulled it from the whole in the tree. The orb began to flash as soon his hand came into contact with it. The flash came with his heart beat. Thump, thump. Flash, flash. Inside the cloud of swirling gold came the pulsing lighting flash along with Jason's pulse.
It was probably just moments but he felt as though he had been looking into the gold cloud for an eternity. The sound of people talking while they approached him from behind pulled him from his reverie. He quickly stuffed the orb into his backpack and hobbled back to the path and on his way home.
It was only a couple of blocks and the whole time he was wondering about what the hell the orb was. How did it come out of that tree? What was the cloud made out of? What made it swirl and glow? Why did it flash with his heart? He was so consumed with these questions that he did not even notice the excruciating pain in his torso and face.
As soon as the door closed behind him he pulled the orb from his backpack and began examining it. He turned on the lamp and sat on the couch under the cone of light. He rolled it all around and could not find any seam or mold points. He tried thumping it with his finger but it did not make any kind of expected sound. It reverberated as though it was solid steel.
Jason spent hours looking into the orb. Finally he leaned over and put his face into his hands. He quickly winced and sat up looking at his hands. He had opened one of the wounds on his face from his beating. There was blood on his hands. He grabbed the orb from his lap and went to place it on the coffee table.
Before it was out of his hands there was a tremendous clapping sound like the sound barrier being broken. His fingers sunk through the mass and the clouds burst forth to envelope his hand. Jason shook his hand but the cloud clung to him like glue and quickly made it's way up his arm.
He lost sight of it when it made it's way past his shoulder but quickly saw it again as it enveloped his face. He panicked when it covered his mouth and nose. The cloud disappeared into his mouth and nostrils. I wonder if it's poisonous, was his last conscious thought.
.................................................
This is just the prologue. The following chapters will be posted shortly.
Please Rate This Submission:
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
milldogtjm, benny52384 and 49 other people favorited this story!
- Recent
Comments - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
another author's thought
I have posted two stories on TTH a buffy the vampire slayer site, one after two chapters,I put on hold and started a much simple story, got it up to 5 chapters , have not published/finished the 6th due to illnesses and TWO break ins in my house.
I can very well understand how real life can interrupt writing. my suggestion is gont give up.more...
damn
wish you had stated that this was only the beginning of something you could not finish thought this was a short story not just a chapter
Agreed on the similarities
I like the start. It's rougher in format than Golden Wishes by Datagrowth. I find it's different enough that it can skirt plagiarism -- though not by much.
All that said, even though it's only been six months, the other storyline seems dead. I see this sometimes. Someone starts a profile, submits a story or three, then nothing, like they fell of the face of the Earth: there's little or nothing in their profile data, rarely anything in their bio section, and no favorites; and yes, if I like a writer's story, I check to see what THEY like and maybe find more gems. Again, it appears that Datagrowth posted the three short chapters and then nothing since June 2014. That's not a long time, but the other stories were posted within days of each other.
Also, most of the names of the guilty are at least slightly different, too. Matt for Mitchell, Sloan for Surge, in college for a few years and terrorized for that time, cop dad protecting bully, secretly pining for girl who deserves better (Dawn vs Quincey). Locations, are different, too -- Michigan for Florida -- though keeping the location as Ann Harbor has a sort of mystique. Kind of like North Haven vs Haven in Maine, if that means anything.
I did something similar to this many years ago and it was my first online fiction posting. The difference is that I contacted the writer about her unfinished tale -- at that time, two years had gone by -- and she generously agreed to let me finish the work. So I did, she liked what I wrote, posted it on her site and shared writing credit.
From what you wrote, you skipped that step.
The fiction here is free, but it is copyrighted. Celebrity fiction can get away with using characters from popular media. Recycling stories is a lot more dangerous. There are enough differences -- thus far -- to say this is inspired by but not a copy of the other tale. It's a fine line, though, and I recommend highly that you do your due diligence to avoid problems in the future. The genie is loose so to speak, so please! Continue on.
I'm not an editor but if you want a reader to do comments and proofread a little, drop me a message. I try to check my email every few days. Besides reading, writing my own stories, running two role playing games, heraldry and cartography projects, I am passably edu-ma-cated, but none of my degrees are in English. Since I've been laid off recently, I do seem to have a bit more time at the moment.
The proviso is that if I help you, you finish the tale. Like others, I hate getting into a potentially good series only to have it hang in empty space. Sometimes it can't be helped, as in the unfortunate recent passing of the talented Callicious. Most times it's just silence, which is incredibly frustrating.
Like you, I have struggled to find an editor and my own writing has suffered accordingly. It takes a special mindset to be able to edit your own work down to perfection. Asimov apparently did one rough draft and one final draft. I'm nowhere near that good. I don't promise to catch everything, but I will help as best I can. You should be able to link to my profile and send a message to me. We can go from there, or not, as you wish.
Parting advice: Ray Bradbury used to give seminars and he told about people who would come up to him and say, "I want to be a writer." He'd nod and tell them things like "great" or "that's nice" or something equally non-committal yet pleasant. Once, though, someone started out with, "I am a writer--" and he immediately responded with, "Yes!" Bradbury concluded his anecdote with this summary: belief is integral to success.
Keep at it. And luck to you.more...
There should be rules to prohibit this kind of posting
imho this is not even a prologue. Author Caveats are often longer and more detailed than the few words shown here.
Another rule should REQUIRE the Tags to at least reflect the text submitted.
.
Thank you for your comments.
disableddan: Thank you. I am horrible about this kind of thing. Grammatical and typo's are a constant with my work. That said, if this kind of thing is an irritant for any of you I would suggest you read no further. As I really have tried for awhile to find an editor. I don't wish to waste more time in the effort.
Redlion75: Hold your horses mate! :-) I promise the story is going somewhere.
Anon: Yes this story is based on The author's work of Golden Wishes. I made notes several months ago about the story when I saw the author was not continuing his/her work. Datagrowth, btw if you wish to look them up. And yes, I believe they did a much better job than I have. My notes at the time did not contain the authors name nor the name of the work it was based on. That was an oversite of mine, I apologize. I will be making a note of it when I resubmit the work. I must have remembered something of the work because my notes did not have the characters name. I started using "Jason" on my own, but I am guessing that was more a subconscious action.
The starting chapter is only about 15-20 complete. Then I have to do a first edit, then I will submit it. Probably about a week or so from now.
Thank you for reading my long AZZ post,
Sky.more...
Show more comments or
Read All 14 User Comments or
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!