A New and Delicate Balance Ch. 04

I wondered at that. Maybe from his point of view nothing much happened. Maybe to him this had all been just regular run of the mill entertainment. Fucking the best friend's lil wifey, playing a round of golf...tennis, anyone?

It strangely set me at peace. It gave an unreal feeling to the whole thing. It seemed to move what happened to a different plane, another world altogether. A safe, far away world.

It was there and then that Phil taught me how to deal with betrayal. He taught me the art of double-cheat. How to first betray and then cover it with the lie of denial. It had happened and yet it had not. Open sesame!

My dream was born.

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That night we made love. Well, that is to say: Eric made love. Or at least he tried to. I just fucked him.

It is hard to explain the difference. But I felt it at once and it broke my heart. For I knew it was a good-bye forever. I learned that Phil's "solution" had its price. The shield worked admirably. It was like a transparent latex membrane. All was there to see, I even could touch it. But I was removed. My essence wasn't there.

The sex was great. He made me come over and over. I even had to check my body not to betray this sudden expressive lust. It tended to make me impatient with his loving care. I wanted him to fuck me hard, to punish me, to hurt me.

He must have noticed. He did not say.

When I lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling, I choked on my tears. I knew how now, Phil had taught me. I had found the perfect hiding place for my cheating. I had found a way to live with it.

I might never cheat again. But I knew now that I could. Phil had shown me that I was a slut at heart. He had also shown me that I could hide it. There was just a price to pay.

That price lay beside me, snoring innocently.

Four weeks later the little test thingy told me I was pregnant.