A New and Delicate Balance

I stared.

"You never would? Darling, if you persist in feeding me bullshit, let's stop this here and now. You never BUT lied to me. As far as I know our whole marriage was one big lie!"

My voice had risen, even when I did not want it to. People turned and looked. I slumped back in my chair.

Elaine's lips trembled now. She was close to tears.

"Honey," she whispered. "I may never have told you what I did. And I may have told white lies about where I was or wasn't. But I have always loved you and still do. I have always taken all the care in the world not to hurt you with what I did. I never betrayed our love."

Once more I marvelled at her logic.

"I just wonder, darling, what you mean with that pretty word. Love. You seem to have it parked somewhere inside you, out of harms way."

I guess I confused her.

"You should not mock me, Eric. My love for you is real."

I sighed and threw my hands up.

"Goddammit, Elaine! Who are you? How on earth can you say that and not feel sorry that you are fucking that same love all over? Not once, but on and on. You don't even understand that it hurts and betrays and kills all the love I ever had for you!"

She winced. Her eyes widened.

"No, Eric! No! I love you, I always will. Only you. You must love me. It was nothing! Can't you see that? Look at me. I am a wreck. I could not sleep or eat or work all week. I miss you, honey. I feel so very aloooone..."

Her voice broke and the last word dragged until it was a mere whisper. She looked utterly defeated. But I only saw her painted toenails dangling over a man's shoulders. I only heard her obscene words while her body arched.

I stood.

"Sorry, Elaine. You killed that love. There is nothing left. I guess we should find new ways to survive."

The horror on her face was genuine. She rose too. She took two steps in my direction, but I avoided her on my way out.