================ XML ==================== <?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?> <page><head><title>A New World Record - Humor &amp; Satire - Literotica.com</title><description>Just what was the record they were setting?</description><keywords>A New World Record, Tx Tall Tales, nude day, guinness, trickery, human chair, world records, naked</keywords></head><body><pageurl escaped="http%3A%2F%2Fwww.literotica.com%2Fstories%2Fshowstory.php%3Furl%3Da-new-world-record">http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?url=a-new-world-record</pageurl><languages><language name="en" current="1" flag="images/flags/gb.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/gb.png" status="1" link="//www.literotica.com/stories/">English</language><language name="es" current="0" flag="images/flags/es.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/es.png" status="1" link="//spanish.literotica.com/stories/">Spanish</language><language name="de" current="0" flag="images/flags/de.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/de.png" status="1" link="//german.literotica.com/stories/">German</language><language name="fr" current="0" flag="images/flags/fr.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/fr.png" status="1" link="//french.literotica.com/stories/">French</language><language name="nl" current="0" flag="images/flags/nl.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/nl.png" status="1" link="//dutch.literotica.com/stories/">Dutch</language><language name="it" current="0" flag="images/flags/it.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/it.png" status="1" link="//italian.literotica.com/stories/">Italian</language><language name="ro" current="0" flag="images/flags/ro.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/ro.png" status="1" link="//romanian.literotica.com/stories/">Romanian</language><language name="pt" current="0" flag="images/flags/pt.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/pt.png" status="1" link="//portuguese.literotica.com/stories/">Portuguese</language><language name="ot" current="0" flag="images/flags/ot.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/gb.png" status="1" link="//other.literotica.com/stories/">Other</language></languages><current-category id="34" sdesc="HS" type="story" cat-url="https://www.literotica.com/c/adult-humor" cat-index-url="https://www.literotica.com/c/adult-humor/1-page" cat-top-url="https://www.literotica.com/c/adult-humor/top" cat-tags-url="https://www.literotica.com/c/adult-humor/tags" cat-comms-url="https://www.literotica.com/c/adult-humor/comments" top-cat-url="https://www.literotica.com/top/Humor-Satire-34" series-cat-url="https://www.literotica.com/series/Humor-Satire-34"><name>Humor &amp; Satire</name><description/></current-category><banners><banner position="top">&lt;div class=&quot;block_id-c3RvcnlwYWdlMzQtdG9wfDEzMHx0b3A=&quot;&gt;&lt;!-- Couples Cams --&gt; &lt;a href=&quot;http://vipcams.literotica.com/webcam/couples-webcams&quot; style=&quot;display: block; text-align: center; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 110%;&quot;&gt; &lt;img src=&quot;/images/banners/cams500x120_couples.jpg&quot; width=&quot;500&quot; height=&quot;120&quot; border=&quot;1&quot; alt=&quot;Live Sex Cams&quot; /&gt; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Live Sex - Watch Now!&lt;br /&gt; &lt;span style=&quot;font-size: 75%;&quot;&gt;Horny couples perform for you at Literotica Cams! 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It is in no way sanctioned by Guinness World Records.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; ===================================&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Ross King, Shock Jock Extraordinaire, nodded to Kimberly and Dean, as they continued distributing the outfits. The steady stream of participants passed under the banner, proclaiming the Guinness attempt for the largest &quot;Human Chair&quot;.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The old record of 1311 was going to be eclipsed. This was the third practice, and virtually every adult in the entire town had turned out for the event.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Not content to simply set a single record, they were going for multiples. Each person who wanted to participate was given an official uniform, and directed to the massive changing tents, where the men and women exchanged their travel wear for the official shirt and briefs. From there, they marched single file into the gated corral, to ensure the number of participants were accounted for, and there would be no interference.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Groups were standing around practicing, lining up front to back, only inches apart, and sitting on the lap of the person behind them on a count of three. It was very rare that any group would collapse. The practice rounds had been successful.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Ross checked the weather again. Timing was everything. The front was advancing rapidly and they were rushing the last participants through the changing area. The Guinness judges were counting out the members onto the field. The simple white tops and shorts, with black lettering proclaiming the town's name, was meant to generate badly needed publicity.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The chalk lines had already been painted on the ground. Ten tightly packed concentric spirals ended in a single chair. At the sound of the horn, the entire line would sit backward, going from standing to the 'human chair' in one second flat.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The coaches worked rapidly, lining up each group, ordering them male / female. The Guinness judge walked the circle, rapidly counting out the number of participants in each loop. There was excitement in the air, laughter, anticipation. There was little doubt they'd own at least two new Guinness records within the hour.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; As each loop was completed, the next one lined up less than a foot outside the internal one, a densely packed grouping, looking like human dominoes.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Kimberly stood next to Ross, watching the proceedings nervously. &quot;There gonna run you out of town,&quot; she said. &quot;It's not too late to stop it.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Ross laughed. He was going to be a legend. He'd parlay this day into a major multimedia career.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;They're going to run all of us out of town. I hope the car's gassed up,&quot; Dean whined.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Stop sniveling. You knew how this was going to pan out. It's done. Look they're on the last loop. We'll get an official count any moment now, and not a minute too soon. Go man your cameras.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; His assistants gazed nervously at the approaching squall line. They were running out of time. They hurried over to their stations and trained their video cameras on the massive group below.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Ross and the Guinness Records judge, standing on the raised platform, confirmed the raised flags. Everyone was ready.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;How many?&quot; Ross asked. Just from the number of outfits distributed he knew it had to be close to 5000.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Four thousand, nine hundred and twenty two,&quot; the judge confirmed.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Ross stood up to the microphone. &quot;Citizens of Sanford! ARE YOU READY!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;READY!&quot; 5000 voices screamed out.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;On the first siren everyone will SIT and remained seated on the lap behind you for one minute. That will give us a new GUINNESS WORLD RECORD, more than tripling the previous record!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The crowd cheered excitedly.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;The second siren will announce the completion of the record. NOBODY MOVE!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Another cheer.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;We will hold the position for FIVE FULL MINUTES. A BRAND NEW GUINNESS WORLD RECORD!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The screams and cheers were if anything even louder. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Ross grinned. &quot;We've got a storm approaching but we're not going to let a little thing like water bother us are we!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;NOOOO!&quot; screamed the masses.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;On the third Siren, everyone will stand and turn 180 degrees. The fourth Siren will sound, and you will SIT AGAIN. THE LONGEST HUMAN CHAIR REVERSAL, AND A THIRD GUINNESS RECORD!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Screams and cheers continued emanating from the crowd.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;ONE MORE MINUTE, THAT'S ALL IT WILL TAKE. THE FIFTH AND FINAL SIREN WILL GO OFF AFTER ONE MORE MINUTE, AND ALL THREE WORLD RECORDS WILL BE OURS!&quot; Ross screamed out into the microphone.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The response was almost deafening.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Once more. Sanford, ARE YOU READY!&quot; He'd dragged it out as long as he could. He could see the sheet of rain, only a few hundred yards away, the first stray drops already landing. Perfect.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;READY!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;On the count of three, ONE... TWO... THREE!&quot; The Siren blasted out a single shriek, and nearly 5,000 people sat. It was beautiful.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; There was no wavering, an eerie silence feel over the field. The Guinness judge kept glancing back and forth from his watch to the crowd, as the first serious rain started falling.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;HOLD ON!&quot; Ross announced into the microphone. &quot;It's just a little rain, hold steady, almost there.&quot; The big clock showed 50 seconds, but only the judges chronometer was official. The judge turned to Ross and nodded smiling.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Ross hit the siren, and 5000 voices screamed in joy. &quot;A NEW WORLD RECORD! HOLD ON NOW, HERE'S THE HARD PART, FIVE MINUTES.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The rain had officially become a downpour, and Ross was giggling. Once the water hit, it would only be a few seconds before the real record would be set.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; He laughed as he saw the people at the leading edge of the spiral start grasping at their shirts. The water soluble fabric was dissolving, and would be gone in moments. Nothing would be left. Nothing.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;STEADY!&quot; He shouted into the microphone. &quot;HOLD YOUR POSITIONS! DON'T MESS IT UP. DO IT FOR SANFORD!&quot; He chuckled, wondering how long it would be before they broke. He had to keep them together, just a little longer. &quot;THREE MINUTES, MORE THAN HALF WAY THERE. STEADY NOW. IGNORE THE RAIN!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Ross looked over at his assistants, perched on the corners of the corral, capturing everything. He was amazed, no way they could stick it out. Someone, one of them had to break. Impossible that 5000 people could handle having their clothing washed off of them. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; He glanced up at the clock. Only 30 seconds left, unofficially. &quot;THIRTY SECONDS!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; It couldn't be... laughter? Cheering? He looked over at the judge who was smiling. He lifted his hand. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Ross almost forgot to hit the siren. He slapped the button, and 5000 people stood simultaneously, holding each other's shoulders. This was the hard part. Never done before. In only a couple of seconds, like reverse dominoes, the entire spiral of humanity was standing. Standing and screaming.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;A SECOND WORLD RECORD. Everyone, turn around TO YOUR LEFT.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Like a choreographed dance, the 5000 naked men and women turned in place, any last remnants of their temporary clothing dissolved and gone. They were laughing and cheering! This wasn't supposed to be happening. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;On the count of three, SIT!&quot; Ross called out. &quot;ONE... TWO... THREE&quot; He hit the siren and the group sat in reverse.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;ONE MINUTE TO GO FOR YOUR THIRD RECORD!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; He looked up at the judge who was studying the formation, and nodded.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Ross was distraught. This was going to ruin everything! There was no humor in this! He grabbed the intern standing in the corner. &quot;Go into the corral. When I hit the siren, you need to pull the chair out from under the guy in the middle.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;But...&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;JUST DO IT!&quot; Ross screamed at the college junior. The frightened guy ran down the steps, through the torrential rain and into the corral. The judge was already lifting his hand. One minute was up, but it was too soon. The kid was almost there. Almost...&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The judge was waving his hand, glaring at Ross. Ross hit the siren, and smiled as the naive kid yanked out the chair starting a chain reaction of everyone falling backward onto the person behind them. 5000 naked people rolling on top of each other. Hilarious.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Ross turned to the judge. &quot;Would you like to inspect their clothing?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The judge laughed. &quot;No need. The sample is gone. From here it is quite obvious, there's not a stitch of clothing among them. It's official. You have the record.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Ross watched the rolling tumbling squirming mass of naked flesh, and felt oddly proud of this community. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;PEOPLE OF SANFORD. CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE SET A FOURTH GUINNESS RECORD. LARGEST NUDE DAY GATHERING. FOUR THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THREE NAKED PEOPLE. A NEW WORLD RECORD!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Actually, Four thousand, nine hundred and twenty-two,&quot; the judge corrected him. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Ross laughed, stripping off his shirt and shorts. &quot;Twenty-three, unless you'd like to join us and make it twenty-four.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The staid judge, standing in his requisite suit and tie uniform grinned. He pulled his tie loose, kicking off his shoes at the same time. He was down to his boxers when he saw Ross King, record organizer and AM personality dive into the squirming mass of laughing bodies.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The judge leaned over the microphone. &quot;Four thousand, nine hundred and twenty four. Congratulations Sanford, on a &lt;i&gt;New Guinness World Record.&lt;/i&gt;&quot; Jogging into the ring, he sought out those improbably large breasts he'd been observing only moments before.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; He'd always wanted to participate, even if unofficially. If ever there was a record worth joining in on, this would seem to be the one.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; ===========&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &lt;i&gt;Just a short break from the serious writing. Nothing serious. Hope you enjoyed it.&lt;/i&gt; </text><pager paramname="page" current-page="1" action="https://www.literotica.com/s/a-new-world-record"><text>1 Pages</text><page page="1" current="1"><link>https://www.literotica.com/s/a-new-world-record</link><text>1</text><title>A New World Record - Humor &amp; Satire</title></page><options><option page="1" current="1"><link>https://www.literotica.com/s/a-new-world-record</link><text>1</text></option></options></pager></story><author id="34158" allowfeedback="1"><name>Tx Tall Tales</name></author><story-stats comments="4" views="34152" favs="5"/><recent-comments><comments count="0" total="4" story="691932" page="1" pagehint="1"/></recent-comments><relatedstories id="691932"><story id="483856" url="https://www.literotica.com/s/almost-caught-8" category_id="15" rating="90" writers-pick="0" is-new="0" contest-winner="0" hot="1" rate="4.75" author="34158" author-username="Tx Tall Tales" order-number="1" comment-cnt="45"><name>Almost 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name="hint"/></xsl:call-template><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="$page"/><xsl:text> - </xsl:text></xsl:if><xsl:value-of select="."/></title></xsl:template> <xsl:template match="/page/head/description"> <meta name="description"><xsl:attribute name="content"><xsl:if test="$page &gt; 1"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Page</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="$page"/><xsl:text> - </xsl:text></xsl:if><xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:attribute></meta> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="/page/head/keywords"> <meta name="keywords"><xsl:attribute name="content"><xsl:value-of select="."/> <xsl:if test="$page &gt; 1"><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Page</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="$page"/></xsl:if></xsl:attribute></meta> </xsl:template> <!-- edit "page-version" variable in include/headers.xsl --> <xsl:template name="additional-headers"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$sys-combiner = &quot;short&quot;"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/page-isubmission-pages/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css"/> <style type="text/css"> div#b-bottom{ background: white; width: 547px; margin: 0 0 0 0; } div#b-top{ background: white; width: 547px; } @media only screen and (max-device-width: 640px) { .btoprel div#w.top-b{position: static;padding-top: 286px;} .btoprel div#b-top{position: static;} div.newbr{position: absolute;width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box;top:0;} } </style> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/page-isubmission/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/page-submission-pages/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/page-submission/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/common_story_webtv/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css" media="tv"/> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if lte IE 6]>]]> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/addtofavs_ie6_v15/voting_ie6/relatedstories_ie6/series_ie6/reccomments_ie6/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if> &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie6/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; <![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 7]>]]> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie7/addtofavs_ie7_v15/voting_ie7/series_ie7/reccomments_ie7/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if> &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie7/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; <![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 8]>]]> &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie8/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; <![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-isubmission-pages/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-isubmission/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> </xsl:if> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-submission-pages/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-submission/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <xsl:if test="/page/body/story/@category = 27"> <link media="only screen and (max-device-width: 480px)" href="/cssv2/i-phone.css" type="text/css" rel="stylesheet"/> </xsl:if> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-print/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css" media="print"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <!-- please, update short version above --> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/cmn.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/common_story_v15.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/b-pager.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/common_story_webtv.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="tv"/> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/addtofavs_v15.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/voting.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/b-s-story-list.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/reccomments.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if lte IE 6]>]]><xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/addtofavs_ie6_v15.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/voting_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/relatedstories_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/series_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<!-- &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/sharethis_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version" />" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; -->&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/reccomments_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if>&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 7]>]]><xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/addtofavs_ie7_v15.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/voting_ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/series_ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<!-- &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/sharethis_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version" />" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; -->&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/reccomments_ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if>&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 8]>]]>&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-ie8.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery-1.4.2.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/cmn.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery.tools.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery.scrollTo-min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery.cookie.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/autoresize.jquery.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/user.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/rltr.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/rltr/classes/footer.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/rltr/invoc/footer.js?{$page-version}"/> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/addtofavs-jq_v15.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/votes-jq.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/reccomments-jq.js?{$page-version}"/> </xsl:if> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/b-pager.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/report.js?{$page-version}"/> <xsl:if test="/page/body/story/@category = 27"> <link media="only screen and (max-device-width: 480px)" href="/cssv2/i-phone.css" type="text/css" rel="stylesheet"/> </xsl:if> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-print.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="print"/> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <link media="screen" rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/colorbox.css?{$page-version}"/> <script src="/jsv2/jquery.colorbox.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script src="/jsv2/story-colorbox.js?{$page-version}"/> </xsl:if> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="/page/body"> <body class="t-storypage font-set-1 c{current-category/@id} btoprel"> <xsl:call-template name="emergency-underbody"/> <div id="fb-root"/> <div id="w" class="top-b"> <!-- ***************** Top Ad - Start ****************** --> <div class="big_link" id="b-top" style="width:100% !important;"> <ins data-revive-zoneid="40" data-revive-id="8ae265101a05bd53e45d50e5004a0297"/> </div> <!-- ***************** Top Ad - End ****************** --> <div id="root" class="ss2 story-{story/@id}"> <div class="b-sidebar"> <!-- <xsl:call-template name="rltr-common-sidebar" /> --> <xsl:if test="1 = 0"> <!-- disabled --> <div class="b-box b-user"> <div class="b-box-header"> <div class="b-user-avatar"> <a href="#"><img height="35" width="35" src="/imagesv2/avatar-mini-2.png"><xsl:attribute name="alt"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Anonymous user</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></xsl:attribute></img></a> </div> <!-- <b></b> is IE7 hack element --> <div class="b-user-name"><a href="#"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Anonymous user</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a><b/></div> </div><!-- b-box-header --> <div class="b-box-body"> <p class="b-message-anonimous"> <small>Submit Your Story Now For <span style="color: red;">Free</span>:</small><br/> <a class="loginlink" href="/members/main.php">Login</a><span style="color: gray;"> or </span><a class="signuplink" href="/stories/signup.php">Sign Up</a> </p> <br/> <p> <a href="#">Edit Profile</a><xsl:text> </xsl:text><a class="logout-link" href="#">Logout</a> </p> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-user --> </xsl:if> </div> <xsl:call-template name="header-logo"/> <div id="main" class="story"> <div id="content"> <div class="b-breadcrumbs"> <span class="ico"><a href="{$site-root}/index.php"><img src="/imagesv2/icons/i-home.gif" alt="tag"/></a></span> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="splited-index-special-h1"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;story&quot;"> <a href="/s/"><xsl:value-of select="splited-index-special-h1"/></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;poem&quot;"> <a href="/p/"><xsl:value-of select="splited-index-special-h1"/></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <a href="/i/"><xsl:value-of select="splited-index-special-h1"/></a> </xsl:when> </xsl:choose> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <a href="{current-category/@cat-url}"><xsl:value-of select="current-category/name"/></a> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page &gt; 1"> <a href="{story/@url}"><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/name"/></a> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Page</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:value-of select="$page"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/name"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </div> <div class="b-story-header"> <h1><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/name"/></h1> <!-- "-y", "x-r15" and span with comment added to kill Android App --> by<span class="b-story-user-y x-r22"><span><xsl:comment> ! </xsl:comment></span><a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={story/@author}&amp;page=submissions"><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="author/name"/></a></span><span class="b-story-copy">©</span> </div> <!-- "-x", "x-r15" and div added to kill Android App --> <div class="b-story-body-x x-r15"><div> <p><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/text"/></p> </div></div> <!-- **************** pager ***************** --> <div class="b-story-stats-block"> <!--<xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages">--> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <p class="b-report-problem"><a class="b-report-problem-story" href="{$site-root}/report_story.php?id={story/@id}" rel="nofollow">Report Story</a></p> </xsl:if> <!--</xsl:if>--> <!-- "-y", "x-r50" and span with comment added to kill Android App --> by<span class="b-story-user-y x-r50"><span><xsl:comment> ! </xsl:comment></span><a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={story/@author}&amp;page=submissions"><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="author/name"/></a></span><span class="b-story-copy">©</span><xsl:text> </xsl:text> <xsl:apply-templates select="story-stats"/> </div> <div class="b-sidebar"> <!-- ******************* share ******************** --> <xsl:call-template name="share-love"/> <!-- ******************* related stories ******************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <!--<xsl:call-template name="format1"/>--> <xsl:apply-templates select="relatedstories"/> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* series stories ******************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:apply-templates select="seriesstories"/> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* tags ******************** --> <xsl:if test="tags"> <xsl:apply-templates select="tags"/> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* bug report ******************** --> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Report a Bug</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <a href="/stories/quest/bugs.php?id=3&amp;url={story/@url4url}"><strong>Submit bug report</strong></a> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:if> </div><!-- b-sidebar --> <div id="sbar-l-wrp"> <xsl:if test="story/pager"> <xsl:apply-templates select="story/pager"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="$preview = &quot;preview&quot;"> <div id="preview-back"> <p>If you want to make changes or to publish story click "<strong>Go Back to Edit or Publish</strong>" button.</p> <form method="post"> <input type="hidden" name="return" value="{$preview-backurl}"/> <input type="hidden" name="storyid" value="{story/@id}"/> <input type="hidden" name="dummy"/> <input type="submit" class="i-button" name="edit" value="Go Back to Edit or Publish"/> </form> </div> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* vote ******************** --> <xsl:if test="story[@allow_vote = 1] and $page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <xsl:call-template name="vote"/> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> <!-- ***************** Add to favs buttons ****************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <div class="b-favorites c"> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;story&quot;"> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button author" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type=member&amp;id={story/@author}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Author <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add author to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button story" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type={$type}&amp;id={story/@id}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Story <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add story to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <p class="b-favorites-users"> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &lt; 1"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart-grey.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 0"><a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]"/></a></xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 1">, <a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]"/></a> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 2"> and <span class="b-favorites-others"><xsl:attribute name="title"><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[3]"/><xsl:for-each select="favoritedusers/user"><xsl:if test="position() &gt; 3">, <xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:if></xsl:for-each></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/@morecount"/> other people</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0">favorited this story!</xsl:if>  </p> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;poem&quot;"> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button author" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type=member&amp;id={story/@author}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Author <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add author to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button story" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type={$type}&amp;id={story/@id}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Poem <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add story to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <p class="b-favorites-users"> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &lt; 1"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart-grey.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 0"><a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]"/></a></xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 1">, <a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]"/></a> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 2"> and <span class="b-favorites-others"><xsl:attribute name="title"><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[3]"/><xsl:for-each select="favoritedusers/user"><xsl:if test="position() &gt; 3">, <xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:if></xsl:for-each></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/@morecount"/> other people</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0">favorited this poem!</xsl:if>  </p> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button author" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type=member&amp;id={story/@author}"> Favorite Author <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add author to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button story" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type={$type}&amp;id={story/@id}"> Favorite Illustrations <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add story to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <p class="b-favorites-users"> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &lt; 1"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart-grey.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 0"><a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]"/></a></xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 1">, <a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]"/></a> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 2"> and <span class="b-favorites-others"><xsl:attribute name="title"><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[3]"/><xsl:for-each select="favoritedusers/user"><xsl:if test="position() &gt; 3">, <xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:if></xsl:for-each></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/@morecount"/> other people</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0">favorited this illustration!</xsl:if>  </p> </xsl:if> </div> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> <!-- ***************** comments ****************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <xsl:if test="(author/@allowfeedback = 1) or (story/@enable_comments = 1)"> <div id="tabs" class="b-tabs"> <dl> <xsl:if test="story/@enable_comments = 1"> <dt class="selected"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Recent Comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></dt> <dd class="selected"> <div class="dd"><div class="b-tabs-content"> <xsl:apply-templates select="recent-comments/comments"/> </div></div> </dd> <xsl:call-template name="tabs-comment-form"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="author/@allowfeedback = 1"> <xsl:call-template name="tabs-feedback-form"/> </xsl:if> </dl> </div><!-- b-tabs --> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> </div><!-- #sbar-l-wrp --> </div><!-- #content --> </div><!-- #main --> </div><!-- #root --> <!-- ***************** Bottom Ad - Start ****************** --> <div class="big_link" id="b-bottom"> <div class="r1banner" data-zone-name="zone18" data-zone-id="18"/> </div> <!-- ***************** Bottom Ad - End ****************** --> </div><!-- #w --> <div id="b-footer"> <div class="r1banner" data-zone-name="zone42" data-zone-id="42"/> <xsl:call-template name="tags-footer"> <xsl:with-param name="mode"><xsl:if test="$type = &quot;story&quot;">stories</xsl:if><xsl:if test="$type = &quot;poems&quot;">poem</xsl:if></xsl:with-param> </xsl:call-template> </div><!-- #b-footer --> <xsl:call-template name="iphone-message"/> <xsl:call-template name="rltr-login-in-div"/> <script async="async" src="//poetry.literotica.com/www/delivery/asyncjs.php"/> <xsl:call-template name="r1-banner-init"/> </body> </xsl:template> <!-- **************** vote template ****************** --> <xsl:template name="vote"> <xsl:comment> // VOTING MODULE </xsl:comment> <div id="voting"> <form action="{$site-root-dynamic}/vote.php" method="post" id="voteform"> <div> <input type="hidden" name="storyid" value="{story/@id}"/> <input type="hidden" name="page" value="{$page}"/> <input type="hidden" name="pagehint" value="{$page}"/> <p id="votemsg"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">showstory-please-rate</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>:</p> <fieldset id="votefset"> <label for="v1">1</label> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="1" id="v1"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="2" id="v2"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="3" id="v3"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="4" id="v4"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="5" id="v5"/> <label for="v5">5 <span>(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">best</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint">best mark</xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</span></label> </fieldset> <input type="submit" name="Submit" id="submitbut"> <xsl:attribute name="value"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Submit Vote</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></xsl:attribute> </input> </div> </form> <div id="votingform"><p id="v_caption">Please Rate This Submission:</p><ul id="v_list"><li><strong id="lv1" title="I Hated It!">1</strong></li><li><strong id="lv2" title="I Didn't Like It Much.">2</strong></li><li><strong id="lv3" title="Liked It - Keep On Writing.">3</strong></li><li><strong id="lv4" title="Really Liked It - Good Read!">4</strong></li><li><strong id="lv5" title="Loved It - One Of The Best!!">5</strong></li></ul><div id="loading"><img src="/imagesv2/voting/animation.gif" width="13" height="13" alt="Please wait"/></div></div> </div> <script type="text/javascript"> <xsl:comment> loadForm(<xsl:value-of select="story/@id"/>,<xsl:value-of select="$page"/>,<xsl:value-of select="$page"/>); //</xsl:comment> </script> <xsl:comment> // END OF VOTING MODULE </xsl:comment> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** tags template ******************* --> <xsl:template match="tags"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"> <h3>Tags For This Story<!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Story Tags For This Submission:</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint">story-page-bottom</xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>--></h3> </div> <div class="b-box-body"> <div class="b-s-story-tag-list"> <ul> <xsl:for-each select="tag"> <li><a href="{$site-root-tagsportal}/{name-encoded}"><xsl:value-of select="name"/></a><xsl:if test="position() &lt; last()"> – </xsl:if></li> </xsl:for-each> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** related template ******************* --> <xsl:template match="relatedstories"> <xsl:if test="story"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Similar stories</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <!-- "rt-65" added to kill Android App --> <div class="b-s-story-list rt-65"> <ul> <xsl:for-each select="story"> <li> <h4><a href="{@url}" class="b-s-story-list-link"><xsl:value-of select="name" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></a></h4> by <a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={@author}&amp;page=submissions" class="b-s-story-list-user"><xsl:value-of select="@author-username"/></a> <xsl:if test="@rate != &quot;x.xx&quot;">  <span class="b-s-story-rating"> <xsl:value-of select="@rate"/></span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="@comment-cnt &gt; 0">  <span class="b-s-story-comment"> <xsl:value-of select="@comment-cnt"/></span> </xsl:if> </li> </xsl:for-each> </ul> </div><!-- b-s-story-list --> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:if> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** series template ******************* --> <xsl:template match="seriesstories"> <script type="text/javascript"> <xsl:comment> var series_page_count = <xsl:value-of select="@pages"/>; // </xsl:comment> </script> <div id="b-series" class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Also in this series</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <!-- "t-4ut" and div with comment added to kill Android App --> <div class="b-s-story-list t-4ut"><div><xsl:comment> // </xsl:comment></div> <xsl:apply-templates select="seriesstories-page"/> <!--<div class="b-pager">--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-prev"></span>--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-next"></span>--> <!-- <div class="b-pager-pages">--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-page">1</span>--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-active">2</span>--> <!-- </div>--> <!--</div>--> </div><!-- b-s-story-list --> <!--<xsl:if test="@pages &gt; 1">--> <!-- <div class="pager">--> <!-- Page:--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@pages &gt; 5">--> <!-- <span class="prev"><xsl:attribute name="onclick">seriesScrollPaging('left');</xsl:attribute>&lt;&lt;</span>--> <!-- </xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:for-each select="seriesstories-page">--> <!-- <span>--> <!-- <xsl:attribute name="onclick">seriesChangePage('<xsl:value-of select="@page" />');</xsl:attribute>--> <!-- <xsl:attribute name="id">series_pager_<xsl:value-of select="@page" /></xsl:attribute>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@page = 1">--> <!-- <xsl:attribute name="class">current visible</xsl:attribute>--> <!-- </xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@page &gt; 1 and @page &lt; 6"><xsl:attribute name="class">visible</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@page &gt; 5"><xsl:attribute name="class">hidden</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:value-of select="@page" />--> <!-- </span>--> <!-- </xsl:for-each>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@pages &gt; 5">--> <!-- <span class="next"><xsl:attribute name="onclick">seriesScrollPaging('right');</xsl:attribute>&gt;&gt;</span>--> <!-- </xsl:if>--> <!-- </div>--> <!--</xsl:if>--> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="seriesstories-page"> <div class="frame"> <!--<xsl:attribute name="id">series_page_<xsl:value-of select="@page" /></xsl:attribute>--> <!--<xsl:if test="@page = 1"><xsl:attribute name="class">show</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <!--<xsl:if test="@page != 1"><xsl:attribute name="class">hide</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <ul> <xsl:for-each select="story"> <li> <!-- "i-18k" and comment added to kill Android App --> <h4><a href="{@url}" class="ser_link i-18k"><xsl:comment> t </xsl:comment><xsl:value-of select="name" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></a></h4> <xsl:text> </xsl:text> <span class="b-s-story-stats-block"> <xsl:if test="@rate != &quot;x.xx&quot;"> <xsl:text> </xsl:text><span class="b-s-story-rating"><xsl:value-of select="@rate"/></span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="@comment-cnt &gt; 0"> <xsl:text> </xsl:text><span class="b-s-story-comment"><xsl:value-of select="@comment-cnt"/></span> </xsl:if> </span> </li> </xsl:for-each> </ul> </div> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** 1format1 template ******************* --> <xsl:template name="format1"> <div class="b-1f1 slow-animation active-on-visible sen-05 template-5"> <p class="a-right small ad-name">advertisment</p> <div class="b-1f1-top"/> <div class="b-1f1-body"> <div class="b-1f1-ba"> <div class="b-1f1-ba-t"><em class="b-1f1-ba-tl"/><em class="b-1f1-ba-tr"/></div> <strong>related to this story:</strong><br/> <div class="big banner-text"> <a href="#">Pipedream Products Nipple</a><br/> <a href="#">Chain Clips Sex Toy Kit</a> </div> <div class="b-1f1-ba-b"><em class="b-1f1-ba-bl"/><em class="b-1f1-ba-br"/></div> </div> <div class="b-1f1-v-bar"> <p class="indent message"/> <div class="b-1f1-v"> <a href="#" class="button b-no"><span>No</span></a> <ul class="voting-bar"> <li class="vb-1"><a href="#"><span>1</span></a></li> <li class="vb-2"><a href="#"><span>2</span></a></li> <li class="vb-3"><a href="#"><span>3</span></a></li> <li class="vb-4"><a href="#"><span>4</span></a></li> <li class="vb-5"><a href="#"><span>5</span></a></li> </ul> <a href="#" class="button b-yes"><span>Yes</span></a> <p class="small tcenter voting-bar-rating">4.5</p> </div> </div> </div> <div class="b-1f1-bottom"/> </div> <div id="format1-banners"> <div id="format1-banner-1"><a href="#">Pipedream Products</a><br/><a href="#">Sex Toy Kit</a></div> <div id="format1-banner-2"><a href="#">Sex Toy Kit</a><br/><a href="#">Pipedream Products</a></div> <div id="format1-banner-3"><a href="#">Dave moved his hands...</a></div> <div id="format1-banner-4"><a href="#">Very big ti...</a></div> </div> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="membername"> <xsl:param name="uid"/> <a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={$uid}"><xsl:value-of select="//member[@id = $uid]" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></a> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="no-comments"> <p class="morereccomments"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;story&quot;"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">There are no recent comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0">(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">n older comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/><xsl:with-param name="param1"><xsl:value-of select="@total"/></xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</xsl:if> - <a id="new-comment-link" href="{$site-root-dynamic}/make_comment.php?id={@story}" rel="nofollow"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Click here to add a comment to this story</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;poem&quot;"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">There are no recent comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0">(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">n older comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/><xsl:with-param name="param1"><xsl:value-of select="@total"/></xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</xsl:if> - <a id="new-comment-link" href="{$site-root-dynamic}/make_comment.php?id={@story}" rel="nofollow"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Click here to add a comment to this poem</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">There are no recent comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0">(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">n older comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/><xsl:with-param name="param1"><xsl:value-of select="@total"/></xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</xsl:if> - <a id="new-comment-link" href="{$site-root-dynamic}/make_comment.php?id={@story}" rel="nofollow"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Click here to add a comment to this illustra</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a> </xsl:when> </xsl:choose> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">or-conjunction</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <span class="loadmorecomments"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Show more comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></span> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">or-conjunction</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <a href="{$site-root}/storyfeedbackboard.php?id={@story}&amp;pagehint=6"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">comments-read-all-comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> (<xsl:value-of select="@total"/>)</a></xsl:if> </p> </xsl:template> <!-- special pager-new.xsl override method to always show pager --> <xsl:template match="pager"> <div class="b-pager"> <xsl:apply-templates select="previous"/> <xsl:apply-templates select="next"/> <div class="b-pager-pages"> <xsl:if test="text"> <!-- "-t", "r-d45" and comment added to kill Android App --> <span class="b-pager-caption-t r-d45"><xsl:comment> x </xsl:comment><xsl:value-of select="text"/>:</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:apply-templates select="page"/> <xsl:if test="//pager/next"> <xsl:apply-templates select="options"/> </xsl:if> <!-- <xsl:if test="not (//pager/next)"> <span class="fblike"><fb:like layout="button_count" show_faces="false" colorscheme="light"></fb:like></span> </xsl:if> --> </div> <!-- <span class="st_twitter_hcount" displayText="Tweet"></span>--> <!-- <span class="st_email_button" displayText="Email"></span>--> </div><!-- b-pager --> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="story-stats"> <span class="b-story-stats"><xsl:value-of select="@comments"/> comments<span class="sep">/</span><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="@views"/> views<span class="sep">/</span><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="@favs"/> favorites</span> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="share-love"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Share the love</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <div class="b-s-share-love"> <!-- <span class="st_twitter_vcount" st_url="{story/@url}" displayText="Tweet"></span> <span class="st_sharethis_vcount" st_url="{story/@url}" displayText="Share"></span> <span class="st_facebook_vcount" st_url="{story/@url}" displayText="Share"></span> --> <!-- Place this tag in your head or just before your close body tag --> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"/> <div id="gplus"><div class="g-plusone" data-size="medium"/></div> <div id="tw-share"><a href="https://twitter.com/share" class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-text="{story/name}" data-url="{story/@url}">Tweet</a><script type="text/javascript" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"/></div> <div class="secline"> <div id="add-this"><a href="https://www.addthis.com/bookmark.php?url=https%3a{story/@url4url}&amp;title=Send%20a%20story%20via%20email&amp;username=literotica" target="_blank"><img src="/imagesv2/share.gif" width="16" height="16" alt="Share"/></a></div> <div id="add-email"><a href="https://api.addthis.com/oexchange/0.8/forward/email/offer?url=https%3a{story/@url4url}&amp;title=Send%20a%20story%20via%20email&amp;username=literotica" target="_blank"><img src="/imagesv2/email.gif" width="56" height="18" alt="Email"/></a></div> </div> </div><!-- b-share-love --> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="i18n"> <xsl:param name="key"/> <xsl:param name="hint"/> <xsl:param name="param1"/> <xsl:param name="param2"/> <xsl:param name="param3"/> <xsl:param name="param4"/> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Page&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Page</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Anonymous user&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Anonymous user</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Recent Comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Recent<br/> Comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;showstory-please-rate&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Please Rate This Submission</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;best&quot; and $hint=&quot;best mark&quot;">best</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Submit Vote&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Submit Vote</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;There are no recent comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">There are no recent comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;n older comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> older comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Click here to add a comment to this story&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Click here to add a comment to this story</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Click here to add a comment to this poem&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Click here to add a comment to this poem</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Click here to add a comment to this illustra&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Click here to add a comment to this illustration</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;or-conjunction&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">or</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Show more comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Show more comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-read-all-comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Read All User Comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;literotica-copyright&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">All contents © Copyright 1998-2012. Literotica is a trademark.<br/> No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Home&quot; and $hint=&quot;http://www.literotica.com/&quot;">Home</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Stories&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Stories</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Webcams&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Webcams</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Forum&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Forum</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Adult Store&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Adult Store</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Report A Bug&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Report A Bug</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Next&quot; and $hint=&quot;next page&quot;">Next</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Previous&quot; and $hint=&quot;previous page&quot;">Previous</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Go-button&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Go</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-read-n-comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Read All <xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> User Comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-click-to-leave-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>Click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to leave your own comment on this submission!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-be-first-to-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Be The First To Comment On This Story!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Be The First To Comment On This Poem!&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Be The First To Comment On This Poem!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Be The First To Comment On This Illustra!&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Be The First To Comment On This Illustration!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;more...&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">more...</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Send-br-Feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send<br/> Feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;send-pri-ano-feedbk-to-author&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send private <strong>anonymous feedback</strong> to the author</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;click-here-post-public-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to post a public comment instead</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Title your feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Title your feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Your feedback to&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Your feedback to</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;ifyouwouldlikearesponse&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">If you would like a response, enter your email address in this box</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Please type in the security code&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Please type in the security code</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;listen-secret-code&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">You may also <xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>listen to a recording of the characters<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Send feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Feedback sent successfully&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Feedback sent successfully</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;click here to write another&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">click here to write another</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Send Your Feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send Your Feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;anonfeedback-privacy-note&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Note: Literotica values your privacy. 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