A Psychological Turn of Mind

"Go slow....nice long licks..."

I did as she asked and for the next few minutes I entered my own personal nirvana.

"She learns remarkably quickly. You would think she had been doing it all her life...Get your tongue inside..."

"I told you she was that way inclined. Our father had suspicions and he always held it against me. I wonder what he would make of his favourite if he could see her right now?"

Her words drifted to me but I found it hard to make sense of them. Was this what it was all about? Was my father's favouritism based on my sister's sexuality and not on her choice of career as I had always thought? Was Estelle seeking some form of revenge or was she trying to prove a point? Was she trying to demonstrate that her successful, heterosexual, sibling was as just as deviant as she? If so she had clearly succeeded.

Liana noticed my hesitation as I tried to digest all of this.

"Don't stop...lick my clit."

The terse demand made it easy for me to take the easy option. I simply stopped trying to think and focused my attention her engorged bud. I licked with the flat of my tongue and she began to shiver beneath my coaxing.

She was in no hurry. They carried on talking whilst I snuffled away until, finally, she closed her thighs about my face as she erupted for a second time.

It was a while before she relaxed her hold but when she did my face was red, hot and covered in her copious sap. I was suddenly overwhelmed with embarrassment and I wanted to run from the room but I simply remained there on my knees with my head hung in shame as I tried to catch my breath.

"Liana, now you've had your fun perhaps you would like to get him ready."

I looked up as Liana crossed the room to where Daniel still lay semi-conscious. Without another word she began to strip him of his clothing. I turned on Estelle angrily.

"Just what the hell is going on here?"

"You still haven't figured it out?"

"Just tell me what this is all about."

"It's very simple. I always suspected that you and I inherited the same tendencies it's just that you never had the courage to explore your own feelings; you always did what you thought was right by dad, like getting yourself a trophy boyfriend for instance.

With Liana's help we thought that you should be given the opportunity to discover your real self."

"You set that up?"

"It was easy enough. I knew which hotel you were staying in for the presentation ceremony and it was straight-forward for Liana to organize a business trip to coincide. She really is straight by the way. I just so happens that it helped to fulfill one of her fantasies too."

"And the room?"

"A simple lie about a lost key card and a big smile for the concierge; it was easy. You see, you're not the only one who knows a little bit about psychology. I knew that the shock of finding Liana as you did would prime you latent instincts.

"I never realized you could be such a cruel bitch."

Estelle leant towards me with anger in her eyes.

"You don't think that your paper was cruel. Do you know what you've done?"

This reference to my paper caught me off guard but then pieces fell into place.

"You and Alex, you want to adopt a child?"

"Do you know just how hard you have made it for couples like us?"

For a second or two I wondered if any of the hate mail I had received had originated from my own sister but decided that even she would not stoop so low. My paper had originally been commissioned by the European Union. It drew together various strands of research into the psychological impact on children raised by same sex couples.

I knew that the real agenda was to establish if male couples could make good parents but, for the sake of balance and even-handedness I had looked at children raised within lesbian relationships too. The paper reached no hard and fast conclusions but it did sound a cautionary note.

Gay men were obviously not happy with it but the backlash from the lesbian community had been both vociferous and unexpected. I suspected that they liked the status quo of public opinion which would just about tolerate the "two mothers" approach and they now felt that I had tarred both gay men and gay women with the same brush.

"Estelle, I didn't know. It was never intended to hurt you."

She smiled cruelly before she replied.

"Well now you know what it feels like from our side of the fence."

"He's ready."

I turned back to Liana who now had Daniel completely naked and prone on the sofa.

"What have you done to him?"

Estelle answered as she and Alex rose from the sofa.

"A little sedative, just enough to keep him dreamy."

I suddenly began to get an inkling of what they intended.

"Estelle, you're not serious..."

"Very much so. As you will appreciate this is a little distasteful for Alex and I that's why Liana is here to help and it's fitting that you should help too."

"This is my bloody fiancé we're talking about!"

"To us he is just an inseminator. He's obviously carries the genes for good looks and he has an extraordinarily high intelligence quotient, you told me so yourself, but most importantly he is in the ninth decile on the fertility scale."

I could not believe that this was coming back to haunt me. I had explained, in one of my e-mail exchanges with Estelle, that Daniel and I did not intend to start a family until later in life but we had both taken the precaution of having a fertility test to make sure that there would be no problems. I now regretted exulting about Daniel's high scores.

"Liana, I think it's time..."

"My pleasure."

She was still naked from the waist down and as I watched, dumbstruck, she eased her way onto the sofa. She pinned Daniels arms with her knees as she straddled his head and then, with studied deliberation, she nestled down onto his face.

I knew that I should have screamed at her, torn her hair out, but I just knelt there watching.

She was facing down his body and she began to rotate her hips, grinding herself down. Within seconds I heard Daniel give a stifled groan and then he sprang to erection.

My immediate reaction was an irrational anger that he should allow himself to be so easily manipulated but then my view was blocked as Alex moved in front of me standing with her legs slightly apart.

"Get me ready."

I looked up at her. She was a goddess, breathtakingly beautiful, and my resistance was straws in the wind. I wanted to run my hands over her sublime curves but felt, in some way, unworthy. Instead I leaned forward and ran my tongue over her incredibly smooth mound before moving on to the delicate pink ridges .

She was trembling almost imperceptibly, possibly nervous about what was to come, and in some perverted way I felt it was my duty to calm her. My tongue ached but I licked delicately back and forth along the valley of her labia each time drawing a little closer to her already exposed clitoris.

Her sex began to weep, a tiny trickle of clear teardrops that promised sweetness but bore the rich taste of her womanhood. I caught up each and every one on my tongue and, when I could no longer stand it, I took her whole sex into my mouth and plunged my tongue deep inside.

She took hold of my head with both hands as she started to come and I did not want it to end. I could hardly breathe, and I think I would have died there, but at that moment I envied my sister beyond riches.

As she moved away from me I wanted to reach out for her but now she was purposeful.

Liana was still on Daniels face and he was moaning quietly but his erection betrayed his excitement. She was holding it firmly in her hand and stroking the vivid, bulbous, head with the pad of her thumb. I was sure I had never seen him quite as firm nor as tightly strung and now Alex moved towards him.

In my mind I heard myself protest but I remained mute as she positioned herself on the sofa with her back to Liana. I could sense a little trepidation but Estelle came to her, entwined her in her arms, and kissed her fully and deeply on the mouth.

They were still kissing as she eased down and Liana did the rest. She guided him home and then she worked herself on his face once more. Immediately, his body stiffened and I knew he was coming more powerfully than I had ever known, his cries shut off in the deep canyon of Liana's thighs.

As soon as it was over Alex slipped from him. She was weeping, a mixture of distress and joy, and Estelle guided her away closing the bedroom door behind them .

Epilogue

I ran from the apartmentmy own eyes filled with tears.Liana was still sitting on Daniels face as I left and, to my disgust, he was already coming back to erection.

Within two days I was in France. I rented a cottage on the hills just south of Les Sables overlooking the Bay of Biscay. It was an area that I knew from childhood holidays and it offered the solitude that I needed. Whilst still at the university I had been offered an advance to produce a book and now I intended to take up the offer. It was not a lot of money but I anticipated my needs being simple.

I left a phone number, but not an address, for Daniel and he phoned almost as soon as I arrived. Needless to say his memory of events was hazy and I could not help but wonder if it was willfully so.

I was angry beyond measure with Estelle, not because of the Sapphic episodes, I could no longer hide from myself in that respect, but because I felt that, in raping Daniel, she had stolen my life.

I wanted Daniel to sue for common assault but he would have no part of it. Looking back I suppose he was right; who would have believed him and he ran the risk of ridicule.

After a few days I recognized my unreasonableness and was prepared to try a reconciliation. I phoned him and we spoke for a long time feeling our way carefully. It was towards the end of the conversation that he suggested that it might be helpful if we were to broaden our horizons. When I pressed him on exactly what he meant he grew nervous but eventually confided that he would not be averse to having another female joining in with us from time to time.

Without another word I put the phone down on him. His suggestion seemed like a betrayal and implied that he remembered more of the incident at Estelle's than he was letting on. There had also been something about his tone of voice, something a little too salacious.

In the days that followed the idea preyed on my mind but, at the finish, I decided that if I was going to marry it was going to be a totally conventional relationship. I could conquer my aberrant behaviour all I needed was time.

I heard nothing more from him for the next four weeks, but he was often on my mind, and I suspected that I would have gone back had it not been for Monsieur Guillaume. He was my landlord, a practicing pediatrician, who had returned to France from America, after a number of years, to help restore the family estate of which the cottage formed a part.

He sounded older on the phone. In reality he turned out to be around forty years old and he was everything Daniel was not. His features were a lot softer and he had a thick head of dark hair, shot through with the odd strand of silver, which he kept expensively styled. I never saw him in anything other than dark, designer suits which he always wore with pastel cotton shirts and very plain silk ties.

He did not wear a wedding band and, were it not for all the complications, I might have let him charm me. As it was he became a regular visitor. I made him speak French so that I could sharpen up my language skills and he leant me books. I managed to get through "Les Misérables" in the original and rediscovered the sombre joys of Gidé.

In the second week he invited me out to lunch and I found it easy to relax in his company. I began to fancy that he was manufacturing excuses to drop by and I felt that I ought to tell him about Daniel.

I decided that I would tell him on the night of the opera. Knowing my love of music he had obtained two tickets for a performance of Massenet's "Thais" but, in the event, he was called away to a medical emergency. He apologized profusely and suggested that his sister attend in his stead.

As soon as I saw her in the foyer I saw the family resemblance. She shared her brother's height and slender build which was accentuated by the well cut, black silk, evening gown that she was wearing. As I drew nearer she fixed me with her large, blue, piercing eyes and flashed me a disarming smile.

The evening went wonderfully. The opera was sublime but once or twice I caught myself guiltily taking a furtive glance at Sophie's perfectly tanned legs as revealed by the long side opening of her gown. I told myself to snap out of it and I was a model of decorum as we enjoyed a late supper at the neighbouring bistro.

I found her captivating, as open and friendly as her brother and with a great sense of humour. I knew that this was a friendship worth fostering and that I must do nothing to jeopardize it. Any fleeting, unworthy, thoughts were banished at the mention of Claude. His name came up in conversation a couple of times and, whilst I did want to pry, I got the impression that he and Sophie were an item.

The following morning was a Saturday and I was delighted when Sophie suggested that we had lunch together. I proposed the small beach front café to which I regularly cycled to take breakfast but Sophie insisted on a picnic on the small cottage terrace.

She turned up at lunchtime looking a different woman. Her thick chestnut hair which, the night before, had been restrained in a sophisticated chignon now hung loose about her shoulders and the gown was replaced by a daringly short skirt and a "Les Bleus" football shirt which made it perfectly obvious that she was not wearing a bra. I now realized that she was much closer in age to me than she was to her brother.

She brought fresh baked bread, local cheese, paté and a salad she had already prepared along with two bottles of the rough, but nevertheless drinkable, local red wine.

Over the following two hours we chatted like life long friends and we were well into the second bottle.

I was disappointed when the time came for her to leave and I only just remembered the dvd that I was due to return to her brother. My hands were wet from washing up dishes and so Sophie went to fetch it from the bedroom where I had been watching it on my lap top.

After a few moments she had still not returned and I wondered if I had left it in the living room after all. I dried my hands and followed her into the bedroom but as I stepped through the low doorway my heart stopped.

Sophie was bent over the antique pine table that doubled as my desk perusing my personal journal.

Since entering my teens I had always kept a journal. I found that writing things down helped me to reach a fuller understanding of myself. Now I stood frozen in horror. Everything was there, Liana, Nadine, Estelle.....all of it.

"Sophie..."

I hoped that she would be suitably embarrassed to be caught out in an act unworthy of her but she seemed unfazed. She picked up the journal and turned to face me.

"Is this true...or some sort of fiction?"

The temptation was to lie, to tell her that it was the outline of a story, but I could see, from the look in her eyes, that she already knew the truth.

As I watched she seemed to undergo a transformation. She stood a little taller and her already ample chest swelled. She waited, for a moment, with a single finger pressed to her full lips and then she spoke again.

"Undress for me."

Those three simple words, in an accent that was a subtle echo of Liana's, caused an involuntary shiver. I felt a guilty excitement at the prospect that she might find me physically attractive but there was also the possibility that she now believed that I was there to be used.

I recognized that this was a defining moment. If I really wanted a future with Daniel I had to be strong. As I continued to waver I even wondered, fleetingly, if I should explore the possibilities with her brother but then I made the mistake of looking into those deep blue eyes.

My fingers seemed to seek out the buttons of my sun dress of their own volition and I was soon standing naked before her appraising stare. A decision had been made, consciously or otherwise, but I was now willing her to undress too. I wanted her to enfold me in her arms, to kiss me in the way that I had seen Estelle and Alex kiss. I needed to know if we could connect on an emotional level.

The next few seconds stretched into an eternity and then I had my answer. She slowly lifted the hem of her skirt to reveal a pair of sheer, sodden, panties.

"Come here and take them off for me..."