A Really Bad Day

I swallowed my embarrassment and sat her on the sofa, noticing the slight wince of pain caused by the hip that had hit the floor.

Looking straight into her gorgeous blue eyes I admonished her to be a good patient and to let me look after her, which prompted a little chuckle and she held her hands up in mock surrender.

Returning to the kitchen just as the microwave went ping, I doctored the hot chocolate I had made with a generous dash of rum that I found in her cupboards and took the two steaming mugs back into the living room.

'Jesus Chris, how much booze did you put in this? I'll be in no fit state to drive you home if I drink this!'

'Well, I know this may be presumptuous but I thought you may need some company tonight. In which case I could sleep on your sofa this time if you like? If not I'll just get a cab home, no biggie.'

'But it's Saturday evening, you must have plans?'

'Nope. Young, free and single remember?' I said with a grin

'Oh now I understand. Your girlfriend dumped you so you thought you'd get the straight girl drunk on hot chocolate to see where it gets you huh?'

I snapped my head around quickly, fully prepared to defend my actions and state my innocence, until I saw the mirth on Jess's face -- damn, she'd done it again!

'Actually I'd love for you to stay with me; you're right -- I don't feel much like being alone tonight. Thanks Chris, you really are one in a million.'

We spent the evening sat together on her sofa watching TV and eating pizza. We talked a lot but there were also lots of comfortable silences. It amazed me how we would laugh at funny things on TV at the same time, despite the fact the Jess had to read the subtitles but when I commented on it she laughed at me.

'I only read the titles when the character isn't facing the camera silly!'

'Oh yeah, sorry. I will get used to it I promise.'

She was just about to rib me some more, I could tell by the look on her face but just then I was startled by a red flashing light in the corner of the room.

'What the hell is that?'

'Doorbell' she answered with a smile 'Would you mind going for me?' and she pulled the robe tighter around herself.

Opening the door I was met by one of the most impossibly handsome men I had ever encountered in my life (hey -- I'm gay, not blind!). He looked startled and then confused when I opened the door and started to speak while waving his hands around.

'Oh. I was looking for Jessica.'

'If you're signing then don't do it on my behalf, I can hear. She's in the living room, go on through.'

Shutting the door I followed him in, a tinge of jealousy creeping over me as I watched him bend to kiss her hello and saw the way she embraced him. I assumed for whatever reason that this must either be the ex boyfriend or someone intent on becoming the new boyfriend and was therefore prepared to dislike him on the spot, despite his good looks.

I stood there for a moment feeling like a 3rd wheel until Jess looked around to find me, waving me back to my place on the sofa.

'Chris, this is my brother David. David, this is my extremely good friend Chris, who just happens to have saved my life today.'

David snorted 'What -- she save you from buying an ugly pair of shoes or something?'

'No David, she literally saved my life. She put herself in extreme danger to throw me out of the way of a speeding car that was coming from behind me.'

'Holy crap! You ok Sis?'

'Yes I'm fine thanks to Chris and don't you go breathing a word of this to Mum or she'll worry herself sick every time I leave the house!

Anyway, what are you doing here on a Saturday night?'

'I've come to ask a favour. I don't get paid until next week and I've met this really nice girl and I want to take her out. Can I borrow some cash until Friday?'

Jessica rummaged through her handbag and dug her purse out, looking wistfully at the contents.

'I'd happily lend you some money except I don't have any cash; I'm guessing that £10 won't be enough?'

'Not unless I take her to McDonalds.' Sulked David

I don't know what came over me then. I don't usually lend money to my friends, let alone strangers but I dug into my jeans pockets and came out with £30. I think I just wanted rid of him so I could be alone with Jess again.

'Will this be enough?'

He looked at me in amazement, then back to his sister, then back at me again.

'Chris, you don't have to lend him money, you don't even know him.'

'Is he good for it?'

'Absolutely, this is a regular occurrence and he always pays up on time.'

'Well, any brother of yours is a friend of mine.' And I shoved the notes into David's hand.

David was still looking at me in amazement. 'Okaaaaay, you save my sisters life and then you lend her brother money. Are you some kind of Samaritan or something?'

Jess swatted his arm 'No, she's a bloody angel, now get your handsome arse out of my door and let us go back to watching TV.'

David stood, hugged Jess and then turned and hugged me too. 'I really appreciate it.' He said earnestly 'I don't just mean the cash, I mean what you did for Jessica. We nearly lost her once before and I couldn't bare that pain again.' And the look of earnest sincerity touched me somewhere deep down inside.

Before he walked out into the hallway he started waving his hands around again until Jess started laughing and told him to clear off.

'What was that all about?'

'I think he likes you, he asked if you were single.'

'Did you tell him I was gay?'

'No, but I told him you were spoken for.' And she looked away quickly before I had a chance to respond.

I so wanted to jump on her and kiss her until she fainted but I knew I had to play this slowly and by Jess's rules. Not just for her benefit but for mine too. The last thing I wanted was to jump into a relationship and then have my heart broken because she came to realise that her emotions were actually just gratitude.

Instead, I took the blanket that was over the back of the sofa and placed it tenderly over Jess as we settled back in to watch the TV, surprised when she lifted the edge of the blanket and motioned for me to move closer so I could share it with her. Such a simple gesture and yet it made my heart sing. I think that was the moment I realised that I was falling in love with her.

The shock of the day had taken it's toll on both of us and by 10.30 I could see Jess's eyes being to droop, so I touched her cheek gently to get her attention.

'You need to go to bed Jess, you're knackered and I'm not feeling too lively myself.' My arm and knee on the right side were both actually starting to get really painful where I'd also hit the ground, but I didn't want to worry Jess.

'You're my guest so you take the bed, I'm fine here on the sofa.'

'Not a chance Hon, now get your arse into that bedroom or else!'

'Or else what?' oh that smile again; I'm sure she had no idea of the effect that smile had on me.

'Or else I'll get a taxi home, so go on -- be a good patient and get some sleep.' And I stood and gently pulled her up off the sofa and into a standing position.

'I do have a king sized bed, I'm sure we could share?' and she looked into my eyes with what seemed to be a mixture of trepidation and anticipation on her face, until she blushed slightly and turned away toward her bedroom as I gently shook my head.

As she was reaching into a cupboard to get me some bedding I put my arms around her from behind and held her close, pulling her back into me and holding her tightly. I turned us slightly so that we were facing a mirror, my face peeking over her shoulder so she could see what I was saying.

'You remember the conversation we had earlier in the bathroom?'

'Of course' she whispered, looking slightly embarrassed.

'That's why I can't share your bed Babe. I do like you. A lot and in ways that are far from platonic and I would never be able to sleep lying next to you and not being able to hold you.'

She became bolder then and looked directly into my eyes as she spoke. 'but what if I wanted you to hold me?'

'You said yourself that you need to get your emotions straight. There's no hurry Jess; I'm not going anywhere. Tomorrow is new day and we have all the time in the world.' And with that I kissed her cheek, picked up the duvet and scarpered back to the sofa before I changed my mind.

I lay on the sofa for a while wondering if I'd been too selfish. Surely I could keep myself in check and manage to just hold her couldn't I? I had however seen the look in her eyes; it was almost as if she was daring me to push it further and I refused to start something now that she later regretted. No -- if something happened between us then it wouldn't be because of confused emotions and it would be at her instigation, when the time was right.

I awoke first the next morning, dressed and made tea. I took a mug into Jess's bedroom and placed it carefully on the bedside table making as little noise as possible so I didn't wake her. It was only as I was turning to go that I felt a tug on my jeans waistband pulling me back and saw a tousled head and beautiful blue eyes emerge from the duvet.

'There's no need to tiptoe quietly around me doofus -- I'm deaf! Thanks for the tea, I could get used to this; where's yours?'

'In the kitchen.'

'Well go and get it then. Surely we can drink tea on the same bed without getting into trouble?'

The tone of her voice was strange and I couldn't work out if it was because she'd just woken up, she was trying to be funny or if something was really bothering her; either way I went and got my tea and sat on the edge of the bed facing her.

'So how are you feeling this morning?'

'Like shit. I hurt all over and I didn't sleep well so I'm tired and grumpy.'

'Nightmares about yesterday?' I asked, concerned at the anxious look on her face.

'Yes and no. Chris, can I be totally honest with you?'

'Of course! What's up Jess, talk to me.'

'I did a lot of thinking before I went to sleep last night and when I dreamed I dreamed of you. Some of those dreams were....., well they were....oh shit there's no way to say this that isn't embarrassing!' her blush was gorgeous and I knew exactly what she wanted to say -- was it cruel of me to want to hear it from her lips? I took her hand and caressed it gently, waiting for her to continue.

'Chris I had some pretty raunchy dreams last night and they all included you. I have never in my life had dreams about another woman like that!'

'Are you worried about having these dreams?' I asked, praying to god that the answer was no.

'No I'm not worried about the dreams but I am worried about the implications. Chris, I think I was wrong last night. I don't need time to know what I want -- I want you, but this has never even crossed my mind before and I don't know how to deal with it.

I have to deal with enough prejudice every day as it is because of my deafness, I don't know if I can cope with adding another reason for people to look at me differently!' and with that she burst out crying in huge wracking sobs that broke my heart.

I moved up the bed and held her close, stroking her back once more through the thin tee shirt she had slept in as she sobbed into my shoulder.

There were things I wanted to say but it was pointless unless she could see my face, so I held her close until she ran out of tears and turned her face to mine. Drying her tears with gentle caresses of my thumbs I held her face in my hands once more, looking into her eye's as she studied my lips, waiting for me to impart some kind of wisdom that would make everything ok.

'Jess, I don't apologise for being gay and you shouldn't apologise for being deaf. Neither of these things define us as beings, they are mere facets of who we are as people. Being gay; being deaf doesn't change our personalities, doesn't stop us being good, caring, honest people. This may not be what you want to hear but I tend to take the approach that if someone doesn't like me, for whatever reason, then that's their problem & their loss. We can't all like everyone after all. Having said that, I don't deliberately shove it in people's faces and get all militant about it either -- in fact, I rarely ever think about it at all because I don't see it as important.'

Jess looked up from my lips and into my eyes. Her own baby blues were shimmering with unshed tears and I didn't know if what I'd said had helped or made things worse.

'I think I need to be more like you; I worry too much about how people see me and what they think. It's one of the reasons I don't wear a hearing aid --it would help me a little bit but some people see them and instantly assume that because you struggle to hear that you're stupid as well. You must think I'm ridiculous for being so weak?'

'I don't think you're ridiculous or weak; we all do our best to deal with the crap that life throws at us in our own ways. I don't think I'd deal with deafness nearly as well as you have, but who knows until it happens?

I do know that you're a fun, caring, loving woman who just happens to be beautiful, sexy and sassy as hell! As for you being deaf -- a minor inconvenience, that's all.'

'Chris, I think I'd like to make love with you.' Jess saw the agonised look on my face and misunderstood my reluctance. 'Fine, if you don't want me then....' her expression turned angry and her hands left my face but I caught her wrists held them firmly in front of my chest, stopping her turning away from me.

'Jess stop!' I shouted, although I knew the volume was irrelevant 'you have no idea how much I would love to climb into that bed with you right now and make love with you. You don't know how long I laid awake last night thinking about you, wanting you, but I have to go home soon.' I released her wrists now I had her attention and placed my hands on her shoulders instead, my right hand slipping up to caress her neck as I spoke.

'I'm taking my Mum for lunch today for her birthday and I need to go home and change, so why don't you get your gorgeous arse out of that bed and into some clothes and come with me?'

Jess looked at me like I was bonkers.

'Your Mum's going to be dead pleased if you turn up with a deaf stranger to gate crash her birthday!'

'My Mum will enjoy meeting you because you're important to me. You don't even have to tell her you're deaf if you don't want to but she'll probably notice and she won't care. She was a nurse for 30 years -- she's seen it all babe.

Please will you come with me?' and I slid off the bed and knelt in an obvious begging position, as I employed my best puppy eyes to good advantage until she couldn't help but laugh out loud. God it was good to hear her laugh after the heaviness of the morning so far.

Eventually she agreed and I hauled her out of bed and shoved her into the bathroom; as I was walking back to the living room she called after me.

'Chris?' poking her head around the bathroom door.

'What's up?'

'You're very honest aren't you?'

'I'm not a saint, but generally, yes. Why do you ask?'

'Do you really think I'm beautiful?'

'Oh Jess, you have no idea do you?'

'Huh?'

'One of the things I love about you is that you have absolutely no idea how gorgeous you are.' And with that I turned the corner to cut the conversation off before I lost my resolve and joined her in the bathroom.

Lunch was a huge success. My Mum and I are very alike and as predicted she thought Jess was lovely. We'd been in the restaurant for all of 30 minutes before Mum came right out and asked Jess how she'd lost her hearing and remarking as I had how good her speech was, although Mum also instantly understood that she probably hadn't lost her hearing until adulthood.

I thought Jess might be embarrassed but she wasn't at all; Mum has a straight way of talking that leaves you in no doubt that she's genuinely interested and she doesn't do pity.

When Jess left us alone briefly to visit the bathroom my mum grabbed my hand and grinned at me.

'She's really quite lovely, how long have you two been seeing each other? If I wasn't straight I might go after her myself!'

'Mum!' I squealed 'behave yourself! We're not seeing each other, well not yet anyway. We only met on Friday and it's complicated, she's never had a relationship with a woman before.'

'Oh Darling don't let that worry you, everyone does everything for the first time at some point and the way she looks at you.... well it's obvious that she likes you.'

'I hope so Mum, I really like her and I think I might be falling in love with her.'

'Darling there's no "might" about it, I know you well enough to know that you're absolutely smitten already! I have a feeling everything will be ok, so don't worry.'

'What's going to be ok? Is something wrong?' asked Jess as she returned to the table 'sorry, I know it's wrong to eavesdrop from a distance but I can't help it.' Smirked Jess as she tucked her legs back under the table, deliberately touching our knees together as she did so.

'Mum was just saying how lovely you are and that we should be a couple.' I beamed at her hoping to make her blush and get my own back for the number of times she'd pulled pranks on me.

'Oh goody, I'm looking forward to it! Shall we order dessert.' Was the only answer I got as she turned studiously to her menu, leaving me sitting there with my mouth open and my tongue hanging out. Damn -- she'd got one over on my again!

We'd taken my car to lunch and after we got back, Jess reluctantly said she needed to go home, feed Jasper and get some things ready for work the next day. It was agreed that we'd meet for lunch the next day and Jess reluctantly headed toward the door as I trailed after her, desperately wanting to beg her to stay.

We hugged each other tightly as she was leaving and Jess kissed my cheek once more, letting her lips linger much longer than before and making me feel elated and sad at the same time. I pulled her to me and kissed her softly on the lips, eliciting a small sigh from Jess.

As she pulled away from me and walked to her car I could feel a tear trickle down my face. I knew I would see her tomorrow and I knew that one day soon we would attempt a relationship but "one day" just seemed too damned far away right now.

Having grumped around the flat all evening I went to bed early and attempted to read a book but I couldn't concentrate. This was screwed. I had decided to let Jess make the first move, which she'd done that morning when I couldn't act on it due to previous plans -- did I now have to wait for her to make the next move? Maybe she thought it was my turn? Maybe she thought she'd acted too rashly this morning and was now glad we hadn't made love? Of fuck! Who knew?

Eventually I jumped out of bed and dressed quickly in some jogging pants and an old sweatshirt, grabbed my car keys and headed out of the door.

The traffic was light at 10pm on a Sunday night and in under 10 minutes I was stood outside the front door of her totally dark house, wondering if I was doing the right thing. Eventually I took a deep breath, and pressed the doorbell but after waiting a couple of minutes with no answer I was starting to turn away when the door opened.

'Chris!' Jess squealed excitedly, banishing any fears in my mind 'What are you d......' her sentence was cut short as I pushed her back into her darkened hall, kicked the door shut behind me and claimed her lips with mine.

I was firm but gentle and after just a few seconds Jess's surprise was gone and she started to respond, her arms wrapped themselves around me, pulling me tighter into her.

My hands were on her face, in her hair, stroking her neck as my tongue ventured forth and her mouth opened willingly to me, her own tongue meeting mine in a gentle dance until suddenly Jess pulled away and hit the light switch, bathing us in the stark white light of her hallway.